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Tuxen, Nonie. (2013), 'Arranged love: conceptualising marriage on Shaadi.com',
Reinvention: an International Journal of Undergraduate Research, BCUR/ICUR 2013
Special Issue,
http://www.warwick.ac.uk/reinventionjournal/issues/bcur2013specialissue/tuxen/
Arranged love: conceptualising marriage on
Shaadi.com
ABSTRACT
This article investigates how women in the Indian diaspora articulate ideas of love
and marriage through testimonials published on Shaadi.com. The literature
concerning Indian marriage practices tends to regard arranged marriage and love
marriage as mutually exclusive. However, this article argues that a shift is occurring
in the way that marriage is conceptualised by women in the Indian diaspora.
Specifically, data obtained from Shaadi.com suggest that the emergence of an
amalgamated practice, ‘arranged love marriage’, is dominant within representations
of marriage on the website. 208 testimonials were thematically analysed; the findings
indicate that Uberoi’s (1998, 2006) notion of arranged love marriage is prevalent
within the narratives examined.
Key words: Indian diaspora, Shaadi.com, matrimonial websites, marriage, romantic
love, arranged love marriage

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I sent him an interest in October 2010 and he gladly accepted. We started
exchanging emails and then talking on the phone. I just knew that he was the
one for me. Then we told our parents about each other. He was living in New
York and I was in California. He came to California to meet me for the first time.
He said that he fell in love with me at first sight. Next day we exchanged the
rings and our families fixed the date of our marriage … We are now happily
married and living in California. We are loving every moment of married life. We
both thank Shaadi.com for bringing us into each other’s lives.
- Jasdeep and Ravinder, USA (Shaadi Pride, May 2011)i
In this testimonial from Shaadi.com, India’s largest matrimonial website,
Jasdeep describes a marriage that blurs the line between Indian traditions of
arranged marriage and love marriage. This notion of a blended marriage contradicts
much of the literature concerning Indian marriage practices, which generally
constructs arranged marriage and love marriage as mutually exclusive phenomena.
This article investigates how women in the Indian diaspora articulate ideas of
love and marriage through testimonials published on Shaadi.com. Using the
arranged marriage versus love marriage paradigm to analyse the testimonials, this
article argues that a shift is occurring in the way that marriage is conceptualised by
young women in the Indian diaspora. Specifically, data obtained from Shaadi.com
suggest that the emergence of an amalgamated practice known as ‘arranged love
marriage’ is dominant within representations of marriage on the website.
The amalgamation of arranged marriage and love marriage practices has
been documented by several studies, particularly those concerned with popular
Indian cinema, or ‘Bollywood’ (Uberoi, 1998, 2006; Kapur, 2009). Inroads have also
been made in exploring the narratives of Indian youths (Netting, 2010). Whether
arranged love marriage is present within the diaspora, however, is yet to be
comprehensively understood. Investigating the notion of arranged love marriage is
particularly relevant to the Indian diaspora because, given the hybridised nature of
both arranged love marriage and the diaspora, it seems likely that this form of
marriage would appeal to diasporic members. Arranged love marriage has the
potential to bridge Indian tradition (arranged marriage) and romantic notions that

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align with post-modern Western conceptions of marriage (love marriage). This
amalgamative process speaks to the multifaceted identities of women in the Indian
diaspora who face particular gendered familial expectations surrounding marriage
(Samuel, 2010).
The Indian diaspora is a significant population in which to study potential
shifts in cultural practices because diasporic members tend to be agents of socio-
cultural change who readily adopt new ideas and practices, and transfer them back
to the home country via transnational ties and communication (Glick Schiller, Basch
& Blanc-Szanton, 1992; Voigt-Graf, 2005). In the context of a globalised world,
diasporas are therefore positioned at the forefront of social transformation.
Furthermore, there is a general lack of literature addressing women’s experiences of
migration as distinct from men’s (Dhar, 2010). According to Costa-Pinto (2008),
women in the Indian diaspora are generally more adaptable than men in their ability
to negotiate transnational hybrid identities. This suggests that women in the diaspora
may be positioned at the intersection between Indian culture and Western society,
making them an important focus for further study. This article therefore aims to
contribute to discourse concerning women’s experiences of migration by
investigating ideas about marriage present within the Indian diaspora in the context
of a matrimonial website.
Additionally, there is little available literature focussing on Indian matrimonial
websites. Within this literature, limited attention has been devoted to discourses
within matrimonial websites. Specifically, notions of love and romance are yet to be
comprehensively explored within the literature on matrimonial websites. Therefore, in
addition to pursuing the wider objective of exploring women’s ideas of love and
marriage, this article also aims to extend upon existing literature within an emerging
field of study. To address these aims, this article will first conduct a brief literature
review, summarising relevant discourse around matrimonial websites and Indian
marriage practices. Second, Shaadi.com will be used as a case study to examine a

