Improving communication skills, recognizing different communication styles and converting non - assertive communication styles into assertive.

1. Assertive communication
training

2. Content
❏ What is the communication?
❏ Categories of communication
❏ Verbal and nonverbal communication
❏ Communication passive,
❏ Aggressive,
❏ Passive - aggressive
❏ Assertive
❏ Conclusion

3. What is the communication?
➢ The act of conveying meanings from one entity or group
➢ Involves (at least) one sender, a message and a recipient
➢ The transmission of the message from sender to recipient can be affected by
huge range of things
➢ Effective and unambiguous communication is actually extremely hard.

5. Categories of communication
The different categories of communication include:
❏ Spoken or verbal communication
❏ Nonverbal communication
❏ Written communication
❏ Visualisations

6. Verbal and nonverbal communication
➢ Verbal communication includes both face to face conversations between
people and written communication. It includes sounds, words or speaking.
➢ Nonverbal communication includes facial expressions, timing, touch and
anything else done without speaking. People seem to notice nonverbal
communication more than verbal.

7. Styles of communication
❏ There are four basic communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive -
aggressive and assertive.
❏ Assertive communication is found to be the most effective, because it
incorporates the best aspects of all the other styles.

8. Passive communication
❏ Individuals who use the passive communication style often act indifferently,
yielding to others.
❏ Passive communicators:
❏ usually fail to express their needs or feelings
❏ often display lack of eye contact, poor body posture and inability to say “no”
❏ also act in a way that states “people never consider my feelings”

9. Examples of phrases that those who use a passive communication style would
say or may believe include:
➢ “It really doesn't matter that much”
➢ “I just want to keep the peace”
➢ “Maybe I’m not right”

10. Passive communication Assertive communication
1. You yelled at me this morning, but never mind.
Nema veze što si jutros vikao na mene.
I understand you felt angry this morning, but
don’t you think we better talk about it now?
Razumem da si bio jako ljut jutros, zar ne misliš
da bi bilo bolje da sada porazgovaramo o tome?
2. Air conditioner is on for too long, but that’s just my
opinion it doesn't mind.
Klima uređaj je već predugo uključen, ali to je samo
moje mišljenje, nije bitno.
Air conditioner is on for too long, it gets cold, I’ll
turn it off briefly.
Klima uređaj je predugo uključen, postaje mi
hladno, isključiću ga na kratko.
3. Sorry to bother you, but I know you’ll do it better than
me.
Izvini što te gnjavm, ali znam da ćeš ti to uraditi bolje
od mene.
I feel insecure about this, could you control it in
the end?
Osećam se nesigurno u vezi toga, možeš li da
proveriš na kraju?
4. Can you move your chair to pass by you, if is not
difficult for you?
Možeš li pomeriti stolicu da prođem pored tebe, ako ti
nije teško?
I want to get past by you, but that chair bothers
me, it would be nice from you to move it.
Želim da prođem pored tebe ali ta stolica mi
smeta, bilo bi lepo od tebe da je pomeriš.

11. Aggressive communication
❏ The aggressive communication style is emphasized by speaking in a loud and
demanding voice, maintaining intense eye contact and dominating or
controlling others by blaming, intimidating, criticizing, threatening of attacking
them, among other traits.
❏ Aggressive communicators issue command, ask questions rudely and fail to
listen others
❏ But they can also be considered leaders and command respect from those
around them

12. Examples of phrases that an aggressive communicator would use include:
➢ “I’m right and you’re wrong”
➢ “I’ll get my way no matter what”
➢ “It’s all your fault”

