Why is it important to uphold certain principles relating to co-habitation

1. Seventh-Day Adventist Position onSeventh-Day Adventist Position on
COHABITATIONCOHABITATION
BYBY Miroslav M. KišMiroslav M. Kiš
Slide Presentation by atami777@yahoo.comSlide Presentation by atami777@yahoo.com

2. CohabitationCohabitation
defined as a living arrangement of anydefined as a living arrangement of any
unmarried heterosexual couple whounmarried heterosexual couple who
share common residence and sexualshare common residence and sexual
intimacy. There exists a great variety ofintimacy. There exists a great variety of
configurations in this form ofconfigurations in this form of
relationship. Some appear as virtualrelationship. Some appear as virtual
marriages shy only of formal, publicmarriages shy only of formal, public
contractual vows, while others arecontractual vows, while others are
short-term episodes for the sake ofshort-term episodes for the sake of
convenience.convenience.

3. The most frequently mentionedThe most frequently mentioned
advantages of cohabitation are:advantages of cohabitation are:
-Opportunity to try out the partner before-Opportunity to try out the partner before
marriagemarriage
-Freedom to begin or end the relationship at-Freedom to begin or end the relationship at
willwill
-Financial advantages-Financial advantages
-More relaxed sexual controls-More relaxed sexual controls
-Combination of the autonomy of singleness-Combination of the autonomy of singleness
with the emotional and sexual closenesswith the emotional and sexual closeness
similar to marriagesimilar to marriage

4. Seventh-day AdventistsSeventh-day Adventists
maintain themaintain the biblical stancebiblical stance onon
human intimacy. Marriage is thehuman intimacy. Marriage is the
only context where true andonly context where true and
complete closeness can becomplete closeness can be
achieved with the most benefitsachieved with the most benefits
and security.and security.

5. Genesis 2:24Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave hisTherefore shall a man leave his
father and his mother, and shall cleavefather and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife: and theyunto his wife: and they
shallshall be one fleshbe one flesh..
Genesis 1:28Genesis 1:28 And GodAnd God blessed themblessed them,,
and God said unto them, Be fruitful,and God said unto them, Be fruitful,
and multiply, and replenish theand multiply, and replenish the
earth,earth,and shall cleave unto his wife:and shall cleave unto his wife:
and they shall be one flesh.and they shall be one flesh.

6. I Corinthians 7:3I Corinthians 7:3 Let the husbandLet the husband
render unto the wife duerender unto the wife due
benevolencebenevolence and likewise alsoand likewise also
the wife unto the husband.the wife unto the husband.
Hebrews 13:4Hebrews 13:4 Marriage [is]Marriage [is]
honourable in allhonourable in all, and the, and the
bed undefiledbed undefiled: but: but
whoremongers and adultererswhoremongers and adulterers
God will judge.God will judge.

7. Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:
1.1. The Back Door SyndromeThe Back Door Syndrome
The key ingredient of cohabitationThe key ingredient of cohabitation
is the open door to leave withoutis the open door to leave without
the messy consequences of athe messy consequences of a
divorce.divorce.

8. But some consequences of cohabitation can be worse.But some consequences of cohabitation can be worse.
a. All through the relationshipa. All through the relationship
the partners keep sending doublethe partners keep sending double
messages. On the one hand they say,messages. On the one hand they say,
"I love you, and I desire to live close to"I love you, and I desire to live close to
you," and yet the initial agreementyou," and yet the initial agreement
says, "Don't get too close, because Isays, "Don't get too close, because I
might be gone one day...any day."might be gone one day...any day."
Such an arrangement creates a deepSuch an arrangement creates a deep
sense of insecurity.sense of insecurity.

9. But some consequences of cohabitation can be worse.But some consequences of cohabitation can be worse.
b. The recurring irritations ofb. The recurring irritations of
daily living are treated as trivial, due todaily living are treated as trivial, due to
the lack of motivation to invest in athe lack of motivation to invest in a
temporary relationship. As atemporary relationship. As a
consequence, few learn to adjust andconsequence, few learn to adjust and
acquire the skills of conflict resolutionacquire the skills of conflict resolution
so much needed in marriage.so much needed in marriage.