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potential shift in marriage practices within the Indian diaspora.
LITERATURE REVIEW
Matrimonial websites
Matrimonial websites for people of Indian ancestry first emerged in the late
1990s (Shako, 2004). These websites have since become a multi-million dollar
industry and continue to experience growth in both India and its diaspora (Jha &
Adelman, 2009: 70-71). Matrimonial websites capitalise on the dispersion of Indians
and the gradual breakdown of communities as a consequence of migration, both
within and particularly outside India. Gopalkrishnan and Babacan suggest that ‘one
of the main problems of diasporic communities is the loss of the traditional
matchmaking services and the opportunities that exist … in the homeland’ (2007:
516). Matrimonial websites thereby provide a platform for families and individuals to
locate a suitable partner, regardless of geographical location.
Matrimonial websites foster the creation of a ‘global marriage market’, which
links different corners of the Indian diaspora with each other, as well as with India.
Adams and Ghose posit that matrimonial websites play an important role in the
facilitation of an Indian global marriage market as they accelerate contact ‘between
two or more continents, but they may also slow assimilation in [Western cultures] by
inhibiting marriages across ethnic or subethnic lines’ (2003: 431). Matrimonial
websites thereby function to ensure that Indians within the diaspora ‘are able to
marry someone from the same cultural background’ (Lakha, 2006: 387). Matrimonial
websites permit the construction of ‘a “suitable” match [as] one with the right
geographical-genetic origins’, which perpetuates matchmaking along traditional
criteria (Adams & Ghose, 2003: 431).
Furthering this logic, Jha and Adelman argue that matrimonial websites
create a ‘shopping effect’ which channels people into selecting a partner based on
criteria (such as religion, profession, education, complexion, and so forth) rather than

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allowing the possibility for ‘people to “discover” attraction in the course of interacting
with a potential mate’ (2009: 71). Additionally, Gopalkrishnan and Babacan contend
that relationships formed through Indian matrimonial websites ‘continue to exist
around some basic guidelines of what will and will not be acceptable to parents’
(2007: 517). What is deemed acceptable to parents is often determined by
conventions dictated by arranged marriage, as outlined below.
Indian marriage practices
Arranged marriage
Arranged marriage is held within the literature as the dominant and preferred
method of finding a partner in India (Medora, 2003: 214; Seth & Patnayakuni, 2011:
332; Sharangpani, 2010: 252). Uberoi (2006: 24) estimates that 90% of Indian
marriages are arranged. ‘Arranged marriage’ can be summarised as a marital
alliance formed by elder family members through existing social networks, or with the
help of third parties, in which specific characteristics are considered in order to find a
‘suitable match’ (including caste, education, social status, financial security, career
prospects, religion, and so forth). An arranged marriage therefore does not concern
only the individuals to be married, but is commonly regarded as a ‘marriage between
two families.’ Arranged marriage thus becomes a collective ‘practical consideration
[of matchmaking criteria] in the selection of mates rather than … romantic love’
(Gupta, 1976: 77). Love, then, is not a necessary precondition when selecting a
suitable spouse in an arranged marriage context. It is assumed that if a proper match
is made, ‘love will develop after marriage as the couple negotiates their relationship’
(Abraham, 2000: 19).
Love marriage
Love marriages have always occurred in Indian culture, however they have
never been the dominant method of selecting a spouse (Gupta, 1976). The

