CFD 250 Parenting in Today's Society

1. Chapter 11
Parenting Late Adolescents and Young Adults
1
CFD 255
Parenting in Contemporary
Society

2. Parenting Late Adolescents
and Young Adults
Lecture 11.1

3. Teens Say Parents Provide
 Physical affection
 Instrumental help with problems
 Reliability in relationships
3

4. Changes in Parenting Dimensions in Later
Adolescence and Early Adulthood
 Main changes
 Greater independence given to children this age p
 Parents’ greater willingness to negotiate rules and agree with teens’
requests
 Parents spend less time with children than in preschool years
 Same parenting dimensions predict teen competence
 Secure attachments and authoritative parenting
4

5. Secure Attachments in Teen Years
 Parents remain a secure base that teens return to for comfort
and guidance
 Parents cede more power to children in making decisions
 Two parental qualities related to security
 Parents’ ability to communicate with teen
 Parents’ ability to allow teens more independence in decision-
making while maintaining close relationships
5

6. Securely Attached Families Grant Autonomy
in Atmosphere of Closeness
 Parents
 Listen to children
 Understand teens’ concerns
 More likely to know what teen is doing
 More likely to know what problems needs to be addressed
 Teens are more likely to open up and discuss their feelings and
worries
 Parents and teens more easily engage in problem-solving to deal with
issues of autonomy, parents’ compromising sometimes and teens’
compromising sometimes
6

7. Insecurely Attached Teens
 Dismiss feelings and worries
 Fail to talk to anyone
 Become overly preoccupied with worries
 Often get trapped into angry cycles of behavior
 Parents’ anger stimulates teens’ anger that increases parents’ anger
7

8. Attachments Influence Entrance to
Adulthood
 Securely attached teens have a positive process of feeling close
to parents but independent to make choices
 Insecure preoccupied teens who enter adulthood with angry
interactional patterns are more likely to continue such
behaviors with romantic partners
8

9. Authoritative Parenting
 As in nursery school years, authoritative parenting is related to competent
behaviors among teens who are socially competent and emotionally
controlled
 “Unlike any other pattern, authoritative upbringing consistently generated
competence and deterred problem behavior in both boys and girls at all
ages”
 Authoritative parenting is related to teens’ emotional and social
competence in all ethnic groups in this country and in countries around
the world
 In European American families, authoritarian parenting is related to
dependent behaviors, in Asian American and African American families,
authoritarian parenting has more positive features
9

10. What Makes Authoritative Parenting So
Helpful to Teens?
 Authoritative parents are:
 Strongly committed to their teens
 Make demands on teens
 Balance demands with responsiveness to teens’ needs
 Authoritative parents give children practice in expressing their feelings
and asking parents to listen to them and do what teens want
 These skills are what they need and can take to relationships with
peers – securely attached teens have same experiences
10
W

11. Similarity of Authoritative Parents and
Parents with Securely Attached Teens
 Both sets of parents listen to children, hear their points of view,
balance autonomy with other needs, compromise but still have limits
 Both sets of parents problem-solve situations but have clear,
standards; they are secure bases for children and authoritative parents
have high standards – they are reliable figures who are there for
children
 Both give children practice in asserting themselves
11

12. Authoritative Parents and Parents with
Securely Attached Teens cont.
 Authoritative parents place high value on reciprocal relationships
with both parents and children taking account of each others’ needs
and transferring these balanced qualities to peer relationships
 In considering attachment relationships, parents would be giving
more than children, more understanding, more giving, and more
equal balance between the two parties would be expected in
adulthood
12

13. Ethnic Differences in Emotional and
Behavioral Autonomy
 European American parents grant certain measures of
independence earlier in life, use of free time or money
 Asian American and Latinoa teens have more expectations of
children’s giving and sacrificing for parents and family
 Despite different values, teens of all groups report similar
relationships with parents and friends
13

