Defining the elements of Steve Karpman’s Drama Triangle, this presentation aided family support workers help families in crisis manage the stresses of family life

1. The Business of NOT
Taking it Personal
Dealing with Self in Relation to
Angry People

4. Int roduct ions

5. Int roduct ions
•Confidentiality - What is said here
stays here

6. Int roduct ions
•Confidentiality - What is said here
stays here
•Risk 1) harm to self, 2) someone else,
3) PRESENT abuse/neglect of a child

7. Int roduct ions
•Confidentiality - What is said here
stays here
•Risk 1) harm to self, 2) someone else,
3) PRESENT abuse/neglect of a child
•If there is sucha concern let us talk
outside of this workshop

8. Int roduct ions
•Confidentiality - What is said here
stays here
•Risk 1) harm to self, 2) someone else,
3) PRESENT abuse/neglect of a child
•If there is sucha concern let us talk
outside of this workshop
•Can we all agree?

11. Introductions

12. Introductions
• Info about yourself

13. Introductions
• Info about yourself
•life? is something interesting about your
What

14. Introductions
• Info about yourself
•life? is something interesting about your
What
•What is your favourite TV show?

15. Introductions
• Info about yourself
•life? is something interesting about your
What
•What is your favourite TV show?

16. Introductions
• Info about yourself
•life? is something interesting about your
What
•What is your favourite TV show?
•What are you hoping to get out of
this group?

21. WHA
T WE
DON
T SE
E WI
LL PE
RSIS
T

22. WHA
T WE
DON
T SE
E WI
LL PE
RSIS
T

32. The Rescuer

33. The Rescuer

34. The Rescuer
• The Rescuer tries to fix other people’s problems for
them, sacrifice more, and work harder than

35. The Rescuer
• The Rescuer tries to fix other people’s problems for
them, sacrifice more, and work harder than
• Unintentionally Control, Smother, and/or Manipulate

36. The Rescuer
• The Rescuer tries to fix other people’s problems for
them, sacrifice more, and work harder than
• Unintentionally Control, Smother, and/or Manipulate
• Misguided efforts to encourage empower and
protect

37. The Rescuer
• The Rescuer tries to fix other people’s problems for
them, sacrifice more, and work harder than
• Unintentionally Control, Smother, and/or Manipulate
• Misguided efforts to encourage empower and
protect
• This role tendency comes from an unconscious
need to be valued

39. The Persecutor

40. The Persecutor
• Adopts “The world is hard and mean ... only the
ruthless survive. I’ll be one of those”

41. The Persecutor
• Adopts “The world is hard and mean ... only the
ruthless survive. I’ll be one of those”
• Attempts to "reform" and discipline those around
him using manipulation and brute force.

42. The Persecutor
• Adopts “The world is hard and mean ... only the
ruthless survive. I’ll be one of those”
• Attempts to "reform" and discipline those around
him using manipulation and brute force.
• Tend to compensate for inner feelings of
worthlessness by having a macho attitude.

43. The Persecutor
• Adopts “The world is hard and mean ... only the
ruthless survive. I’ll be one of those”
• Attempts to "reform" and discipline those around
him using manipulation and brute force.
• Tend to compensate for inner feelings of
worthlessness by having a macho attitude.
• This role tendency comes from an unconscious
need to be protected, and thus, powerful

45. The Victim

46. The Victim

47. The Victim
• Project an attitude of being weak, fragile or not
smart enough; basically, “I can’t do it by myself."

48. The Victim
• Project an attitude of being weak, fragile or not
smart enough; basically, “I can’t do it by myself."
• Always on the lookout for someone stronger or more
capable to take care of them.

