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Polyamorous Behaviors of Non-Poly Identified Peoples

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Polyamorous Behaviors of Non-Poly Identified Peoples

  1. 1. Polyamorous Behaviors of Non-Poly Identified Peoples
  2. 2. Young Luo Polygynous Family
  3. 4. Husband 2nd Wife 4th Wife 3rd Wife 1st Wife Grandmother & Young Children Main Entrance Luo Compound Unmarried Sons Private Entrance
  4. 5. Luo Compound -- Main Entrance
  5. 6. Luo Compound--Private Entrance
  6. 7. Maasai Polygynous Triad
  7. 8. Maasai Compound
  8. 9. Huli Polygynist
  9. 10. Huli Men’s House
  10. 11. Huli Co-Wives House
  11. 12. Huli Men
  12. 13. Enga Women with their Pigs
  13. 14. Sweet Potato Garden
  14. 15. African-American Triad
  15. 16. Multiple Partner Survey March 19 – April 4, 2008 (2 ½ weeks) 716 completed surveys (99.6% completion) 50 Questions
  16. 17. Poly Cultural Conventions <ul><li>Embrace Poly Culture </li></ul><ul><li>Jealousy Management </li></ul><ul><li>Compersion </li></ul><ul><li>NRE Management </li></ul><ul><li>Disclosure </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Transparency </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Consensuality </li></ul></ul>
  17. 18. Age Average – 39 Median – 38 Mode – 38 Range 19-74
  18. 19. Sex
  19. 20. Sexual Orientation
  20. 21. Education
  21. 22. Current Religious Practice
  22. 23. Number of Partners
  23. 24. Relationship Patterns
  24. 25. Residence Patterns
  25. 26. Marital Status
  26. 27. Polyamory Affiliation <ul><li>Books and Publications </li></ul><ul><li>Leaders and Spokespeople </li></ul><ul><li>Language and Cultural Practices </li></ul>
  27. 28. Books and Publications <ul><li>Love without Limits – 61% </li></ul><ul><li>The Ethical Slut – 84% </li></ul><ul><li>Loving More Magazine – 57% </li></ul><ul><li>None – 12% </li></ul>
  28. 29. Leaders and Spokespeople <ul><li>Deborah (Taj) Anapol – 45% </li></ul><ul><li>Oberon Zell – 33% </li></ul><ul><li>Robyn Trask –32% </li></ul><ul><li>Nan Wise –24% </li></ul><ul><li>Sasha and Janet Lessin – 21% </li></ul><ul><li>None – 37% </li></ul>
  29. 30. Language & Cultural Practices <ul><li>NRE (New Relationship Energy) – 67% </li></ul><ul><li>Compersion – 67% </li></ul><ul><li>Transparency – 50% </li></ul><ul><li>NVC (Non-violent Com.) –22% </li></ul><ul><li>None 17% </li></ul>
  30. 31. Definitions of Polyamory <ul><li>Responsible/ethical/honest non-monogamy </li></ul><ul><li>Having sex with more than one man </li></ul><ul><li>A deep, emotional, sometimes physical relationship with more than one partner simultaneously </li></ul><ul><li>Relationship with multiple people in which everyone knows about each other and is okay about it. </li></ul><ul><li>Having multiple concurrent romantic relationships with the full informed, uncoerced consent of all parties. </li></ul>
  31. 32. More Poly Definitions <ul><li>Believing that we can love more than one person at the same time, with or without sexual engagement. </li></ul><ul><li>An exploration into conscious relating that doesn't subscribe to the conventional paradigm of lifelong marriage. Rather than revolving around the couple, it revolves around the individual as a whole and evolving person. Based on non-possessive love. </li></ul>
  32. 33. Do you experience jealousy when your partner/lover appears interested in someone new? <ul><li>Females – 54% </li></ul><ul><li>Males – 39% </li></ul><ul><li>Poly Enculturated – 53% </li></ul><ul><li>Single Heterosexuals – 67% </li></ul><ul><li>Gay Men – 67% </li></ul><ul><li>Bisexual Women – 52% </li></ul>
  33. 34. When my partner tells me what a good time they had with one of their lovers, I feel happy for them. <ul><li>Females – 76% </li></ul><ul><li>Males – 84% </li></ul><ul><li>Poly Enculturated – 81% </li></ul><ul><li>Single Heterosexuals – 63% </li></ul><ul><li>Gay Men – 67% </li></ul><ul><li>Bisexual Women – 81% </li></ul>
  34. 35. It varies: sometimes I'm genuinely happy for them (both), sometimes I have to force myself to be realistic so as to not feel jealous. Sometimes I'm openly jealous and sometimes I feel indifferent. Compersion Comments It depends on whether I've met and liked the other person. My boyfriend tends to chose poorly for himself, so I'm suspicious until I meet this new person. My husband has no other partners.
  35. 36. More Compersion Comments <ul><li>It's complicated. :-) I am happy that my partner had a great time. But that doesn't mean that hearing all of the details is particularly easy. </li></ul><ul><li>Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Usually depends on where I am with my own insecurities. </li></ul>
  36. 37. I try to limit my activities with other lovers so that they will not replace/displace my primary relationship . <ul><li>Females – 32% </li></ul><ul><li>Males – 34% </li></ul><ul><li>Poly Enculturated – 24% </li></ul><ul><li>Single Heterosexuals – 34% </li></ul><ul><li>Gay Men – 30% </li></ul><ul><li>Bisexual Women – 29% </li></ul>
  37. 38. As for sharing intimate details about other partners/lovers, I find that “ don ’ t ask, don ’ t tell ” is the best practice. <ul><li>Females – 14% </li></ul><ul><li>Males – 15% </li></ul><ul><li>Poly Enculturated – 8.6% </li></ul><ul><li>Single Heterosexuals – 40% </li></ul><ul><li>Gay Men – 40% </li></ul><ul><li>Bisexual Women – 11% </li></ul>
  38. 39. When I connect with someone new I find it very difficult to interact romantically with my other partner(s). <ul><li>Females – 4% </li></ul><ul><li>Males – 2% </li></ul><ul><li>Poly Enculturated – 4% </li></ul><ul><li>Single Heterosexuals – 9% </li></ul><ul><li>Gay Men – 10% </li></ul><ul><li>Bisexual Women – 3% </li></ul>
  39. 40. My dream/current reality is being part of a residential group marriage. <ul><li>Females – 38% </li></ul><ul><li>Males – 49% </li></ul><ul><li>Poly Enculturated – 40% </li></ul><ul><li>Single Heterosexuals – 16% </li></ul><ul><li>Gay Men – 30% </li></ul><ul><li>Bisexual Women – 42% </li></ul>
  40. 41. Conclusions <ul><li>Poly – Enculturated and Bisexual Women have similar patterns regarding their views and practices re: jealousy, compersion and disclosure. </li></ul><ul><li>Males tend to be less jealous and more compersive than Females </li></ul><ul><li>Single Heterosexuals and Gay Men are the most jealous and the least transparent. </li></ul><ul><li>Group Marriage is not an ideal/goal for the majority of respondents. </li></ul>
  41. 42. Observations <ul><li>All practitioners seek to keep the good things they have while accessing more love, (sexual) intimacy and attention. </li></ul><ul><li>Those who are part of subcultures that embrace transparency and value compersion engage in these beliefs and behaviors as a means to retain all that they value. </li></ul>

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