Session for Parents and Guardians of the American Turkish Association of Southern California
Building Context
Conflict versus Bullying
Talking to Kids About Complicated and Heated Topics
Getting Connected
1. American Turkish Association of
Southern California
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Parents Against Hate
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
3. Agenda
• Building Context
• Part I: Is it conflict, or is it bullying?
• Part II: Talking to your kids
• Getting Connected and Active
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5. Part I: Conflict and Bullying
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6. Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
• Etc.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
7. When It’s Bullying
• Power is uneven
• Intent to harm
• Repeated and
sustained
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy not
changing behaviors
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
8. Types of Bullying Behavior:
and common characteristics of their perpetrators
• Traditional Bullying
• Clueless Bullying
• Bully-Victim Alternation
• Popular Bullying
• Being a “Facebook Thug”
The agent generally has less empathy,
patience, caring, and forgiveness for others.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
9. Common Characteristics or Behaviors of
Youth Who Are Bullied
• They are more sensitive, unhappy, cautious,
anxious, quiet and withdrawn than other youth.
• They are generally insecure and non-assertive, and
react by withdrawing when targeted by other students
(rather than retaliating or asserting).
• They exhibit sudden change in behaviors: showing
signs of depression, not eating, cutting, letting
themselves go, losing interest in favorite things,
quitting teams, etc.
• They may be embarrassed to admit being bullied.
They may blame themselves or feel guilty.
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10. Direct Aggression
• Angry, Hurtful
Words
• Physical
Fights
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12. Relational Aggression includes acts that
“harm others through damage (or the
threat of damage) to relationships or
feelings of acceptance, friendship, or
group inclusion.”
Relational Aggression
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13. Indirect Aggression allows the
perpetrator to avoid confronting the
target directly, making it seem as
though there is no intent to harm.
Indirect Aggression
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14. Social Aggression
Social Aggression is intended
to damage self esteem or social
status within a group.
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18. D.E.A.R. Self Advocacy
• Describe – Describe actions or words without
judgment.
• Explain – Explain the impact of those actions or
words.
• Affirm – Affirm the person or relationship. Assume
positive intent.
• Request – Request different actions, request an
apology, etc.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
20. V.O.M.P. Conflict Tool
• Voice – Each person has the opportunity to VOICE their feelings
and experience of the conflict using “I” statements. The other person
LISTENS before sharing their experience.
• Own – Each person takes ownership of their piece in the conflict.
“Here’s my contribution to the mess.”
• Mile – Each person “walks a mile” in the other person’s shoes
and tries to see the conflict from the other person’s perspective.
• Plan – Both people work together to make a plan for moving
forward. What can we do so this doesn’t happen again? What will we
do differently next time?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
22. Bullying Intervention
• Know when it is
bullying
• Stand up for
yourself
• Ask them to stop
the behavior
• Seek healthy
support
• Tell an adult
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
23. Process Break
How are your young people
experiencing conflict and
bullying?
What have you taught (or
would like to) your kids about
conflict and bullying?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
24. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Part II: Talking To Your Kids
About Complicated and Heated Topics
25. Current Realities
• Political Polarization
• COVID-19
• Black Lives Matter
• Immigration, Detention Centers, Etc.
• Gun Violence
• Climate Change and Denial
• Rise in Homelessness
• And More…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
26. How to Talk to Young People
About Current Events
• What have you heard?
• How do you feel?
• What questions do you have?
• How can I support you?
• Here are our family’s values.
• What positive action can you take?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
27. How to Talk to Young People
About Hate and Extremism
• Prepare Yourself
• Be Alert
• Listen
• Reassure
• Be Honest
• Share Values
• Take Action
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
28. How to Talk to Young People After
Personal Incidents
• “I want to help you feel strong.”
• Affection, correction, protection
• Emotions are always right; not all
action is always right
• Avoid either/or thinking
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
29. Helping Young People Talk to
One Another
• Create Safety and Courage
• Express Feelings
• Generate Questions
• Share Facts
• Learn More
• Complicate Thinking
• Take Action
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
30. Talking With Your Kids
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• Be explicit about values
• Be open about your own
struggles
• Don’t stay silent
• 100 1-Minute
Conversations
• Relationship Based
Interruption
31. Process Break
What are the conversations
you are having (or would like
to have) with your kids about
what is happening at school
and beyond?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
34. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)