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Let's talk about sex baby


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Sex is good, healthy, natural. And yet, we managed to transform the act of making love and babies in one of the most sinful activity on the planet.
Our sex education is now mostly done through male-gaze porn.
Lingering myths about menstruation and sexuality lead to terrible consequences. And women even experience an orgasm gap!
So how do we shift the sex balance? How do we promote more sex positivity and happiness?

Published in: Government & Nonprofit

Let's talk about sex baby

  1. 1. Let’s talk about sex, baby
  2. 2. First, we don’t know anything about it
  3. 3. In France, 1 out 4 teenage girl does not know she has a clitoris
  4. 4. Principaux résultats du baromètre du HCE ◗ 25 % des écoles répondantes déclarent n’avoir mis en place aucune action ou séance en matière d’éducation à la sexualité, nonobstant leur obligation légale. ◗ Les personnels de l’Éducation nationale sont très peu formés à l’éducation à la sexualité. ◗ Lorsque l’éducation à la sexualité est intégrée à des enseignements disciplinaires, elle est largement concentrée sur les sciences (reproduction) plutôt que d’être intégrée de manière transversale en lien avec la dimension citoyenne et l’égalité filles-garçons. ◗ Lorsque des séances ou actions d’éducation à la sexualité sont menées, cela ne concerne pas toutes les classes du CP à la Terminale, mais en priorité des classes de CM1 et de CM2 pour l’école, des classes de 4ème et 3ème pour le collège, et des classes de 2nde pour le lycée. ◗ Les thématiques les plus abordées sont la biologie/reproduction, l’IVG/contraception, le VIH/Sida et la notion de « respect », notamment entre les sexes. À l’inverse, les questions de violences sexistes et sexuelles ou d’orientation sexuelle sont les moins abordées. ◗ Le manque de moyens financiers, de disponibilité du personnel et la difficile gestion des emplois du temps sont perçus comme les principaux freins à la mise en œuvre de l’éducation à la sexualité et, a contrario, la formation est vue comme le principal facteur facilitateur. Résultats complets en Annexe 2. Échantillon représentatif élaboré par la Direction de l'évaluation, de la prospective et de la performance du Ministère de l’Éducation nationale
  5. 5. 13 September 2016 BMJ Open Press Release School sex education often negative, heterosexist, and out of touch And taught by poorly trained, embarrassed teachers, say young people School sex education is often negative, heterosexist, and out of touch, and taught by poorly trained, embarrassed teachers, finds a synthesis of the views and experiences of young people in different countries, published in the online journal BMJ Open. Schools’ failure to acknowledge that sex education is a special subject with unique challenges is doing a huge disservice to young people, and missing a key opportunity to safeguard and improve their sexual health, conclude the researchers. They base their findings on 55 qualitative studies which explored the views and experiences of young people who had been taught sex and relationship education (SRE) in school based programmes in the UK, Ireland, USA, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Japan, Iran, Brazil and Sweden between 1990 and
  6. 6. In the US, only 22 states require that public schools teach sex education
  7. 7. Ignorance leads to lingering myths
  8. 8. With massive consequences • UNESCO estimates that one in 10 African girls, for example, miss at least one day of school a month, leading to a higher drop- out rate. • A survey in India found nearly 25% of girls drop out of school permanently when they reach puberty, because they have no toilet at school.
  9. 9. And the myths are not only about periods
  10. 10. Myth N.1: Men’s sexual energy is so strong that it cannot be restrained. • Men are sexual. • They have a strong irrepressible drive. • They are obsessed with sex. • They think about it all the time. • They are always up for it. • And this desire cannot be restrained. • That is why women have to behave.
  11. 11. Myth N.2: Women have less sexual drive than men
  12. 12. Myth N.3: a sexually free woman is a danger for the society
  13. 13. A woman is portrayed as either a saint or a whore
  14. 14. Linked to theological traditions of Eve and Lilith, women are perceived as embodiments of inexhaustible negativity
  15. 15. Coming from a fear-driven desire of men to control female sexuality and reproduction • In primitive societies, men regarded women with the same dread they felt toward the natural world. • The core of the natural world was the female womb, from which newborn human life emerged in a gush of blood.
