The author reflects on their experience in foster care as a child and how their social workers showed them love and compassion. The social workers cuddled the author and made them feel cared for when they disclosed private secrets, which helped the author to seek help as an adult. The author credits their social workers for teaching them positive qualities like empathy and kindness that they were able to pass on to their own children. However, the system is underfunded and social workers are criticized, which prevents children from feeling loved and supported. The author argues that children need to experience love from social workers to learn how to love and feel worthy.

1. Acts of love
I’m absolutely clear in my mind that Social Workers
are my Hero’s. My Social Workers worked tirelessly to
keep me safe, protected and feeling loved.
Now, I feel you recoil at the word loved. Social
Workers are not supposed to utter that word are they?
Well why not. Love has more that 1 definition? Here is
a definition from an 8 year old –
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man
who are still friends even after they know each other
so well."
When you disclose your deepest darkest secrets that
you have kept hidden inside through shame and guilt,
you expect your social workers to look at you with
disgust. Mine didn’t. They cuddled me. This is an act
of love. They gave me the ability to reach out for help.
A skill I took into adulthood. If I were unable to reach
out for help and trust, would I have received treatment
for my addiction? Is it a coincidence that the worker
who showed me compassion in the detox unit was a
trained social worker? Of course not.
The system itself has got itself into a state of tension
about what they are bad at, and forgotten what they
are good at.

2. A system where social workers are knocked,
demonized and expected to cover their backs at all
times, does not equal a system where a child can feel
loved. Social Workers who are guarded are spotted a
mile off by kids in care. I would have given them a
hard time and tested and tested until they showed an
act of love or kindness.
They always did.
Unfortunately, children cannot always be protected in
such a system – I wasn’t. I was a victim of sexual
exploitation. I carried this secret, deep, for all of my
adult life. I blamed myself. I thought I was a slag. Dirty.
Nasty. Unworthy. I still do, during flashbacks.
How did this happen? A move against my wishes,
from a childrens home where I was settled, loved and
cared for, I had lost my sense of the world. Where did
I belong? Where were the people who I cared for?
They were gone. Why? Because decisions are often
made about children in care wholly due to finance.
The sector is underfunded, undervalued, and uncared
for.
If the sector is feeling this, do you honestly believe
that the kids aren’t?
We need to support our looked after children
spiritually. How will they know they are loveable if
they do not receive it? How will they know the beauty

3. of giving back without expecting something in return if
we do not show them? To be kind, caring, loving,
empathetic, non-judgmental are all qualities I learnt
from my social workers, and passed on to my children.
How wonderful to have positive qualities to pass on,
rather than the negative ones of my parents. Where
would I be today, had I not experienced them?
For looked after children leaving the care system
ashamed to disclose this as part of their life, is shame
on our society. How would you feel if the world felt
that your parents were incompetent and uncaring?
This is what is portrayed about social workers, and
they were my family. I am not ashamed any longer. I
feel most at home when in the company of social
workers, feel cared for and about, and most of all,
receive acts of love.
I feel compelled deeply in my heart and spirit to give
back to the very sector, which gave me the
opportunity to feel loved, and the ability to love my
children in return.
If we want emotionally resourceful young people
leaving the care system, give our social workers the
freedom, resources and confidence to inspire, care,
love and protect our looked after children.