Why NOT Do A Startup

Why NOTTo Do a Startup
… because You Will FAIL, Loser.
Dave McClure
500startups.com
International Startup Festival
Montreal – July 2011
@DaveMcClure

#1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.
You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons:
You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup
You want to make LOTS of Money.
You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution.
The Right Reasons:
You Live in Fear.
You Can’t Get Laid.
Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.
YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM

#2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB
You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.
You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.
You Live in a Big House.
You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.
You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight.
You Your Spouse > Your Startup.
tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.

#3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.
Bullshit Revenue Projection ----->
(up & to the right)
See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”

#4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)
You Don’t Have a Working Prototype.
Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.
It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition.
See: “Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)”

#5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION…to a PROBLEM that does not exist.
See: “Your Solution
Is Not My Problem”

#6: You’re a LOSER, not a LEADER.
You Procrastinate. A Lot.
You’re not Charismatic.
You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.
Your Vision is usually Wrong.
You’re Scared of Change.
When Other People Tell You That You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.
…and you’re Uglytoo, bitch.
Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”

#7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over)
50 slides in your deck
Technical Jargon
Demo FAIL
Clueless Investors
EVIL Investors
See: “How To Pitch a VC”

#8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).
No Technical Founders / Coders
No Design / UX / Usability
No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)
No Mobileexpertise
No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev
No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.

#9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners.
You WILL miss a payroll.
Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.
There WILL be Office Politics.
People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options.
Someone WILL sueyer ass:
Sexual Harassment
Wrongful Termination
Unhappy Customer
Jealous Competitor

#10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.
You Don’t Know Marketing.
You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.
You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.
You Think SEM = SEO.
You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).
You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.
You’ve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.
See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)”

#11: You’d Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World.
Wouldn’t you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football?
Sure you would, Loser.
Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.
Fuck.
That.
Noise.

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Why NOT Do A Startup

by Dave McClure on Jul 14, 2011

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