14. Serving as a Consultant
 Parents serve as consultants to teens in providing information
(for example on STDs or safety in driving)
 To be knowledgeable consultant, need to know teen culture,
listen carefully to teens, read teen fiction to get an idea of the
kinds of conflicts discussed or worried about, watch teen
YouTube videos
 Parents need to discuss with teens how teen will respond when
in groups and friends suggest doing something teen thinks is
dangerous – this can be role-played in many variations.
14

15. Consulting When Teens Have Troubles
with Peers
 As we will see, peer relationships can have powerful benefits for
teens, but they can also be a source of pain and depression
when bullying and rejection are involved
 Parents can serve as helpful resources if teens tell parents their
difficulties, but many do not for a variety of reasons
15

16. Consultant’s Role Continues for Life
 No matter how old children become or how old parents are,
parents remain a person to go to at any time for advice,
support, or just someone to hear what is happening
 Listening and supporting children’s abilities to deal with
situations in any way possible are important aids to children
16

17. Parents Have to Agree Before They Talk
with Teens
 Though parents are more experienced parents in this stage, still
about 50% say their most serious arguments with the other
parent are about teens’ behaviors
 Parents need to settle their differences for the most part before
they talk with teens because teens will interpret their arguing as
a reason to do what he or she wants since parents can not
agree
17

18. Setting Limits and Monitoring
 With 75% of deaths and injuries in these years being
preventable, and teens more prone to impulsive decisions that
can put a teen at risk, parents have to be very firm about safety
issues that are always considered important
 There may be ways to meet both parents’ and teens’ wishes
when conversations are open and everyone listens to others’
points of view
18

19. Supporting Late Teens’ and
Young Adults’ Positive
Growth
Lecture 11.2

20. Major Task is Forming a Sense of
Identity
 Requires integrating sense of personal identity based on
parents’ regard for teen as a person, sense of gender and
ethnic identity, and sense of self from activities outside home
 At home, teens receive unconditional regard though parents
have standards for behavior
 Outside the home, teens earn regard by being responsible
participant and good friend
20

21. Teens Gain Sense of Identity From
 School and community activities that give children a sense of
purpose
 Friendships with adults outside the family
 Peer friendships
 Romantic relationships
21

22. Teens Get Benefits from Activities When
 Activities are structured
 Teens are held accountable for being responsible
 Teens get a sense of their skills and areas they need to improve
 Parents can talk about activities that meet these criteria and
that teens are interested in
22

23. Teens Engage in Outside Activities
When
 They identify with the goals of the program
 They feel like they are learning skills
 They feel a sense of purpose beyond themselves
23

24. A Sense of Purpose
 Defined as a commitment to a longer-term goal, an ultimate
concern that gives life meaning and guides behavior
 Is related to teens’ sense of hopefulness and young adults’
sense of well-being
 Stephen Hinshaw and Mary Pipher believe these activities are
especially helpful for girls so they can get beyond self-
preoccupations and social demands placed on them
24

25. Encouraging a Sense of Purpose
William Damon
 Notice and listen to what excites your child’s interests and talk
about ways they can explore them
 Connect your teens to mentors who can talk about the practicalities
of the goals
 Support your child’s problem-solving and reasonable risk-taking
behavior
 Talk about your own goals and purposes at work
 Model and support a positive outlook
 Help children develop a feeling of agency and responsibility
25

26. Role of Religious Activities
 Many teens find a sense of purpose in religious activities that
give a feeling of altruism and purpose with adults outside the
family and with peers
 Often families engage in these activities together, and they give
opportunities for discussing religious values, questions about
life
26

27. Are Teens Too Scheduled?
 Many worry that teens are too scheduled and are stressed from
the pressures of too many activities
 Research shows, however, school and community activities do
not absorb all teens’ time
 Both European American and African American teens report
they eat meals with parents, discuss issues
 These teens also report higher self-esteem and academic
achievement and less substance use
27