  16. 16. Witch-hunting: A Manmade Tool for Women’s Oppression
  17. 17. Overall, approximately 75 to 80 percent of those accused and convicted of witchcraft in early modern Europe were female.
  18. 18. The moral backing of torture of thousands of women
  19. 19. Women who seemed most independent from patriarchal norms -- especially elderly ones living outside the parameters of the patriarchal family -- were most vulnerable to accusations of witchcraft
  20. 20. The witch-hunts can be viewed as a case of "genderized mass murder" • The overall evidence makes plain that the growth -- the panic -- in the witch craze was inseparable from the stigmatization of women. • Historically, the most salient manifestation of the unreserved belief in female power and female evil is evidenced in the tight, recurrent, by-now nearly instinctive association of women and witchcraft. • Same fear of malicious "power” than with Jews. • Women are anathematized and cast as witches because of the enduring grotesque fears they generate in respect of their putative abilities to control men and thereby coerce, for their own ends, male-dominated Christian society. • (Katz, The Holocaust in Historical Context, Vol. I, p. 435.)
  21. 21. The vast literature of witch hunting is filled with nightmares of castration and lost virility. • The trauma of this genocide of free women, of wise old women is still part of our collective memories.
  22. 22. Let’s bust those myths… • "Many, many men -- about one in five -- have such low sexual desire they’d rather do almost anything else than have sex." • ”In fact, almost 30% of women say they have more interest in sex than their partner has."
  23. 23. Boys feel pressured to have a sexual activity or to pretend to have one to belong
  24. 24. Women also have strong sexual desire • " When it comes to the craving for sexual variety, the research Bergner assembles suggests that women may be "even less well-suited for monogamy than men."
  25. 25. Sex is the way in which intimacy can be experienced • A recent article by psychologist Steven Bearman argues that men’s addition to sex is the result of the lack of affection and intimacy with other men (and perhaps women) in their lives. • For Bearman, sex addiction and pornography addiction are the ways in which men try to find closeness with others.
  26. 26. Nature wants all of us enrolled in reproducing the species. • Women can become disinterested in sex as a result of childhood abuse, rape, social conditioning including body image challenges, unaddressed relationship issues, unskilled lovemaking or demands of juggling children and work, but these all represent deviations from her inherent nature. • Women are socialized to channel their erotic yearnings into romantic fantasy rather than genital imagery, but when freed of sex-negative conditioning and social judgments, women desire erotic connection. • When women are initiated into the pleasures of sex with a lover who is sensitive, considerate, skilled, and receptive to guidance, their sexual potential is awakened, and their interest in sex equals or exceeds the interest of most men.
  27. 27. But these myths and stereotypes still condition our sexual lives
  28. 28. This belief in irrepressible male desire has dramatic consequences on lives of millions of young boys and girls It legitimates prostitution, porn, even assault as a lesser evil.
  29. 29. • Three quarters of them are between the ages of 13 and 25. • 80% of them are female.
  30. 30. Child sexual abuse is far more prevalent than we realize
  31. 31. In US, EU, Canada, before 17 years old, 25% of girls and 15% of boys will experience sexual abuse • 60% of them does not receive any type of help. Source: Vicky Bernadet Foundation, Spain
  32. 32. Since the blame is on women, female body has to be hidden to avoid triggering male desire
  33. 33. If they don’t want to experience slut shaming
  34. 34. Women are constantly shamed about their sexuality
  35. 35. Women are more targeted by revenge porn
  36. 36. Men still have control over women’s bodies
  37. 37. Up to the extreme of cutting their private parts
  38. 38. Which countries practice FGM?
  39. 39. And especially since most of our sex education is now done through porn
  40. 40. A study of 50 of the most popular pornographic videos found that 88% of scenes included physical aggression and 48% of scenes included verbal aggression. • The researchers observed a total of 3,376 aggressive acts, including gagging in 54% of scenes, choking in 27% of scenes and spanking in 75% of scenes. • They also found that the aggression was overwhelmingly – in 94% of incidents – directed towards women. • Not only that; in almost every instance, women were portrayed as though they either didn’t mind or liked the aggression. • This echoes Hardwood’s claim to me that female performers are required to look like they enjoy whatever is done to them – even when they’re in a lot of pain.
