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EARLY ATTACHMENT AND LATER OUTCOMES
The attachment bond – a child’s earliest relationship with his or her primary caregiver (usually mother) – affects relationships throughout life.
• Secure attachment occurs when the primary caregiver is attuned to the non-verbal messages sent by baby, when mother “reads” and responds
appropriately to baby’s cries, joyfulness and fears.
• Insecure attachment results when caregiver is emotionally unavailable to infant for any reason: overly stressed, anxious or depressed, rejecting,
abusive, abandoning, physically or mentally ill, alcoholic, or even unintentionally neglectful. Insecure attachment may also occur if a child is ill,
hospitalized, or has a painful, undiagnosed medical problem.
The outcome of secure and insecure attachments is likely to be reflected as below. To understand someone’s early life, a look at the right hand (shaded)
columns may offer clues.
© 2007, 2008 Jaelline Jaffe, PhD – Compiled from multiple sources
© 2007, 2008 Jaelline Jaffe, PhD – Compiled from multiple sources
ATTACHMENT
STYLE
PARENTAL STYLE LATER ADULT RELATIONSHIPS
Secure Aligned/attuned with child • able to create meaningful, trusting, lasting relationships
• empathetic; comfortable sharing feelings
• recognizes and maintains appropriate boundaries
• self-confident; good self-esteem; feels wanted
• takes responsibility for actions
• resilient; copes well with stress/anxiety
• has conscience and remorse
• seeks and maintains social support
• tends to believe that romantic love is enduring
• believes life is worth living
Avoidant Unavailable or rejecting;
neglectful
• avoids closeness or emotional connection
• unable or unwilling to share thoughts and feelings
• shows little or no emotion or empathy
• needy, yet distant; may be whiny or bullying
• critical; rigid; intolerant; blaming; vengeful
• feels unlovable; creates excuses to avoid intimacy
• casual sex; fantasizes about others during sex
• sees love as rare and temporary
• little distress when relationship ends
• may use alcohol to be in social situations
Anxious/
Ambivalent
Inconsistent and sometimes
intrusive parent
communication; unavailable
• anxious and insecure; feels helpless
• controlling; blaming
• erratic, impulsive, unpredictable
• superficially charming and engaging
• falls in love often; clingy
• manipulates to gain closeness; then sabotages to
create distance
• worries partner does not love them; frequent break-ups
• distraught when relationship ends
• often uses alcohol/drugs to reduce anxiety in
relationship
Disorganized Ignores or doesn’t see child’s
needs; behavior is frightening
or traumatizing; may be
adopted or in foster care
• chaotic; insensitive; explosive; abusive
• untrusting even while craving security
• feels worthless, unwanted and unlovable
• depressed; anxious
• erratic – may seek relationship, cut it off, and then try to
re-establish it
• underachieving; lies, steals or cheats
• alcohol/drugs increase negative behaviors
Reactive
Extremely unattached or
dysregulated; abandonment;
multiple caregivers; foster or
adoptive homes
• cannot establish positive relationships
• lacks eye contact
• lacks guilt or remorse
• lacks cause/effect thinking
• often misdiagnosed as other conditions (ADHD, Conduct
Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Antisocial
Personality Disorder, etc)
• may become addicted to alcohol or other drugs
INSECURE

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Attachment Chart

  • 1. EARLY ATTACHMENT AND LATER OUTCOMES The attachment bond – a child’s earliest relationship with his or her primary caregiver (usually mother) – affects relationships throughout life. • Secure attachment occurs when the primary caregiver is attuned to the non-verbal messages sent by baby, when mother “reads” and responds appropriately to baby’s cries, joyfulness and fears. • Insecure attachment results when caregiver is emotionally unavailable to infant for any reason: overly stressed, anxious or depressed, rejecting, abusive, abandoning, physically or mentally ill, alcoholic, or even unintentionally neglectful. Insecure attachment may also occur if a child is ill, hospitalized, or has a painful, undiagnosed medical problem. The outcome of secure and insecure attachments is likely to be reflected as below. To understand someone’s early life, a look at the right hand (shaded) columns may offer clues. © 2007, 2008 Jaelline Jaffe, PhD – Compiled from multiple sources
  • 2. © 2007, 2008 Jaelline Jaffe, PhD – Compiled from multiple sources ATTACHMENT STYLE PARENTAL STYLE LATER ADULT RELATIONSHIPS Secure Aligned/attuned with child • able to create meaningful, trusting, lasting relationships • empathetic; comfortable sharing feelings • recognizes and maintains appropriate boundaries • self-confident; good self-esteem; feels wanted • takes responsibility for actions • resilient; copes well with stress/anxiety • has conscience and remorse • seeks and maintains social support • tends to believe that romantic love is enduring • believes life is worth living Avoidant Unavailable or rejecting; neglectful • avoids closeness or emotional connection • unable or unwilling to share thoughts and feelings • shows little or no emotion or empathy • needy, yet distant; may be whiny or bullying • critical; rigid; intolerant; blaming; vengeful • feels unlovable; creates excuses to avoid intimacy • casual sex; fantasizes about others during sex • sees love as rare and temporary • little distress when relationship ends • may use alcohol to be in social situations Anxious/ Ambivalent Inconsistent and sometimes intrusive parent communication; unavailable • anxious and insecure; feels helpless • controlling; blaming • erratic, impulsive, unpredictable • superficially charming and engaging • falls in love often; clingy • manipulates to gain closeness; then sabotages to create distance • worries partner does not love them; frequent break-ups • distraught when relationship ends • often uses alcohol/drugs to reduce anxiety in relationship Disorganized Ignores or doesn’t see child’s needs; behavior is frightening or traumatizing; may be adopted or in foster care • chaotic; insensitive; explosive; abusive • untrusting even while craving security • feels worthless, unwanted and unlovable • depressed; anxious • erratic – may seek relationship, cut it off, and then try to re-establish it • underachieving; lies, steals or cheats • alcohol/drugs increase negative behaviors Reactive Extremely unattached or dysregulated; abandonment; multiple caregivers; foster or adoptive homes • cannot establish positive relationships • lacks eye contact • lacks guilt or remorse • lacks cause/effect thinking • often misdiagnosed as other conditions (ADHD, Conduct Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, etc) • may become addicted to alcohol or other drugs INSECURE