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untranslated English phrase ‘love marriage’ is commonly used to describe a marriage
in which two individuals decide to wed without input from their families, based on
romantic involvement rather than well-matched criteria. In contemporary India, love
marriage often represents lust, disrespect of parents and danger to society (Netting,
2010: 709). Love is typically viewed as a ‘weak’ basis for marriage in Indian culture
‘because its presence may overshadow suitable qualities in spouses’ (Gupta, 1976:
77). Furthermore, there is a greater likelihood that love will contravene the social
restrictions enforced by arranged marriage processes, such as marrying within your
caste or religion (Corwin, 1977; Chowdhry, 2007; Velayutham & Wise, 2008). Love
marriage is thereby constructed as the polar opposite to arranged marriage in Indian
culture, as it challenges the ‘natural’ ‘caste hierarchy, and social considerations of
class, status and standing’ (Mody, 2002: 255-6). Barriers constructed by familial
expectations and obligations, in addition to societal norms, make achieving a love
marriage difficult in Indian society. Perhaps as a consequence of the complexities
surrounding love marriages, several authors have recognised an emerging shift
towards a hybridised conception of marriage which blends both arranged marriage
and love marriage.
Arranged love marriage
Uberoi was the first scholarii
to use the expression ‘arranged love marriage’ to
describe ‘a style of matchmaking whereby a romantic choice already made is
endorsed, post facto, by parental approval and treated thereafter like an “arranged
marriage”’ (1998: 306). In her 2006 book Uberoi builds upon this notion, suggesting
that arranged love marriage can occur when ‘a young man and woman (appropriately
matched by all the usual criteria) … fall in love, and then bring their parents into the
picture to conduct the marriage negotiations as for a proper “arranged marriage”’
(Uberoi, 2006: 36). This latter definition will inform the analysis of Shaadi.com
testimonials, along with previously described conventional understandings of

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arranged marriage and love marriage.
SHAADI.COM
Currently there are over one hundred matrimonial websites that cater to an
Indian clientele (Datta, 2008). Of these websites, Shaadi.com claims to be the
world’s largest, with over 20 million members in its database.iii
On its homepage
Shaadi.com proudly advertises that, since its establishment in 1996, it has facilitated
more than two million matches. Consequently, Shaadi.com has been recognised as
an important site for further study (Shako, 2004; Maclaran et. al., 2008; Jha &
Adelman, 2009). In order to explore notions of marriage within Shaadi.com, the
remainder of this article will adopt the following structure: first, method will be briefly
outlined; second, the architecture of the website will be explored; last, a thematic
analysis of testimonials published on Shaadi.com will be undertaken.
METHOD
This article analyses testimonials posted between 2001-2011 from the
‘Shaadi Pride’ section of the website, which contains endorsements from users who
have found their partner through the website. When reading Shaadi Pride,
testimonials were shortlisted based on several criteria: First, an Indian woman living
in a Western country (or her family) must have written the testimonial. Second, the
testimonial was required to explain how they met and how the author felt when she
met her partner. Third, the testimonial must detail either what led to the marriage or
how the marriage took place. Ultimately, 208 testimonials were shortlisted for
narrative analysis.
When interpreting the data collected from Shaadi.com, two complementary
analytical approaches were combined: narrative analysis and thematic analysis.
Narrative analysis is the primary method used to explore and attribute meaning to the
data, whilst thematic analysis provides a secondary method for the organisation and

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coding of data. The data was coded thematically according to three concepts put
forward in the literature on Indian marriage practices: arranged marriage, love
marriage, and Uberoi’s (1998, 2006) notion of arranged love marriage.
When analysing online data, researchers must address the ethical debate
surrounding the collection of website data (Whiteman, 2012; boyd, 2007, 2008; Ess,
2001; King, 1996). This article adopts the stance that data contained within Shaadi
Pride is situated within the public sphere: the participants have chosen to submit their
testimonials for publication (often with photos attached) on the website and can
therefore be understood as giving implicit consent to observation (Ess, 2001).
Furthermore, there are no passwords or gatekeeping devices in place to protect the
content; the testimonials are freely available to all Internet users (King, 1996). This
article therefore treats Shaadi Pride data as publically available textual materials, as
opposed to ‘the property of human subjects’ (Whiteman, 2012: 82). Consequently, a
discourse analysis is undertaken of narratives that effectively act as marketing
materials from Shaadi.com that are published with a specific intended purpose: to
promote an ideal form of marriage to the global Indian population.
Narratives are inextricable from the context in which they are told (Fontana &
Frey, 2000: 646-7; Josselson, 2011: 224-5). Therefore, before examining the
testimonials, it is important to contextualise the data presented within Shaadi.com
and Shaadi Pride. When constructing her narrative, the author would likely be aware
that the testimonials are publicly available and may be viewed by people known to
her and her family in addition to the general public. She may therefore be mindful of
maintaining the reputation of her family and in-laws as well as producing an image of
herself as a virtuous woman, as the reputation of the family is important in Indian
culture and women are often deemed responsible for upholding reputation (Derné,
1994; Samuel, 2010). Furthermore, the testimonials serve as promotional material for
Shaadi.com, which one would assume are filtered by the website to represent only
favourable accounts of marriage. These factors combine to create a context in which

