1. BULLYING PART II
Jenny Strom, MA, LPC
262-241-5955 x264
E-mail: Jenny.northshorecenter@gmail.com
Jenny Strom 2012

2. Goals
 Recap cyber-bullying is and it‟s different forms so
you can protect your children
 Recap bullying and defining the behaviors
 Help your children prepare for bullying and handle
diversity/conflict in and out of school
 Learn tools and how to respond to your children in
order to unlock their inner goodness
 Focus on prevention as opposed to intervention
Jenny Strom 2012

3. Video Clip
http://www.stopbullying.gov/videos/2010/09/what-is-bullying.html
Jenny Strom 2012

4. Discussion
Brief reactions.
Feel free, when your ready to shout them
out or raise your hand.
Jenny Strom 2012

5. Review Cyber Bullying
 Bullying or harassment by use of any electronic device.
 In the U.S., it is now a federal crime.
 It is recommended you have a conversation with your children about
how nothing is private anymore. Therefore, they need to be careful
about what they post and who they send things to. If they want to
have a private conversation the only way to do that is in person or
over the phone.
 It is not unreasonable to have the password to their fb, e-mail, twitter,
tumbler, my space, intagram, cell phone, gchat, or blogs etc. It is not
something to monitor all the time, but to check once in a while.
Jenny Strom 2012

6. Review Bullying
The 4 Markers of Bullying:
1.An imbalance of power
2.Intent to harm
3.Threat of further harm
4.Instilling fear or terror
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7. Review Bullying
 Survival tips: Don‟t allow the bullies to take
charge of your life,
Ignore the bully and walk away,
Talk about bullying openly with your
Walk tall and hold your head high, children.
Hold onto anger, Have play dates regularly even with
the child who might be bullying
Use humor,
(one on one changes
Work out anger and frustration, everything!)
Don‟t get physical, Have a note card with play date
rules to remind them of their
Jenny Strom 2012 social skills
Practice confidence,

8. Review Bullying
 Types of bullying:
Verbal Bullying
Physical Bullying
Social and emotional bullying
Relational
Extortion
Direct/Indirect bullying
Cyber bullying
Jenny Strom 2012

9. 4 Antidotes to Bullying
1. Having a strong sense of self
2. Being a good friend
3. Having at least one friend who is there for you through thick and thin
(foster friendships through activities, team sports, clubs, religious
groups, scouts/brownies, and play dates etc)
4. Being able to successfully get into a group
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10. Avoid these mistakes:
 Never tell the child to ignore the bullying if you have determined it is
bullying behavior going on.
 Even if he or she provoked the bullying, no one deserves to be bullied.
 Do not tell the child to physically fight back against the kid who is bullying.
 Fighting back could get your child hurt, suspended, or expelled.
 Parents should resist the urge to contact the other parents involved until all
other options have been exhausted.
 Because in addition to the parent denying the bullying, it may make matters
worse, if it is happening at school, or on the bus, school should be notified
first.
 School or other officials can act as mediators between parents if that
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becomes necessary.

11. Follow-up
Show a commitment to making bullying stop.
Because by definition bullying is behavior that repeats, it takes
consistent effort to ensure that it stops.
Schools are overwhelmed, and or don’t know how to solve all the
problems. Collaboration is key.
Jenny Strom 2012

12. Unlock Their Inner
Goodness
 Help them understand empathy
 Tell stories to help them relate, that are age
appropriate
 Model respectful behavior at home (avoid
name calling, set boundaries and explain if
you become reactive- due to a situation that
brought on a strong emotional reaction what
made you react in that way, be careful of
making fun/using sarcasm this can be
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internalized by children over time)

13. Unlock Their Inner
Goodness
 Role-play a scenario about the importance of
respecting others, the negative effects of gossip, or
how to cooperate with one another, and way it’s
important to be able to be apart of a group/team (know
are they leader, follower)
 Talk about civil rights and bullying – have them tell you
stories so you know they truly understand the
behaviors that are acceptable/unacceptable – in other
words: have them reflect the meaning back to you
through examples etc.
 Read a book about bullying – start
education/expectations early
 Have your child help advocate and or make initiatives at
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school about bullying, respect etc.

