John GrayMen are from Mars Women are from Venus Sold over 40 million copies of his books and translated into 45 languages. Syndicated column reaches 30 million people a week. 16 Bestsellers Best selling relationship author of all time Has a television show, board game, and hit the national talk show circuit.
John Gray Marriage advice from personal experience – he has been married and divorced twice. B.A. and Master’s in “creative intelligence” from the Maharishi European Research University. (MERU)
John Gray Received doctorate in 1982 from Columbia Pacific University.
John Gray’s Credentials Columbia Pacific University Adult Education, Distance-Learning Programs Undergraduate and Graduate ProgramsCPU students complete independent projects & directed readings, and an extensive independent study project (thesis or dissertation), guided in a personalized and dignified way by a "faculty mentor."
John Gray’s Credentials COLUMBIA PACIFIC UNIVERSITY ORDERED TO CLOSE PERMANENTLY FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE January 13, 2000 http://www.dca.ca.gov/press_releases/2000113.htm
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John M. Gottman, Ph.D.Why Marriages Succeed or Fail Over 20 years of research with 2,000 married couples. Ph.D. from University of Wisconsin. Can predict with 94% accuracy whether a marriage will fail.
Reality Check Image is a tool of influence Locking the cockpit doors The sales call The mistake Heuristics The story of two students Generational Issues Who decides who’s right? Fashionistas I’m not very good at it Everything okay in its place
Image as Influence Who are you trying to impress? What impresses them?
Image is Everything Pharmaceutical sales Stock market Coca Cola Spot remover Wrinkle Cream Pineapple Diet Dentist & Doctors Your IQ
If “Image is Everything,” why are there so manyexceptions to the rule? Tinker Air Force Base Microsoft
“There are no facts, only interpretations.” -NietzscheYou Have to Believe Nietzsche!!!Characteristics of individuals who deny that image is reality: Insensitivity to one’s environment Personal obstinacy Desire to place personal needs ahead of the organization Decreased income (footnote 4)
Major Problem 1Image Limits Careers Executive Promotions 92% of executives agree All promotions People act like they live in a world of truths rather than a world of images.
Major Problem 2People Have Prejudices Do you have any?
Major Problem 2People Have Prejudices Do you have any? I have some? People are pretty comfortable with their prejudices Opinions and subconscious reactions
Major Problem 3No One Will Ever Tell You Society says that we may not criticize appearance, behavior, personal image or professionalism, even if that is what’s holding you back from success. No one will tell you – even if you ask. Socio-economic end….. Let reality be your guide
Major Problem 4We Don’t Want It To Be True We pretend it’s not true. BMW Experiment Sadly, human beings are prejudicial, superficial and judgmental.
Major Problem 5Ultimately We Do Ourselves In Career limiting behavior Failure to appreciate other’s point of view Hurt others’ feelings Neglect the importance of networking Burn bridges Let emotions run away Talk too much We are a victim of our own personality
Major Problem 6Communication is Visual & Vocal Optimizing your effectiveness Where is your WOW? Chicken sandwich Don’t just answer the question--IMPRESS Dr. Mehrabian: Impact of face to face communication 55% Visual 38% Vocal 7% Verbal
Brand Development Imagine Customer focus Promise A brand is an identifiable entity that makes specific promises of value. Service Aligned with promise A brand is an experience Brands touch emotions. We make excuses for– and connect with our brands.
Valuable BrandsForbes Magazine Apple People love their products Google Simple, straightforward information Coca Cola It’s an experience IBM Strong & reliable GE Tough, smart & efficient Intel Branded a commodity Positive differentiation in the sea of sameness – the key to career success. Toyota Best built Disney Ultimate entertainment McDonalds Consistency Amazon A better way to get things done *
Tom Peters New“Brand You” World “90% of all white collar jobs will be reinvented or reconceived in the next decade, give or take a year or two.” --Tom Peters
Tom Peters New “Brand You” World “Brand You” World “Employee” World Choose this project It’s what the boss told because it will add to me to do. (Give me a my learning/ because break.) it will s-t-r-e-t-c-h me/because it allows me to hang with cool people. Don’t waste a single Lunch is my business! lunch… networking is my mantra. I AM A ROLODEX I hate suck-ups. MANIAC.
Tom Peters New “Brand You” World“Brand You” World “Employee” World Embrace life. There’s enough BS that comes your way without asking for more. Am (frequently) C’est la vie. angry at our slowness to change. Understand that I despise all corporate “power” only comes “politicians.” to those who grasp it. (“Pushy” = Good)
Brand Advantage You have a reputation? How much effort do you put into managing that reputation? Meetings: Opportunity to impress Friendly questions & polite questions Body language Saving the choker PDAs
Attract Attention Express my wild side Just be myself Demonstrate my uniqueness Be funky Be funny Talk a lot Be cool Talk about things that interest me Expose yourself on social media End
Attract Attention Arrive early Be positive Double check for mistakes Be very committed Do extra work Anticipate needs Solve problems Be meticulous and thorough Be consistent End
NouveauRiche Barge in to society Faults of commission worse than fault of omission Would someone like to sit next to you? Put people at ease Behave politely, speak distinctly, hear discretely, dress demurely, be indispensable, appear committed
Attract Attention Easy = Bad idea Difficult = Good idea Make deposits in the goodwill bank account
How You See Yourself Are you a success or a failure? What we think of ourselves influences what others see.
