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By Staci Sprout, LICSW, CSAT
www.sexualrecoveryservices.com
LISCW, CSAT
 Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, WA,
2001
 Certified Sex Addiction Therapist www.iitap.com
 Knowledgeable of the expectations and obligations for
sex addiction therapy
 Ethical standards for treating trauma, sex addiction
 Advanced training in Lifespan Integration trauma
processing: www.lifespanintegration.com
Me in my office, Spring 2010.
Got questions?
Other Qualifications
 Asked to offer this webinar by Jeannie at Survivorship
after I attended the S.M.A.R.T. Conference in 2010
 40 year old survivor of extreme trauma
 Member of a 12-step sexual recovery program for 9 years
 Sober from sexually addictive behavior since April 2004
 On a dedicated personal journey of healing and growth
formally started in 1990 (age 20)
 Honor Jeannie and Survivorship, a person I value
and an organization I believe in and support as a
member
 Offer service to others, a core value for me
 Show gratitude to all those who have helped and
taught me the things I’d like to pass along today
 Help me heal and connect with others
 Model compassion for the challenges that
survivors of extreme trauma face in connecting
with and expressing their authentic sexuality,
through sharing my story
 Offer some concepts to further the
understanding of a paradigm for sexual
behavior in the context of extreme trauma
 Trauma survivors go into shock from
overwhelming stimuli
 Without help, we cannot “make sense” of our
experiences and release them
 Instead, we instinctually avoid thinking about
them and suppress related painful feelings
 Feelings are stored in our bodies. So, what
occurred outside of us (traumatic event) becomes
frozen inside our bodies and we carry it with us
wherever we go
 I. Emotional Neglect and Abuse (Intimacy abuse)
 II. Covert Sexual/Emotional Incest
 III. Overt Sexual Abuse/Incest
 IV. Conspiracy/Organized Covert Sexual Abuse
 V. Conspiracy/Organized Overt Sexual Abuse
 VI. Conspiracy/Organized Covert or Overt Sexual Abuse with
Exploitation
 VII. Conspiracy/Organized Covert or Overt Sexual Abuse with
Forced Perpetration
 VIII. Conspiracy/Organized Covert or Overt Sexual Abuse with
Forced Perpetration and Exploitation
 IX. Conspiracy/Organized Mind Control Programming to instill
hyper-reactivity to sexual response cycle (creating sex addiction)
 X. Conspiracy/Organized Mind Control Programming to create
sexual alters and train them in “sex kitten” or other directed
sexual perpetration scenarios
Sex Addiction vs Alcoholism
 Numb feelings
 Escape painful parts of
life
 Mood altering
 Becomes central to life
 Becomes most
important need
Nucleus Accumbens—Brain’s Reward Center
Red
indicates
high
number of
receptors
for
dopamine
Normal Obese
Alcoholic Cocaine
People short of dopamine have difficulty feeling joy.
Hans Breiter, director of the
Motivation and Emotion
Neuroscience Center at
Massachusetts General Hospital
 For every three male sex addicts, there is one
female sex addict
 This ratio of men to women is an exact parallel
to the gender ratios found in compulsive
gambling and alcoholism
 In 12 step recovery, you’re a sex addict if you say
you are
 In sex addiction therapy, the criteria for assessing
sex addiction closely parallels guidelines for
assessing substance abuse, alcoholism, and
compulsive gambling
 A minimum of three criteria must be met;
however, most addicts have five, and over half
have seven or more
 I am often unable to resist sexual and/or romantic impulses.
 I frequently do sexual and/or romantic things more intensely
or longer than I want to.
 I often want to stop, reduce, or control my sexual/romantic
behavior, but can’t.
 I spend too long seeking sex, being sexual, or recovering from
being sexual than I want to. Or, I spend too long seeking a
romantic relationship, investing in the relationship, or
recovering from a break-up than I want to.
 I think/fantasize about sex/romance way too much.
 I often want to stop, reduce, or control my sexual/romantic
behavior, but can’t.
 I spend too long seeking sex, being sexual, or recovering from
being sexual than I want to. Or, I spend too long seeking a
romantic relationship, investing in the relationship, or
recovering from a break-up than I want to.
