3. Writing Workshop: Revision strategies
• Choose a partner
• Read both essays aloud before you
start to write about or discuss the
essays.
• On separate sheets of paper, answer
all of the questions from the handout
for your partner’s essay.
• When you finish, return your
comments to the writer.
• When you get your essay back, read
the comments and determine how
you might remedy any issues.
5. MLA format: on our website under “MLA
Guidelines.”
MLA (Modern Language Association) style is most commonly used to write
papers and cite sources within the liberal arts and humanities.
MLA style specifies guidelines for formatting manuscripts and using the English
language in writing. MLA style also provides writers with a system for
referencing their sources through parenthetical citation in their essays and
Works Cited pages.
Writers who properly use MLA also build their credibility by demonstrating
accountability to their source material. Most importantly, the use of MLA style
can protect writers from accusations of plagiarism, which is the purposeful or
accidental uncredited use of source material by other writers.
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/
7. Margins and
Formatting
Double Click in
Header Area
Type your last name
Justify right
Go to “insert” and
click on “page
number
Header: Last Name 1
1” all around
Go to “Layout” and
adjust margins or
use custom
settings
Times New Roman
12
Indent body
paragraphs ½ inch
from the margin
8. Heading: Double
Spaced
– Your Name
– Dr. Kim Palmore
– EWRT 1A
– 3 May 2012
Title
– Original Title (not the title of
the essay we read)
– No italics, bold, underline,
or quotation marks
– Centered on the page
– No extra spaces (just double
spaced after your heading
and before the body of your
text.
9.
10. Making A Works Cited Page MLA
Style
Ensure that you have a properly
formatted works cited page
11. SENTENCE LEVEL WRITING ERRORS
Please use your clean copy to address the following issues.
13. Many people write wordy papers because they are trying to
make their ideas sound important by using long words and
intricate sentences. They think that their writing must be
complicated to seem professional. Although these writers are
trying to impress their readers, they often end up confusing
them. The best writing is clear, concise, and easy to understand.
Your ideas are much more impressive when your reader does
not have to fight to understand you.
Wordiness: using more words than
necessary to express thought.
14. Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one. This leads to
unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy as the following examples
show:
Redundant
• The printer is located
adjacent to the computer
• The printer is located in the
immediate vicinity of the
computer
• The user can visibly see the
image moving
• He wore a shirt that was
blue in color
• The input is suitably
processed
Not Redundant
• The printer is adjacent to
the computer
• The printer is near the
computer
• The user can see the image
moving
• He wore a blue shirt.
• The input is processed
15. Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as possible without
changing the meaning!
• The available receptacle, in any
case, was of insufficient size to
contain the total quantity of
unnecessary waste.
16. How to reduce wordiness!
• 1. Reduce Long Clauses
• When editing, try to
reduce long clauses to
shorter phrases:
• Wordy: The clown who
was in the center ring
was riding a tricycle.
• Revised: The clown in
the center ring was
riding a tricycle.
• 2. Reduce Phrases
• Likewise, try to reduce
phrases to single
words:
• Wordy: The clown at
the end of the line
tried to sweep up the
spotlight.
• Revised: The last
clown tried to sweep
up the spotlight.
17. Eliminating Wordiness: Strategies
• 3. Avoid Empty Openers
• Avoid There is, There are, and
There were as sentence
openers when There adds
nothing to the meaning of a
sentence:
• Wordy: There is a prize in
every box of Quacko cereal.
• Revised: A prize is in every box
of Quacko cereal.
• Wordy: There are two security
guards at the gate.
• Revised: Two security guards
stand at the gate.
• 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers
• Do not overwork very, really,
totally, and other modifiers
that add little or nothing to the
meaning of a sentence.
• Wordy: By the time she got
home, Merdine was very tired.
• Revised: By the time she got
home, Merdine was exhausted
• Wordy: She was also really
hungry.
• Revised: She was also hungry
[or famished].
18. Eliminating Wordiness
• 5. Avoid Redundancies
• Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use
more words than necessary to make a point) with
precise words. Remember: needless words are
those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to
the meaning of our writing. They bore the reader
and distract from our ideas. So cut them out!
• Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our
work.
• Revised: Now we should edit our work.
19. Try these!
1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it
was necessary for him to help support his family.
2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced
by the bus company within the next few days.
3. There are many ways in which a student who is
interested in meeting foreign students may come to know
one.
4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a
deliberate lie on purpose.
5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have
been established for the safety of all.
20. Possible Answers
1. He dropped out of school to support his
family.
2. The bus company will probably announce its
schedule during the next few days.
3. Any student who wants to meet foreign
students can do so in many ways.
4. Rarely will you find someone who has never
told a deliberate lie.
5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.
21. Find a Wordy Sentence
• Check your essay for wordiness. Look for a
sentence that falls into one of the
categories we just discussed. Edit it for
clarity and conciseness.