14. Unlock Their Inner
Goodness
 Work with the child to understand some of the reasons he or she
might be a target for being bullied (reframe these as strengths and
weaknesses)
 Talk openly about how to be a good friend, give examples!
 Have your son or daughter write a story about the effects of
bullying or benefits of teamwork
 Talk about cyberbullying and being smart online
 Keep your computer in a common area, let them know you have
tracking soft wear, have their passwords to FB, and their cell phone.
Nothing is private! But let them know you will only use it if
necessary (Opportunity is everything! Intermittent reinforcement is
powerful)
 The goal is to help them see how their actions affect othersJenny Strom 2012

15. Examples of things to do to foster teamwork/activities
to do with your kids at home together
 Garbage art activity
 Bubble Brigade
 Candy reach
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16. Warning Signs to Look
For
 Angry or withdrawn after internet use
 Abrupt avoidance or fear of school
 Avoiding friends or activities
 Sudden avoidance of using the internet
 Unexpected drop in grades
 Uses derogatory or demeaning language when talking
about peers
 Using negative, derogatory language re: peers
 Stops talking about peers and everyday activities
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17. Warning Signs
Continued
 Taking parent‟s money and making poor excuses (could be threatened
to bring the money to school)
 Not using the bathroom at school
 Is sad, sullen angry or scared after a text, e-mail, phone call
 Loss of interest in school, participate in class – grades dip
 Sudden loss of increase in appetite
 Doing things “out of character”
 Difficulty falling asleep (sudden bed wetting)
 Has physical injuries not consistent with explanation
 Has stomach aches, headaches, panic attacks, over/under sleeping that
appears to be stress related
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18. Warning Signs
Continued
 Taking an unusual route to school
 Signs of depression (isolation, giving up activities that they at one
time loved)
 Withdrawal from family; wanting to be “left alone”
 Losing lunch money or saying, “I wasn‟t hungry” because lunch can
be a key time for bully behavior because supervision is lacking
 Stops talking about peers and everyday activities
 Has physical injuries not consistent with explanation
 Has stomach aches, headaches, panic attacks, over/under sleeping
that appears to be stress related
Jenny Strom 2012

19. As well as having an ongoing dialogue about everyday events &
looking for warning signs, it’s good to ask questions in different
ways:
 Are there any bullies in your class?
 What exactly do you consider or think bullying is?
 What kinds of things do they do or say?
 Are there any kids these bullies tend to pick on?
 Do they ever bully you?
 Do you ever bully anyone in class?
 What do you think about bullying?
 What could you do if you saw someone being bullied? Jenny Strom 2012

20. Dealing with Diversity
Talking openly about how many children in class will be
different from them – sometimes you can see it
(examples), sometimes it is not so obvious (examples).
Kids with disabilities, kids who look different from you, who
dress differently, who talk or stand differently than you do,
or who do not follow the same gender roles that you do.
Kids who believe different things, who have a different way of
doing things than you do, who eat different things, or are
out of school for different religious practices than you.Strom 2012
Jenny

21. Dealing with Diversity
 Standing up for the oppressed or bullied children by
being the most effective bystander possible.
 Understanding there are many ways to look at things
and your way is often neither right or wrong, it just is.
 Everyone has a right to be themselves.
 If you don‟t understand something, that is ok we are not
going to understand everything and everyone around us,
but teaching them about tolerance and acceptance are
key.
Jenny Strom 2012

22. Standing Up For the
Oppressed
 Support Bystanders when you can in the ways
you can.
 Many times, when they see bullying, they may
not know what to do to stop it.
 They may not feel safe stepping in in the
moment, but there are many other steps they
can take.
 Spend time with the person being bullied at
Jenny Strom 2012
school.

23. Standing Up For the
Oppressed
 Talk
with them, include them, or play with
them at recess.
 Listen to them.
 Callthe person being bullied at home to
encourage them and give advice so that it
is not done in front of others.
 Tell
an adult who you trust, like your
teacher or coach.
Jenny Strom 2012

24. Standing Up For the
Oppressed
 You can tell them in person or leave them a note.
 Set a good example, what would you want others to do
for you?
 Send a text message or go up to the person who was
bullied later and say that wasn‟t cool and that they are
there for them.
 Help the person being bullied tell an adult, suggest going
with them, or talking after school to avoid being singled
out.
Jenny Strom 2012

25. Standing Up For the
Oppressed
 Take away the audience by choosing not to watch and walk
away and encourage others to do the same.
 Be kind to the person being bullied at another time.
 Tell the person being bullied that you don‟t like the bullying and
ask them if you can do anything to help.
 Tell the child doing the bullying that you don‟t like it and to stop
doing it (only if it feels safe & if other supportive people
around).
 Distract the bully or offer an escape for the target by saying
something like, “Mr. Smith needs to see you right now” or
“Come on, we need you for our game” (but only if it Strom 2012 safe
Jenny feels