  41. 41. Women’s bodies are available and violable • It doesn’t take a great awareness of cultural theory to grasp the social meaning of images of women being repeatedly penetrated in every orifice to a chorus of “slut,” “bitch” and “whore.”
  42. 42. Porn narratives find their way into mainstream cultural images
  43. 43. • Think about how a porno ends: the “money shot,” the culmination of the male orgasm. • Think about the in-between moments of mainstream porn: blow jobs, blow jobs, blow jobs. Where’s the cunnilingus? • The main goal of porn is to feature a male’s ejaculation, their partners pleasure is secondary. And most porn only portrays sex and pleasure through male gaze
  44. 44. This leads to less satisfactory sexual experiences for women
  45. 45. “The gap between men’s and women’s frequency of orgasm is impacted by social forces that privilege male pleasure.” • Paula England, a sociology professor at Stanford University said, “The orgasm gap is an inequity that’s as serious as the pay gap, and it’s producing a rampant culture of sexual asymmetry.”
  46. 46. In same sex encounters, the orgasm gap disappears…
  47. 47. Ignorance about body and myths • Although Sigmund Freud argued that a clitoral orgasm was adolescent and that the vagina was the fountain of the more “mature” orgasm, there’s evidence that theory is not only misguided, but is also fueling the orgasm gap. • “Stimulation of the clitoris is what gives a woman an orgasm. It’s the center of orgasmic function,” says Dr. Lloyd. “The clitoris is the homologue of the penis—they have the same tissue. In embryos, the same organ that turns into the penis, turns into a clitoris."
  48. 48. Sexual assymetry comes from hook up culture, lack of communication and education
  49. 49. Culturally, we overvalue penetrative sex • Lesbian vs. Straight Sex: There is an orgasm gap between women who identify as lesbian versus straight. Lesbian women have significantly more orgasms than straight women. (For men, orgasm rate doesn’t vary with sexual orientation). • Women Alone vs. With a Partner: Women have more orgasms when they masturbate than when they are with a partner. (In the study with 800 college women, 39% of women said they always orgasm during masturbation while 6% said they always orgasm during sex with a partner). • Roughly 75 percent of women can never reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone
  50. 50. “You don’t have to look far to see media images of women having mind-blowing orgasms from intercourse alone.” • Evidence for this is found in language. • We use the words sex and intercourse synonymously, and relegate clitoral stimulation is to “foreplay” or that which comes before the main act of intercourse. • We commonly mislabel women’s genitals by the one part (the vagina) that gives men, but not women, reliable orgasms. • We have countless nicknames for the penis, but few for the clitoris. • More evidence for our cultural overvaluing of penetration is found in media images and our resulting false beliefs.
  51. 51. We have a double standard that judges women more harshly than men for casual sex • Sex education generally doesn’t focus on pleasure. • Most of us have little training in sexual communication, yet good sexual communication is key when it comes to female orgasms since there are differences between women in terms of what they need to orgasm and what one woman needs to orgasm can vary from one encounter to another. • Many women are plagued by body-image self-consciousness during sex and it’s pretty much impossible to have an orgasm while worrying if you look fat or holding your stomach in. • Finally, reaching orgasm requires a complete immersion in the sensations of the moment—or mindfulness—and few of us have mastered this skill in our daily life, let alone our sex lives.
  52. 52. And women still weigh the burden of birth control
  53. 53. Is birth control a female responsibility? • Lisa Campo-Engelstein from “Science Progress”: – “Men typically do not have to dedicate time and energy to contraceptive care, or pay out of pocket for the usually expensive and sometimes frequent (often monthly, or at least four times a year) supply of contraceptives…”
  54. 54. So who is shifting the sex balance?
  55. 55. Many innovative sex education programs flourish around the world
  56. 56. Make love not porn
  57. 57. Some initiatives also work to break the taboo on menstruation
  58. 58. Others develop products adapted to women’s needs
  59. 59. Many projects leverage “fem tech”
  60. 60. And women are now developing their own sex toys
  61. 61. Cindy Gallop
  62. 62. But the most important is that women are now reclaiming their own sexuality
  63. 63. Rethinking porn
  64. 64. Learn more about women’s pleasure
  65. 65. Or learn Orgasmic Meditation
  66. 66. Learn about free love
  67. 67. Or attend Burning Man
  68. 68. So let’s enjoy!