1. How words you use, and the way you choose to
communicate convey more than you want…
M.E. Yancosek Gamble, Bethany College
Department of Communications and Media Arts
megamble@bethanywv.edu

2. Overview of the Session
 3:05 – 3: 20 Communication basics
 3:25 – 3: 45 How we don’t communicate.
 3: 50 – 4: 15 How on do we manage our
slips? What are some of
yours?
 4: 15-4:30 Questions, discussion,
final thoughts

3. Words are very powerful.
Words destroy, embarrass, spread rumors
Words empower, create reality, are permanent.
 In a nano-second world, with a sound-bite
mentality, how do we not lose sensitivity for the speed of
our words?
 With many balls in the air, multi-tasking, cramming one
more thing in – who has time to care about what my
words are showing?

4. Who has time to care?
 If we are about our relationships, it is essential that we
understand how to communicate as clearly as possible.
 We seldom give a second thought to the quality control
(or lack of it) of what comes out of our mouths.
 Our words have consequences.
 In an increasingly rude society, don’t loose your filters.
 Let’s examine quickly how words come to be so
important and what we can do to be careful with our
words.

5. Communication Basics
 Communication is defined as ___________________
The negotiation of
meaning…
We will focus on oral interpersonal communication for
this session.

6. Factors in Communication
 Basic factors in the Communication Process
Speaker Channel
Attitude Medium – many forms
Purpose Face to face
Credibility Other forms
Message Listener
Content Attitude
Style Purpose
Structure Credibility

7. Aristotelian Appeals
When communicating, we want people to agree with us.
We use appeals:
 Logos
 Logic, numbers, explanations and facts
 Ethos
 Conscience, ethics, moral, standards, values, principles
 Logo
 Heart, emotions, sympathy, passions, sentimentality.
We also use both verbals and nonverbals in our appeals

8. Structure of Communication
We structure the way we say what we
say because of many things:
Gender,
Modeling,
Cultural,
Habit.

9. How women communicate
Language Paralanguage
 Standard forms of English  Speech pattern – letting
 Discuss feelings people speak in conversation
 Look for signs of agreement
(rather than establishing
forms of dominance.)
 Expressions are gender based.
 Acknowledge what other says
 Use mitigated directives (let’s
we could)
Goodwin, 1980, 1988, 1990)
www.putlearningfirst.com

10. How men communicate
Language Paralanguage
 Men use explicit directives to  Joking physically, back
get what they want. slapping.
 Command language.  Take up more space.
 Jump for topic to  Use space to establish
topic, telling anecdotes about dominance.
achievements.  Non-verbals enhanced.
 Rarely speak of personal
problems or feelings

11. Ways of Communicating
 Not only does you language and paralanguage show
something about who you are and how you think, but
how you engage in communication also says a great
deal.
 Let’s examine several way of communicating and what
they may, or may not say.

12. Ways we communicate…
 Here are some simple ways we do that
 Themes - (battle between good and evil)
 Repetition of words – for emphasis?
 Counterpoints- Contrast – blk/white, gd/bad, lgt/dark
 Imagery – Evoke senses, sight, taste, hearing, etc…
 Metaphors – a tree is a metaphor of growth.
 Style, tone and voice – serious, humorous, sarcastic,
 Analogy – Comparison of two things.
 Hyperbole – exaggeration/overstatement
 Sarcasm – Cutting, ironic remark intended to wound.

13. What are we showing?
 Hedging- uncertainty and lack of authority e.g. ‘sort of’
 Super polite forms – ‘If you don’t mine please may you..’
 Hypercorrect grammar and pronunciation- e.g. women avoid ‘ain’t’ or double
negatives
 Tag questions – show that women want approval from their utterances e.g. ‘I’m
coming with you, all right?’
 Speaking in italics – women use exaggerated intonation or stress for emphasis,
expresses uncertainty e.g. ‘I am very frustrated with you’
 Empty adjectives approval- if a man uses these terms he appears more feminine
as it damages his masculine prestige e.g. ‘divine, lovely, adorable, delightful and
sweetie’
 Use of implication- women use this because they do not feel the authority to
give orders e.g. ‘it’s cold in here, isn’t it’ instead of ‘shut the window’
 Special lexicon- such words are trivial and evidence of the fact that women
have been allowed control over unimportant things e.g. purple of blue women
would say ‘lilac’ or ‘violet’

14. What are you showing???
 Question intonations in declarative statements- women raise the
pitch of their voice at the end of statements expressing uncertainty
e.g. ‘Dinner’s in half an hour?’
 Sense of humor lacking- women don’t joke as much or understand
jokes.
 Speak less frequently – men speak more often than women, proves
women to be less certain of themselves.
 Indirect speech- ‘Wow, I’m so thirsty’ instead of asking for a drink.
 Avoid coarse language of expletives
 Apologies- ‘I’m sorry, but I think that… ’
Lankoff, The ranking of power’ in 1990,’ Language war’ in 2000, ‘What you can do with
word’s’ in 1977. ‘Father knows best’ in 1993 and Taking power in 1990.

15. How we don’t communicate…
We never seem to be at a loss for words, (though we
wish we were sometimes…) but the quality of our
words seems to be slipping.
Rarely do we give what we say a second thought…
speak without thinking, twist words, fail to follow
through on a promise…
Many times we engage in phrases so worn out they
have lost their original meaning.
http://www.franksonnenbergonline.com/

16. I’m sorry…
Does this mean
“I am sorry…” or
“I am sorry but I am going to tell you what I want to tell
you whether you want to hear it or not…”
It is difficult to admit we have erred. Save the “I’m
sorry…” for when you really mean it.