Low Self-Esteem (Do you get along with everyone?) Rapport problems Defensiveness and Resentment Decreased performance Exhibiting a façade of confidence by being boisterous, aggressive and boastful Loss of confidence and enthusiasm leads to procrastination Seesawing back and forth between extremes Mental filter – dwell on single negative detail Jumping to conclusions – negative conclusions Emotional reasoning – assume negative emotions reflect the way things are
External Work FactorsContributing to Low Self-Esteem Autocratic leadership Demands of conformity Lack of performance feedback Rarely asked for opinions No praise Failure to include people in meetings Denigrating of accomplishments
Characteristics ofHigh Self Esteem Bounce back from stress and misfortune Courage to take risks Challenge the status quo Excel in the workplace Self-motivation Self-awareness Ability to manage emotions and impulses Empathy – ability to sense how others are feeling Social skills – ability to handle emotions of others Take time to understand and appreciate people who are different from them
Strategies for Increasing Self-Esteem Don’t beat yourself up Listen to the critical voice – identify the source Neutralize negative messages Don’t compare yourself to others Use affirmations Make yourself marketable and indispensable Live passionately – enthusiasm generates energy Take care of your mind and body Be your own publicist
How the World Sees You “The first duty in life is to assume a pose. What the second is, no one has yet discovered.” Oscar Wilde “90% of people do not practice self- management.” Tom Peters
Exercise Summary People believe what they see, not what they hear. What if our picture was up there? What others think of us determines our success. Details? Peacock’s nightmare.
Well-Dressed Peopleare Perceived As: More productive Responsible Personally acceptable Intelligent Hardworking Taking their job seriously Being raised properly
What should You Wear? Pick your spot on the dress continuum. Moderate your personality with your attire. Cover your faults.
Dress should not cause attention. Dress Faux Pas (Men & Women) Not Professional (M & W) High fashion (M & W) Trust store clerks (M & W) Confuse attractive with beautiful (W) Dress for other women (W) Dress too casually (W) (Jacket) Too successful to follow the rules (W & M*) Worrying about weight (M & W) Posture, body language and smiling (M & W)
Attitude and Behavior “If A is a success in life, then: A = x + y + z.” x= Work hard y= Have fun z =Keep your mouth shut Albert Einstein
The 5 Most Important Things to Remember1) Image is reality!2) No one will ever tell you if there’s a problem with your image.3) Like it or not– it’s a “Brand You” world4) Your image starts with how you see yourself.5) People judge you– but you can influence that judgment.
Footnotes 1 Myers, D. G. (1999). Social Psychology, (6ed). Toronto: McGraw-Hill. 2 Dunning, David Journal of Personality and Social Psychology December 1999. 3 Beach, D.P. A Training Program to Improve Work Habits, Attitudes and Values, Journal of Epsilon Pi Tau, 8/2/1982, 69. 4 Bowman, James S. et al., Dress Standards in Government, Review of Public Personnel Administration, Jan – April 1992 pgs 35 – 50.Bibliography Johnson, Spencer and Constance Johnson, The One Minute Teacher, William Morrow and Company, New York, 1986. Johnson, Spencer, Yes or No: The Guide to Better Decisions, Harper Collins, New York, 1992. Peters, Tom, The Brand You, Alfred A. Knopf, New York, 1999. Molloy, John T., Dress For Success, Warner Books, Inc. New York, 1988. Molloy, John T., New Women’s Dress For Success,Warner Books, Inc. New York, 1996. Roffer, Robin Fisher, Make a Name for Yourself, Broadway Books, New York, 2000. Kouzes, James M. and Barry Z. Posner, Credibility, A Wiley Co. San Francisco, 1993. Peters, Tom, The Pursuit of WOW, Random House, New York, 1993. Cialdini, Robert B., Influence: Science and Practice, 4th Edition, Allyn and Bacon, Needham Heights, MA, 2001. Weisinger, Hendrie, Emotional Intelligence at Work, A Wiley Co. San Francisco, 1998. Seligman, Martin, E.P., Learned Optimism, Simon and Schuster, New York, 1990. Golman, Daniel, Emotional Intelligence, Bantam Books, New York, 1995. Ailes, Roger, You Are the Message, Doubleday. New York, 1988. Conniff, Richard, The Natural History of the Rich: A Field Guide, Norton, New York, 2002.