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both the author and Shaadi.com produce an idealised representation of marriage.
This representation suggests that women within the Indian diaspora can resolve
tension between familial obligation and post-modern Western notions of romantic
love, thereby obtaining ‘the best of both worlds’.
ARCHITECTURE OF SHAADI.COM
In addition to the context of the data presented within the website, it is also
important to understand the architecture of Shaadi.com and how this can affect the
way in which people use the website. Papacharissi argues that ‘the architecture of
virtual spaces … simultaneously suggests and enables particular modes of
interaction’ (2009: 200). boyd furthers this logic, suggesting that the architecture of
virtual networking sites ‘define what types of interaction are possible, and shape how
people engage in these spaces’ (2011: 42). Shaadi.com is constructed around
notions of arranged marriage, particularly in the way that a profile is constructed,
which, in theory, should mean that the website is primarily used to arrange
marriages.
From the moment a user signs up, they are channelled into specifying
information that would traditionally be used to determine whether a suitable match
could be made with another marriage candidate. The majority of this information is
collected during the registration process and can be very detailed. In the sign-up
process, before entering any personal information (such as a name or date of birth),
Shaadi.com asks the user to specify who the profile is being created for; ‘self, son,
daughter, brother, sister, friend or relative.’ It is compulsory for the user to answer
this question, and the response is later displayed on the individual’s profile. The
notion that a profile might be created by someone other than the person seeking
marriage is consistent with traditional arranged marriage customs in which a family
member would advertise, through personal networks and/or newspapers and

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matchmaking agencies, that a particular member of their family is seeking a marriage
partner (Seth & Patnayakuni, 2011: 333-4).
Additional information that is compulsory for users (both men and women) to
provide and is displayed in each user’s profile includes:
• Where they grew up, currently live (state and city) and their residency status
• Their level of education and the field in which they were educated
• Their current annual income (in dollars rather than INR; however users can
also select that they ‘Don’t want to specify’)
• Whether or not they smoke or drink
Information that is not compulsory for users to provide, but is required before users
are classified as having a complete profile, includes:
• Religion
• Mother tongue
• Caste/sect and sub-caste
• Diet: whether users are Vegetarian, Non-Vegetarian, Occasionally Non-
Vegetarian, ‘Eggetarian’,iv
Jain, or Vegan
• Personal values: whether they classify themselves as Traditional, Moderate,
or Liberal
• Complexion (Very Fair, Fair, ‘Wheatish’ or Darkv
), height and build
• What field the user is currently employed in
• Whether the user would ‘prefer’ to continue to work after marriage
• Their horoscope details (date, time, and place of birth)
There is little variation between the details listed on a Shaadi.com profile and the
criteria that have traditionally been used to determine a suitable match in arranged
marriages. Caste, religion, education, profession, lifestyle practices, and horoscope
continue to be important considerations when selecting a partner (Medora, 2003;
Gopalkrishnan & Babacan, 2007; Samuel, 2010). Shaadi.com profiles essentially
function as a contemporary matrimonial advertisement that, prior to the invention of

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the Internet, would have been printed in the local newspaper or submitted to a
matchmaking agency.
RESULTS AND DISCUSSION
Arranged marriage
Given Shaadi.com’s architecture, it is unsurprising that users arrange
marriages through the website and that this is reflected in the Shaadi Pride
testimonials. Twenty per cent of testimonials within the sample reflect an arranged
marriage narrative. Family members can use Shaadi.com to find a suitable spouse
for their relative and would presumably follow the arranged marriage pattern.
Testimonials reflecting a traditional arranged marriage are typically written by the
parent (or sibling, uncle, aunt, cousin, etc.) of the recently married family member
and are often quite short, for example:
I am glad to inform you that through Shaadi.com I was able to settle a good
match for my younger sister. ... I never thought that any site could bind not
only two souls but two families together.
- Ranu, USA (Shaadi Pride, July 2005)
I had put in my daughter's particulars in the website. While we live in the
United Kingdom, we got an excellent match for our daughter from New Delhi.
Keep this excellent work up.
- Tejinder Sharma, UK (Shaadi Pride, December 2002)
Within the testimonials that clearly follow the traditional arranged marriage format, it
is common for the writer to mention the joining of families, or the forming of an
‘alliance’ between two families. In the testimonials examined, no family member
mentions finding a ‘soulmate’ for their relative. This is a significant point of difference
between the ways that families use Shaadi.com and how individuals appear to use
Shaadi.com, as will be discussed.