28. Relationships with Peers
 Another major way teens learn about themselves is through
their relationships with peers
 Peer relationships differ from those with parents because they
are freely chosen, often transitory, and occur on an equal basis
 Are several levels – close or best friends, acquaintances,
members in small groups or in crowds
28

29. Benefits of Close Friendships
 They supply intimacy, companionship, understanding, and equal status
 Main feature of close friendships is intimacy, disclosing honest opinions,
talking honestly about feelings and reactions to other person
 Being authentic in relationships, being your true self, increases girls’ self-
esteem
 Close friends have frequent arguments but they do not end the friendship
 Teens are more willing to negotiate and compromise with friends than
with mothers, the primary source of conflict in teens’ lives
29

30. Benefits of Close Friendships cont.
 Friendships increase teens’ social skills in negotiating and
compromise that enrich friendships
 Teens learn about themselves in close relationships, how
reliable they are as friends, how selfish, considerate, well treated
or not well treated
 Responsive, attentive friends who listen to teens’ accounts of
everyday life events with interest enable teens and young adults
to understand themselves better and their unique qualities and
include them in their sense of identity
30

31. Being Left Out of These Relationships Is
Painful
 Positive relationships with parents promote social confidence but
what can parents do when they see their teen left out?
 Teens need not be popular or members of prestigious crowds to get
positive benefits, one or two close friends can provide many
satisfactions
 Parents can encourage teens to develop a special interest in music or
art where they can meet friends who share same interests and get
together around this common interest
31

32. Bullying
 If schools take a strong stand and parents work with them in a
Youth Charter, then there are mechanisms for bringing up a
specific incident of bullying
 As victims recommended in the book Letters to a Bullied Girl in
Chapter 9, it is best to develop interests; new activities and
friendships can develop in these activities – religious groups for
teens often are organized to help others and do not permit
bullying, and participation is rewarding
32

33. Discrimination
 As noted, two-thirds of teens in all ethnic groups reported
concerns about discrimination because of race, ethnicity,
gender, or sexual orientation
 Again, parents can work with schools to be sure discrimination
is not tolerated at any level in the same way that Olweus
decreased bullying
 Many states have passed laws against any kind of discrimination
33

34. Parents’ Role
 Give warmth and support to children so they will tell you about
episodes that you and they can handle
 Work with schools at all levels to honor strengths of different cultures
represented in student body, celebrating important holidays, foods,
history, and contributions to our country
 Problem solve with children any act of discrimination your child
experiences, always emphasizing discrimination reflects the character
of the person who carries it out and nothing about the victim though
a response to it has to be crafted
34

35. Romantic Relationships
 While interactions with parents shape relationships with peers,
the quality of relationships with peers shape romantic
relationships more than parent-child relationships
 Teens may get to know romantic partners first in groups or
crowds when a large group may go on an activity
 Bring the same benefits of intimacy and closeness that
friendships bring but they are often brief
35

36. Romantic Relationships cont.
 They bring intense conflicts that are often resolved, and the
couple feels closer but arguments can lead to feelings of
intense loneliness
 By the time they graduate from high school, most teens have
dated, and 50% report their first sexual experience
36

37. Postponing Sexual Activity
 Positive relationships with parents and sharing activities with
them, information on sexual activity lead to postponing sexual
activity
 Girls who have sexual relations earlier than their peers are more
likely to feel depressed after the sexual activity whereas girls
who are average or postpone activity and boys do not appear
to get depressed
37

38. Parenting in Times of
Challenge and Change
Lecture 11.3

39. Two High-Risk Behaviors Affect Many Teens
into Adulthood
 Depression with 26% of teens reporting significant symptoms
of depression, 14% considering suicide, and 5% reporting that
they have attempted suicide
 Substance abuse with 33% of 12th graders reporting binge
drinking in the last 30 days and 26% reporting having used
stimulant or pain killing medications without a prescription
39

