5. What is the difference?
Liking and Loving
Liking is based on affection, respect, and enjoyable
interaction.
Loving is based on attachment, motivation, and a
deeper level of caring.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14. Lee’s Styles of Loving
Pragma Love:
Shopping List
Love
Ludus:
Storge:
Game
Friendship
Playing
Love
Love
Mania Love: Agape Love:
Possessive & Selfless Love
Dominant
Love
Eros:
Romantic,
Passionate
Love
15. Which is more stable?
Pragma Love:
Shopping List
Love
Ludus:
Storge:
Game
Friendship
Playing
Love
Love
Mania Love: Agape Love:
Possessive & Selfless Love
Dominant
Love
Eros:
Romantic,
Passionate
Love
16. Which is more likely to end
badly?
Pragma Love:
Shopping List
Love
Ludus:
Storge:
Game
Friendship
Playing
Love
Love
Mania Love: Agape Love:
Possessive & Selfless Love
Dominant
Love
Eros:
Romantic,
Passionate
Love
20. Commitment: The “Cool”
Component
Based on cognitive choice
Relatively stable
Relatively controllable
Commitment is related to trust, loyalty, and faithfulness, which
have been found to be central to love
26. Is our love style stable or
does it change over time?
y?
Wh
What role does culture play
in how we view love?
27. Attachment Theory: Key
Ideas
Beginning in infancy and continuing throughout the
lifespan, humans have an innate need to form
attachments with others.
The interaction children have with caregivers leads to
the development of internal working models of self and
others that influence communication.
28.
Working models fall along a positive-negative continuum.
model of self: the degree to which a child
develops an internalized sense of self-worth that
is not dependent on external validation
model of others: the degree to which a child
expects others to be supportive and accepting
(rather than rejecting)
29.
Working models are related to a person’s attachment
style.
Attachment styles are coherent patterns of emotion
and social behavior that occur in close relationships.
These styles first develop in childhood but can be
modified throughout the lifespan.
30. Children’s Attachment
Styles
Secure: around 70% of children (positive models of
self and others)
Avoidant: around 20% of children (negative models
of others)
Anxious-Ambivalent: around 10% of children
(negative models of self)
31. Distinguishing Features of Children’s
Attachment Styles
Secure Avoidant Anxious
Ambivalent
Free to explore
the environment? yes no yes and no
Anxious around
strangers? a little no a lot
Reaction to upset, little
very anxious
separation? then calm reaction
Reaction to little ambivalent
happy
reunion? reaction (relief/anger)
32. Caregiver Communication Patterns
Secure: “goodness of fit” in terms of stimulation,
responsive to basic needs, consistently caring
Avoidant: over- or under-stimulated, sometimes
neglected
Anxious-Ambivalent: inconsistent response patterns,
parent is preoccupied or stressed
33. Adult Attachment Styles
Positive Model of Others
Secure Preoccupied
(I’m okay, (I’m not okay,
Positive Negative
you’re okay) you’re okay)
Model Model
Of Self Dismissive Fearful of Self
(I’m okay, (I’m not okay,
you’re not okay) you’re not okay)
Negative Model of Others
34. SECURE: The Prosocial Style
self-sufficient and comfortable with intimacy
compromise and problem-solving during conflict
highest level of maintenance behavior
tend to be pleasant, self-disclosive, and skilled
communicators
Reinforcement Effect: Because secures are confident
and expressive, people react to them positively,
reinforcing positive models of self and others
35. PREOCCUPIED: The Emotional
Style
overly involved and dependent
want excessive intimacy and worry that partners do
not care enough for them
demanding, nagging conflict behavior
express negative emotion with aggression or passive
aggression
overly disclosive and overly sensitive
Reinforcement Effect: By clinging to their partners
and escalating intimacy quickly, they push partners
away, thereby reinforcing that they are unworthy of
love
36. FEARFUL: The Hesitant Style
fearful of intimacy (they have often been hurt in the
past and/or fear rejection)
communication is often passive, guarded, and
anxious
trouble expressing emotions and self-disclosing
relatively low levels of maintenance and nonverbal
pleasantness
Reinforcement Effect: By avoiding taking risks, they
keep themselves from developing the kind of close,
positive relationship that will help them feel better
about themselves and others
37. DISMISSIVE: The Detached Style
counterdependent (self-sufficient to the point of
pushing others away)
relationships seen as nonessential; personal goals are a
higher priority
relatively low levels of relational maintenance,
disclosure, and emotional expression
withdrawing conflict style with more interruptions
Reinforcement Effect: By learning to get along on their
own, they reinforce the idea that they do not need
other people to be happy
38. Stability and Change in Attachment
Styles
Explanations for Stability
Interactions with caregivers have an especially strong
effect on a person’s social development.
The reinforcement effect
Explanations for Change
Significant life/relationship events
The partner’s attachment style
Variability across relationship types
