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  2. 2. Assertiveness Saying What You Mean and Meaning What You Say
  3. 3. Three Patterns of Communication <ul><li>Aggressive Communication </li></ul><ul><li>Passive Communication </li></ul><ul><li>Assertive Communication </li></ul>
  4. 4. A Challenge <ul><li>Please write a One Sentence Definition of </li></ul><ul><li>A S S E R T I V E N E S S. </li></ul>
  5. 5. Definition of Assertiveness An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and beliefs.
  6. 6. <ul><li>Do you have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours? </li></ul><ul><li>Can you accept criticism without being defensive? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? </li></ul><ul><li>Are you able to stand up for your rights? </li></ul>
  7. 7. <ul><li>Can you express negative feelings about other people and their behaviors without using abusive language? </li></ul><ul><li>Are you able to exercise and express your strengths? </li></ul><ul><li>Can you easily recognize and compliment other people’s achievements? </li></ul>
  8. 8. <ul><li>Are you able to refuse unreasonable requests from friends, family, or co-workers? </li></ul><ul><li>Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversation with others? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you ask for assistance when you need it ? </li></ul>A “yes” response to the questions indicates an assertive approach.
  9. 9. Why Assertiveness Is Important? <ul><li>Effective communication brings about the achievement of individual and/or shared goals. </li></ul><ul><li>Assertiveness increases your ability to reach these goals while maintaining your rights and dignity. </li></ul>
  10. 10. What’s Keeping You From Being Assertive? <ul><li>Fear of change. </li></ul><ul><li>Refusal to admit their submissiveness. </li></ul><ul><li>Fear of ruining relationships if you speak your mind. </li></ul><ul><li>Lack confidence in your ability. </li></ul>
  11. 11. Aggressiveness Is <ul><li>Inappropriately expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way that violates other people’s rights. </li></ul><ul><li>Achieving your goal by not allowing others the freedom to choose. </li></ul><ul><li>Completely disrespecting others whether it be in an active or passive method. </li></ul>
  12. 12. Aggressive Behavior <ul><li>Directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts and beliefs in a way which is often dishonest, usually inappropriate, and always violates the rights of the other person </li></ul>
  13. 13. Aggressive Behavior <ul><li>Goals of Aggressive Behavior : </li></ul><ul><ul><li>domination and winning </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>forcing others to lose </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Winning is insured by humiliating, degrading, belittling, or overpowering other people so that they become weaker and less able to express and defend their needs and rights </li></ul>
  14. 14. Reasons People Act Aggressively <ul><li>To get your point across </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t know another way to get your point across </li></ul><ul><li>For personal gain, control </li></ul><ul><li>To avoid your own personal responsibility </li></ul><ul><li>Low self esteem </li></ul><ul><li>Anger related to previous non assertion </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t have other coping mechanisms </li></ul><ul><li>Reacting to another’s aggression </li></ul>
  15. 15. Consequences of Aggression <ul><li>The other person gets defensive </li></ul><ul><li>Get rid of anger or other emotions </li></ul><ul><li>Lose friendships, other intimate relationships, damage relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Affect work, lose job </li></ul><ul><li>Lose respect </li></ul>
  16. 16. A Passive Person Passive people usually : <ul><li>Speak softly and hesitantly. </li></ul><ul><li>Is confused. </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid eye contact. </li></ul><ul><li>Allow other people in their personal space. </li></ul>
  17. 17. Passive Behavior <ul><li>Violating your own rights by failing to express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs and consequently permitting others to violate you </li></ul>
  18. 18. Passive Behavior <ul><li>Goals of nonassertive behavior: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>to appease others </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>to avoid conflict at any cost </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Message communicated: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>My thoughts aren’t important; I don’t count </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>I’m nothing; you are superior </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>I don’t respect your ability to take disappointments, handle your own problems. . . </li></ul></ul>
  19. 19. Consequences of Passive Behaviour <ul><li>Not getting your point across </li></ul><ul><li>Nothing changes, problems can get worse </li></ul><ul><li>Damages self esteem </li></ul><ul><li>Can lead to aggressive behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Other people can take advantage of you </li></ul>
  20. 21. Assertiveness <ul><li>I’m OK </li></ul><ul><li>You’re not OK You’re OK </li></ul><ul><li>I’m not OK </li></ul>                                                                                                        
  21. 22. Assertiveness <ul><li>I’m OK </li></ul><ul><li> AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE </li></ul><ul><li>You’re not OK You’re OK </li></ul><ul><li> PASSIVE / PASSIVE </li></ul><ul><li> AGGRESSIVE </li></ul><ul><li>I’m not OK </li></ul>                                                                                                        
  22. 23. Assertive Rights <ul><li>You have the right to be assertive. </li></ul><ul><li>You have the right to request that others change their behavior if they are infringing on your rights. </li></ul><ul><li>You have the right to use your own time to answer questions. </li></ul><ul><li>You have the right to express your needs even if they are illogical. </li></ul><ul><li>Be aware that there are responsibilities attached to all these rights! </li></ul>
  23. 24. Assertive Behavior <ul><li>Non verbals are congruent with verbals </li></ul><ul><li>Voice is appropriately loud to the situation </li></ul><ul><li>Eye contact is firm but not a stare down </li></ul><ul><li>Body gestures denote strength </li></ul><ul><li>Speech pattern is fluent, expressive, clear, and emphasizes key words </li></ul>
  24. 25. Assertive Communication <ul><li>I language Communication--3 parts: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>I feel . . . (describe your feelings) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>when . . .(objectively describe the other person’s behavior) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>It’s tangible effects on you . . .(describe how the other person’s behavior concretely effects your life or feelings) </li></ul></ul>
  25. 26. Making the First Move <ul><li>Overcoming the Fear of Being Assertive : </li></ul>Concentrate. Remember who you’re with and tailor your discussion. Be tactful and honest. Make eye contact.
  26. 27. Assertiveness is More Than Courage
  27. 28. Taking the First Step <ul><li>If you don ’ t like the way you feel when you behave a certain way, know that you have the power to change it! </li></ul><ul><li>Remember, the only behavior you can control is your own. </li></ul>
  28. 29. <ul><li>He was asked to complete his engineering project in 4 days , which he completed in just one and half days..working nonstop and asked assertively for scholarship to be continued. </li></ul>
  29. 30. <ul><li>He started dealing people so assertively even being dyslexic,that he had made 5 successful business ventures at the age of 17. </li></ul>
  30. 31. You Can Change Your Habits <ul><li>1. Identify what you want to change about yourself. </li></ul><ul><li>2. Set a goal. </li></ul><ul><li>3. Control your fears and anxieties. </li></ul><ul><li>4. Aim for a success that is manageable at first. </li></ul><ul><li>5. Keep a record to monitor your progress. </li></ul><ul><li>6. Practice, practice, practice! </li></ul>Don’t lose sight of your goal, and remember that upkeep is a life-long commitment.