 I think/fantasize about sex/romance way too much.
 I’ve given up or cut back on things I used to enjoy socially, at
work, or for fun because of sex/romance.
 I feel bad, scared, restless, or irritable if I can’t have sex/romance
the way I want to.
Child Abuse Stats and
Sexual Addiction
 Physical Abuse – 72%
 Sexual Abuse – 81%
 Emotional Abuse – 97%
Preoccupation/
Obsession
Despair Ritualization/Action
Sexual Compulsivity
“Acting Out”
 Thinking, fantasizing, engrossed in something
other than reality
 Cultivate level of preoccupation as an ongoing
daily or hourly process
 The fantasy component access key
neuropathways in the brain
 Move beyond thought to actual behavior
 Behavior reinforces trance/dissociation
 All addicts use ritual to alter their mood and
keep their addictive behavior going
 Sexualized or critical humor with people I don’t
know well
 Objectifying myself or others, or allowing myself to
be objectified (how I dressed, positioned myself,
moved, etc.)
 Flirting
 Using “covert” pornography, violence (i.e., women’s
magazines
 Compulsive shopping/spending
 Disconnected sex with others
 Willful physical self-harm
 Use of explicit pornography
Consumed: Magazines, cable, books, videos, Internet
Created: Video, drawings, writing
 Willfully engaging in toxic fantasy (abuse/power over, infidelity)
 Willfully engaging in intrigue (intentional mutual sexual energy
exchange) with married, committed, or otherwise unavailable people, or
people I’m not interested in a sexual relationship with
 Drinking alcohol, using illegal drugs
 Utter hopelessness, desperation and fear that
addicts have about their behavior
 This is that “let down” feeling of failure
 Kicks off the shame cycle response
unreachable expectations
inevitable
failure
I am flawed
I am not
lovable
Shame
Cycle
Let’s take a break, move around, dance, and
shake.
Sexual Anorexia
 Sex is most terrifying need.
 Compulsively non-intimate,
 non-sexual
Preoccupation/
Obsession
Despair Ritualization/Avoidance
Compulsive Sexual Avoidance
“Acting In”
 I have a pattern of resistance of anything sexual
 Even though I know avoiding sex/romance is harmful to
me, I can’t stop
 I go to extremes to avoid sexual contact or attention,
including hurting myself, changing how I dress/groom
myself, and weight change
 I have rigid, judgmental thoughts toward myself and my
sexuality—and others’
 I use resistance and aversion to sex to manage my anxiety
and avoid deeper, more painful issues
 I feel extreme shame and self-loathing about past sexual
experiences, my body, and my sexuality
 My aversion to sex affects my work, hobbies, friendships, and
family life
 I obsess about sex, and this interferes with my day to day life
 At times I have had periods of sexual “binging” or
compulsivity, followed by avoidance
 Self-hatred, sexual self-hatred
 Dwelling in unowned, unprocessed angers,
resentments, fears, judgments (self and others)
 Obsessive thinking, control fantasies
 Omitting my truth, staying silent, quiet, frozen
 Active sabotage of my physical appearance to wall off sexual attention
(weight gain, neglecting grooming, cutting hair to severe style,
shapeless dress)
 Deprivation/Neglecting my need for food, water, rest, boundaries, love,
prayer/meditation, medical care, fun and emotional support, money,
creativity, sexuality
 Perfectionism, control, telling others what to do or what’s right for
them
 Aloofness/Isolation
 Avoidance of fun, play; not cultivating/nurturing intimate friendships
 Avoidance of situations that would expose me to healthy touch,
possible romantic/sexual relationships
 Utter hopelessness, desperation and loneliness
 This is that “let down” feeling of failure
 Kicks off the shame cycle response
“Chaos is extremely
good news…”
 Review the “Do I have a problem” list in these
slides
 Take a self-assessment test at
www.sexhelp.com
 Take a self-assessment test at a 12-step sexual
recovery website
 If you suspect you have a problem, seek an
assessment by a certified sex addiction
therapist, discuss results with your therapist
 Welcome to the fellowship, YOU ARE NOT
ALONE!
 Mobilize help and support
 Begin to define and attempt sobriety
 Begin to define a vision of healthy sexuality for
YOU!
