Sara Goering argues that more attention should be given to the concept of choosing friends. While friendships often happen organically, we can choose to actively seek out friendships with those different from ourselves. Doing so provides benefits like gaining new perspectives and insights that can reveal unconscious biases. While forming friendships across significant differences can be challenging, making an effort to open oneself up to diverse friends is worthwhile as it can strengthen communities and civic engagement. Some objections to actively pursuing diverse friendships include risks to comfort or that diversity alone is not valuable, but genuine engagement with others who are different can be personally and socially valuable.
2. I. Introduction
What is Goering arguing for in this paper?
Do you agree that little attention has been given to the
concept of choosing friends? Why do you think that is?
In what ways and what contexts are moral partiality and
moral impartiality justified?
3. II. Can We Choose Friends?
Friedman and Thomas see the conditions of friendships to be:
voluntariness, rough equality, mutual trust, respect, affection.
Can you choose the individuals you become friends with? If
so, how would one go about doing so?
What constitutes voluntariness? Conscious decision
making?Consent? Or a more actively engaged role?
Do you agree that friendships "happen" as opposed to
being "analyzed" "actively created" or "discovered"?
4. II. What is Rough Equality?
What is rough equality? Why do Friedman and Thomas
consider rough equality important in a friendship?
What kind of differences is significant or insignificant for
friendship?
Friedman claims that "rough equality is not a matter of
quantifiable dimension like age or years of schooling... but
of personality, attitude, emotion, and overall character” Do
you agree?
5. III. Why Should I Get a Friend?
Goering claims that most of us seek out friends who share
our interests and lifestyles? Do you agree? If so, what
causes this?
Is the role of friends to give us a different outlook on the
world and of ourselves?
Do we have a moral obligation, as Jane Addams suggests,
to choose our experiences and choose friends that provide
us different perspectives?
Why does Goering believe diversity in friendship is
valuable? Is this at odds with the Aristotelian conception
of friendship?
6. IV. Is Friendship Obtainable with a Person
Different from Oneself?
Is it possible to build friendships with those who are
significantly different from yourself? What conditions
might be required?
What types of differences inhibit friendship? What core
similarities are essential to a friendship?
What limits should we set on the kind of people whose
friendship we will seek?
What about romantic relationships or marriages? Should
different limits be set? Stricter? Looser?
7. V. Benefits from Diverse Friendships
How does Goering's argument for the value of diverse
friendships relate to your experience at OHS?
There seems to be a variety of definition of what constitutes a
"diverse" or "different" friend and there respective benefits
Goering: Be open-minded to friends outside your comfort
zone. You could gain a lot from these friendships.
Putnam: We need diverse friends to reveal biases and
share ideas through thoughtful discussion to better
understand the world and increase civic engagement.
Friedman: Reaching out to diverse friends and
ignoring superficial differences enables you to find
deeper commonalities.
*Aristotle-Type*: Personally learning and improving
morally from diverse friends
8. VI. A Few Likely Objections
You can't force yourself to like someone.
This should not prevent you from attempting to actively
seek out different friendships despite it not working out.
Diversity and difference in themselves are not valuable.
They are not inherently valuable. We must figure out
what types of diversity we value.
Are we expected to just go about befriending strangers? I
don't want to risk my comfort.
If diversity is morally important to you, you should
willingly accept a tiny loss of comport to engage
more with those around you. Not to extreme means.
9. VI. A Few Likely Objections
Instrumental Diverse Friends? Sounds suspicious via Aristotle.
Motivations initially may be instrumental, but
over time they will develop into genuine feelings.
Ex: Affirmative Action Program
Lots of diverse friends undermine the value of exclusive
friendships.
Does it really undermine? Couldn't it make friend
groups even stronger? Always keep an open mind
towards making new friends without rigid limits.
Can't I just learn about the diverse world through books
and movies?
Sure, but it hardly compares to "genuine engagement"
with a real person who is different from you.