13. Aggressive communication Assertive communication
1. You yelled at me because you are a fool.
Vikao si na mene zato što si budala.
I feel very bad when you yell at me, can we sit down and
talk to find a solution?
Osećam se jako loše kada vičes na mene, možemo li da
sednemo i porazgovaramo kako bi našli rešenje?
2. Air conditioner has to be turned on, because I
said so.
Klima će biti uključena zato što ja tako kazem.
I would like the air conditioning to stay on, it’s to hot in the
room.
Želeo bih da klima ostane uključena, previše je vruće u
prostoriji.
3. You’re incapable of doing anything right.
Nesposoban si da uradiš bilo šta dobro.
I think you could try harder next time, it would make me
very happy.
Mislim da bi mogao sledeći put malo više da se potrudiš,
to bi me jako usrećilo.
4. Move that chair! I can’t pass from it!
Pomeri tu stolicu! Ne mogu da prođem od nje!
That chair really bothers me, I can’t sell, it would be nice of
you to move it.
Ta stolica mi jako smeta, ne mogu da prođem od nje, bilo
bi lepo od tebe da je pomeriš.

14. Passive - aggressive communication style
❏ Users appear passive on the surface, but within he or she may feel powerless
or stuck, building up resentment that leads to see thing or acting out in subtle,
indirect or secret way.
❏ Passive - aggressive communicators have:
➢ difficulty acknowledging their anger,
➢ use facial expressions that don’t correlate with how they feel and even deny there is a
problem.
➢ most likely to communicate with body language or a lack of open communication to another
person.

15. ❏ Passive-aggressive communicators may also appear cooperative, but may
silently be doing the opposite.
Ultimately, passive-aggressive communicators are aware of their needs, but at
times struggle to voice them.

16. Examples of phrases that a passive-aggressive communicator would use include:
➢ “That’s fine with me, but don’t be surprised if someone else gets mad”
➢ “Sure, we can do things your way” (than mutters to self that “your way is
stupid”)
➢ “Your project is not bad, but I could do it better”

17. Passive - aggressive communication Assertive communication
1. You yelled at me this morning, and I'm ok with
that, but don’t be surprised if someone else next
time punch you in the face.
Vikao si na mene jutros i mene to ne pogađa, ali
nemoj da se iznenadiš ako te sledeći put neko
drugi udari.
I don’t like when you yell at me, can we talk about
that and solve the problem?
Ne dopada mi se to što vičeš na mene, možemo li
da razgovaramo i rešimo problem?
2. Keep the air conditioning on, but when you get
cold, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Neka klima ostane uključena, ali kad se
prehladite nemojte reći da niste bili upozoreni.
It’s getting cold, the air conditioner should be
off for a while, i wouldn’t want to catch a cold.
Postaje mi hladno, trebalo bi da isključimo
klimu neko vreme, ne bih želeo da se
prehladim.

18. 3. It’s nice that you are trying, but I would do it
better.
Lepo je to što se trudiš, ali ja bih to uradio
bolje.
You didn’t do your best, it would be nice if you could
try more. If you need my help you can contact me
anytime.
Nisi dao sve od sebe, bilo bi lepo kada bi se više
potrudio. Ako ti zatreba moja pomoć možeš da me
kontaktiraš bilo kad.
4. As far as I’m concerned the chair doesn’t
bother me, but someone will stumble and
break his arm.
Sto se mene tiče, ta stolica mi ne smeta ali
neko će se spotaći i slomiti ruku.
That chair really bothers me. I’ll stumble when I pass,
it would be nice from you to move it.
Ta stolica mi jako smeta. Spotaći ću se u prolazu,
zaista bi bilo lepo od tebe da je pomeriš.

19. Assertive communication style
❏ The most effective form of communication.
❏ Assertive communicators can express their own needs, desires, ideas and
feelings, while also considering the needs of others.
❏ Assertive communicators aim both sides to win in a situation, balancing one’s
rights with the rights of others.

20. One of the keys to assertive communication is using “I” statements, such as “I
feel frustrated when you are late for a meeting” or, “I don’t like having to explain
this over and over.'' It indicates ownership or feelings and behaviors without
blaming the other person.
Examples of phrases and assertive communicator would use include:
➢ “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.”
➢ “I realize I have choices in my life, and I consider my options.”
➢ “I respect the rights of others”.