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In line with arranged marriage patterns, some Shaadi.com testimonials
mention that parents (or other family members) set up a profile on behalf of their
child (or relative). In these cases, it appears that the family typically communicates
directly with potential suitors and their families, and when a good match is found the
candidate is informed. The candidates almost always speak extensively prior to
finalising the marriage. Presumably, women have a degree of choice in the final
decision about their marriage as they do with other contemporary arrangements, and
can decline if they wish – ‘although the choice of groom is rarely theirs alone’ (Jones,
2009: 8). There are many examples within Shaadi Pride of women in the diaspora
being happily matched by their families:
Our journey started when Nitin … sent a request which was accepted by my
Dad. Both parents spoke to each other and decided to meet since Nitin had
come from the US to attend his twin brother’s wedding. I was in London and
completely clueless about this development. My parents told me about this
after meeting and sharing my number with Nitin. While talking, we both
realised that we are compatible and things could work out … Both the
families decided to take things forward. The only worry that they had was
that we hadn’t met or seen each other in person. Since both of us had been
talking quite a lot, we didn’t see this as a blocker … I would really like to
thank Shaadi.com for uniting us forever in love.
- Shuchi and Nitin, UK/USA (Shaadi Pride, October 2011)
Shuchi’s testimonial is best described as an arranged marriage for several reasons.
First, Shuchi’s parents made her profile on Shaadi.com, screened candidates and
selected a suitable match, then introduced the couple, and with the authorisation of
the couple the wedding proceeded. Second, Shuchi seems to imply that love is
something that occurs in tandem with unification (i.e. marriage). This is consistent
with the notion that, in an arranged marriage, love will develop after marriage if a
match is properly made (Abraham, 2000: 19).

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Shuchi’s testimonial is also demonstrative of how transnational families can
use Shaadi.com to negotiate tradition in the context of a globalised world. In Shuchi’s
case, Shaadi.com facilitated a match made across three continents: a bride in the
UK, a groom in the USA, and both families in India. Despite distance, families can
appropriate Shaadi.com to enact arranged marriage practices.
Love marriage
The second theme that emerges from Shaadi.com is that of premarital
romance culminating in a ‘love marriage’. Despite the pervasiveness of arranged
marriage traditions within Shaadi.com’s architecture and testimonials, the website is
also saturated with post-modern Western ideas of love and romance. This is an
intriguing intersection between love and arranged marriage. Shaadi.com embodies
traditional arranged marriage practices through the information provided in a profile
and how that profile can be used; however, Shaadi.com simultaneously facilitates the
development of premarital love and romance.
As discussed previously, love is not a precondition when finalising an
arranged marriage. Some families might view premarital love as problematic and
disruptive to the process of finding a suitable match as it is assumed that love will
develop throughout the course of a marriage if a match is properly made (Abraham,
2000; Mody, 2006). Despite the destabilising effect that premarital love may have on
tradition and family relations, many women (and some men) in the diaspora speak of
‘love at first sight’, ‘destiny’ and finding their ‘soulmate’ through Shaadi.com. For
example:
When we spoke, we liked each other instantly … I have to admit that I fell in
love with him the first time I saw him. My heart knew he is the one for me …
There was no looking back from then onwards … After this the big question
was when to get married. I was busy with my residency and Ashish was
busy with completing his MBA … Neither of us wanted to wait much longer

