This document contains feedback from a client on a script. There are notes on various pages indicating needed grammar fixes, word choice improvements, requests for additional clarifying details, and praise for the description of a safe space. The client provides over 20 notes on different aspects of the script that could be improved. The feedback will help the scriptwriter to clarify aspects of the story and make the animation better by ensuring details are clear for anyone interpreting the script.

1. Client Feedback – 5th
of Dec
Pink – Fix, Red – Good.
 Grammar error – Pg 1 – apart from instead of aside
 Word choice – Pg 1 - School to college
 Word choice – Pg 1 – removewords.
 Duality/Contradiction of protag’s personality, chaos and tidiness – Pg 1
 Less words – Pg 1 – To check who the messageis from
 Word choice – Pg 1 – No need for quickly
 Addition of detail – Pg 1 - Where is phonesat
 Addition of detail - Pg 2 – What is the safe spaceto protag
 Grammar and Word choice – Pg 2 – Better describe GT
 Good description of the nice SafeSpace – Pg 2
 Clarification – Pg 3 – They look shocked
 Clarification – Pg 3 – Crowding and advantage?
 Less words – Pg 3 – Shadow 4
 Clarification – Pg 4 – Fringe
 Successfully indicating what people do when they need to reassure
themselves and self soothe – Pg 4
 Addition of detail – Pg 4 – Ping back to reality
 Clarification – Pg 5 – Stay awakea bit longer
 Clarification – Pg 5 – Focus moreon protag
 Clarification – Pg 5 – Whatis the roomlayout, whereis the mirror and
lightswitch
A lot of this feedback will help me to improve my script, as a lot of it is to do
with clarification of certain areas and aspects: I need to be clearer with what I
write in the script, so I can be more accurate and make the animation better. If
this was a scriptI was giving to a cast or crew member, they would have to
know every detail so they would know whatexactly to do and how to do it. It’s
also good to know what I’m doing well, so I can keep those parts how they are
and change the parts that need to be changed.

2. Client Feedback - 6th
of Dec
 Addition of detail – General - Scene 1, Scene 2, etc. each time you
change location
 Adjustment– General - Moveall text and non-spoken dialogueto the
side, it goes in the description and the middle (that includes the
subtitles/bubbled words of the GTs and SP)