21. Assertive rights
❏ Universal human rights which are independent of gender, nationality, skin
color and religious beliefs.
❏ By accepting and exercising these rights, we can change our communication
style whether passive or aggressive towards an assertive communication
style.
In these ways, we take care of ourselves, with the respect of the other person.

22. Assertive bill of rights:
➢ I have the right to express all my feelings, without feeling guilty, in a manner
that won’t harm others
➢ I have the right to personal choice
➢ I have the right to say “no”
➢ I have the right to not giving excuses
➢ I have the right to change my mind
➢ I have the right to make a mistake
➢ I have the right to be angry with someone i love
➢ I have the right not to read other people's thoughts
➢ I have the right to say “I don’t understand”
➢ I have the right to say “I am not interested”

23. It is advisable that you disagree, because we value free thinking (we encourage
you to say no, because your opinion means).

24. Why it’s hard to say “NO”?
Beliefs such as:
❏ Saying “No” is rude
❏ Saying “No” shows that I don't care for other person
❏ If I say “No” to interlocutor he’ll be hurt and will feel rejected
❏ If I say “No” to interlocutor, he won’t love me anymore
❏ We should always strive to help others

25. But:
❏ The other persons have the right to ask us for a favor, and we have the right
to refuse them
❏ When we say “No” we reject the request, not the person
❏ When we say yes to one choice, we say no to another at the same time - we
always have a choice.

26. Conclusion
Assertive communication helps us to express our needs and wishes while
respecting rights of others. It’s very important that we recognize every time we
communicate non - assertively and that we strive to convert it to an assertive form
of communication in order to make more successful connections.

27. Thanks!
Next training “How to improve your communication skills
using assertive techniques” will be conducted soon

28. Assertive techniques
Assertive techniques could be learned.
There are some of them:
➢ Fogging
➢ Empathetic assertiveness
➢ Broken record
➢ Assertiveness of consequences

29. Fogging
Example:
A: “You never work late. You don’t care about this company”
B: “Yes, I rarely work late. I work hard on getting my project done, within my
scheduled working hours, allowing me to spend quality time with my
family.”

30. 1. You never work late. You don’t care about this
company.
Ti nikada ne radiš prekovremeno. Ova firma te
uopšte ne zanima.
Yes, I rarely work late. I work hard on getting
my project done, within my scheduled
working hours, allowing me to spend quality
time with my family.
Da, retko radim prekovremno. Radim naporno
kako bih završio svoj projekat u okviru
predviđenih sati, kako bih mogao da
provodim kvalitetno vreme sa porodicom.
2. You’re always late for work. It happens all the
time, you are so irresponsible.
Stalno kasniš na posao. To se konstantno
dešava, jako si neodgovoran.
Yes, I came later than i hoped to be, and i
can see this has annoyed you.
Da, dolazio sam kasnije nego što sam se
nadao i vidim da te je to iznerviralo.
3. I can’t believe you refuse to work on this project.
You’re so useless.
Ne mogu da verujem da si odbio da radiš na
ovom projektu. Tako si beskoristan.
Yes, i refused to work on that project. Well,
nobody is perfect.
Da, odbio sam da radim na tom projektu.
Pa, niko nije savršen.
4. I don’t care if you have troubles with her, you will
work on that project together.
Ne zanima me što imaš probleme sa njom,
radićete zajedno na tom projektu.
Yes, i’ll do on that project with her, but i
don’t guarantee for outcome.
Da, radiću na tom projektu sa njom, ali za
ishod ne garantujem.

