ASSERTIVENESS

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A presentation on the technique of developing assertiveness.

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ASSERTIVENESS

  1. 1. THE ART OF BEING ASSERTIVE
  2. 2. Assertiveness is not about trying to Dominate others
  3. 3. FOUR BEHAVIOURS
  4. 4. June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  5. 5. PASSIVE Offering no opposition ; submissive . This communicates a message of inferiority Here the person acts like a doormat, downplaying their own needs and willing to fit in with the wishes of others in order to keep the peace at any price. It may be accompanied by general passivity, nervousness and a lack of eye contact.
  6. 6. AGGRESSIVE Forceful and offensive. Attack without provocation . This always communicates an impression of superiority and disrespect.   This may occur where a person is trying to impose their views inappropriately on others, and it may be accompanied by threatening language and an angry, glaring expression.
  7. 7. MANIPULATIVE This typically occurs where a person seeks to ingratiate themself with another through flattery and other forms of deceit. It may be accompanied by cloying over-attention and a simpering, smarmy voice June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  8. 8. ASSERTIVENESS State clearly and forthright . Is the ability to express yourself and your rights in an open, non-confrontational way.
  9. 9. The key to assertiveness is clear, open and honest discussion that does not blame, ridicule or put other people down .
  10. 10. June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  11. 11. WORK SITUATION <ul><li>Your boss finds an error in your work and scolds you in front of your colleagues. </li></ul><ul><li>Your boss criticizes you unjustly in private. </li></ul><ul><li>You know your standard of work to be very high possibly better than most in your section- but your boss is critical of you. </li></ul><ul><li>Your boss by-passes you and admonishes one of your staff for errors committed. </li></ul><ul><li>You feel your colleague is possessive of information which you need to complete your job. </li></ul><ul><li>You are asked to take on additional work, although you are working to full capacity now. </li></ul><ul><li>A customer/client is rude and abusive to you on the telephone. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  12. 12. AT HOME <ul><li>Your spouse persists in a habit which annoys you. </li></ul><ul><li>Your family wants a holiday/travel to Hill Station but you wanted a pilgrimage. </li></ul><ul><li>Your spouse accepts an offer for dinner from your relative and you would prefer not to accept. </li></ul><ul><li>After asking opinion from your spouse on purchase of certain household furniture, you want to buy your choice. </li></ul><ul><li>Your children do not do enough to help in the house. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  13. 13. GENERAL SITUATIONS <ul><li>You buy a shirt from a market trader. After one wash, it shrinks to a third of its original size. </li></ul><ul><li>A colleague persists in asking questions about your private life which you would prefer not to talk about. </li></ul><ul><li>You are about to begin a meal in a restaurant. A man at the next table, lights up a cigarette </li></ul><ul><li>Someone pushes in front of you in a queue. </li></ul><ul><li>You don’t like to give your motorcycle to anyone nor do u like to take the motorbike of any of your friends. A friend makes a request for using your motorbike for an hour . </li></ul><ul><li>Someone telephones just as you are sitting down to a meal. </li></ul><ul><li>A friend/relative asks to borrow some money from you. </li></ul><ul><li>You need to ask for the repayment of money you lent to a friend of yours. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  14. 14. ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUE OVERVIEW
  15. 15. ASSERTIVENESS --START <ul><li>Thinking assertively </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling confident </li></ul><ul><li>Behaving positively </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  16. 16. MOST IMPORTANT <ul><li>EYE CONTACT </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  17. 17. ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUE <ul><li>Creating self esteem </li></ul><ul><li>Communication - Your voice and language </li></ul><ul><li>Communication - Body language </li></ul><ul><li>Persistency - Broken record and workable compromise </li></ul><ul><li>Handling Criticism – Fogging and Negative assertion </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  18. 18. CREATING SELF ESTEEM WHAT IS SELF ESTEEM?