 Watch for depression if you change your acting
out behavior and experience a withdrawal of
dopamine
 Watch for a level of re-membering that can come
with safety and “thawing out” the numbness
caused by acting in
 Get ready for a deeper level of healing than you’ve
imagined!
 Help and healing is available for you too!
12 Step Referral Information
and www.help
COSA (partners) Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
P.O. Box 79908 PO Box 70949 (SLAA) The Augustine Fellowship
Minneapolis, MN 55414 Houston TX 77270 1550 NE Loop 410, Ste 118
1-763-537-6904 713-869-4902 San Antonio, TX 78209
www.cosa-recovery.org (800) 477-8191 781-255-8825
www.saa-recovery.org www.slaafws.org
S-Anon (partners) Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
PO Box 111910 PO Box 111242 Recovering Couples Anonymous
Nashville TN 37222-1910 Nashville TN 37222 (RCA)
615-331-6230 615-833-3152 PO Box 11029
Old Chelsea Station
Sexual Compulsive Anonymous (SCA) NY NY 10011
PO Box 1585 SASH – National Office 510-336-3300
Oakland CA 94611 PO Box 725544
800-977-4325 Atlanta, GA 31139 www.addictionresearch.com
770-541-9912 www.sexhelp.com
Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA) www.gentlepath.com
Planetarium Station www.recoveryzone.com
NY NY 10024 www.ncsac.org
212-340-4650
 Don’t Call It Love by Patrick Carnes, PhD.
 Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody
 Sexual Anorexia by Patrick Carnes, PhD.
 Silently Seduced by Ken Adams, PhD.
 The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes, PhD.
 Aphrodite’s Daughters by Jalaja Bonheim
 Mending A Shattered Heart by Stefanie Carnes, PhD.
(partners)
 My life has profoundly changed as a result of
realizing that my sexuality was organized in cycles
of compulsive acting out and acting in
 Participating and eventually working in sexual
recovery has helped me to reach forgiveness and
understand my and others’ behavior in new ways
 I have only been able to reach certain memories
and heal them when I have been able to provide
safety for myself by becoming able to identify and
keep sexual boundaries
Beyond Sexual Abuse/Exploitation, Sexual Programming, and Sexual Addiction Avoidance: A Path to Empowerment

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Beyond Sexual Abuse/Exploitation, Sexual Programming, and Sexual Addiction Avoidance: A Path to Empowerment

  • 1. By Staci Sprout, LICSW, CSAT www.sexualrecoveryservices.com
  • 2. LISCW, CSAT  Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, WA, 2001  Certified Sex Addiction Therapist www.iitap.com  Knowledgeable of the expectations and obligations for sex addiction therapy  Ethical standards for treating trauma, sex addiction  Advanced training in Lifespan Integration trauma processing: www.lifespanintegration.com
  • 3. Me in my office, Spring 2010. Got questions?
  • 4. Other Qualifications  Asked to offer this webinar by Jeannie at Survivorship after I attended the S.M.A.R.T. Conference in 2010  40 year old survivor of extreme trauma  Member of a 12-step sexual recovery program for 9 years  Sober from sexually addictive behavior since April 2004  On a dedicated personal journey of healing and growth formally started in 1990 (age 20)
  • 5.  Honor Jeannie and Survivorship, a person I value and an organization I believe in and support as a member  Offer service to others, a core value for me  Show gratitude to all those who have helped and taught me the things I’d like to pass along today  Help me heal and connect with others
  • 6.  Model compassion for the challenges that survivors of extreme trauma face in connecting with and expressing their authentic sexuality, through sharing my story  Offer some concepts to further the understanding of a paradigm for sexual behavior in the context of extreme trauma
  • 7.  Trauma survivors go into shock from overwhelming stimuli  Without help, we cannot “make sense” of our experiences and release them  Instead, we instinctually avoid thinking about them and suppress related painful feelings  Feelings are stored in our bodies. So, what occurred outside of us (traumatic event) becomes frozen inside our bodies and we carry it with us wherever we go
  • 8.
  • 9.
