1. Things We Think,
But Don’t Say
The Power of Restorative Communication
PATRICK J. HALE, M.S.ED.
RESIDENCE HALL DIRECTOR
BOSTON UNIVERSITY RESIDENCE LIFE
2. What You Will Learn
How to communicate effectively in difficult situations
What it means to be “restorative”
How to respond in situations of conflict
Different styles of communication
Tools for how you can be restorative in your communication
3. Residence Life Mission
Residence Life engages and connects students in
residential and University communities, fostering
students’ growth as leaders equipped to interact in
a local and global context.
We strive to facilitate student learning and
development in a safe and healthy experience,
defined by respect and dignity for all individuals.
6. Human beings are happier, more cooperative, more
productive, and more likely to make positive changes in
their behavior when those in positions of authority do
things with them, rather than to them or for them.
9. Restorative Communication
Practices & Tools
Affective statements
◦ “I felt really angered by what you said/did.”
◦ “I’m concerned that what you said hurt that other student.”
◦ “I appreciate you hearing me out.”
Affective questions
◦ “What did you mean by that statement?”
◦ “How do you think the other person might have been affected by your
actions?”
12. Raising the B.A.R.
Breathe Acknowledge Respond
ReactAttackBreathe
Best Way to Communicate with Others
The Harmful Way to Communicate with Others
13. Other Things You Can Do
Focus on the behavior
Use “I” statements
Control your own actions
Engage without judgment
Be patient
Take care of yourself
14. Things You Should Try to Avoid
Pass judgment on the person
Be “preachy”
Yell or shout at the person
Offend the other person
Force the other person to change