  19. 19. SELF ESTEEM <ul><li>Look at your personalities </li></ul><ul><li>Be conscious of your abilities </li></ul><ul><li>Feel proud of your achievements </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  20. 20. CREATING SELF ESTEEM <ul><li>Complete the following with a positive statement about a personal quality, attribute or achievement </li></ul><ul><li>Examples </li></ul><ul><li>I am knowledgeable about Local market </li></ul><ul><li>I can identify potential customers </li></ul><ul><li>I think I am good in communication </li></ul><ul><li>I believe in my judgment about people </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  21. 21. CREATING SELF ESTEEM <ul><li>I am </li></ul><ul><li>I can </li></ul><ul><li>I think </li></ul><ul><li>I believe </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  22. 22. COMMUNICATION VOICE AND LANGUAGE
  23. 23. ASSERTIVE WORD CHOICE <ul><li>Use “I” statements rather than “You” statements. </li></ul><ul><li>Use factual descriptions instead of judgments or exaggerations. </li></ul><ul><li>Express thoughts , feelings , and opinions reflecting ownership </li></ul><ul><li>Use clear , direct requests or directives when you want others to do something , rather than hinting , being indirect , or presuming </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  24. 24. “ I” STATEMENTS <ul><li>You always interrupt my talk. </li></ul><ul><li>I would like to explain without interruption. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  25. 25. FACTUAL DESCRIPTIONS <ul><li>If you don’t change your attitude, you are going to be in real trouble. </li></ul><ul><li>If you continue to arrive late , I will be required to place you under suspension. </li></ul><ul><li>If you do not score good marks, I will not support your higher education. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  26. 26. REFLECT OWNERSHIP <ul><li>He makes me angry by coming late. </li></ul><ul><li>I get angry when he comes late. </li></ul><ul><li>The only sensible policy is to match the competition. </li></ul><ul><li>I believe matching the competition is the best policy. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  27. 27. CLEAR AND DIRECT <ul><li>Would you mind taking this to Mr. Ram </li></ul><ul><li>Will you please take this to Mr. Ram </li></ul><ul><li>Please take this to Mr. Ram </li></ul><ul><li>Why don’t you stop on the way home and pick up vegetables? </li></ul><ul><li>Will you please pick up vegetables on your way home? </li></ul><ul><li>Please pick up vegetables on your way home. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  28. 28. DO’S <ul><li>Be respectful, realistic and honest </li></ul><ul><li>Express preferences and priorities </li></ul><ul><li>Express feelings honestly </li></ul><ul><li>Say no politely and firmly </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  29. 29. DON’TS <ul><li>Don’t say “I can’t” or I won’t be able to” </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t depersonalize feelings or deny ownership </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t exaggerate, minimise , or use sarcasm. </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t defer to be sociable or agree unwillingly </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  30. 30. June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services NONASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE Quiet, soft , higher pitch Hesitation , stopping in midstream Nervous laughter Statements sound like questions Resonant , firm , pleasant Smooth , even flowing , comfortable Laughter only with humour Voice tones stay even Loud or harsh or steely quiet Biting off words, precise , measured delivery Sarcastic laughter Statements sound like orders or pronouncements
  31. 31. COMMUNICATION BODY LANGUAGE
  32. 32. BODY LANGUAGE <ul><li>Voice tone </li></ul><ul><li>Volume </li></ul><ul><li>Pace </li></ul><ul><li>Eye contact </li></ul><ul><li>Facial expression </li></ul><ul><li>Gestures </li></ul><ul><li>Movements </li></ul><ul><li>Posture </li></ul><ul><li>Muscle tension </li></ul><ul><li>Clothing </li></ul><ul><li>Hair style </li></ul><ul><li>Eye glasses </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  33. 33. BODY LANGUAGE P0STURES
  34. 34. June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services NONASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE Slumped Shoulders forward Shifting often Chin down Sitting: LEGS ENTWINED Erect and relaxed Shoulders straight Few shifts Head straight Sitting: LEGS TOGETHER/CROSSED Erect, tense, rigid Shoulders back Jerky shifts Chin up Sitting: HEELS ON DESK,HANDS BEHIND HEAD
  35. 35. BODY LANGUAGE GESTURES
  36. 36. June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services NONASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE Fluttering hands Twisting motions Shoulders shrug Frequent head nodding Casual hand movement Relaxing hands Hands open Occasional head nodding Chopping with hands Clenched hands or pointing Sweeping arms Sharp, quick nods
  37. 37. BODY LANGUAGE FACIAL EXPRESSION
  38. 38. June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services NONASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE Lifted eyebrows, rapid blinking Nervous or guilty smile Chewing lower lip Shows anger with averted eyes Relaxed, thoughtful, caring look, few blinking Genuine smile Relaxed mouth Shows with flashing eyes and serious look Furrowed brow, unblinking glare Sarcastic smile Tight jaw Shows with disapproving scowl, very firm mouth
  39. 39. Dominance/Power <ul><li>Making piercing eye contact </li></ul><ul><li>Putting hands behind head or neck </li></ul><ul><li>Placing hands on hips </li></ul><ul><li>Standing while counterpart is seated </li></ul><ul><li>Steepling </li></ul>06/07/09 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services
  40. 40. Submission/Nervousness <ul><li>Fidgetting </li></ul><ul><li>Making minimum eye contact </li></ul><ul><li>Touching hands to face , hair etc </li></ul><ul><li>Using briefcase to “guard” body </li></ul><ul><li>Clearing throat </li></ul>06/07/09 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services
  41. 41. Disagreement/Anger <ul><li>Getting red </li></ul><ul><li>Pointing a finger </li></ul><ul><li>Squinting </li></ul><ul><li>Turning body away </li></ul><ul><li>Crossing arms or legs </li></ul>06/07/09 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services
  42. 42. Boredom and Lack of Interest <ul><li>Failing to make eye contact </li></ul><ul><li>Playing with objects </li></ul><ul><li>Staring blankly </li></ul><ul><li>Picking at clothes </li></ul><ul><li>Looking at watch/door </li></ul>06/07/09 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services
  43. 43. Uncertainty/Indecision <ul><li>Cleaning glasses </li></ul><ul><li>Looking puzzled </li></ul><ul><li>Putting fingers to mouth </li></ul><ul><li>Biting lip </li></ul><ul><li>Tilting head </li></ul>06/07/09 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services
  44. 44. Suspicion/Dishonesty <ul><li>Touching nose while speaking </li></ul><ul><li>Covering mouth </li></ul><ul><li>Avoiding eye contact </li></ul><ul><li>Crossing arms/legs </li></ul><ul><li>Moving body away </li></ul>06/07/09 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services
  45. 45. Confidence, Cooperation and Honesty <ul><li>Leaning forward </li></ul><ul><li>Keeping arms and palms open </li></ul><ul><li>Maintaining great eye contact </li></ul><ul><li>Placing feet flat on floor </li></ul><ul><li>Sitting with legs uncrossed </li></ul><ul><li>Smiling </li></ul>06/07/09 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services
  46. 46. PERSISTENCY BROKEN RECORD AND WORKABLE COMPROMISE
  47. 47. BROKEN RECORD A SKILL THAT BY CALM REPETITION- SAYING WHAT YOU WANT OVER AND OVER AGAIN- TEACHES PERSISTENCE WITHOUT YOU HAVING TO REHEARSE ARGUMENTS OR ANGRY FEELINGS.