10. But some consequences of cohabitation can be worse.But some consequences of cohabitation can be worse.
c. True, deep lovec. True, deep love
requires total and permanentrequires total and permanent
commitment (Song of Solomoncommitment (Song of Solomon
6:3, 8:6,7). It is impossible to6:3, 8:6,7). It is impossible to
develop such a love in adevelop such a love in a
temporary, insecure setting.temporary, insecure setting.

11. Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:
2.2. Absence of vowsAbsence of vows
Marriage vows are implicit in the biblicalMarriage vows are implicit in the biblical
concepts of betrothal (Matthew 1:18) andconcepts of betrothal (Matthew 1:18) and
permanent commitment to one's partnerpermanent commitment to one's partner
(Malachi 2:15,16). Their function is to(Malachi 2:15,16). Their function is to
make the intentions of the couple public,make the intentions of the couple public,
thus safeguarding the sanctity ofthus safeguarding the sanctity of
marriage. While the marriage vowsmarriage. While the marriage vows
promise faithfulness for both the presentpromise faithfulness for both the present
and the future, cohabitation is a privateand the future, cohabitation is a private
arrangement concerned only with thearrangement concerned only with the
present.present.

12. Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:
3.3. Community ConcernsCommunity Concerns
According to the Bible, marriage is notAccording to the Bible, marriage is not
just a private event (Genesis 24). Itjust a private event (Genesis 24). It
unites families. The community offers theunites families. The community offers the
couple a certain protection and expectscouple a certain protection and expects
some responsibilities as well. In this waysome responsibilities as well. In this way
marriage becomes the solid foundationmarriage becomes the solid foundation
of every community. Cohabitation, on theof every community. Cohabitation, on the
other hand, ignores community and isother hand, ignores community and is
itself too unstable to lend support to aitself too unstable to lend support to a
larger society.larger society.

13. Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:
4.4. Absence of Union of LivesAbsence of Union of Lives
The union of lives is one of theThe union of lives is one of the
most essential roles assigned tomost essential roles assigned to
sex, according to Scripturesex, according to Scripture
(Genesis 2:24). Cohabitation(Genesis 2:24). Cohabitation
engages a life-uniting act without aengages a life-uniting act without a
life-uniting intent. Such a lifestylelife-uniting intent. Such a lifestyle
proves to be destructive of innerproves to be destructive of inner
integrity of human personality.integrity of human personality.

14. Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:Here are some of the troubling points of cohabitation:
5.5. ChildrenChildren
The Bible mandates that children beThe Bible mandates that children be
raised in an environment of permanentraised in an environment of permanent
love, constant care, and unfailinglove, constant care, and unfailing
security (Genesis 4:1, 2; Ephesians 6:1-security (Genesis 4:1, 2; Ephesians 6:1-
4). Yet, cohabitation's intent is to avoid4). Yet, cohabitation's intent is to avoid
such lasting responsibilities, because itsuch lasting responsibilities, because it
considers them as constraints on theconsiders them as constraints on the
freedom and autonomy of each partnerfreedom and autonomy of each partner..

15. Seventh-Day Adventist Position onSeventh-Day Adventist Position on
CohabitationCohabitation
In conclusion, the Seventh-day Adventist ChurchIn conclusion, the Seventh-day Adventist Church
echoes the biblical disapproval of any arrangementechoes the biblical disapproval of any arrangement
other than the institution of marriage. It recognizesother than the institution of marriage. It recognizes
that the emergence of cohabitation often signalsthat the emergence of cohabitation often signals
deeper needs. Frequently the partners who seekdeeper needs. Frequently the partners who seek
refuge in such arrangements carry the wounds ofrefuge in such arrangements carry the wounds of
repeated marital failures, infidelity, abuse,repeated marital failures, infidelity, abuse,
selfishness, or many other tragedies. For thatselfishness, or many other tragedies. For that
reason, the Church seeks to minister to eachreason, the Church seeks to minister to each
individual, while upholding the biblical standard ofindividual, while upholding the biblical standard of
conjugal union as the only legitimate form ofconjugal union as the only legitimate form of
cohabitationcohabitation