Narcissistic abuse and recover

1. Hello Beautiful Warriors
I’m here today to share with you information that I wish I had when I
was in my very abusive relationship. I started my recovering journey
2 years ago, and today I am thankful for everything that happened to
me! Don’t get me wrong, after a broken arm, a surgery, depression,
panic attacks, adrenal gland fatigue, fibromyalgia and lots of rage, I
decided to leave the victim place and dive into a very deep journey of
healing. I left to a small Island in Thailand called Koh Phangan and
there I did acupuncture on myself everyday for 3 months (I’m a
Portuguese lady, Chinese Medicine Doctor and Reiki Practitioner),
TRE (trauma release exercises), psychotherapy, Yoga, breathing
techniques, water therapy and even Ayahuasca. I can tell you that all
this was amazing and it really helped me in the first 3 months! After
that, I understood that there was something more deep... why did I
attract this relationship? Why did I let him abuse from me? I
understood that I was my own healer, and that I had to take
responsibility for what happened to me. For this, I read many books
about emotional wounds that you get when you are a child. Wounds
that hold hands until your adult stage. After this understanding, e got
into a daily work of self-love, remove toxic people from my life and
setting up my boundaries no matter what (cause usually we are those
kind that can’t say no).
During this manual if you read something about wounds, you know
what I’m talking about!
Know that I’m here for you, and that we are all in this together.
I love you all
Diana Pires

2. • Narcissism personality disorder is a mental condition which
people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep
need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled
relationships and a lack of empathy for others.
• They are always more concerned about their appearance than
their feelings, I actually believe that they only get worried
about what they feel when things don’t go their way. “I
remember my narc saying: If you do the things MY WAY, we’ll
not have any troubles in our relationship.
• Narcissists can wear many masks. Here
is a list of telltale traits of a narcissist:
ü Self-concern, self-centeredness- Only their feelings are
important
ü Extreme sensitivity to negative feedback or criticism: Try
to give a critic to a narcissist or say that something he did hurt
What is Narcissism Personality Disorder?

3. you, and you will see the manipulative demon coming out of
him with such rage that he will turn the blame on you! Life for
them is a game!
ü Significant need for approval from others- they are loving
human beings with everyone around them, even people that
they just met. They prefer to treat better a stranger than you.
ü Poor self-esteem often expressed through self-
deprivation or arrogance
ü Difficulties within most relationships
ü Intolerance for imperfections in others- the most
judgmental people I’ve met.
ü Often idealize others that represent perfection followed
by devaluing that very person when they are perceived to have
failed them
ü Preoccupation with outward appearance, beauty, wealth,
fame, success over morals, virtue or even integrity
ü Poor emotional regulation, aggressive impulses,
psychologically fragile
ü Vain, self-righteous and prideful
ü Lack remorse, compassion, empathy for others
ü Sedcutor
ü Talkative
ü Charming
But ALSO, Narcissists, can be amazing in the beginning. Acting with
zero emotion whatsoever, they can be:

4. ü Very interested in your life story- that they will use it
later against you. OWWW did you feel rejected when you
were a child? Then here is your punishment: I’ll reject
you in any kind or form that you will beg me to even look
at you.
ü Gentleman- opens the doors, breakfast in bed, etc.
Roughly 6% of the population has narcissistic personality
disorder. Research over the years has shown that it is also more
prevalent in men than in women — 7.7% vs 4.8%.
1. Appearance
Both male and female narcissists pay attention to their appearance,
but females value it more than males. Men tend to use their
appearance as a package alongside their charm to beguile their
victims. A female narcissist uses her beauty to get one up on her
rivals. They want to be the best and being the prettiest, the most
beautiful is what society values now.
2. Children
Men are not really that interested in children, but females see them
as a way of boosting their own profile and status. Children are
pawns in their narcissistic mother’s game. They are status symbols,
to be used and shown off as competition against other children.
How does a female narcissist differ from a male?