17. Please, Thank you
This economic downturn has made all of us a bit more
task-oriented, less time for courtesies, even cut throat.
The more (faster) the technology, the less the manners.
Why is it okay to be rude? Indifferent? Why forgo
pleasantries? Is being kind below any pay grade?
If you are too busy to say please, thank you, don’t be
surprised if others are too busy to help you.

18. I promise. Trust me.
 Are you worthy of trust when you say “trust me” ?
 Trustworthiness is earned over time, saying “I
promise,” or “trust me” puts your integrity on the line.
 Your word is your bond, can you keep a secret, keep
your word, stand behind your commitment? If not,
don’t say it.

19. I’d rather not say…
 Some of us avoid personal confrontation at all cost.
 Life if conflict, conflict is change, change is life.
 Relationships fail because we don’t communicate.
 If you fail to say what is on your mind, what are the
implications? To self, others, work team?
 Will it percolate to the surface later in a passive
aggressive strategy, conscience or unconsciously.
 Actions speak louder than words so your actions can
confirm or contradict your words.

20. More than just choosing
words carefully
 Words have two meanings – what you intend and what
the listener thinks you mean.
 Effective communication requires sync with
nonverbals and verbals. Sending mixed messages is
confusing.
 If you don’t follow up your words with actions, don’t
expect people to believe what you are saying.

21. Make your words count
 55% of meaning of an interaction comes from facial
and body language and only 38% comes form vocal
inflection. That means that only 7% of an interaction
comes from words.
 When texting or tweating, emailing or IMing, we can’t
get the nuanced conversations from a phone call or
face-to-face.
 It take more time to fix a misunderstanding, repair
hurt feelings, mend a relationship.

22. How do we communicate?
 But it is more than a numbers game ---who initiates?
or asks questions? or interrupts more? or talks less?
(Fishman, 1980, Coates 1989, 1991)
It is who speaks as though words have consequences and
actively takes responsibility for what one says…so make
certain that the relationships established by powerful
words thrive. Tall order for Friday afternoon? Perhaps…
Experts suggests some ways that we can recognize things we
say so that we really are saying what we want to, instead of
leaking more information, or revealing more information
than we want.

23. How do we manage our slips?
 I have researched and compiled ways for us to rethink
the words and phases we use so that we are accurately
saying what we want to say, and not slipping or leaking
additional information.
 Some of this is about being clear with our language,
some of it is just habituated sayings, and some of it
clearly is just being insensitive with our words and
phrases.

24. Slips to Clarity
Less than Ideal Choices Alternatives
 Black sheep  Outcast
 Indian-giver  Gift reneging.
 Rule of thumb  Rule
 Let’s each pay our own way.
 Let’s go Dutch
 Friends, folks, group.
 You Guys
 Out of control
 Acting like wild Indians
 Women
 Girls (referring to coworkers)
 Police officer, mail carrier
 Policemen, postmen  Chair, leader, member of
 Chairmen Congress, Representatives

25. Slips to Clarity
Less than Ideal Choice Alternative
 Manhole  Utility hole
 Manning  Staffing
 Stewardess/Steward  Flight attendant
 Retarded  Developmentally challenged
 Gifted children  Advanced learners
 Race (human)  Ethnicity or nationality
 Uneducated  Lacking a formal education
 The better half, the little  Your wife.
woman

26. Slips to Clarity
Less than Ideal Choice Alternative
 “Don’t go postal on me.”  No alternative
 Acting blonde  No alternative
 Old people, fogies  Seniors, chronologically
advantaged.
 PMSing  Assertive
 Anal  Attending to detail
 Nagging  Repeatedly requesting
 Flip chart  Easel (Flip negative term for
Filipinos)

27. Slips to Clarity
Less than Ideal Choice Alternative
 Wheel-chair bound  One who uses a wheel-chair
 Jew down  Negotiate
 Half-breed, mulatto  Multi-ethnic
 Blacklisted  Banned
 New and improved  Can not be both
 Very unique  It is or it is not…
 New beginning  Beginning

28. Ten Meaningless or Irritating
English Expressions
 At the end of the day
 At this moment in time
 I personally
 With all due respect
 Absolutely
 It's a nightmare
 Fairly unique
 Shouldn't of
 24/7
 It's not rocket science
 http://www.guy-
sports.com/months/jokes_english_language.htm

29. Conclusion
 We all have buzzwords that we say more than we
want, or cognitively choose to use that leak other
things.
 From the metaphors we use
(battle, fight, sports, quilting), to the arguments we
make, we are always saying so much that just our
words.
 I guess that is why I love rhetoric so much --- and now
you know more about me than I wanted you to….

30. The Take Away
 I have learned not to take everything so literally, and
to examine the speaker (as well as the listener- er, me.)
 The best things about today will be if it gets us
communicating. Even if people say I am a “Rita
Rhetor” or pc, whatever, if it gets a conversation/
discussion started, that is good.
 No one can be perfect at this.
 Communication is a practice, and it takes effort.

31. What do you have to add?

32. Additional info…
 This info will be on slideshare.
 Please use it
 Please share it
 Please feel free to contact me:
M.E . Yancosek Gamble, megamble@bethanywv.edu