26. Standing Up For the
Oppressed
 Now is not the time to show off.
 You will most likely only make it harder for the victim.
 Do not get discouraged if you have already talked to the teachers
and nothing happened.
 Keep trying.
 Teachers and other school authorities will be more likely to respond if
they find out that the bullying is becoming a recurrent problem.
 Look for opportunities to contribute to the anti-bullying culture of your
school through creating posters, stories, or films.
Jenny Strom 2012

27. Standing Up For the
Oppressed
 Try talking to other teachers and counselors so that you can get
more people involved in trying to stop the situation.
 If they feel that this is none of your business, put yourself in the
victim‟s shoes. (that empathy message again!)
 Bullying can cause severe anxiety, depression, anger, and
frustration in a person, and can turn their life into a nightmare. You
wouldn‟t want to feel that way duirng these years of your life.
 Don‟t combat violence with violence (unless absolutely necessary).
 It takes a lot of courage for someone to step up on behalf of a
bullied person. However, don‟t use insults or physical violence to
defend the victim, we want to stop the cycle of bullying not
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contribute to it.

28. Help Foster The Positive
Role of the Bystander in
your Child
1. Intervene immediately with discipline (not punishment) at home
2. Create opportunities to “do good” (volunteer, help family out etc)
3. Nurture empathy (empathy message again!)
4. Teach friendship skills – assertive, respectful, and peaceful
5. Closely monitor your child‟s tv, video game, computer activities, and
playing.
6. Engage them in and set up more constructive, entertaining, and
energizing activities, friend time, family game night, movie night,
science experiment night, cooking night, etc
7. Teach your child to “will good” Jenny Strom 2012

29. How can Bystanders
Help?
 Simple gestures like talking to them, sitting with them at lunch, or inviting
them to play sports or other games during physical education or recess
can help a lot.
 Advise the child to listen to the person being bullied, let them talk about
the event.
 They can call the person being bullied at home to provide support,
encourage them and give advice.
 They can let that person know that what happened wasn‟t cool, and that
they‟re there for them.
 A bystander can help by telling the person being bullied that they don‟t
like the bullying and asking them if he can do anything to help. 2012
Jenny Strom
 Bystanders can also help the person being bullied talk to a trusted adult.

30. Why Do Kids Bully?
 They are being bullied themselves
 Revenge
 Fearful of being picked on
 Showing off; think others will be impressed, trying to fit in and belong
 Jealous
 Competitive
 Lonely
 Crave attention
 Have trouble empathizing
 Some bullies thrive on domination/power
 Sometimes modeling what they see at home
Jenny Strom 2012

31. Who is likely a Target?
 New kids at school
 Youngest/smallest – kids who struggle to engage in the group
 Extra sensitive, shy, or anxious to please
 If there is a noticeable physical difference
 If there is a noticeable class difference
 Difference race/ethnicity
 Kids who don‟t follow traditional gender roles (LGBTQ)
 Sometimes if your just in the wrong place at the wrong time.enny Strom 2012
J

32. Why The Bullied Don’t Tell
 Feel ashamed
 Fear retaliation
 Don’t believe anyone can or will help, they feel like they tried
 Believe the lie that bullying is part of growing up
 Believe that adults are part of the problem. May experience adults as
giving permission or actually bullying them in some way too
 Telling is bad, not cool, immature
 If you ask for help it’s because you can’t do it on your own
 You might appear weak
Jenny Strom 2012 The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander by Barbara Coloroso

33. Insulating Kids from
Bullying: Skills to Build
 Cultivating Friendships / improving social skills
 Conflict resolution skills
 Provide an anonymous way to report bullying
 Teach and Model Stress & Anger management skills
 Encourage positive self talk (I like myself, I can think for myself)
 Accepting differences / diversity training
 Set clear expectations and provide consequences against bullying of
any kind
 Self – esteem boosting (mentors, volunteer projects, hobbies,
athletics)
Jenny Strom 2012

34. Example of Role-Play to
Strengthen the Survivor
When the bully makes a statement (as in the script) look the bully in the eye
and give your response calmly, nonchalantly, without any hostility.
Role play this with your partner – the „bully‟ who will be using the Bully Script.
 Bully: You have a great big nose Target: True, it is large
 Bully: It looks like a beak Target: True, it does stand out
 Bully: You are the ugliest kid in the school Target: That‟s your opinion
 Bully: You are wearing gay shoes Target: You are not wrong
 Bully: You must be stupid to keep agreeing with me Target: That‟s true
 Bully: You keep saying that‟s true Target: That‟s true Jenny Strom 2012
 In the next part of this exercise reply by asking a question which can
surprise and put the bully on the „back foot.‟ Look at at the bully with mild
curiosity.