5. Having children that go to the best grammar schools, that attain the
best grades and marks all reflect well on the female narcissist.
3. Confidence
Male narcissists have an inbred sense of confidence. Their self-
esteem comes from within, deluded as this might be. Conversely,
females get theirs from feeling superior over others.
Female narcissists feel confident when they compare their
achievements with others who have failed or are beneath them on
the social scale. This means their sense of self-worth can, at times, be
shaky and inconsistent.
4. Control
Female narcissists use guilt as a form of control, particularly when
it comes to family members like their own children. Men, on the
other hand, will use their power and status to frighten people into
doing what they want.
Both men and women will blow up without warning and have
tantrums or violent outbursts. However, women use guilt to make
people feel sorry for them and men use aggression to make people
feel scared of them.
5. Finances
Female narcissists are more frivolous when it comes to spending
money than their male counterparts. Men believe that money gives
them power and status so they like to hold onto it. Women,
however, like to splash the cash. For them, having money to spend

6. whenever they want gives them a sense of status and makes them
feel special.
6. Friends
No narcissist ever has true friends, but male and female narcissists
treat their ‘so-called friends’ very differently. Men view their friends
as rivals or competition they need to beat at all times. They will
blatantly compete against them in order to win. Women use their
friends to manipulate a situation to get what they want in a more
underhand way.
So, are we any closer to understanding why there are differences
between a male and a female narcissist? The study raises some
interesting points. Grijalva suggests it is all to do with the genders
themselves. Society dictates which traits to encourage in women, i.e.
subservience, politeness and a meek attitude. In men we encourage
strong leadership and a sense of authority.
It seems that the very traits we admire in men and women are
reflected in male and female narcissistic traits. Until we start
encouraging different traits that are more altruistic, then these
narcissist ones are not going to change.

7. • Narcs are very clever, and they choose their victims very
wisely: Probably you are an empath, mixed with co
dependency tendencies, a very compassionate person, caring
and loving, with a lack of self love and willing to take care of
your new baby with all your heart.
• First of all I want to say, that deep down our guts, we know
since the very beginning that something is off. I remember my
narc being jealous since day one I met him. DAY ONE PEOPLE.
And let me tell you that it only escalated to a level of more and
more crazy jealousy. I would Look at the floor instead of
people, not hugging my friends, wearing a bra, cause people
would think that they can fuck me cause I’m nothing but a slut
with my nipples saying hello to the world. So yes... we have all
the red flags that we ignore because at the end, we are looking
for love OUTSIDE.
• They use over the top romantic gestures to gain control.
• Even though many of us- myself included- ignored way to many
red flags in the beginning, and gave him the benefit from doubt,
we didn’t know how they really were beneath the mask.
How do you know you are in a toxic, abusive relationship with a
narcissist?

8. O Everything happens really fast with a
narc. The day you meet him, is the day he loves you, the day he
wants to move with you, the day he wants to have babies with
you, the day you will get married and die together super happy;
O Refuses to apologize;
O Addicted to anything that is superficial: usually addicted to
drugs, alcohol, social networks, night life, and what other’s
think of him
O Inconsistency between words and behaviors- never trust a
narc. They are major liars;
O Unpredictable and inconsistency;
O Speaks poorly of all their former partners, they are all cucu and
nuts;
O Narcissist will try to make you the villain to escape
accountability;
O Jealous and deeply insecure;
O Takes on your emotions as their own;
O Crazy manipulative and will put all the blame on you;
O Makes aggressive jokes;
O Places unrealistic expectations on you or the relationship;
O Violates your boundaries;
O Plays victim.
• I’m going to give you only a few of hundreds of RED FLAGS
that we face living next to a narc:

9. What are the Stages from Love Bombing to Hate Bombing?
Narcissists use something called love bombing during the beginning
of their relationships in an effort to break down your emotional
defenses, gain your trust, and later, to show you just how attentive
and caring they can be – if only you’d behave correctly so they could
show it more often, right? “BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT”
ü Stage 1. Emotional Manipulation via Love Bombing
During the love-bombing phase, the narcissist is setting you up for an
addiction. You have to understand that what happens in a
relationship with a narc is the same as being addicted to a drug.
Chemically speaking, the same process that happens in the brain of a
heroin addicted happens in the brain of the narc’s partner.
They’re also using this phase to learn about you: what you like, what
you hate, how to press your buttons, your hopes and dreams. They’re
conducting recon because this intelligence comes in handy later once
the narcissistic devalue phase begins. It’s called cognitive empathy,
and it has the potential to be utterly devastating.
During this phase, the narcissist isn’t showing you their true self – if
they did, you would (and could) run! They hide their true identity
during this phase so they can dupe you into staying with them.
While most narcissists struggle to maintain this phase more than a few
weeks, it’s not unheard of for love bombing to last months if the
narcissist believes the potential payout warrants it.