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and we finally got married on 7th April 2006 in the Cook County Courthouse
of Chicago. When we exchanged oaths, we both had tears in our eyes …
We are so much in love with each other.
- Bhavna and Ashish, USA (Shaadi Pride, April 2006)
We met on your website two and a half years ago … We had a fantastic first
date … I felt like a teenager having her first crush. We have had ups and
downs in our relationship since then but the initial feeling of ‘love at first
sight’ (which was mutual) never left us … My parents threw us a fantastic
dream wedding, and Raj’s family were just as delighted to be there. We both
thank you [Shaadi.com] from the bottom of our hearts as you have helped us
find each other. We are two souls in one now.
- Pooja and Raj, UK (Shaadi Pride, August 2004)
Both Bhavna and Pooja’s testimonials suggest the evolution of premarital love
through dating (approximately one year for Bhavna, and two and a half years for
Pooja), which aligns with the Indian concept of love marriage. Neither Bhavna nor
Pooja mention families in the context of making the decision to marry or that their
family specifically endorsed the marriage, which suggests that familial obligation was
perhaps secondary to finding ‘true love’.
The notions of love and romance present in these testimonials, particularly
love at first sight, also relate to post-modern Western conceptions of love as based
on individual desire (Giddens, 1992). Love, as described by Bhavna and Pooja,
contains none of the negative connotations associated with love marriages detailed
in the literature on Indian marriage practices. This suggests that post-modern
Western notions of love are permeating how women in the Indian diaspora articulate
their marriages. However, testimonials reflecting love marriage were a minority (27%)
within the sample, as those that described love and romance also typically articulated

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the importance of their family in the marriage process.
Arranged love marriage
Testimonials that describe both premarital love and familial endorsement or
involvement in the marriage are reflected in 53% of the sample. The common
storyline within these testimonials suggest that couples meet through Shaadi.com,
fall in love (often depicted as ‘at first sight’), then seek parental approval, and the two
families subsequently communicate and ‘fix’ the marriage. This storyline reflects
Uberoi’s (1998, 2006) definition of arranged love marriage, which arose from the
plots of Bollywood films and other popular fiction. Some of the testimonials closely
adhered to Uberoi’s definition of arranged love marriage. For example:
We talked back and forth for about a month and then we met. It felt so right,
so we got our parents involved – one thing lead to another thing and our
wedding date was set. Thank you Shaadi.com for helping me find my best
friend and the most amazing man!
- Pamela and Amar, Canada (Shaadi Pride, April 2007)
Pamela’s testimonial suggests that she met Amar independently through
Shaadi.com, made a decision to marry likely based on romantic inclination, and
consequently involved both families, who then presumably negotiated the marriage
according to tradition and ultimately ‘set’ the marriage. Pamela’s testimonial is typical
of the arranged love marriage narratives within the sample: despite embedding
notions of romantic love within the narrative, authors consistently refer to the
importance of family in endorsing their marriage. This suggests that women in the
Indian diaspora are negotiating a tension between arranged marriage and love
marriage, which appears to result in an amalgamation that represents ‘the best of
both worlds’.

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Neema’s testimonial provides an example of a narrative that combines
notions of romantic love with familial duty in order to create a story in which the
author achieves ‘the best of both worlds’:
I still can't believe that this is really happening … Our first conversation
lasted 5 hours! Unbelievable. He lived in Chicago and I lived in Southern
California … Finally, Rahul came to Orange County to visit me and my
family. It was love at first sight. We had an amazing first date. He even
spoke with my father in private and asked for my hand in marriage. My
parents were so impressed by him. My father, however, stated that without
his parents in the picture, he couldn’t give his blessings right away. Rahul
immediately went to his parent’s home and told them that he was serious
about me and wanted to marry me … After that, wedding plans were
discussed between the two families ... I want to thank you [Shaadi.com] for
not only introducing me to my partner and husband, but for making it
possible to meet my soul mate ... In such a short time, two families really did
become one.
- Neema and Rahul, USA (Shaadi Pride, June 2003)
Neema’s testimonial suggests that the amalgamation of love and arranged marriage
is complex and different appropriations can be formed subjectively according to the
couple and their situation. The progression of Neema’s narrative technically fulfils
Uberoi’s (1998, 2006) definition of love occurring prior to marriage and parents
subsequently arranging the marriage. Neema describes falling in love at first sight
and weaves multiple post-modern Western concepts of romance and love into her
narrative. However, Neema also articulates that her parents were involved at the first
date, which would suggest that there was limited courtship prior to families becoming
involved – departing from Uberoi’s definition which implies that the couple falls in
love during a prolonged courtship period. If one were to exclude references to
premarital love and romance, Neema’s testimonial would essentially portray an

