Whether you’re working on designing better experiences or you’re an organizational change agent trying to transform your organization, listening is one of the most important skills in your toolkit. To understand what people truly need you need to be a great listener. To build trust and diffuse negative energy you need to be a great listener. To transcend the assumptions and worldviews that constrain your thinking you need to be a great listener. But listening is really hard. Most of us are poor listeners because we’ve never been taught how to listen. To become a powerful listener, treat listening as an active skill to work at.
17. How does this person
see themselves and their
situation?
18. This wasn’t
Large Plastic Bag
Grand Canyon Mute
Aleutian Pretzel Man
this was a real person with a
name and a history and stories
that make him laugh and cry.
He was a who, not a what, just
like me.
Patti Digh Say Hi to Yaron
38. Listening is not an automatic
conscious
pilot. It is a
decision… STOP
EVERYTHING YOU’RE
THINKING and listen.
Suspend your own frame of
reference. Focus externally.
Turn off your ego. Quit
thinking everything revolves
around your opinion. Give the
stage in your head to
someone else!
Sunni Brown
39. Listening is magic: it turns a person
from an object outside, opaque, or
dimly threatening, into an intimate
experience, and therefore into a friend.
In this way, listening softens and
transforms the listener.
Norman Fischer
40.
41. The point is to understand people
deeply – so deeply you could live their
life, walk in their shoes, and make
decisions the way they would.
Indi Young
43. Listening positions
Break into pairs
A share why you came “I came to this event because…”
B listen from different positions
I'm bored
I want to be friends
I'm in a hurry
What can I learn from this?
A share your experiences
B share your experiences
Swap and repeat
49. I wonder why they’re
doing that? Saying
that?
be deeply curious
50. Gee, that’s a dumb
way of doing it!
listen to what you’re thinking
51. even if they aren’t knowledgeable wonder you’re
I about what what's for
dinner tonight?
seeking insight on, the extent of their knowledge or
misinformation is useful
stay in the moment
52. That makes no
sense… it takes
forever that way.
suspend judgment
78. Because I’m loud. When I wasn’t a supporter I was loud about it…
probably fought it the first 6 months. I think it changed when I got
introduced to favorites. I didn’t have to drill down every single time.
I’m not sure why I [Name] heard me complaining. He was sitting near me. He came
was chosen for over and showed me favorites and changed my life.
this interview.
Why do you
think you were
chosen?
why (follow the verb)?
79. See how many attachments
there are in my Inbox? Lots
from HR. If it was a
It’s not a
How do you corporate priority HR
corporate
know that? wouldn’t be sending
priority.
attachments.
abstraction reveals frame
80. but be careful with why prompts because they kick
the rational brain into gear
hmmm, why do I do it that
way? maybe because…
why did you do it
that way? … I have too much to do,
so I can’t afford the time…
rationalization
81. follow the story!
5
listen for abstractions or generalizations and
prompt for concrete experience
82. When was the Well, yesterday
Normally I last time you <name> called me to
search… did that? ask for…
Can you give
me an
example?
probe for specific
abstraction experience story
83. try to imagine the entire scene
… who was involved?
next?
88. Sounds like you’re saying
that you waste a lot of time So you
chasing down answers… That’s partly the mean…?
reason, but also…
let go incorrect
hypothesis “fix” understanding interpretation
89. paraphrase to show understanding, clarify
7 misperceptions, and build relationships
93. That’s a really odd. Looks like when you
No one else would need to [x], you do [y]
ever do that. Let’s talk about why you
Well, what
do that.
happens is…
assumption set aside assumption ah, opportunity!
101. tune into their feelings to increase their comfort and
encourage them to continue
Every day I have you’re feeling upset
to… 1, 2, 3… because 1, 2, 3…
it pisses me
off!
reflect feelings,
listen for feelings mentally summarize restate content
102. The way it was
implemented led to You’re feeling frustrated because
compartmentalization. If
process had led us, we you work on projects with other departments. Because it
would have been much could belong to any of those departments, you find it difficult
farther along… It’s the to know where to put things. And when you need to email
nature of our work. We someone, you never know if you’re going to have access to
work with x, y, and z. that department’s folder. So you feel that you’re
Makes it difficult to know… wasting a lot of time and that things aren’t organized.
1, 2, 3…
emotion in tone or body reflect feelings,
language mentally summarize restate content
103. Being heard is so
close to being
loved
that for the
average person
they are
almost
indistinguishable.
David Augsberger
kelsey_lovefusionphoto flickr
117. Open your eyes and focus on whatever you observed before – that
plant or leaf or dandelion. Look it in the eye, until you feel it looking
back at you. Feel that you are alone with it on Earth!
That it is the most important thing in the universe, that it contains all
the riddle of life and death. It does! You are no longer looking, you are
SEEING…
The Zen of Seeing, by Frederick Franck
Neal flickr