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Love Presentation


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Brief presentation of the subject: LOVE.

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Love Presentation

  1. 1. LOVE Presented by Ronald Howard Kelley at Sydney University
  2. 2. Love Outline • What is LOVE? • LOVE historically • Research on LOVE • LOVE in coaching
  3. 3. “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” (Aristotle)
  4. 4. What Is LOVE? Love is a Drug Love is colour. Love is an intense feeling. Love is art. Love is beauty. Love is children. Love is Family Love is Sex/Lust Love is animals. Love is nature. Love is God.
  5. 5. 3 Stages of Love Drugs • Stage 1: LUST Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. • Stage 2: ATTRACTION This is the truly love-struck phase where a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role: Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine; Norepinephrine – adrenalin that gets us ‘hot and bothered’; and, Serotonin – a chemical that makes us temporarily insane! • Stage 3: ATTACHMENT Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system: • · Oxytocin – cements strong mother /child. bonding as well as with adults through sexual act at orgasm. – i.e. more sex, more bond! Vasopressin – an important chemical for the long-term commitment stage.
  6. 6. Five Types of Love Historically The ancient Greeks defined five types of love that exist in human relationships: Philia Eros Agape Storge Xenia
  7. 7. EROS • Eros is affectionate love that tends to be possessive and intimate; it is far more inclusive than just sexual love, an example is Romeo and Juliet. The Scandinavian theologian Anders Nygren describes how “Eros bases its interest in a single other instead of all others; Eros is hence limited, conditioned and pre-eminently calculating.”
  8. 8. Philia • Philia is about special friendships; they might be mates, team members, sisterhood, brotherhood, fellowship or the like where people share intimacy and equality with trust and respect for each other.
  9. 9. AGAPE • Agape is a non-possessive love and concern for the well being of others; a selfless love for humanity and the will of the self in ‘devotion to neighbour’. This is a therapeutic attitude to be developed, what Carl Rogers encourages in his client-centred therapy. Nygren sees Agape “as spontaneous, unmotivated, indifferent to value, creative, unlimited, unconditioned, and un-calculating.”
  10. 10. STORGE • Storge is the love found in families: the love of parent for child and child for parent.
  11. 11. XENIA • Xenia is LOVE that manifests as hospitality. Through hospitality XENIA, strangers become grateful friends in a world that is not always friendly.
  12. 12. Research on LOVE Since antiquity there has been much ado about LOVE. Philosophers, theologians, artists have all pondered LOVE in life. Scientific research is relatively recent, limited to the last century. • 1904-27 - Spearman - Love is a unitary, undifferentiable emotion (Structural Model #1) • 1922-55 - Freud - Love is sublimated sexuality • 1939 - Thomson - Love is a sampling of many overlapping bonds (Structural Model #2) • 1938 - Thurstone - Love is a set of several primary factors (Structural Model #3) • 1958 - Harlow - love is attachment • 1962 - Maslow - Love is either deficiency love of being love • 1963 - Burton - Love is a disease • 1965 - Askew - Love is a neurosis • 1967 - Koenigsberg - Love is a projection of competitiveness with a parent • 1969 - deRougement - Love is the enshrinement of suffering and death • 1970-3 - Rubin - love can be measured on a LOVE SCALE vs. LIKING scale • 1977 - Lee - Six kinds of love can be divined from the Colours of LOVE • 1977 - Levinger, et al. - Interpersonal involvement love cost in relationship • 1980 - Livingston - Love is a process of uncertainty reduction • 1980 - Lasswell & Lobsenz - Love scale questionnaire • 1982 - Strernberg & Grajek - the nature of love (3 structural models study) Commitment) • 1990 - Hazen & Shaver - LOVE and WORK • 2002 – Campbell et al. – Self-Love • 2004 – Park, Peterson & Seligman - Strength of Character and Well-Being • 1986 - Sternberg - Triangular theory of Love (Intimacy, Passion, and Decision//Commitment Hendricks and Hendricks (1986, 1992)
  13. 13. John Lee’s Colours of Love EROS is a MANIA is romantic and possessive and passionate dependent love EROS love. (EROS+LUDUS) 16 2/3 % MANIA 16 2/3 % AGAPE 16 2/3 % LUDUS is AGAPE is selfless game playing love lvoe. (EROS+STORGE) LUDUS 16 2/3 % STORGE 16 2/3 % 16 2/3 % PRAGMA STORGE is PRAGMA is friendship shopping list love love. (STORGE+LUDUS). Lee (1973, 1988),
  14. 14. Sternberg’s 3 Styles of LOVE • Intimacy: “In-to-me-see.” • Passion: Intensity and arousal. Ecstasy or despair. • Commitment: Anything for love. • Come together to create seven styles: • Liking: Intimacy alone • Infatuation: Passion alone • Empty love: Commitment alone • Romantic love: Passion + Intimacy. • Companionate love: Intimacy + Commitment • Fatuous love: Passion + Commitment • Consummate love: Intimacy + Passion + Commitment Sternberg and Barnes (1988)
  15. 15. Peterson & Seligman 3 Prototypical forms of LOVE Romantic love A child’s love for a parent A parent’s love for a child • Peterson and Seligman (2004)
  16. 16. ATTACHMENT • Hand-in-hand with all forms of LOVE is the theory of attachment and style that go with it. • Attachment Styles (developed in early parental relationships) include: • Secure : Trusting, without concerns for abandonment, feeling self-worth and being liked. • Avoidant : Suppression of needs due to repeated rejection. Difficulty in forming intimate relationships. • Anxious/Ambivalent : Worry that others will not reciprocate intimacy. Caused by inconsistent experiences. • Research Hazan and Shaver (1987) surveyed adults and found 56% were secure, 25% avoidant and 19% Anxious.
  17. 17. . “Love loves to love love” . James Joyce in Ulysses
  18. 18. How LOVE can be applied to Coaching: · Research Shows: Gallup shows that if you work with ‘best friends’ you are safer, more productive and have higher customer satisfaction (Rath, 2004) Peterson and Parks (2006, p. 1151) found that “love predicts accomplishments as a leader” when studying cadets at West Point Military Academy.
  19. 19. How LOVE can be applied to Coaching through reframing: – Love is not a word that is used much in the workplace . Love has been and is viewed as a weakness and softness not appropriate in the ‘dog-eat-dog’ world of commerce. VIA strength “Capacity to Love and Be Loved” can reframe old attitudes: • • Feeling taken for granted? Feel truly appreciated! • Feeling isolated? Feel connected to co-workers! • Stuck in your functional silo? Collaborate with others! • Working with enemies and competitors? Work with friends! Peterson, C. & Park, N. (2006). Peterson, C. & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004).
  20. 20. How LOVE can be applied to Coaching: As a coach, learn what love is for yourself. Learn what love is for your coachees. Some people you work with may be so damaged by love: a schema that says ”I am not loved and can not love” from the past. Your act of love may be to refer them on… Or maybe demonstrate how powerful and Healing love can be.·