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arranged marriage. Yet Neema frames her narrative through a romantic lens,
inferring a desire to conceptualise her marriage outside the confines of a traditional
arranged marriage by embedding notions of love within her narrative.
Deepa’s testimonial also suggests that parents can play various roles in an
arranged love marriage:
My family and I liked his profile … we exchanged mobile numbers and spoke
to each other on the phone … After some time when we became good friends
and liked each other, then we decided to meet. We met at one of London’s
most romantic places, Trafalgar Square. He was standing on the top of the
stairs and I was standing right at the bottom of the stairs … It was then when I
first saw him that I fell in love with him. I became speechless … he could not
take his eyes off me. For both of us, it was love at first sight … We gave
about a year to get to know each other better and then decided to get
married. Then he told his parents (my family already knew about it since the
beginning). His parents agreed … I am so thankful to my mother for creating
my profile on Shaadi.com and I am also thankful to Shaadi.com for helping
me find my best match … I feel complete now and it’s all because of
Shaadi.com.
- Deepa and Rajan, UK (Shaadi Pride, December 2011)
Deepa’s mother created her profile and her parents also appear to have been
involved in the screening of candidates, which links Deepa’s narrative to arranged
marriage traditions. Conversely, the parents of Deepa’s husband, Rajan, became
involved after the decision to marry had been made – as per Uberoi’s definition of
arranged love marriage. Despite the involvement of her family from the beginning,
Deepa describes allowing time to get to know Rajan and then deciding to marry.
Similar to Neema, Deepa articulates post-modern Western notions of premarital love,
including falling in love at first sight, of feeling complete, and so forth. Deepa’s
testimonial therefore suggests an aspiration to balance familial duty with individual

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desire for romance.
CONCLUSION
The prevalence of the arranged love marriage discourse within Shaadi Pride
suggests that women in the Indian diaspora aspire to reproduce this form of
marriage. There are several reasons why women within the Indian diaspora might
articulate their marriage within the arranged love marriage paradigm. First, arranged
love marriage creates a situation in which women can uphold familial obligations and
cultural traditions, whilst concurrently pursuing individual desires for premarital
romantic love. Second, identifying with ‘falling in love’ potentially allows a greater
degree of choice and sense of autonomy and control for women within the marriage
process that can often be oppressive in Indian culture (Costa-Pinto, 2007; Samuel,
2010). Situating one’s marriage within a discourse of post-modern romantic love also
gives greater legitimacy to the marriage in a Western context, which may allow
women in the diaspora to interact with both Indian culture and Western culture
simultaneously (Costa-Pinto, 2010).
However, we should not forget that these testimonials are likely to be filtered
by Shaadi.com and be composed by the author with a specific audience in mind. The
testimonials therefore represent an idealised version of marriage, promoted to Indian
women by Indian women. Further exploration is thus required to understand whether
this idealised form of marriage – in which arranged marriage and love marriage are
fused to embody ‘the best of both worlds’ – is also present in how women within the
Indian diaspora, who are positioned outside the Shaadi.com framework, articulate
their marriages. This article, however, provides important inroads in the exploration
of discourses present within matrimonial websites and how women in the Indian
diaspora can use these websites to negotiate tensions between tradition and
modernity, family and the individual.

19. 19
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ENDNOTES
i
Spelling and grammar used in the testimonials will be corrected, if necessary, for the
purposes of this article. Therefore some comments may not appear verbatim but I do
not change meanings. Using ‘sic’ to identify grammatical and spelling mistakes was
considered, but due to the prolific use of ‘text message’ language, this was decided
against.
ii
It should be noted that other authors have also recognised a similar emerging trend,
but have coined the phenomenon differently. A common term is ‘love-cum-arranged
marriage’ (Medora, 2003; Kumari, 2004; Mody, 2006, Khandewal, 2009; Netting,
2010). Given that these terms are essentially synonymous, this article adopts
Uberoi’s definition as this was first to appear and provides an apt description of the
practice.
iii
This statement is nearly impossible to corroborate because exact figures on
Shaadi.com membership are not readily available from external sources.
iv
An ‘Eggetarian’ is a slang term used to describe someone who is a “pure‟
vegetarian but eats eggs.
v
The majority of profiles viewed (men and women) list their complexion as ‘wheatish’
while very few list their complexion as ‘dark’.