40. These Problems and Family Life
 Discussed in Chapter 5 the effects of these two problems on
family life and parenting
 Here we talk about their emergence in adolescence
 Because these are problems often requiring life-long
management, the earlier treatment begins, the better
 We do not yet know the effects of teen substance abuse on the
developing brain, but alcohol and drugs are thought to have a
large impact on the developing brain
40

41. Unfair Stigma Attached to These
Problems
 Many depressed people and substance users feel that others look down
on them as “weak” or “lacking will power” and the use of medications as
something to hide
 Andrew Solomon who wrote a book about his own depression, describes
being at a conference when a woman told him she was on anti-
depressants but could not tell her husband as he would not understand
 Later the husband came up and told Solomon he too was taking anti-
depressants but could not tell his wife as she could not accept it
 Both hid their medications in different places in the home
41

42. Respect for Those Dealing with Such
Problems
 These are problems related to many factors, primary among
them is genetic influences over which people have no control
 Since some people are more susceptible to these two problems
that add to the difficulties and stresses of life, all of us should
admire individuals for realistically recognizing the problem and
getting treatment for it so it does not interfere with the rest of
life
42

43. Experiences Prior to Adolescence Influencing
Teens’ Substance Problems
 Being slow to develop behavioral regulation in the years from 3
to 14
 Having academic difficulties from the early school years
 Low self-esteem
 Lacking positive relationships with parents
43

44. Importance of Early Educational Actions
 “Early academic interventions, additional support for low
achieving students, and a focus on personal growth rather than
social comparison could be some of the most effective ways to
decrease substance use and delinquency when students reach
adolescence.”
44

45. Factors in Adolescence That Increase
High-Risk Behaviors
 Move to new community which leads to a loss of friends and
familiar school
 Friends who encourage high-risk behaviors
 Spending long hours at work
 Siblings who engage in high-risk behaviors
 Living in neighborhoods in which there is much deviant
behavior
45

46. Discouraging Substance Abuse
 Parents can do four things to discourage substance use:
 Avoid drinking
 Do not have alcohol in home
 Have rules against teens drinking
 Enforce rules
46

47. Warning Signs of Substance Problem
 Coming home drunk; getting a ticket for drunk driving
 Loss of interest in school; cutting school; drop in grades
 A new group of friends
 Anger and irritability at parents
 Decrease in responsible behavior like chores or getting home after
curfews
 Difficulties with others at school or at work
47

48. Seeking Treatment of Substance
Problem
 As soon as there is a suspected problem, family seeks treatment
and parents are involved in treatment
 New form of treatment includes not only the family, but school
officials, peers, and people in the community as all these factors
are involved in a teen’s substance abuse
48

49. Depression
 Varies along a spectrum
 At one end are depressed moods, feeling down because of an
upsetting event like a failed test or fighting with a friend
 Depression in response to a serious loss like death of a parent or
divorce may occur on and off for months
 At most serious end is clinical depression or major depressive
disorder
49

50. Major Depressive Disorder
 Depressed mood or irritable mood with at least 4 of the
following symptoms, every day for at least 2 weeks and
resulting in an inability to function
 Loss of interest in activities
 Loss in pleasure in usual pursuits
 Difficulties eating and sleeping,
 Loss of weight, energy and concentration
 Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
 Preoccupation with death and thoughts of suicide
 Milder symptoms lasting shorter times get other diagnoses
50

51. Prevalence
 Between 10% - 15% of children and adolescents show some
signs of depression
 Before puberty, rates are the same in boys and girls, and after
puberty, the rate for girls doubles
 Asian American, Latino/a teens report higher rates of depressed
feelings than European American teens
51

52. Factors Related to Depressive States
 Genetics
 Hormonal changes related to puberty
 Stressful life events such as divorce, maltreatment
 Psychological factors such as inability to manage emotions
 Patterns of family interaction such as lack of parental support
 Peer relationships such as rejection, bullying
 Romantic relationships
52