49. The Victim
• Project an attitude of being weak, fragile or not
smart enough; basically, “I can’t do it by myself."
• Always on the lookout for someone stronger or more
capable to take care of them.
• Victims who are rescued resent the rescuer in two
ways

50. The Victim
• Project an attitude of being weak, fragile or not
smart enough; basically, “I can’t do it by myself."
• Always on the lookout for someone stronger or more
capable to take care of them.
• Victims who are rescued resent the rescuer in two
ways
• because they know the rescuer is doing for
themselves

51. The Victim
• Project an attitude of being weak, fragile or not
smart enough; basically, “I can’t do it by myself."
• Always on the lookout for someone stronger or more
capable to take care of them.
• Victims who are rescued resent the rescuer in two
ways
• because they know the rescuer is doing for
themselves
• because it points out their own inadequacy

53. I know what is best
for you!!!
YEAH,
BUT...

55. Starting Gate Positions

56. Starting Gate Positions
• Each one of have one entry point onto to the Victim
Triangle that inevitably leads to being the Victim

57. Starting Gate Positions
• Each one of have one entry point onto to the Victim
Triangle that inevitably leads to being the Victim
• One’s entry point or starting gate comes from a Life
Theme that predisposes them to one of the three
roles.

58. Starting Gate Positions
• Each one of have one entry point onto to the Victim
Triangle that inevitably leads to being the Victim
• One’s entry point or starting gate comes from a Life
Theme that predisposes them to one of the three
roles.
• Awareness is key - it is much easier to recognize
when we first get on the triangle rather than
catching it after we take on multiple positions

59. Starting Gate Positions
• Each one of have one entry point onto to the Victim
Triangle that inevitably leads to being the Victim
• One’s entry point or starting gate comes from a Life
Theme that predisposes them to one of the three
roles.
• Awareness is key - it is much easier to recognize
when we first get on the triangle rather than
catching it after we take on multiple positions
• Whether for you or for another, facilitating an exit
from the triangle releases you both.

60. Starting Gate Rescuers

61. Starting Gate Rescuers

62. Starting Gate Rescuers
• SGR’s - THE SHADOW MOTHER - have a life theme of
needing to take care of others first before their own
needs can be addressed

63. Starting Gate Rescuers
• SGR’s - THE SHADOW MOTHER - have a life theme of
needing to take care of others first before their own
needs can be addressed
• There is a secret desire for the other person to
appreciate the efforts/sacrifices of the SGR

64. Starting Gate Rescuers
• SGR’s - THE SHADOW MOTHER - have a life theme of
needing to take care of others first before their own
needs can be addressed
• There is a secret desire for the other person to
appreciate the efforts/sacrifices of the SGR
• Their greatest fear is to be left alone. They need to
be needed to the point that their whole value comes
from what they do for others

65. Starting Gate Persecutors

66. Starting Gate Persecutors

67. Starting Gate Persecutors

68. Starting Gate Persecutors
• SGP’s - SHADOW FATHER - see themselves ultimately
needing protection and that they are the guarantors
of this need

69. Starting Gate Persecutors
• SGP’s - SHADOW FATHER - see themselves ultimately
needing protection and that they are the guarantors
of this need
• Their life theme usually comes from witnessing or
being the recipient of hostility/violence

70. Starting Gate Persecutors
• SGP’s - SHADOW FATHER - see themselves ultimately
needing protection and that they are the guarantors
of this need
• Their life theme usually comes from witnessing or
being the recipient of hostility/violence
• There is no better way to learn something if it first
worked on you. Hostile anger is no exception

71. Starting Gate Persecutors
• SGP’s - SHADOW FATHER - see themselves ultimately
needing protection and that they are the guarantors
of this need
• Their life theme usually comes from witnessing or
being the recipient of hostility/violence
• There is no better way to learn something if it first
worked on you. Hostile anger is no exception
• Although SGP’s appear powerful, their exercise of
power express their woundedness/powerlessness

72. Starting Gate Victims

73. Starting Gate Victims

74. Starting Gate Victims
• SGV - SHADOW INNER-CHILD - instead of expressing
vulnerability and accepting people’s influence, they
resort to guilt and shame

75. Starting Gate Victims
• SGV - SHADOW INNER-CHILD - instead of expressing
vulnerability and accepting people’s influence, they
resort to guilt and shame
• They catch the other person in double binds and
seem disapproving

76. Starting Gate Victims
• SGV - SHADOW INNER-CHILD - instead of expressing
vulnerability and accepting people’s influence, they
resort to guilt and shame
• They catch the other person in double binds and
seem disapproving
• The Life theme comes from a parental experience
that was overbearing and many questions were
raised when there was a desire for independence

