There are three main reasons why people commit crimes according to the passage: 1) Some people choose a life of crime as career criminals to make an illegal living. 2) The environment some people grew up in, such as being pressured into joining a gang, can influence criminal behavior. 3) It is sometimes argued that genetic factors may predispose some people to criminal actions. The passage also discusses arguments that more effective education could reduce crime rates and that prison is not always an effective deterrent of crime. However, it does not clearly analyze or prove these arguments.

1. Do you agreethat crime is rampantin many partsof theworld?Why do you think peoplecommit
crimes and howcan crimes be reduced?
There are three principal reasonswhypeople commitcrimes.The firstof these isthattheymaybe career
criminalswhohave made anactive choice to make theirlivingillegally.A secondreasonrelatestothe
environmenttheygrewupin:a possible illustrationof thisisif theyhave beensubjecttopeergroup
pressure atan earlyage to joina gang thatterrorisedthe neighbourhood.Finally,itissometimesargued
that geneticfactorsplaya role andthat some people cannotbe blamedfortheircriminal actionsbecause
theyare naturallypredisposedtocommitcrimes.
It ispossible toargue that more effective educationwouldleadtoadecrease inthe crime rate and that
prisonisan ineffective deterrent. People whoargue in favourof prisonoftenclaim thatitisnot onlythe
mostappropriate wayto punishoffenders,italsopreventscrimesfrombeingcommitted.Forexample,
manyyoungpeople joingangsatan earlyage due to peergrouppressure andtheyare ledintoa life of
crime inlaterlife because of the choicestheymade whentheywere younger.
Content 6 O & C 7 Lang 8 Gr & Mech 8 BAND 7.25
Good attempt,secondparaneedsbetterstructure,proof forargument needed, Commandof
language commendable
ANALYSIS& COMMENT
The passage doesnot addressthe openingquestion,hence partof the rubric isignored.
Thisfirstparagraph workswell.Itisa listingparagraphwitha clearmainpointinthe firstsentence saying
there are 3 reasons.The next3 sentencesstate one reasoneach prefacedbysequence markersfirst,
secondandthird. (thisisone form of coherence).
The excepthighlightedinred isanexample thatclearlyrelatestoandexplainsthe ideainthe second
sentence abouthowenvironmentcanaffectcrime
There are three principal reasonswhypeople commitcrimes.The firstof these isthattheymay
be career criminalswhohave made anactive choice to make theirlivingillegally.A secondreason
relatestothe environmenttheygrew upin:a possibleillustration of this is if they havebeen
subjectto peer group pressureat an early ageto join a gang thatterrorised the neighbourhood.
Finally,itissometimesarguedthatgeneticfactorsplayarole and that some people cannotbe
blamedfortheircriminal actionsbecause theyare naturallypredisposedtocommitcrimes.
The nextparagraph doesnotreallywork.Ithas plentyof goodlanguage,butthe ideasandhow theyrelate
to each otherare not especiallyclear.The firstsentence introduces twomainideas(alwaysdangerous),
one abouteducation,the otheraboutprisonbeingadeterrent. The paragraphlacks coherence ontwo
counts,first,because the ideaof educationisnotexplainedinthe paragraph,the otheristhatthe
example inreddoesnotclearlyrelate tothe mainideasof the paragraph.
The writerpresentssufficient examples,howevertheyare notshownto relate tothe mainidea.
It ispossible toargue that more effective educationwouldleadtoadecrease inthe crime
rate andthat prisonisan ineffective deterrent. People whoargue infavourof prisonoften
claimthat itis not onlythe mostappropriate wayto punishoffenders,italsoprevents
crimesfrombeingcommitted. Forexample,many young peoplejoin gangsatan early age
dueto peer group pressureand they are led into a life of crime in later life becauseof the
choices they madewhen they were younger.