  • 10.  I. Emotional Neglect and Abuse (Intimacy abuse)  II. Covert Sexual/Emotional Incest  III. Overt Sexual Abuse/Incest  IV. Conspiracy/Organized Covert Sexual Abuse  V. Conspiracy/Organized Overt Sexual Abuse
  • 11.  VI. Conspiracy/Organized Covert or Overt Sexual Abuse with Exploitation  VII. Conspiracy/Organized Covert or Overt Sexual Abuse with Forced Perpetration  VIII. Conspiracy/Organized Covert or Overt Sexual Abuse with Forced Perpetration and Exploitation  IX. Conspiracy/Organized Mind Control Programming to instill hyper-reactivity to sexual response cycle (creating sex addiction)  X. Conspiracy/Organized Mind Control Programming to create sexual alters and train them in “sex kitten” or other directed sexual perpetration scenarios
  • 12. Sex Addiction vs Alcoholism  Numb feelings  Escape painful parts of life  Mood altering  Becomes central to life  Becomes most important need
  • 13. Nucleus Accumbens—Brain’s Reward Center Red indicates high number of receptors for dopamine Normal Obese Alcoholic Cocaine People short of dopamine have difficulty feeling joy. Hans Breiter, director of the Motivation and Emotion Neuroscience Center at Massachusetts General Hospital
  • 14.  For every three male sex addicts, there is one female sex addict  This ratio of men to women is an exact parallel to the gender ratios found in compulsive gambling and alcoholism
  • 15.  In 12 step recovery, you’re a sex addict if you say you are  In sex addiction therapy, the criteria for assessing sex addiction closely parallels guidelines for assessing substance abuse, alcoholism, and compulsive gambling  A minimum of three criteria must be met; however, most addicts have five, and over half have seven or more
  • 16.  I am often unable to resist sexual and/or romantic impulses.  I frequently do sexual and/or romantic things more intensely or longer than I want to.  I often want to stop, reduce, or control my sexual/romantic behavior, but can’t.  I spend too long seeking sex, being sexual, or recovering from being sexual than I want to. Or, I spend too long seeking a romantic relationship, investing in the relationship, or recovering from a break-up than I want to.  I think/fantasize about sex/romance way too much.
  • 17.  I often want to stop, reduce, or control my sexual/romantic behavior, but can’t.  I spend too long seeking sex, being sexual, or recovering from being sexual than I want to. Or, I spend too long seeking a romantic relationship, investing in the relationship, or recovering from a break-up than I want to.  I think/fantasize about sex/romance way too much.  I’ve given up or cut back on things I used to enjoy socially, at work, or for fun because of sex/romance.  I feel bad, scared, restless, or irritable if I can’t have sex/romance the way I want to.
  • 18. Child Abuse Stats and Sexual Addiction  Physical Abuse – 72%  Sexual Abuse – 81%  Emotional Abuse – 97%
  • 20.  Thinking, fantasizing, engrossed in something other than reality  Cultivate level of preoccupation as an ongoing daily or hourly process  The fantasy component access key neuropathways in the brain
  • 21.  Move beyond thought to actual behavior  Behavior reinforces trance/dissociation  All addicts use ritual to alter their mood and keep their addictive behavior going
  • 22.  Sexualized or critical humor with people I don’t know well  Objectifying myself or others, or allowing myself to be objectified (how I dressed, positioned myself, moved, etc.)  Flirting  Using “covert” pornography, violence (i.e., women’s magazines  Compulsive shopping/spending
  • 23.  Disconnected sex with others  Willful physical self-harm  Use of explicit pornography Consumed: Magazines, cable, books, videos, Internet Created: Video, drawings, writing  Willfully engaging in toxic fantasy (abuse/power over, infidelity)  Willfully engaging in intrigue (intentional mutual sexual energy exchange) with married, committed, or otherwise unavailable people, or people I’m not interested in a sexual relationship with  Drinking alcohol, using illegal drugs
  • 24.  Utter hopelessness, desperation and fear that addicts have about their behavior  This is that “let down” feeling of failure  Kicks off the shame cycle response
  • 25. unreachable expectations inevitable failure I am flawed I am not lovable Shame Cycle
  • 26. Let’s take a break, move around, dance, and shake.
  • 27.
