This document discusses gender differences in communication styles and nonverbal behaviors. It notes that women tend to use a higher pitched voice that varies more in pitch and forms of speech associated with powerlessness. Men tend to dominate conversations with women by speaking longer. The document also discusses John Gottman's research on signs of a deteriorating relationship, including harsh startups, the four horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Gottman found these signs can predict with over 90% accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce based on analyzing a single conflict discussion between newlyweds. The document recommends ways to improve communication and conflict resolution between genders.

1. 1
MALE-FEMALE
COMMUNICATION
GENDER DIFFERENCES
Sex vs. Gender
Gender Role:
for males versus
females
Gender Display:
defined as
prototypically “masculine” and “feminine”
FEMALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE
VOCAL BEHAVIORS
higher pitched, more variable in pitch

2. 2
FEMALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE
Women are more likely to forms of speech
that are related to a powerless status
FEMALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE
Other Nonverbal Cues
Problems?
MALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE
Vocal Behaviors:
both
word count and in duration)
tend to dominate conversations when interacting with women:

3. -turns are longer
3
MALE: NONVERBAL PROFILE
Other Nonverbal Cues
vilege”
MEN VS. WOMEN
WHO IS A BETTER COMMUNICATOR?
Differences in Gender vs. Skills
settings and contexts
Accomplishing Communicative Goals
are satisfying to both
parties
• possible problems?
Decoding Nonverbal Information
ges”

4. CAN WE CHANGE NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR?
out-of-awareness behaviors?
cultural norms/expectations?
nonverbal gender-deviant behaviors?
Solution
:
Develop Awareness of Stereotypic Behaviors
4
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR MEN
be more adaptive and flexible
work on your decoding skills

5. develop attentive listening skills
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR WOMEN
monitor/suppress cues that are associated with negative
implications
focus on the communicative task (as opposed to the
interactional
partner)
use your skills
JOHN GOTTMAN
The key to reviving or divorce-proofing a relationship is not in
how you
handle disagreement but in how you are with each other when
you
are not fighting.

6. 5
JOHN GOTTMAN
Only 40% of the time do couples divorce because they are
having
frequent, devastating fights. More often marriages end because,
to
avoid constant skirmishes, husband and wife distance
themselves to
much that their friendship and sense of connection are lost.
THE SIX SIGNS
OF A DETERIORATING RELATIONSHIP
1. Harsh startup
2. The four horsemen
3. flooding
4. body language

7. 5. failed repair attempts
6. bad memories
1. HARSH STARTUP
Statistics: 96% of the time, you can predict the outcome of
a conversation based on the first three minutes of the 15
minute interaction!
Women pulls the weight here!
A soft start up doesn’t necessarily have to be super
diplomatic. It just has to be devoid of criticism or contempt.
6
2. THE FOUR HORSEMEN
1. criticism

8. 2. contempt
-rolling, sneering,
mockery, and
hostile humor
3. defensiveness
4. stonewalling
3. FLOODING
People stonewall as a protection against feeling “flooded”
ing
Men is at risk here!
the female and slower to

9. recover from stress
4. BODY LANGUAGE
habitual flooding is predictive of divorces:
experience severe emotional
distress when dealing with
the other
interactions impossible
The signs co-exists like a relay match
7
5. FAILED REPAIR ATTEMPTS
divorce can be predicted by listening to a single
conversation of newlyweds

10. The presence of four horsemen predicts with 82%
accuracy; when failed repair attempt is added, with
over 90% accuracy
84% of the newlyweds who score high on the 4
horsemen but have repair effectively have stable,
happy marriages 6 years later
5. FAILED REPAIR ATTEMPT
what can be a repair attempt?
repair succeeds or fails not because how eloquent it is but
has everything to do with the state of the relationship
6. BAD MEMORIES
When a marriage is not going well, history gets re-written…for
the
worse

11. Sign: the happy ones are so unimportant that you’ve let them
fade
away
8
DISSOLUTION OF A RELATIONSHIP
Some people leave a marriage literally by divorcing. Others do
so by
leading parallel lives together
Keyword: habitual!!
Requirements：
Activity:
1. You can choose to either report a conflict that you observed
or recall a conflict that you experienced earlier. The conflict
should be one that took place within the past three weeks.
2. Talk to the participants that were involved in the conflicts
about how they managed the conflict:
1. Did they have a good startup? Why or why not?

12. 2. How did they feel about the interaction? What were the
communicative behaviors that made them feel productive or
unproductive in a conflict?
· Did certain nonverbal behaviors influence their perception of
the conflict? In what way?
1. Make sure that you talk to all people who were involved in
the conflict (i.e., at least two people). If you were one of the
participants, you can write your reflection about the conflict.
[Essentially, you will interview the participants and try to
figure how whether the gendered nonverbal profiles,
differences, and Gottman’s theory applies in the particular
conflict episode.]
Journal Write-up: Requirements
1. Use the first paragraph to provide background information:
Who were the participants, what was the conflict (the two
participants may have different ideas about what the conflict
was), was this a temporary or chronic problem? anything you
think may be relevant to your later analysis should be included.
2. Provide a synthesized, organized, and systematic report of
your interviews.
3. Based on the lecture, uploaded videos, and supplemental
readings (i.e., if you are writing the journal, I strongly
recommend you read the Gottman’s reading on Canvas and
watch Gottman’s TED talk), analyze the conflict and try

13. to apply the concepts and theories as much as you can.
4. Were the behaviors of the people involved in the conflict
consistent with the gender roles/behaviors suggested by the
theories?
1. Be critical of the theories as well as the conflict you
observed. Were the theories/course concepts proved to be
applicable to the situation?
2. Were they sufficient to explain each individual’s behavior in
the conflict? If they seemed somewhat different than what you
observed, explain and examine what may have caused the
differences?
5. If you were to provide suggestions to the participants’ future
conflict management, what will your suggestions be? Why?
Video links:
1.
https://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_
few_women_leaders?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=r
eferral&utm_source=tedcomshare
2.
https://www.ted.com/talks/john_gottman_the_science_of_love?u
tm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=te
dcomshare
3. https://ou.kanopy.com/video/how-different-are-male-and-

14. female-brains
4. https://ou.kanopy.com/video/empathy-gap