23. Compound Sentence
• A compound sentence is made up of two or
more simple sentences joined by one of the
following:
• A comma and a coordinating conjunction
– I like to study grammar, and I love this class.
• A semicolon
– I like to study grammar; I love this class.
• A semicolon and an adverbial conjunction
– I like to study grammar; therefore, I love this class.
26. COMPOUND SENTENCE:
CONJUNCTIVE ADVERBS
I don’t think you understand punctuation;
therefore, we need to review.
I taught you how to write with adverbial
conjunctions last week; however, most of you
did not do it correctly in your essays.
27. Look for Run-On Sentences
Look for compound sentences in your essay. Make sure
you are using both a comma and a conjunction.
Example: , and
Look for adverbial conjunctions; make sure you have
punctuated those sentences correctly.
Example ; however,
29. Dangling Modifiers
A dangling modifier is a word or phrase that modifies a
word not clearly stated in the sentence. A modifier
describes, clarifies, or gives more detail about a concept.
Having finished the assignment, Jill turned on the TV.
"Having finished" states an action but does not name the
doer of that action. In English sentences, the doer must be
the subject of the main clause that follows. In this
sentence, it is Jill. She seems logically to be the one doing
the action ("having finished"), and this sentence therefore
does not have a dangling modifier.
30. The following sentence has an incorrect usage:
Having finished the assignment, the TV was turned
on.
"Having finished" is a participle expressing action,
but the doer is not the TV set (the subject of the
main clause): TV sets don't finish assignments.
Since the doer of the action expressed in the
participle has not been clearly stated, the
participial phrase is said to be a dangling modifier.
31. Strategies for revising dangling modifiers:
1. Name the appropriate or logical doer of the action as
the subject of the main clause:
Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was
needed.
Who arrived late? This sentence says that the written
excuse arrived late. To revise, decide who actually arrived
late. The possible revision might look like this:
Having arrived late for practice, the team captain needed a
written excuse.
32. 2. Change the phrase that dangles into a complete introductory
clause by naming the doer of the action in that clause:
Without knowing his name, it was difficult to introduce him.
Who didn't know his name? This sentence says that "it" didn't
know his name. To revise, decide who was trying to introduce
him. The revision might look something like this:
Because Maria did not know his name, it was difficult to
introduce him.
The phrase is now a complete introductory clause; it does not
modify any other part of the sentence, so is not considered
"dangling."
33. 3. Combine the phrase and main clause into one:
To improve his results, the experiment was done
again.
Who wanted to improve results? This sentence
says that the experiment was trying to improve
its own results. To revise, combine the phrase
and the main clause into one sentence. The
revision might look something like this:
He improved his results by doing the experiment
again.
34. 1. After reading the original study, the article remains
unconvincing.
1. Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your
home should be a place to relax.
1. The experiment was a failure, not having studied the
lab manual carefully.
Are these correct?
35. Incorrect: After reading the original study, the article remains
unconvincing.
Revised: After reading the original study, I find the article unconvincing.
Incorrect: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home should
be a place to relax.
Revised: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, you should be able
to relax at home.
Incorrect: The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab
manual carefully.
Revised: They failed the experiment, not having studied the lab manual
carefully.
36. Look for Dangling Modifiers
Check your introductory clauses to
make sure that the doer is the
subject of the main clause that
follows it.
37. Writing Tips
• Write about literature in present tense
• Write about your experience in past tense
• Avoid using “thing,” “something,”
“everything,” and “anything.”
• Avoid writing in second person. (Don’t use
“you” unless it is in dialogue.
38. Surface Revision Strategies
Read Aloud
• Reading the paper aloud slowly
can often bring to attention
large and small mistakes missed
in the writing and typing
process. Read each sentence
and ask does it make sense? Is it
awkward? Am I including words
that are not actually written on
the paper? Sometimes reading
the paper out of order can help
isolate problems. Try reading
the paragraphs starting with the
last sentence and then reading
the previous sentence and so
on; this can reveal problems in
the sentences.
Isolate Specific Problems
• Isolating specific problems can
help give objectivity to one's
personal work. One way to
isolate specific issues is to
circle them on a paper draft
and look at them one by one.
For example: circle all commas
and then go back and look at
each comma asking if it is in
the appropriate place with the
correct usage. Another
example would be to circle all
verbs and then go back one by
one and identify the tense and
verify subject verb agreement.
39. HOMEWORK
• Write: Using the comments you received from your
reader, revise your draft. Improve your essay! Revise
and Edit Essay #2. Due electronically before the next
class via Turnitin.com. Your paper must be in MLA
format.
• Post #7: Post 5 sentences you have revised from your
rough draft. Include the original sentence and the
revised sentence.
• Vocabulary: Exam Next class (Chapters 5-9)