78. And THEY ARE OFF!!!

79. And THEY ARE OFF!!!

80. And THEY ARE OFF!!!
Rescue Victim Persecute

81. And THEY ARE OFF!!!
Res
cue
Vict
im
Pers
ecu
te

82. And THEY ARE OFF!!!

83. And THEY ARE OFF!!!
Rescue Victim Persecute

84. And THEY ARE OFF!!!
cu te
P erse
V ictim
scue
Re

86. And THEY ARE OFF!!!

87. And THEY ARE OFF!!!

88. And THEY ARE OFF!!!
“Rescue” Persecutor Victim

89. And THEY ARE OFF!!!
“Rescue” Persecutor Victim
Persecute Rescuer Victim

91. Identify the three different roles the people play in
this scenario: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim

92. Identify the three different roles the people play in
this scenario: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim
• You and a toddler are playing blocks.

93. Identify the three different roles the people play in
this scenario: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim
• You and a toddler are playing blocks.
• You hear mom in the kitchen yelling at her 7 year old son who
just arrived home from school. You hear “Bobby, your room is
a disaster. You are awful at listening to me. Why don’t you
ever listen!”

94. Identify the three different roles the people play in
this scenario: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim
• You and a toddler are playing blocks.
• You hear mom in the kitchen yelling at her 7 year old son who
just arrived home from school. You hear “Bobby, your room is
a disaster. You are awful at listening to me. Why don’t you
ever listen!”
• Bobby leaves the kitchen, looking upset and sad.

95. Identify the three different roles the people play in
this scenario: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim
• You and a toddler are playing blocks.
• You hear mom in the kitchen yelling at her 7 year old son who
just arrived home from school. You hear “Bobby, your room is
a disaster. You are awful at listening to me. Why don’t you
ever listen!”
• Bobby leaves the kitchen, looking upset and sad.
• You invite him over to play, and let him know it will be okay,
that you will help him clean up his room so his mom isn’t so
mean to him.

96. Identify the three different roles the people play in
this scenario: Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim
• You and a toddler are playing blocks.
• You hear mom in the kitchen yelling at her 7 year old son who
just arrived home from school. You hear “Bobby, your room is
a disaster. You are awful at listening to me. Why don’t you
ever listen!”
• Bobby leaves the kitchen, looking upset and sad.
• You invite him over to play, and let him know it will be okay,
that you will help him clean up his room so his mom isn’t so
mean to him.
• You are beginning to feel used and hopeless. Sometimes you
want to say “no matter how much I do it’s never enough.”

98. • You’ve been in a home for 6 months. The family said they
were in desperate need of help, and you were the only one
who could help them.

99. • You’ve been in a home for 6 months. The family said they
were in desperate need of help, and you were the only one
who could help them.
• In the beginning you did a few extra tasks for the family
because they were so in need to help.

100. • You’ve been in a home for 6 months. The family said they
were in desperate need of help, and you were the only one
who could help them.
• In the beginning you did a few extra tasks for the family
because they were so in need to help.
• You stayed extra time a few days without reporting it because
the family said they needed it and had no one else.

101. • You’ve been in a home for 6 months. The family said they
were in desperate need of help, and you were the only one
who could help them.
• In the beginning you did a few extra tasks for the family
because they were so in need to help.
• You stayed extra time a few days without reporting it because
the family said they needed it and had no one else.
• You did some heavy cleaning tasks and even suggested
some parenting ideas you thought the family could use. After
these 6 months, nothing has changed.

102. • You’ve been in a home for 6 months. The family said they
were in desperate need of help, and you were the only one
who could help them.
• In the beginning you did a few extra tasks for the family
because they were so in need to help.
• You stayed extra time a few days without reporting it because
the family said they needed it and had no one else.
• You did some heavy cleaning tasks and even suggested
some parenting ideas you thought the family could use. After
these 6 months, nothing has changed.
• You are beginning to feel used and hopeless. Sometimes you
want to say “no matter how much I do it’s never enough.”

104. • You support a family made up of a single mother, Donna, and
her 5 year old daughter, Lucy.