31. Empathetic assertiveness
Example:
❏ “I believe you’re mad at me, but It bothers me when you yell”
❏ “I understand that you’re having trouble working with her, but this project
needs to be completed by Friday. Let’s all sit down and come up with a plan
together”
❏ “It’s not easy for me to say this, but it annoys me when you’re late so I have to
do your tasks”
empathy + basic
assertivity

32. 1. You never work late. You don’t care
about this company.
Ti nikada ne radis prekovremeno. Ova
firma te uopšte ne zanima.
I understand that it is important to you, but I
am working very hard on my project, within my
scheduled hours.
Zaista razumem koliko je to tebi važno, ali ja
već radim veoma naporno na svom projektu, u
okviru svojih predviđenih sati.
2. You’re always late for work. It happens
all the time, you are so irresponsible.
Stalno kasniš na posao. To se
konstantno dešava, jako si
neodgovoran.
I can see that made you very angry, but it
really bothers me when you yell at me.
Primećujem koliko si ljut na mene, ali zaista mi
smeta kad vičeš na mene.
3. I can’t believe you refuse to work on
this project. You’re so useless.
Ne mogu da verujem da si odbio da
radiš na ovom projektu. Tako si
beskoristan.
I don’t like when I have to cancel something,
but it doesn't suit me to work on that project.
Ne volim kada moram da otkažem nešto, ali
ne odgovara mi da radim na tom projektu.
4. I don’t care if you have troubles with
her, you will work on that project
together.
Ne zanima me što imaš probleme sa
njom, radićete zajedno na tom projektu.
It’s hard for me to tell you this, but I want to
work on that project alone.
Teško mi je što ovo moram da ti kažem, ali
želeo bih da na tom projektu radim sam.

33. Broken record
Example:
A: “Do you want to check out our new application?”
B: “No thank you, I’m not interested.”
A: “It will only take you a few minutes”.
B: “ No, thanks.”
A: “But I’m sure you’ll be interested in something like this”
B: “No thanks”.

34. 1. A:You never work overtime, so could you
now?
A:But on that way you could finish your
project earlier.
A:You don’t want it even if I pay you
extra?
B:No, I'm sorry, I can't.
B:No, I can’t work overtime.
B:No, thank you, I’m not interested.
2. A:You are always late for work, could
you come early tomorrow?
A:But it’s just a couple of minutes earlier.
A:But that would mean to you a lot
because of salary.
B: No, i couldn’t.
B: No, I’m sorry. I couldn’t come earlier.
B: I understand that, but I couldn’t come
earlier because i come by public transport,
not by my own.
3. A:I can’t believe you refused to work on
this project.
A:I will pay you extra for doing it.
A:Will you do it as a personal favor?
B: Yes, i refused to work on that project.
B: No thank you. I’m not interested.
B: You know I value our partnership, but
no thanks.
4. A:I don’t care if you have troubles with
her, you will work on that project together
A:But i want you two to work on that
project.
A:Would you like to do that for me, i
please you?
B: I’m sorry, but i can’t.
B: I can’t accept another project, I already
have too many of my own.
B: I’m really sorry, but i can’t.

35. Assertiveness of consequences
Example:
❏ “If this happens again, I will have no choice but to inform director”
❏ “This is the third time this week I’ve had to speak to you about arriving late. If
you’re late once more this month I will activate the disciplinary process”
❏ “If you keep yelling at me, I’ll have to leave the office, but I’d rather not.”
IF - THEN

36. 1. You never work late. You don’t care about this
company.
Ti nikada ne radiš prekovremeno. Ova firma te
uopšte ne zanima.
If I stay and work late, then i want to be paid extra.
Ako ostanem prekovremeno da radim, onda želim da
budem dodatno plaćen.
2. You’re always late for work. It happens all the time,
you are so irresponsible.
Stalno kasniš na posao. To se konstantno dešava,
jako si neodgovoran.
If you mind I’m late for work, than lower my salary.
Ako vam smeta to što kasnim, onda mi smanjite platu.
3. I can’t believe you refuse to work on this project.
You’re so useless.
Ne mogu da verujem da si odbio da radiš na ovom
projektu. Tako si beskoristan.
If you are not satisfied with me, you can always find
another worker.
Ako niste zadovoljni sa mnom, uvek možete da nađete
drugog radnika.
4. I don’t care if you have troubles with her, you will
work on that project together.
Ne zanima me što imas probleme sa njom, radićete
zajedno na tom projektu.
If you want the two of us to work together on that project,
than separate us physically.
Ako želis da nas dve radimo na tom projektu zajedno,
onda nas fizički razdvoji.

