1. R.A.P. Communication
Calm Down Upset People with Respect, Attention and Praise
COUNSELING 101
Dr. Edward Barnett, HD, DD, MPC, BAM, CAMS
Director of Residential Services, Woodley House Inc.

2. R.A.P. Communication
• R.A.P. stands for Respect, Attention and Praise.
• It is the opposite of what you feel like giving someone when he or she is
oppositional and verbally attacking YOU! Yet you will be amazed at how
effective this is when you master this type of communication.
• The R.A.P communication establishes rapport with the person feelings,
then reconnects their focus. For example, lets say that you didn’t return
someone’s phone call back as soon as they thought you should have and
they began accusing you of ignoring them. “You ignored my call! You
don’t care how long I have been dealing with this problem! You’re not
doing your job!”

3. R.A.P. Communication
• Rather than defending yourself when being attacked verbally,
respond with R.A.P. communication such as: “You are right, I
should have responded to you faster. What can I do for you now?
Tell me what’s going on.”
• This statement included:
• Respect: “You are right.” This statement disarms the
consumer about being right.
• Attention: “What can I do for you now.” This statement calms
the consumer, because they can ask for what they want
• Respect: “ You are doing right to solve this issue.”

4. 1. It’s effective
2. It is easy to learn
3. It fits our philosophy
• Everyone gets upset at one time or another. Emotional Intense consumers get
upset very easily and often. This simple technique called “R.A.P. Communication”
can help you calm others down. This is especially helpful even in personal
relationships or in a position of authority. Emotional intense people tend to
verbally attack those close to them and those in authority when they are
frustrated and can’t manage their own emotions or situations. The intensity of
their uncontrolled emotions can really catch you off-guard. But if you regularly
practice R.A.P Communication you can connect with emotionally intense people,
which is what they really want.
Why use R. A. P. Communication ?

5. The Importance of Respect
• Anyone can lose emotional and behavioral control, but they still
need respect. Even the most difficult and emotional intense
person usually has some quality that you can acknowledge. By
recognizing that quality, you can calm a person who is desperate
to be respected. Here are several statements showing respect:
• “You have done your best in this situation.”
• “I respect your commitment to solving this problem.”
• “You have shown that you are responsible.”
• “I respect your success at accomplishing ________________.”
• “You have great potential and good qualities.”

6. The Importance of Attention
• There are many ways to let a person know that you will pay
attention. For example, you can say:
• “Let me listen to you.”
• “I will pay attention to what you say.”
“How can I help, tell me more.”
• “I can see how important this is to you.”
• “I understand this can be frustrating.”
• I know this process can be confusing.”
• “I’m sorry to see that you’re in this situation.”
• “I’d like to help you if I can.”
• “Let’s see if we can solve this together.”

7. The Importance of Attention cont.
You can also show attention in non-verbally ways, such as:
• Have good “eye contact” (look at the person but don’t stare at the
person)
• Always use a calm tone of voice – even when the other person don’t
• Nod your head up and down - showing attention to their concerns
• Stay at a comfortable space – not to far and not to close to the
person
• Be careful not to touch a person who is emotional intense or upset,
some don’t liked to be touched - it may be misinterpreted as a
threat, a come-on, or a put-down)

8. The Importance of Praise
• Praise is to find something that you can speak well about the person.
Finding something good to say.
• Praise can make you more empathic than sympathic towards a person.
Empathy for someone means that you can feel the pain or frustration
that they are feeling, and probably have felt similar feelings before.
When you show empathy for another person, you are treating them as a
peer who you are concerned about and can relate to as an equal in
distress.
• Sympathy is when you see someone else in a bad situation that you are
not in. You feel sorry for them.

9. • Some Communication Rules to Follow
• Communication Skills
Exercises

10. Again - What is R.A.P ?
• This is one of the best ways to keep the person connected to the situation.
• They have usually shut out most of the people around them.
• They are used to being rejected, abandoned, insulted, ignored, and disrespected
by those around them.
• They are starving for respect, attention, and praise, they are looking for it
anywhere they can get it. So just giving it to them, opens them up to listen to
you.
• You can still set limits, give structure, and keep a social or professional distance.
• It just means that you can connect with them around solving a particular problem
and treat them like an equal human being, whether you agree or strongly disagree
with their perspective or problem.

11. What To Do When Agitation Is Increasing
o Keep a straight face and show no emotions
o Don’t argue.
o Don’t command.
o Don’t demand.
o Don’t disagree.
o Be respectful.
o Continue to talk and listen and wait
o Stand slightly to the side in a face-to face position
o Don’t corner the person psychologically

12. What To Do When Agitation Is Increasing
• REMEMBER ---
• Don’t use Blaming or accusing language
• Don’t lie
• Don’t make promises
ALWAYS -- Maintain a professional, but comfortable
relationship
R.A.P. does not mean you agree with the emotional intense
person

13. It’s Not About You, The Counselor!
• Counseling is about the other person!
• Don’t take what they say or do personally.
• Its about the person’s own emotional impulse and lack of sufficient
skills to manage his or her own behavior.
• Try making R.A.P. communication and you will find it effective in
ending verbal attacks and helps calm the person down.
• This is especially true with emotional intense people who have a
hard time calming themselves down.
• R. A. P. is calming language that let the other person know that you
want to connect with him or her, rather than threaten him or her

14. Conclusion
• R.A.P. Communication along with proper non-verbal
language demonstrates Respect, Attention and Praise. It
can be effective in avoiding many potentially high-
conflict situations with people.
• It can save you time and lost of emotional energy for
years to come.
• Lets practice R. A. P. !!