105. • You support a family made up of a single mother, Donna, and
her 5 year old daughter, Lucy.
• The mother provides minimally for her daughter - basic food
and enough clothes to wear.

106. • You support a family made up of a single mother, Donna, and
her 5 year old daughter, Lucy.
• The mother provides minimally for her daughter - basic food
and enough clothes to wear.
• Lucy is able to do many tasks for herself and often bringing
food to her mother as well.

107. • You support a family made up of a single mother, Donna, and
her 5 year old daughter, Lucy.
• The mother provides minimally for her daughter - basic food
and enough clothes to wear.
• Lucy is able to do many tasks for herself and often bringing
food to her mother as well.
• You appropriately nurture and play with Lucy.

108. • You support a family made up of a single mother, Donna, and
her 5 year old daughter, Lucy.
• The mother provides minimally for her daughter - basic food
and enough clothes to wear.
• Lucy is able to do many tasks for herself and often bringing
food to her mother as well.
• You appropriately nurture and play with Lucy.
• At the same time you feel very angry toward Donna

109. • You support a family made up of a single mother, Donna, and
her 5 year old daughter, Lucy.
• The mother provides minimally for her daughter - basic food
and enough clothes to wear.
• Lucy is able to do many tasks for herself and often bringing
food to her mother as well.
• You appropriately nurture and play with Lucy.
• At the same time you feel very angry toward Donna
• You come to realize that overtime you've stopped doing any
tasks that directly help Donna. For example you've prepared
meal you know Donna doesn't enjoy.

110. • You support a family made up of a single mother, Donna, and
her 5 year old daughter, Lucy.
• The mother provides minimally for her daughter - basic food
and enough clothes to wear.
• Lucy is able to do many tasks for herself and often bringing
food to her mother as well.
• You appropriately nurture and play with Lucy.
• At the same time you feel very angry toward Donna
• You come to realize that overtime you've stopped doing any
tasks that directly help Donna. For example you've prepared
meal you know Donna doesn't enjoy.
• You also said you “ran out of time” when she's asked for extra
help with certain chores that are part of your support
program.

111. • You support a family made up of a single mother, Donna, and
her 5 year old daughter, Lucy.
• The mother provides minimally for her daughter - basic food
and enough clothes to wear.
• Lucy is able to do many tasks for herself and often bringing
food to her mother as well.
• You appropriately nurture and play with Lucy.
• At the same time you feel very angry toward Donna
• You come to realize that overtime you've stopped doing any
tasks that directly help Donna. For example you've prepared
meal you know Donna doesn't enjoy.
• You also said you “ran out of time” when she's asked for extra
help with certain chores that are part of your support
program.
• You've found yourself thinking “Donna made her bed, and now
she has to lay in it.”

113. • A client calls a Family Support Coordinator requesting a new
Family Support Worker. The client said that when they were
first talking she learned the FSW was interested in learning
to sew.

114. • A client calls a Family Support Coordinator requesting a new
Family Support Worker. The client said that when they were
first talking she learned the FSW was interested in learning
to sew.
• The client offered to show her some basic skills and the FSW
accepted. The client said she had also been able to teach the
FSW how to use some resources on the computer.

115. • A client calls a Family Support Coordinator requesting a new
Family Support Worker. The client said that when they were
first talking she learned the FSW was interested in learning
to sew.
• The client offered to show her some basic skills and the FSW
accepted. The client said she had also been able to teach the
FSW how to use some resources on the computer.
• The FSW later brought some more complicated projects for
some tips during her shifts. The client also reports, the FSW
called the family outside of work time and asked for some
help with personal issues.

116. • A client calls a Family Support Coordinator requesting a new
Family Support Worker. The client said that when they were
first talking she learned the FSW was interested in learning
to sew.
• The client offered to show her some basic skills and the FSW
accepted. The client said she had also been able to teach the
FSW how to use some resources on the computer.
• The FSW later brought some more complicated projects for
some tips during her shifts. The client also reports, the FSW
called the family outside of work time and asked for some
help with personal issues.
• The client said she liked helping but that after all she's done
to help our worker she's getting little in return and is worse
off than when she started.