35. Role-Play Continued
 Bully: You are such an idiot. Target: Why do you think so ? (Wait for the answer)
 Bully: Everybody hates you. Target: That‟s interesting. Why do you think that ?
(Wait)
 Bully: You are always in the library at lunch time Target: That‟s right. Why does
that concern you ? (Wait)
Finally:
 Bully: All those kids in the library are nerds Target: It may seem like that to you
 Bully: You have no friends Target: That‟s what you think!
 Now discuss with the „target‟ how you felt (as a bully) on hearing the target‟s
responses.
Also discuss the conditions under which you think this approach might work, or not
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work.

36. The 5 Ingredients for a
peaceful resolution to
conflict
1. Identify the issues that underlie the incident.
2. Figure out how each person contributed to causing
the dispute.
3. Think about what you are willing to do to bring about
a resolution.
4. Be prepared for both of you making concessions.
5. Ask yourselves, “What do we want to have come out
of this?” Jenny Strom 2012

37. Qualities that Protect
Kids
 Friendliness
 Willingness to share
 Willingness to cooperate
 Capable of joining in the play of others
 A sense of humor
 Strong sense of self
 Have at least one good friend
Adapted from “The Behavioral Attributes of Victimized Children” a thesis by S. Pierce
Jenny Strom 2012

38. Effectively Handling Face
to Face Bullies (recap)
Sometimes these approaches work:
 Using humor
 Laughing and acting like you don‟t care
 Running away (when in real physical danger)
 Ignoring (when they are taunting for attention, it takes a bully and the
bullied child to create the situation and sustain the dynamic)
Adapted from The Bully Free Classroom
Jenny Strom 2012

39. Effectively Handling Face
to Face Bullies (recap)
Do:
 Stay calm & walk away  Encourage your children to be
around positive peers – get to
 Join others so you are not alone know their parents too!
 Look the bully in the eye and  Tell a friend, teacher, or parent
speak firmly and confidently when something happens, or
indirectly tell them through a
 Firmly say, “Cut it out!” “Stop!” voicemail, e-mail, or anonymous
“That‟s not ok!” “That‟s not cool!” note if that feels better but TELL
SOMEONE.
Jenny Strom 2012

40. Effectively Handling Face
to Face Bullies (recap)
Don’t
 Cry
 Call names, yell, lose your cool, or use violence
 Stay home, avoid the problem – it will not just go away
 Plot revenge, threaten
 Look or act small
 Give them ammunition to run with or tease you
Jenny Strom 2012 Adapted from The Bully Free Classroom By Allan, PhD

41. Clear
Expectations/Boundarie
s
 From a young age send the message that bullying is not acceptable
in your home or at school (monitor play, have family rules clearly
marked at home, use note cards with rules, monitor facebook and
social media, nothing is private anymore and your children/teens
need to understand that, check internet history as well)
 What are the consequences if your child is involved in bullying?
Decide them ahead of time.
 What if you find threats on their social media outlets, are you
prepared for how you as a guardian will respond. When they beg you
not to tell, how are you going to handle it? These are important to
think about and discuss with your significant other ahead of time.
Jenny Strom 2012

42. Resources
 Books:
The Everything Parent‟s Guide to Dealing with Bullies by
Deborah Carpenter
The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander by Barbara
Coloroso
Speak Up and Get Along!: Learn the Mighty Might, Thought
Chop, and More Tools to Make Friends, Stop Teasing, and
Feel Good About Yourself by Scott Cooper
The Bully Free Classroom by Allan, L PhD
10 Days to a Bully-Proof Child by Sherryll Kraizer Jenny Strom 2012

43. Resources
 Websites:
www.stopbullying.gov/
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/self_esteem.html
www.healthypeople.gov
www.aap.org
www.samhsa.gov
www.safeyouth.org
www.actagainstviolence.apa.org (teach young children nonviolent
problem solving)
Jenny Strom 2012

44. Resources
Videos
http://www.stopbullying.gov/videos/2010/09/what-is-bullying.html
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/kidsonline/view/main.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaTOfFUd1qc
http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/webisodes/yes-thats-bullying.html
http://www.netsmartz.org/resources/reallife.htm
Jenny Strom 2012

45. North Shore Center, LLC
Jenny Strom, MA, LPC
Child, Adolescent & Family Therapist
262-241-5955 x264
Website: northshorecenterllc.com
E-mail: Jenny.northshorecenter@gmail.com
Jenny Strom 2012

46. Jenny Strom 2012