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Why NOT Do A Startup

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Why NOT Do A Startup (Montreal Intl Startup Festival, july 2011)

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Why NOT Do A Startup

  1. Why NOTTo Do a Startup<br />… because You Will FAIL, Loser.<br />Dave McClure<br />500startups.com<br />International Startup Festival<br />Montreal – July 2011<br />@DaveMcClure<br />
  2. #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.<br />You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons:<br />You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup<br />You want to make LOTS of Money.<br />You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution.<br />The Right Reasons:<br />You Live in Fear.<br />You Can’t Get Laid.<br />Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.<br />YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM<br />
  3. #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB<br />You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.<br />You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.<br />You Live in a Big House.<br />You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.<br />You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight.<br />You Your Spouse > Your Startup.<br />tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice. <br />
  4. #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.<br />Bullshit Revenue Projection -----><br />(up & to the right)<br />See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”<br />
  5. #4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)<br />You Don’t Have a Working Prototype.<br />Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.<br />It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition.<br />See: “Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)”<br />
  6. #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION…to a PROBLEM that does not exist. <br />See: “Your Solution <br />Is Not My Problem”<br />
  7. #6: You’re a LOSER, not a LEADER.<br />You Procrastinate. A Lot.<br />You’re not Charismatic.<br />You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.<br />Your Vision is usually Wrong.<br />You’re Scared of Change.<br />When Other People Tell You That You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.<br />…and you’re Uglytoo, bitch.<br />Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”<br />
  8. #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over)<br />50 slides in your deck<br />Technical Jargon<br />Demo FAIL<br />Clueless Investors<br />EVIL Investors<br />See: “How To Pitch a VC”<br />
  9. #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).<br />No Technical Founders / Coders<br />No Design / UX / Usability<br />No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)<br />No Mobileexpertise<br />No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev<br />No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.<br />
  10. #9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners. <br />You WILL miss a payroll.<br />Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.<br />There WILL be Office Politics.<br />People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options. <br />Someone WILL sueyer ass:<br />Sexual Harassment<br />Wrongful Termination<br />Unhappy Customer<br />Jealous Competitor<br />
  11. #10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.<br />You Don’t Know Marketing.<br />You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.<br />You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.<br />You Think SEM = SEO.<br />You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).<br />You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.<br />You’ve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.<br />See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)”<br />
  12. #11: You’d Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World. <br />Wouldn’t you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football?<br />Sure you would, Loser.<br />Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.<br />Fuck.<br /> That.<br />Noise.<br />
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Why NOT Do A Startup (Montreal Intl Startup Festival, july 2011)

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