117. • A client calls a Family Support Coordinator requesting a new
Family Support Worker. The client said that when they were
first talking she learned the FSW was interested in learning
to sew.
• The client offered to show her some basic skills and the FSW
accepted. The client said she had also been able to teach the
FSW how to use some resources on the computer.
• The FSW later brought some more complicated projects for
some tips during her shifts. The client also reports, the FSW
called the family outside of work time and asked for some
help with personal issues.
• The client said she liked helping but that after all she's done
to help our worker she's getting little in return and is worse
off than when she started.
• When talking to the FSW the client reported she said, “no one
else will help her out, and she thought the family would feel
valuable and needed if she accepted help from them.

119. • Ann, the mother in a family you support, has prepared dinner
for her family. You notice it is past the time when Ann's
husband, Mike, usually arrives home.

120. • Ann, the mother in a family you support, has prepared dinner
for her family. You notice it is past the time when Ann's
husband, Mike, usually arrives home.
• The food is done, but Ann does not let anyone eat and the food
is sitting becoming cold.

121. • Ann, the mother in a family you support, has prepared dinner
for her family. You notice it is past the time when Ann's
husband, Mike, usually arrives home.
• The food is done, but Ann does not let anyone eat and the food
is sitting becoming cold.
• When Mike arrives home Ann starts yelling at him right away.
“You told me you would be here on time. You lied! I can never
trust you to tell me the truth.”

122. • Ann, the mother in a family you support, has prepared dinner
for her family. You notice it is past the time when Ann's
husband, Mike, usually arrives home.
• The food is done, but Ann does not let anyone eat and the food
is sitting becoming cold.
• When Mike arrives home Ann starts yelling at him right away.
“You told me you would be here on time. You lied! I can never
trust you to tell me the truth.”
• When Mike tries to explain that he was stuck in traffic Ann is
not listening.

123. • Ann, the mother in a family you support, has prepared dinner
for her family. You notice it is past the time when Ann's
husband, Mike, usually arrives home.
• The food is done, but Ann does not let anyone eat and the food
is sitting becoming cold.
• When Mike arrives home Ann starts yelling at him right away.
“You told me you would be here on time. You lied! I can never
trust you to tell me the truth.”
• When Mike tries to explain that he was stuck in traffic Ann is
not listening.
• When Mike arrives home Ann starts yelling at him right away.
“You told me you would be here on time. You lied! I can never
trust you to tell me the truth.”

124. • Ann, the mother in a family you support, has prepared dinner
for her family. You notice it is past the time when Ann's
husband, Mike, usually arrives home.
• The food is done, but Ann does not let anyone eat and the food
is sitting becoming cold.
• When Mike arrives home Ann starts yelling at him right away.
“You told me you would be here on time. You lied! I can never
trust you to tell me the truth.”
• When Mike tries to explain that he was stuck in traffic Ann is
not listening.
• When Mike arrives home Ann starts yelling at him right away.
“You told me you would be here on time. You lied! I can never
trust you to tell me the truth.”
• Instead she continues “even our Family Support Worker
knows how hard I've worked, and all so I could be taken
advantage of. You deserve a cold dinner, and then some, after
the way your've hurt me!”

126. • A single mother, Hellen, is constantly labelling and degrading
her son, Victor. In confidence the client told you her son is
stupid and will never make it in the world without her.

127. • A single mother, Hellen, is constantly labelling and degrading
her son, Victor. In confidence the client told you her son is
stupid and will never make it in the world without her.
• Victor says he will never amount to anything, and never be
good enough for his mother. He struggles at school.

128. • A single mother, Hellen, is constantly labelling and degrading
her son, Victor. In confidence the client told you her son is
stupid and will never make it in the world without her.
• Victor says he will never amount to anything, and never be
good enough for his mother. He struggles at school.
• Hellen insults him for doing so poorly, but takes his
homework from him saying “here, I'll do some so you won't
embarrass yourself and our family again!”

129. • A single mother, Hellen, is constantly labelling and degrading
her son, Victor. In confidence the client told you her son is
stupid and will never make it in the world without her.
• Victor says he will never amount to anything, and never be
good enough for his mother. He struggles at school.
• Hellen insults him for doing so poorly, but takes his
homework from him saying “here, I'll do some so you won't
embarrass yourself and our family again!”
• You've taken Victor over to the library to escape the yelling
and help with his homework.