53. Several Forms of Treatment
 Medications
 Cognitive-behavioral therapy
 Family therapy
 Group therapy
 Individual therapy
 Most individuals receive several forms of therapy over time and find
the combinations of treatment that work best for them
53

54. School-Based Prevention Program
 In junior high years, program included interventions for
students and their parents to prevent the usual increase of
depressed feelings
 Offered coping skills training for students
 Training for parents to improve parenting skills and parent-teen
relationships
 Prevented increase in depressed feelings usually seen
54

55. Entering Young Adulthood
 No single marker for entering adulthood although law has
criteria
 Age 18 marks entrance to adulthood
 If teen under 18 takes on adult responsibilities like having a child,
entering military service, he/she becomes an adult
 Can petition court as minor to be declared an adult but must be
able to show can support and care for self
55

56. Ratings of Survey Responders – Average
Ages of 16, 24, and 42 yrs.
 Items frequently used to define adulthood
 Independence and responsibility for self
 Self-control and self-regulation – using contraceptives, not driving
while drunk
 Capacity to protect family and manage household
56

57. Trends Common to Those over the
Years from 18 to 25
 Increasing levels of self-esteem
 Decreasing levels of anger and depression
 Gap between men and women’s levels of anger and depression
narrow
 Alcohol and marijuana use increase into early twenties and then begin
to decrease
 Youth in families with high parental control at 18 were more likely to
be angry and depressed but these scores decreased sharply
57

58. Trends Common to Those Entering
Adulthood cont.
 Parental support and marriage were related to increases in self-
esteem
 Periods of unemployment were related increases in depression
and decreases in self-esteem
 In an international sample from 39 countries, young adults
entered adulthood in good moods when parents had marriages
without conflict or divorced and ended conflict, but were in less
good moods when marriages were in conflict
58

59. Pathways to Adulthood
 Many paths to adulthood in sample of Mid-Western teens
 Two groups chose partners and had children early
 Three groups were working and going to school, with or without a
partner
 One group was termed Slow Starters because they were still living
at home when they had a child that they did not take care of
59

60. Pathways to Adulthood cont.
 Those who need special support in transitioning to adulthood
are those who have received special services that are now
disappearing as they mature; when programs are available to
prepare them for work, unemployment is much less than that of
groups without additional help
 Young adults with medical problems approach average levels of
education, income, and marriage
60

61. Immigrant Youth
 Pathways depend on cultural values with some youth from
Asian American families pursuing education and postponing
marriage and children until the thirties
 Latinos/as from Puerto Rico valuing family closeness, start
families at young ages and do not pursue education
61

62. Many Young Adults Return Home to
Live (Accordion Family)
 Recent article in New York Times (Jennifer Conlin, “’The Waltons’ Meet
‘Modern Family’”, Sunday Styles, September 2, 2012, 1) describes
family with three children abruptly forced to leave Egypt after
uprising, returned to live with mother’s parents and brother in mid-
west while she and her husband got new jobs. Over a two-year
period, they came to enjoy the benefits of a three generation family,
and though the family was financially able to move, the benefits of
close ties, her brother’s help with sports activities, grandparents’ help
when parents travelled for work, grandparents’ ability to remain in
their home were so great that couple were buying the home for
grandparents and building them an in-law apartment designed for
older adults with wheel chair access attached to the home
62

63. Parenting in Young Adulthood:
Negotiating Issues of Autonomy
 Young adults are still dependent on parents for resources and
perhaps living at home, new issues of autonomy are negotiated
 Young adults want to be treated as adults, and problem-solving is
needed to work out solutions that fit for each family
 Young adults must take their share of household chores and
agreements have to be made about the amount of money the young
adult will contribute or expenses he or she will pay for
 Each family arrives at the agreement that makes it possible for all the
adults in the home to live as adults and enjoy each other’s company
(use I-messages and active listening skills)
63

64. Chapter 11
Parenting Late Adolescents and Young Adults
64
CFD 255
Parenting in Contemporary
Society