10. ü Stage 2. Narcissistic Devalue
During the narcissistic devalue phase, the narcissist is testing the water
with some insults, passive-aggressive responses, and gaslighting to see
if you’re a good supply for their ulterior motives.
If you consistently stand up for yourself during this phase, they may
even lash out and quit the relationship in a blaze of glory so they can
portray themselves as a victim while they search out a better supply.
They’ll decide you’re not worth the effort. They’ll call you “high
maintenance” for demanding respect.
More likely than not, however, they’ll revert to the love bombing phase,
along with intermittent snippets of narcissistic devalue, until they’re
100% sure you’re hooked. They want you to believe they can abandon
you and find a new – better – partner at any time.
The narcissist has a strategy. They know you won’t put up with their
full-blown abuse quite yet.
v Gaslighting Red Flags:
§ You apologize without knowing what you did wrong;
§ They give yo affection then abruptly yank it away;
§ Whe you try to explain how you feel, they’re dismissive.
You are “overreacting” ot “too sensitive”;
§ They insist ift didn’t happen that way;

11. § You find yourself questioning your beliefs and opinions.
If your point of view doesn’t match theirs, it’s wrong;
§ There is an imbalance of power;
§ They assign motives to your actions that are the opposite
of your inttentions;
§ Most interactions leave you feeling small or ashamed;
§ You edit every word before you speak it, changing any
thought that they could possible misconstrue.
§ Narcissist use expressions like:
ü I was just joking;
ü I didn’t do that;
ü You’re imagining things;
ü You were there with us.
ü You make stuff up In your head;
ü Don’t be sensitive;
ü You have issues;
ü You’re upset over nothing;
ü Stop imagining things;

12. ü You need help;
ü It’s always something with you;
ü Here we go again;
ü No one likes you;
ü I never said that;
ü They’re lying;
ü I don’t have time for this;
ü There’s aways drama with you.
ü Stage 3. Full Blown Hate Bombing
Sadly, most narcissistic relationships end with this phase, so it can go
on for weeks, months, or even years if no contact (or modified
contact) isn’t implemented properly.
In most cases, the emotional manipulation is so strong and people
are so blinded by love bombing that they can’t see the enormous red
flags before it gets to this point.
In the hate bombing phase, the narcissist is letting their freak flag fly
because they’ve caught you in their trap. This is where deep abuse
occurs.

13. What Does Hate Bombing Look Like?
Since the narcissist now knows how to push your buttons, they’ll hurl
tailored abuse at you daily and throw in snippets of love bombing to
keep you hooked.
Yes, the love rationing will make a comeback – but ONLY when the
narcissist thinks you’re about to walk out that door and ONLY for an
absolute minimal amount of time. This is strategic. They want you to
remember the good times.
ü Stage 4. Narcissistic Discarding
If a narcissist discards you, it can feel extremely painful due to their
emotional manipulation but make no mistake: it’s a net positive.
Narcissists don’t tend to discard anyone completely – if at all. They’ll
simply revert to love bombing until they believe you’re duped again.
However, discarding DOES happen – especially if they find a new supply
right away
What Does Discarding Look Like?
Simply put: You’ve caught onto them and become too much work
when, to their great pleasure, they can simply latch onto someone
else who’s much easier to manipulate.

14. Don’t be fooled. Most narcissists will never abandon you completely.
They’ll hoover or give you the silent treatment. In any case, they’re
setting up a situation where they can return to the relationship.
If you’re lucky enough to get discarded by a narcissist, it’s critical that
you stay strong and keep no contact.

15. How does a narc will make you feel in the relationship?
v You will start to notice that for him to survive, he needs your
attention, your reaction and your low self esteem- so they will
do everything to suck your Light and energy from you.
v They are pathological liars and you will start to feel like you are
absolutely mentally fucked up.
v They will make you feel like you’re the one who’s wrong, and
bad and crazy cause he appears to be very social and charming
with other people, and they all seem to like him.
v He will isolate you from others
v Will ignore what you feel
v Perfect manipulators, makes you question you own reality
v Induces shame to make you feel worthless
v One of the weirdest aspect of narcissistic abuse is feeling sorry
for the person who treats you like shit;
v You will start to do things you’ve never done before in order to
survive: You punch Walls, you hurt yourself, you slap him, kick
doors (this never makes you the abuser). This is just your body
reacting to an enormous mental and physical violence)

16. v After your emotions are completely fucked, your physical body
starts to give you signs in a very aggressive ways: you are
afraid of being alone, anxiety arises, panic attacks, dissociative
disorder, suicidal thoughts, depression, feeling like you don’t
know yourself anymore and you are the loneliest person on
earth and no one understands what you are going through.
v Headaches, chest pain, panic attacks, depression, fybromialgia,
chronic fatigue, PTSD, are some of the abuse result.
NOTE: What PTSD looks like?
ü Avoid thinking of the trauma;
ü Flashbacks;
ü Cannot concentrate;
ü Negative thinking;
ü Sleeping difficulty;
ü Feeling Guilt or Shame;
ü Negative mood;
ü Awlays on guard;
ü Loss of interest;
ü Bad Dreams.

