A presentation about myself.

1. Why he’s great and you should pay him whatever he asks to be paid and be grateful that you were given the rare opportunity to do so before he became a household name got super full of himself and died in a tragic boating accident. Andrew Kaleita

2. Goals In an ideal world I would be the head writer of SNL, otherwise employed in the comedy business, or just plain living off my writing. I’ll settle for making businesses look good on Facebook though. Other goals include having a long and happy life and similarly boring and uninteresting pursuits.

3. Portfolio I’ve added my resume and several writing samples to my visualcv.com page. I feel that these do a good job of representing my writing abilities. In the near future I plan to add to what’s on display, most notably by adding my creative writing capstone project to my online portfolio. Notable social media presences that assist me are Twitter, Facebook, and Linkedin. My resume can be viewed online at: http://www.visualcv.com/cnkandrew

4. Objectives Primary Objective: locate steady employment somewhere that I don’t completely despise and at a salary that can support my immediate living expenses. Secondary Objective: Continue writing to build up my own skills and my value to future employers. Long-Term Objective: Complete my Time Machine so that I can go back in time and tell myself to major in computer science.

5. SWOT Analysis Strengths: witty, charming, dashing, daring, writing skills, social media skills Weaknesses: I try too hard to be funny, poor grammar for a writing major, destined to face an ironic boot-related doom due to my own hubris Opportunities: Anything that involves me being paid for my own insane ramblings will be seen as an opportunity. Threats: Being set-up as a fall-guy because I accepted a job to write a threatening letter as a “thought exercise”

6. Current Online Presence and My Message Current Online Presence: I’m on Twitter, Facebook (rarely), and linkedin. So I’m plugged into social media a bit more than most, but less than some (always be vague when possible) My Message: My brand aims to get across that I really am passionate about writing, and that others should use that passion to exploit me (see “Threats” on previous slide)

7. Strategies To succeed I will get off my notoriously lazy behind and begin blogging and writing much more frequently. My own innate wit, which I can’t get rid of despite my attempts to dull my brain by watching bad TV shows, will open up some doors for me. Doors I’m particularly interested in include mahogany, screen, trap, and those located at the offices of humor websites or serious business writing centers.

8. Tactics Short-Term: Kick my lifelong string of laziness. This will take exactly 6 months, five days, and 34 minutes. If I was a harder worker I’d be able to tell how long it would take down to the second, but I won’t be at that point until 6 months and some change from today. Long-Term: After landing a writing job that I like I will levy that experience into taking a writing job that I really like, and then build on that into a writing job that I love, and then build that into being paid far too much to deliver week-long seminars.

9. Measurement Success: I have bought my dog his second house. Job: If I love what I do and am well compensated for it then I’m doing well. Anything less is unacceptable. Audience: Millions = good. 0 = bad. Search Results: #2 on google behind American hero, multiple medal of honor recipient, and stupid jerk Andrew Kaleita (no relation) Opportunities: If I’m receiving job offers without looking for them then that would sit just fine with me. Until then I’ll work towards that goal.