  48. 48. WORKABLE COMPROMISE WHENEVER YOU FEEL THAT YOUR SELF RESPECT IS NOT IN QUESTION, OFFER A WORKABLE COMPROMISE TO THE OTHER PERSON.
  49. 49. SAY “NO” <ul><li>On a Sunday morning, your brother in law comes home and asks for your motorbike for his use for a day. You don’t want to give. </li></ul><ul><li>One of your friends asks for a loan of Rs 1000. You have cash with you and your friend is aware of it. You need to refuse. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  50. 50. HANDLING CRITICISM FOGGING NEGATIVE ASSERTION
  51. 51. CRITICISM <ul><li>Usually people react to criticism </li></ul><ul><li>by </li></ul><ul><li>avoiding it, </li></ul><ul><li>taking it to heart </li></ul><ul><li>or </li></ul><ul><li>reacting aggressively to it. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  52. 52. TIPS TO HANDLE CRITICISM <ul><li>Face and listen to criticism rather than avoid it. Don't take it to heart. React calmly and respect others rights, there is no point attacking the person. Be prepared for constructive criticism. This does not include blaming, put-downs or attempting to hurt someone to get what you want. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  53. 53. FOGGING <ul><li>A SKILL THAT TEACHES ACCEPTANCE </li></ul><ul><li>OF MANIPULATIVE CRITICISM </li></ul><ul><li>BY CALMLY ACKNOWLEDGING </li></ul><ul><li>TO YOUR CRITIC </li></ul><ul><li>THE PROBABILITY THAT </li></ul><ul><li>THERE MAY BE SOME TRUTH </li></ul><ul><li>IN WHAT HE SAYS, </li></ul><ul><li>YET ALLOWS YOU TO REMAIN </li></ul><ul><li>YOUR </li></ul><ul><li>OWN JUDGE OF </li></ul><ul><li>WHAT YOU DO. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  54. 54. FOGGING <ul><li>Requires some self-control </li></ul><ul><li>Stay calm in the face of criticism, and agreeing with whatever may be fair and useful in it. </li></ul><ul><li>By refusing to be provoked and upset by criticism, you remove its destructive power. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  55. 55. NEGATIVE ASSERTION <ul><li>A SKILL THAT TEACHES </li></ul><ul><li>ACCEPTANCE OF </li></ul><ul><li>YOUR ERRORS AND FAULTS </li></ul><ul><li>WITHOUT HAVING TO APOLOGISE </li></ul><ul><li>BY STRONGLY AGREEING </li></ul><ul><li>WITH CRITICISM OF </li></ul><ul><li>YOUR </li></ul><ul><li>NEGATIVE QUALITIES. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  56. 56. Your boss criticises you for something that you know without a doubt you didn’t do
  57. 57. A new member of your Team is critical of your Department and always tell “we in Company X would do like this”
  58. 58. Your neighbour keeps TV volume very high and it irritates you.
  59. 59. You have to send your monthly sales report and you were waiting for some information from Accounts for you to complete. There is delay in getting the information and the person is attending to some other unimportant work
  60. 60. assert <ul><li>• Listen - understand, put yourself in others' shoes and ask for clarification. • Keep calm - deep breaths, take your time, and allow others to express their feelings. • Be prepared - stick to facts. • Compromise - try and find a &quot;win-win&quot; solution. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services
  61. 61. assert <ul><li>Remember that just because someone says something you don't have to believe it. Put a stop to the put-down as soon as possible. Choose to leave the situation. This might take persistence, being open to negotiation or compromise and having the ability to ask for and accept constructive criticism. </li></ul>June 7, 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services

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