37. I messages
❏ An assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values etc.
❏ Expressed as a sentence beginning with the word “I”
❏ Contrasted with a “you-message” or “you-statement” which often begins with
the form “you” and focuses on the person spoken to
❏ Take ownership for one’s feelings rather than implying that they are caused
by another person

38. Examples:
“I really am getting backed up on my work since I don’t have financial report yet”,
rather than “You didn't finish the financial report on time!” (the latter is in example
of a you-statement).
I-messages or I-statements can also be used in constructive criticism.
For instance, one might say, “I had to read that section of your paper three times
before I understood it,'' rather than “This section is worded in a really confusing
way” or “You need to learn how to word a paper more clearly.”

39. I - messages can also be used for:
1.An objective description of another person’s behavior that annoys us
Example: “When you don’t respect our agreement…”
1.A description of feelings which this behavior causes
Example: “I feel mad/disappointed…”
1.Influence that this behavior has on employees
Example: “Because I put the effort and time to organize myself”
1.Research for the solution
Example: “I would ask you to respect our agreement next time”

40. You - messages I - messages
You’re annoying me
Nerviraš me
This situation annoys me
Ova situacija me nervira
You misunderstood me
Pogrešno si me shvatio
I’d like to explain you this once again
Želela bih da ti objasnim ovo još jednom
You don’t appreciate me
Ne ceniš me
I would like you to treat me with a little more
respect.
Želela bih da mi se obraćaš sa malo više
poštovanja
You frustrate me when you are late for meetings
Frustriraš me kad zakasniš na sastanke
I feel very frustrated when you’re late for meetings,
I wish you could change that.
Osećam se veoma frustrirano kad zakasniš na
sastanak, voleo bih da promeniš to.
You didn’t finish your task on time!
Nisi završio svoj zadatak na vreme!
I wish you would say next time if you need more
time for your tasks.
Želela bih da kažeš sledeći put ako ti treba više
vremena za zadatke.

41. Practice 02:
Your colleague sends you a report at 5 p.m. every Friday, so because of that
you have to work overtime.
Question: How would you reply on assertive way?

42. I - messages in conflict resolution
❏ If an “I-message” contains “you-messages” it can be problematic in a conflict
situation.
For example: “I feel…when you..., and I want you to…”
❏ This can put the receiver of the statement on the defensive.
❏ An “interest-based” approach to conflict resolution suggests using statements
that reflect why the individual wants something.

43. The goal of an I message is an interest-based approach:
➢ to avoid using “you” statements that will escalate the conflict
➢ to respond in a way that will de-escalate the conflict
➢ to identify feelings
➢ to identify behaviors that are causing the conflict
➢ to help individuals resolve the present conflict and/or prevent future
conflicts.
Bonus information: Never criticize
personality, but the behavior

44. Non - verbal assertive communication
❏ A form of communication in which people are assertive without saying
anything.
❏ Requires people to make good use of their body language in order to get their
point across.
❏ A person who is assertive is someone who understands that everyone has
rights.

45. There are a number of ways we can communicate bad signals to those we come
in contact with, and some of these things include:
❏ little eye contact
❏ gestures which make you seem nervous or
❏ slouching
This can causes:
❏ Doubts the sincerity of everything we said
❏ Difficulty in building relationships
It is important to always be in control of ours non-verbal communication and
always be assertive.

46. The importance of assertive listening
❏ When we listen to people, we let them know that we understand what they’re
saying.
❏ One thing is very important to keep in mind:
Understanding someone is different from agreeing with them.
❏ When we talk to people, we should look at them directly.
❏ Assertive listening maintain a:
relaxed state of mind while we talk to others, our posture, gestures,
the expressions of our face and eyes
Personal appearance is important, too.

47. Conclusion
At the end, here are four ways to practice improving communication on workplace:
❖ Listen actively
❖ Be aware when you are using passive communication
❖ Learn to say “no”
❖ Express your needs and feelings.

48. Thanks!