The document discusses conflict, bullying, and aggression among girls. It defines conflict as a natural disagreement between individuals, while bullying involves an imbalance of power and is intended to harm or humiliate others repeatedly. The document outlines different types of aggression like relational, indirect, and social aggression that are more common among girls. It provides tools for conflict resolution, advocating for yourself, responding if you are being targeted or targeting others, and how bystanders can support those being bullied. The goal is to build inclusive communities and handle disputes constructively.

1. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Conflict and Bullying:
Their Differences and Your Responsibility
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

2. About Seattle Girls’ School
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3. Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• A natural, normal part
of life
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

4. When It’s Bullying
• Uneven Power
• Harm Intended
• Repetition
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not changing
behaviors
• NOT natural or normal
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

5. Direct Aggression
• Direct, Angry
Words
• Physical
Fights
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6. Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

7. Relational Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt relationships (or
threaten to hurt relationships) or make
someone feel not included or accepted.
Relational Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

8. Indirect Aggression is when your
words/actions hurt someone and but
you deny it somehow.
Indirect Aggression
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9. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is when your
words/actions make someone feel bad
about themselves or feel like they’re
less popular in a group.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

10. Special Considerations for Girls*
• Harsher Punishment for
Direct Aggression
• More Prevalence of
Alternative Aggression
• Bullying within Social
Circles
• Friends and Frenemies
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
*Those who identify as girls or were socialized as girls

11. Reflection Pause
What is new, interesting,
or thought provoking?
How has conflict,
bullying, and aggression
shown up in your lives?
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12. Unhealthy Conflict and
Bullying Hurts Everyone
• Folks Who Are
Targeted
• Folks who Engage
in Targeting
• Folks Who Stand By
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13. What CAN You Do?
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14. Know the Difference
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15. When It’s Conflict…
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16. D.E.A.R.
Conflict Resolution
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17. D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy
• Describe – Describe actions or words without
judgment.
• Explain – Explain the impact of those actions or
words.
• Affirm – Affirm the person or relationship. Assume
positive intent.
• Request – Request different actions, request an
apology, etc.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

18. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool
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19. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool
• Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE their feelings
and experience of the conflict using “I” statements. The other person
LISTENS before sharing their experience.
• Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in the conflict.
“Here’s my contribution to the mess.”
• Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other person’s shoes
and tries to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective.
• Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for moving
forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen again? What will we
do differently next time?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

20. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Words of Caution
• Pushing Behavior
• Outside Feelings
vs Inside Feelings
• Threatening with
Relationships
• No Joke Zone

21. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Apologizing and
Accepting Apologies
• Apologize for Real
• Accept for Real
• Don’t Accept Until
You’re Ready
• Move On Once You
Accept

22. When It’s Bullying…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

23. Are You Often Targeted?
Don’t Go At It Alone
• Know it’s not right
• You deserve better
• Ask/Tell them to stop
the behavior
• Seek healthy support
• Tell an adult
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

24. Are You Often Targeting?
Don’t Go At It Alone
• Know it’s not right
• You are better than
that
• Stop the behavior
• Seek healthy
support
• Tell an adult
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

25. Bystander to Ally
• Speak up when someone else is being bullied
• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that
assumption make you silent
• Ask questions
• Don’t make the person who is bullying into
someone who is getting targeted
• Actively include those who are easily left out
• If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an
adult at school or at home
• Keep the climate healthy
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

26. Bystander to Ally
Karen Bradberry, PhD
Active Passive Passive Active
Agent Bystander Ally
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27. Not Taking it Digital
• No Digital Conflicts!
• The Face Test – would you say it to their face?
• The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast?
• The Digital Self – are you the same person online?
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28. Questions and Comments
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29. Inclusive Communities
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30. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)