130. • A single mother, Hellen, is constantly labelling and degrading
her son, Victor. In confidence the client told you her son is
stupid and will never make it in the world without her.
• Victor says he will never amount to anything, and never be
good enough for his mother. He struggles at school.
• Hellen insults him for doing so poorly, but takes his
homework from him saying “here, I'll do some so you won't
embarrass yourself and our family again!”
• You've taken Victor over to the library to escape the yelling
and help with his homework.
• You say “Hellen, let's give him a break, he's been at school all
day working hard.”

131. • A single mother, Hellen, is constantly labelling and degrading
her son, Victor. In confidence the client told you her son is
stupid and will never make it in the world without her.
• Victor says he will never amount to anything, and never be
good enough for his mother. He struggles at school.
• Hellen insults him for doing so poorly, but takes his
homework from him saying “here, I'll do some so you won't
embarrass yourself and our family again!”
• You've taken Victor over to the library to escape the yelling
and help with his homework.
• You say “Hellen, let's give him a break, he's been at school all
day working hard.”
• Victor lives his life making a lot of mistakes and Hellen
always “fixes” them.

133. • Megan often spoke of how no one else ever helped her, that
she didn't know how to get by on her own, and that her family
didn't teach her any life skills.

134. • Megan often spoke of how no one else ever helped her, that
she didn't know how to get by on her own, and that her family
didn't teach her any life skills.
• You supported Megan by taking care of her 2 small children
and doing some housework to help Megan become more
organized.

135. • Megan often spoke of how no one else ever helped her, that
she didn't know how to get by on her own, and that her family
didn't teach her any life skills.
• You supported Megan by taking care of her 2 small children
and doing some housework to help Megan become more
organized.
• Overtime you were able to develop healthy routines with the
children, and Megan's house was remaining organized.

136. • Megan often spoke of how no one else ever helped her, that
she didn't know how to get by on her own, and that her family
didn't teach her any life skills.
• You supported Megan by taking care of her 2 small children
and doing some housework to help Megan become more
organized.
• Overtime you were able to develop healthy routines with the
children, and Megan's house was remaining organized.
• Although Megan talks of needing parenting and household
skills, she rarely participates in learning the new routines or
household management ideas.

137. • Megan often spoke of how no one else ever helped her, that
she didn't know how to get by on her own, and that her family
didn't teach her any life skills.
• You supported Megan by taking care of her 2 small children
and doing some housework to help Megan become more
organized.
• Overtime you were able to develop healthy routines with the
children, and Megan's house was remaining organized.
• Although Megan talks of needing parenting and household
skills, she rarely participates in learning the new routines or
household management ideas.
• After about a month in her home Megan ignores you, gives
the cold shoulder to any friendly conversations you begin,
and seems to resent you being in her home.

139. Frustrating the
Frustrated Respectfully

140. Frustrating the
Frustrated Respectfully

141. Frustrating the
Frustrated Respectfully
Frustration - A Goal Unreached

142. Frustrating the
Frustrated Respectfully
Frustration - A Goal Unreached
Aggression

143. Frustrating the
Frustrated Respectfully
Frustration - A Goal Unreached
FUTILE Aggression

144. Frustrating the
Frustrated Respectfully
Frustration - A Goal Unreached
FUTILE Aggression
Acceptance/Adaptation

146. Frustrating the
Frustrated
Respectfully
Futility Aggression

147. Frustrating the
i r m Frustrated
t F Respectfully
bu
tl e
e n
G
Futility Aggression

148. Frustrating the
i r m Frustrated
t F Respectfully
bu
tl e Persecutor-based Bargaining
n
Blaming/Disrespect
G e Issuing Threats
Futility Aggression

149. Frustrating the
i r m Frustrated
t F Respectfully
bu
tl e Persecutor-based Bargaining
n
Blaming/Disrespect
G e Issuing Threats
Victim-based Bargaining
Dejected/Hurt
Complaining
Futility Aggression

