How to Give and Receive Feedback
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Looking at expert research, learn how receiving feedback can trigger our fight or flight behavior, but why creating a culture of feedback is valuable to improving relationships and innovating.
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How to Give and Receive Feedback
- 1. INCREASING CANDOR How to give better positive and negative feedback Jennifer Lind
- 2. “ ” RADICAL CANDOR IS THE ABILITY TO CHALLENGE DIRECTLY AND SHOW YOU CARE PERSONALLY AT THE SAME TIME. - Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor
- 3. WHY FEEDBACK IS IMPORTANT • Feedback = motivation • Clear expectations • Challenges (positive stress) • Adapt to our environment and be more resilient Rock, D., Jones, B. and Chris, W. (2018). Using Neuroscience to Make Feedback Work and Feel Better. strategy+business. Retrieved from: https://www.strategy- business.com/article/Using-Neuroscience-to-Make-Feedback-Work-and-Feel- Better?gko=9ff55
- 4. WHY DO WE AVOID FEEDBACK? Criticism impacts us in three ways: truth: we have blind spots relationships: focus on both who and what Our identity: how we see ourselves fMRI research shows there is an overlap between physical pain and social pain: it physically hurts to receive feedback Hagan, S. (2019). Baby Got Feedback: How to Give and Take Feedback Like a Boss. Qcon. Retrieved from https://www.infoq.com/presentations/feedback-research-tips Negative reactions
- 5. CULTURE OF FEEDBACK • Feedback is both praise and criticism • Kind and clear criticism • Specific and sincere praise • To create a strong feedback culture: • Solicit it • Give it • Encourage it Scott, K. (2019). RADICAL CANDOR: Be a kick-ass boss without losing your humanity. S.l.: ST MARTINS PRESS.
- 6. GET FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS Goal: get people to challenge you directly 1 Be persistent 2 Reward candor 3
- 7. HOW TO GIVE FEEDBACK Be Humble Be Helpful Immediate In-person Private criticism/public praise Not about the person
- 8. SBI: SITUATION, BEHAVIOR, IMPACT • Be specific about when the situation happened • What was the behavior? • What was the impact: on you, others, the company, etc. Hagan, S. (2019). Baby Got Feedback: How to Give and Take Feedback Like a Boss. Qcon. Retrieved from https://www.infoq.com/presentations/feedback-research-tips
- 9. ENCOURAGE FEEDBACK Don’t triangulate – no politicking Facilitate clean escalation Use a system of peer recognition
- 10. DARE TO LEAD • Wholeheartedness • Allow people to have feelings without taking responsibility for those feelings • Identify a piece of self-talk to help in the moment • Give them the benefit of the doubt: assume they have the best interest of what you’re trying to create • Get clear on whose opinions of you matter • Think carefully about how you want to show up in a conversation • Bring your core values to feedback conversations Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work, tough conversations, whole hearts. New York: Random House.
- 11. ENGAGED FEEDBACK • Giving and receiving feedback is vulnerability (this is not a weakness) • Create psychological safety Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work, tough conversations, whole hearts. New York: Random House.
- 12. THE MAN IN THE ARENA, THEODORE ROOSEVELT "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
- 13. REFERENCES • Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work, tough conversations, whole hearts. New York: Random House. • Hagan, S. (2019). Baby Got Feedback: How to Give and Take Feedback Like a Boss. Qcon. Retrieved from https://www.infoq.com/presentations/feedback-research-tips • Rock, D., Jones, B. and Chris, W. (2018). Using Neuroscience to Make Feedback Work and Feel Better. strategy+business. Retrieved from: https://www.strategy- business.com/article/Using-Neuroscience-to-Make-Feedback-Work-and-Feel- Better?gko=9ff55 • Scott, K. (2019). RADICAL CANDOR: Be a kick-ass boss without losing your humanity. S.l.: ST MARTINS PRESS.
Editor's Notes
- Feedback and your ability to give and receive. Are you able to be open and honest and bring your whole self to work? Are you able to receive feedback with integrity?
- Experts at NLI, the Neuroleadership Institute, say feedback is the means by which organisms have adapted to survive and is the essence of intelligence. “Feedback allows animals like us to follow a purpose” A culture of feedback may be the most cost-effective way to develop healthy, ever-evolving work cultures
- We are taught from an early age to be nice We have a natural social threat response: quickened heart rate, desire to escape, anxiety, nerves We fear criticism: asking for feedback is license for someone to be critical It’s vulnerability We are likely to stop interacting with people who give us negative feedback because we don’t like the feeling of pain Most of our negative reactions fall in 3 big buckets that question something about our identity or who we are.
- In a culture of feedback, you are building strong relationships and doing your best work. How do you create a culture of feedback? Tool to guide interactions and how you are coming across for both praise and criticism. Obnoxious aggression: when you challenge but don’t care Ruinous empathy: when you care but don’t challenge (sugarcoated) Manipulative insincerity: don’t care or challenge. Non-specific praise or criticism that is not clear or kind
- Getting people to challenge you can be the difference between success and failure Be persistent. Convince them you really do what to hear what they think. Ask regularly. Try different approaches, venues, and situations Have a go-to question Embrace discomfort: count to 6 when you ask. Allow them to speak first Listen to understand, not respond. Check for understanding. Don’t ask for context. Reward by making visible changes based on the feedback. If you disagree, find something you do agree with and point that out. Offer a full, respectful explanation of why you disagree Ask for public criticism from people who are already comfortable criticizing you Share your weaknesses Call out body language Show people you are happy when they prove you wrong Show you care Give prices for being wrong
- Giving feedback is terrifying. It’s high stakes. Practice in low stakes situations to build the feedback muscle Do it face-to-face so that no tone is associated that was not intended Prime the feedback: let them know you’re going to provide it. Be direct. Give it to them straight. No thank you sandwich. State your intention to be helpful. - Feedback is about the work they’ve done, not about them
- Make it timely: Make it easy to remember the situation. Say when it happened. Note what you observed What happened, how did you feel, what were the consequences? Ok to ask it in a question
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- Have an open heart and mind Establish trust Keep your integrity Know whose opinion matters (man in the arena) Stay curious