  • 28. Sexual Anorexia  Sex is most terrifying need.  Compulsively non-intimate,  non-sexual
  • 30.  I have a pattern of resistance of anything sexual  Even though I know avoiding sex/romance is harmful to me, I can’t stop  I go to extremes to avoid sexual contact or attention, including hurting myself, changing how I dress/groom myself, and weight change  I have rigid, judgmental thoughts toward myself and my sexuality—and others’  I use resistance and aversion to sex to manage my anxiety and avoid deeper, more painful issues
  • 31.  I feel extreme shame and self-loathing about past sexual experiences, my body, and my sexuality  My aversion to sex affects my work, hobbies, friendships, and family life  I obsess about sex, and this interferes with my day to day life  At times I have had periods of sexual “binging” or compulsivity, followed by avoidance
  • 32.  Self-hatred, sexual self-hatred  Dwelling in unowned, unprocessed angers, resentments, fears, judgments (self and others)  Obsessive thinking, control fantasies  Omitting my truth, staying silent, quiet, frozen
  • 33.  Active sabotage of my physical appearance to wall off sexual attention (weight gain, neglecting grooming, cutting hair to severe style, shapeless dress)  Deprivation/Neglecting my need for food, water, rest, boundaries, love, prayer/meditation, medical care, fun and emotional support, money, creativity, sexuality  Perfectionism, control, telling others what to do or what’s right for them  Aloofness/Isolation  Avoidance of fun, play; not cultivating/nurturing intimate friendships  Avoidance of situations that would expose me to healthy touch, possible romantic/sexual relationships
  • 34.  Utter hopelessness, desperation and loneliness  This is that “let down” feeling of failure  Kicks off the shame cycle response
  • 36.
  • 37.  Review the “Do I have a problem” list in these slides  Take a self-assessment test at www.sexhelp.com  Take a self-assessment test at a 12-step sexual recovery website  If you suspect you have a problem, seek an assessment by a certified sex addiction therapist, discuss results with your therapist
  • 38.  Welcome to the fellowship, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Mobilize help and support  Begin to define and attempt sobriety  Begin to define a vision of healthy sexuality for YOU!
  • 39.  Watch for depression if you change your acting out behavior and experience a withdrawal of dopamine  Watch for a level of re-membering that can come with safety and “thawing out” the numbness caused by acting in  Get ready for a deeper level of healing than you’ve imagined!
  • 40.  Help and healing is available for you too!
  • 41. 12 Step Referral Information and www.help COSA (partners) Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous P.O. Box 79908 PO Box 70949 (SLAA) The Augustine Fellowship Minneapolis, MN 55414 Houston TX 77270 1550 NE Loop 410, Ste 118 1-763-537-6904 713-869-4902 San Antonio, TX 78209 www.cosa-recovery.org (800) 477-8191 781-255-8825 www.saa-recovery.org www.slaafws.org S-Anon (partners) Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) PO Box 111910 PO Box 111242 Recovering Couples Anonymous Nashville TN 37222-1910 Nashville TN 37222 (RCA) 615-331-6230 615-833-3152 PO Box 11029 Old Chelsea Station Sexual Compulsive Anonymous (SCA) NY NY 10011 PO Box 1585 SASH – National Office 510-336-3300 Oakland CA 94611 PO Box 725544 800-977-4325 Atlanta, GA 31139 www.addictionresearch.com 770-541-9912 www.sexhelp.com Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA) www.gentlepath.com Planetarium Station www.recoveryzone.com NY NY 10024 www.ncsac.org 212-340-4650
  • 42.  Don’t Call It Love by Patrick Carnes, PhD.  Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody  Sexual Anorexia by Patrick Carnes, PhD.  Silently Seduced by Ken Adams, PhD.  The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes, PhD.  Aphrodite’s Daughters by Jalaja Bonheim  Mending A Shattered Heart by Stefanie Carnes, PhD. (partners)
  • 43.  My life has profoundly changed as a result of realizing that my sexuality was organized in cycles of compulsive acting out and acting in  Participating and eventually working in sexual recovery has helped me to reach forgiveness and understand my and others’ behavior in new ways  I have only been able to reach certain memories and heal them when I have been able to provide safety for myself by becoming able to identify and keep sexual boundaries