150. F i rm
u t
e b
n tl
G e

151. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Issuing Threats
F i rm
u t
e b
n tl
G e

152. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

153. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

154. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

155. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

156. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

157. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

158. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

159. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

160. Persecutor-based
Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Anger Issuing Threats
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
rm
content
F i
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
u t
e b
tl
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
e n
Posture
movements
Leaning forward/looking
G
down at target
Vocal Quality Loud/fast/high pitched

161. Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

162. Persecutor-based
Defusing Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Approaches Issuing Threats
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

163. Persecutor-based
Defusing Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Approaches Issuing Threats
Rational
Mind
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

164. Persecutor-based
Defusing Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Approaches Issuing Threats
Rational
Mind
Emotion
Mind
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

165. Persecutor-based
Defusing Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Approaches Issuing Threats
Maturity
Rational
Mind
Emotion
Mind
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

166. Persecutor-based
Defusing Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Approaches Issuing Threats
Maturity
Rational Rational
Mind Mind
Emotion
rm
Emotion
Mind Mind Fi
but
tl e
e n
G

167. Persecutor-based
Defusing Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Approaches Issuing Threats
Rational
Maturity Mind
Rational Crisis
Mind
Emotion Emotion rm
Mind
Fi
Mind but
tl e
e n
G

168. Persecutor-based
Defusing Bargaining
Blaming/Disrespect
Approaches Issuing Threats
Rational
Maturity Mind
Rational Crisis
Mind
Emotion Emotion rm
Mind
Fi
Mind but
tl e
e n
GIVE OPTIONS/CHOICES G
“What do you need right now?”

169. Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

170. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

171. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Avoid Premature Arguing for change
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

172. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Avoid Premature Arguing for change
• instead empathize with them
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

173. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Avoid Premature Arguing for change
• instead empathize with them
Create Connection before Correction
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

174. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Avoid Premature Arguing for change
• instead empathize with them
Create Connection before Correction
• Find the hope within the complaint
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

175. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Avoid Premature Arguing for change
• instead empathize with them
Create Connection before Correction
• Find the hope within the complaint
Refocus the client
Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

176. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Avoid Premature Arguing for change
• instead empathize with them
Create Connection before Correction
• Find the hope within the complaint
Refocus the client
• Find/elicit times when they have
managed/coped well Fi rm
but
tl e
e n
G

177. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Avoid Premature Arguing for change
• instead empathize with them
Create Connection before Correction
• Find the hope within the complaint
Refocus the client
• Find/elicit times when they have
managed/coped well Fi rm
but
Nurture the Exception tle
en G

178. Victim-based Bargaining
Reframing the Dejected/Hurt
Problem Complaining
Avoid Premature Arguing for change
• instead empathize with them
Create Connection before Correction
• Find the hope within the complaint
Refocus the client
• Find/elicit times when they have
managed/coped well Fi rm
but
Nurture the Exception tle
en
• create awareness about what
made it work
G

179. Aggression

180. Futility Aggression
Acceptance/
Adaptation

181. Futility Aggression
Softening -
Client shares fears/
hopes respectfully
Acceptance/
Adaptation

182. Futility Aggression
Softening -
Client shares fears/
hopes respectfully
Client is able to hear
Supportive suggestions
Ask respectful questions
Acceptance/
Adaptation

183. Futility Aggression
Softening -
Client shares fears/
hopes respectfully
Em
Client is able to hear
Supportive suggestions
otin
Ask respectful questions
gw
ith
Acceptance/
...
Adaptation

185. Structure - Knowing
what to expect

186. Structure - Knowing Boundaries -
what to expect Clear Nurturance

187. Structure - Knowing Boundaries -
what to expect Clear Nurturance
Problem Solving -
Identifying
strengths/resources

188. Structure - Knowing Boundaries -
what to expect Clear Nurturance
Cli
en
Problem Solving -
Identifying
strengths/resources

189. Structure - Knowing Boundaries -
what to expect Clear Nurturance
Cli
HELPE
en
Problem Solving -
Identifying
strengths/resources

190. HELPE
Structure - Knowing Boundaries -
what to expect Clear Nurturance
Cli
en
Problem Solving -
Identifying
strengths/resources