The document provides feedback on improvements that could be made to a script. There are notes on various pages indicating needed grammar fixes, word choice corrections, adding more details, and clarifying certain elements. The feedback will help make the script and subsequent animation clearer by ensuring the details, locations, actions, and intentions are accurately portrayed. Key areas like a scene providing self-comfort were identified as successfully conveying the intended message. Additional feedback requests labeling each new location and moving all text/non-spoken dialogue to the side for ease of reading.

1. Client Feedback – 5th
of Dec
Pink – Fix, Red – Good.
 Grammar error – Pg 1 – apart from instead of aside
 Word choice – Pg 1 - School to college
 Word choice – Pg 1 – removewords.
 Duality/Contradiction of protag’s personality, chaos and tidiness – Pg 1
 Less words – Pg 1 – To check who the messageis from
 Word choice – Pg 1 – No need for quickly
 Addition of detail – Pg 1 - Where is phonesat
 Addition of detail - Pg 2 – What is the safe spaceto protag
 Grammar and Word choice – Pg 2 – Better describe GT
 Good description of the nice SafeSpace – Pg 2
 Clarification – Pg 3 – They look shocked
 Clarification – Pg 3 – Crowding and advantage?
 Less words – Pg 3 – Shadow 4
 Clarification – Pg 4 – Fringe
 Successfully indicating what people do when they need to reassure
themselves and self soothe – Pg 4
 Addition of detail – Pg 4 – Ping back to reality
 Clarification – Pg 5 – Stay awakea bit longer
 Clarification – Pg 5 – Focus moreon protag
 Clarification – Pg 5 – Whatis the roomlayout, whereis the mirror and
lightswitch
A lot of this feedback will help me to improve my script, as a lot of it is to do
with clarification of certain areas and aspects: I need to be clearer with what I
write in the script, so I can be more accurate and make the animation better. If
this was a scriptI was giving to a cast or crew member, they would have to
know every detail so they would know whatexactly to do and how to do it. It’s
also good to know what I’m doing well, so I can keep those parts how they are
and change the parts that need to be changed; Knowing key parts such as the
scene when the protagonistis comforted by other characters is portraying self-
comfortand reassuranceof oneself successfully means the scene and message
of the movie is coming across to viewers.

2. Client Feedback - 6th
of Dec
 Addition of detail – General - Scene 1, Scene 2, etc. each time you
change location
 Adjustment– General - Moveall text and non-spoken dialogueto the
side, it goes in the description and the middle (that includes the
subtitles/bubbled words of the GTs and SP)