17. How will you feel when escaping the relationship with a Narc?
Escaping a toxic relationship, can feel like breaking a piece of your
heart off, cause you have to go through 5 shitty, painful stages: THE
STAGES OF GRIEF:
M It gives you time to more gradually absorb what Denial:
happened and begin to process it. It’s a defense mechanism and
helps numb you to the intensity of the situation. As you move
out from the denial stage, the emotions you were hiding will
begin to rise. You’ll be confronted with lots of sorrow you’ve
denied. It’s very difficult and painful: both mentally and
emotionally. Depression and PSTD can start to arise at the end of
the first stage.
M Is a masking effect. Anger is hiding many emotions you’re Anger:
carrying.
M In the bargaining stage of grief, you may find Bargaining:
yourself creating a lot of “what if” and “if only” statements. What
if it was really my fault? What if I am really a drama queen?
What if I’m the one making scenes? What if I go back to him now
that I know better! (In this stage... you know nothing... be strong
and continue your process).
M I call it the quite stage of grief. You usually isolate Depression:
yourself from others to fully cope with the loss. Depression is
difficult and messy. It can be overwhelming: you may feel foggy,
lost and confused. Usually in this stage you ask for mental
health.

18. M Acceptance is not necessarily a happy or uplifting Acceptance:
stage of grief. It doesn’t mean you’ve moved past the grief or
loss. It does, however, mean that you’ve accepted it and have
come to understand what it means in your life now. Look to
acceptance as a way to see that there may be more good days
than bad, but there may still be bad — and that’s OK.
NOW.... FOR ME THE MOST IMPORTANT PART IS WHAT IT COMES
WIT ALL THIS PROCESS: IT COMES YOU AND ONLY YOU! NOW IS
THE TIME TO HEAL YOUR WOUNDS, TO LOVE YOURSELF AND TO
DIVE DEEP INTO YOUR TEMPLE AND START A MAGICAL JOURNEY.
I know it’s hard to understand and accept what I’m about to telling
you now, but listen with your heart, and try to put your anger, sadness
and ego aside for a little bit: WE ARE 100% responsible for what
happens to us!!! Is it easier to stay in the victim position, victimizing
yourself for all the shit that happens between you and your narc? Yes,
it is!!!! But growth will not comes from here. And what happens is that
you will get back to him or you will attract the same.
THE PROBLEM WASN’T HIM. (And obviously I’m not saying what they
do is correct, but we are not responsible for them). The problem WAS
YOU. You made excused for his bad behavior, you accepted his obvious
lies, and you gave him another chance, again and again. You sold
yourself short, you didn’t believe you deserved better, and you stayed
too long. The universe is very clever. UNDERSTAND MY WORDS:

19. RESISTANCE IS PROPORTIONAL TO VIOLENCE: Meaning, the more
you resist to heal your inner wounds, the more you resist to leave the
situation, the violence will get only worse.
For me, knowledge was half of the process: understanding what was
going on inside of my beautiful body and mind:
• Why did you attract him into your life? What kind of wound
this person triggers you that needs to be healed and removed
from your pattern system? Is it rejection? Abandonment?
Betrayal? Humiliation? Injustice? (For this I recommend you to
read the book: The 5 emotional wounds from Lise
Bourbeau)
• Are you co –dependent? I recommend you to read
codependent no more from Melody Beattie
• The more healing work you do and the more you distance
yourself from the abuser, the more clearly you will see that
they were just a toxic, inadequate individual.
• Relationships are not our permission slip to violate our
boundaries, abandon our needs, or compromise our
authenticity.
• Heal your wounds and end the patterns that don’t serve you
anymore.
• Recognize your own worth.
• Identify and validate your needs.
• Protect your authenticity- don’t ever stop being who you are.
• Communicate in an honest way

20. • Set your boundaries and let people know when they have
crossed their boundaries
• Do not settle for less that you deserve.
• If you have been showing up in and out, to work on yourself, to
become better and heal, I invite you to celebrate yourself
regardless of the results that you have been getting. You are
doing precisely what the world needs right now.
YOU ARE AMAZING. A HUMAN BEING FULL OF LIGHT, AND I
PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL BE OK.
Please let me know if you need .pdf from the books and I can send
them to you!
I hope this helped you and please, would love to hear from you, how
are you feeling and how /if these 20 pages helped you understand a
little bit more of your situation.
Love,
Diana