After I read Midnight Sun on Stephanies site I was totally intrigured by the idea of how Edwardsaw the world and his relat...
"What is that?" She asked incredulously after I brought her outside to look at it when it had firstarrived."Why, Bella, it...
"Hey kids, whats up?""Wed like to talk to you," I said "We have some good news." He was suspicious immediately."Good news?...
"Getting married though? Whats the rush?" He asked, suspicious again.Bella and I both knew the rush. She was getting older...
experience everything human that she could before she never would be able to again. I let hersleep as much as possible thi...
This would be the last time that we would cuddle up in this room. This would be the last time I hadto sneak in through her...
"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike?" I started naming all her human friends."Ill miss my friends, too." She smiled in th...
the most beautiful woman in the world. She wanted me and I more than wanted her and nothingwas going to change that."Im so...
people and women and sweat and heat and high emotions. Not that a place like that could everhold appeal for me, Bella was ...
"Hell, no!" He growled, more fierce than usual, more so than I had heard him in a very long time."Now, imagine if that som...
hunting, I had my fill of grizzly bears and mountain lions and deer, oh my! I had more than Ishould have, but I figured be...
"What if I do loose control and I do hurt her, or worse...?" The words were heavy on me as I saidthem, my greatest fear.Yo...
didnt adore the idea of marriage.I looked beside me to see my father smiling; I followed his gaze and saw my mother. She w...
Chapter 4 – GestureThanks to Alice and her wonderful planning skills our ceremony ended as the sun set and it was aspectac...
you."I introduced her to Kate, Carmen and Elezar who call stood slightly behind Tanya, waiting theirturn. They all welcome...
couldnt be happy that it happens to be Bella. I really do love her like she was my own.""Thank you, Esme. I know she loves...
"Thanks you," I said into the blackness. "This was very...kind of you."Whatever bloodsucker, Im here for her, not you. Jac...
"Take your hands off her!" I commanded.Behind Jacob there were snarls. He had brought backup of course. I should have brou...
shaking her."You look fine. Not a hair out of place."She took some deep breaths and closed her eyes, steadying herself for...
"Dont be." She took a deep breath and pulled slightly away from me so I could see her. Shesmiled and she looked radiant. "...
attention."Youre awfully small to be so hugely irritating." I griped."I didnt pick the perfect going away ensemble to have...
I saw Bellas face as she watched her parents disappear from view. I squeezed her hand and shelooked at me."I love you." I ...
I lead her down the dock with the luggage in tow and jumped in to put the bags down. I bent downto help Bella to climb int...
loved her; she had nothing to fear, especially if she wanted to back out of our deal. When she didfinally look at me I car...
nerves. It was almost time to make good on my promise to her. I needed to be strong, she wouldneed me to reassure her, to ...
I could feel my urgency growing for her, burning from within me. Bella threw her head back indelight as I hoisted her up w...
moaned, her back arching. I did it again and again in more rapid succession, digging my fingersinto her hips, holding her ...
I sat there all night watching more and more bruises appear on her beautiful skin. I had done thisto her. I was the monste...
I exhaled. "I bit a pillow...or two. Thats not what Im talking about.""You bit a pillow? Why?""Look, Bella!" I snarled and...
She took a deep breath and tried to soothe me. "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thoughtthat was assumed. And then –...
"It was more. It was everything.""That doesnt change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really ...
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18761387 edward

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18761387 edward

  1. 1. After I read Midnight Sun on Stephanies site I was totally intrigured by the idea of how Edwardsaw the world and his relationship with Bella. Then I finished Breaking Dawn and it was myfavorite book ever! I hate a hard time with some of it, like a lot of fans out there, but I generallylove it! That got me thinking, what was Edward thinking? This was what I came up with.Before I begin this chapter I just want to re-iterate that this is Stephanie Meyers work andcharacters. I have borrowed them to play with. This is Edwards Version of what happened inBreaking Dawn ( the first book anyway). I hope you enjoy and please do let me know what youthink! Review it if you like, Id always like to hear opinions!Breaking Dawn, Edwards POVPrefaceId lived many decades. I ran into my share of monsters, being one myself. Id never felt the needto run from them, I was fast, I was strong. But this, this was different. How do you run away fromyourself?I knew this day was drawing near, but it had been something I was dreading and something Iknew I could not live without.She was everything I wanted. She was everything I needed and I knew what I much do.But how do you kill the one you love?Chapter 1. EngagedI was in my room listening to music, trying to relax. Bella had wanted some time to run out andpick up a few things. Ever dependant, I knew that she wanted to go on her own, so I let herwithout even the slightest hesitation (that she could see). I desperately wanted to go with her, butI knew that she would be safe.But, here I sat. Alone, in my room. While she was out there alone I worried about her safety. Shewas so very breakable, and trouble never had any difficulty finding her.I must admit, I did worry about her a little less knowing that she was in a safe, reliable car. HerChevy truck had finally died...with a little bit of help from Rosalie ( who was starting to warm to theidea of having Bella as a sister, even though she wasnt pleased that Bella could so easily give upher human life to become one of us).After her truck had...died, I delighted in her promise to allow me to buy her a new car., which shewould only allow after the truck was officially done. I knew she wanted nothing spectacular, but Ineeded her to be in the safest vehicle possible. I happened to know someone at a MercedesDealership in Europe and he got me in touch with the right people. The car, The Guardian (perfectname if you were to ask me to watch over my Bella), hadnt even been released in Europe but Imanaged to finagle one.It was perfect. Better than Id hoped! It was virtually indestructible, exactly what my destructibleBella needed. It had missile proof glass and four thousand pounds of body amour. You couldeven take a flame thrower to it and not even damage the paint. Perfect in case of car accidents orfalling trees or too aggressive ware wolves.I knew she would be embarrassed by it. It was much too extravagant for her. She had beenhoping to see a Toyota or a Ford or even another Chevy, at the very least one of the symbols sheknew. Se had been embarrassed and overwhelmed when I revealed the car to her.
  2. 2. "What is that?" She asked incredulously after I brought her outside to look at it when it had firstarrived."Why, Bella, its your new car of course. Dont you like it?" I asked, a little of the excitement hadfaded from my voice, having done it intentionally knowing she wouldnt make too much of a bigdeal about it if she knew she would hurt my feelings."Of course Edward, but its too much." She replied as she put her hand to my face."Dont worry, its only your before car anyway" I hadnt actually meant for that little bit ofinformation to slip out yet, but I had been distracted by her lovely chocolate brown eyes."My what? Before what?" She asked stunned."Well, this one is actually a loaner. After...." I started to say it, but it was still so difficult to thinkabout the moment I dreaded, the moment that I knew would come all too soon, the day her heartstopped beating. The day I killed her. "After you become one of us." I whispered my voice so lowIm sure she barely heard it. She knew that despite how much I loved her, this was not an easytopic for me to discuss.That effectively ended the conversation and she murmured her thanks, only a little grudgingly,with some of her sweet kisses.Yes, that day was coming quickly upon me, a hard day it would be. I began to feel myself wallow.I decided this would not be how I spent my day. I turned my thought to a day much closer athand. A happy day, a joyous day and one I couldnt wait for. The day I would finally make Bella mywife. I lingered over the words in my head; Bella, my wife. She would be my wife and I would beher husband. I remembered, with a smile, the day we had gone to tell Charlie that we wereengaged.She fidgeted the whole time. She finally agreed to wear my mothers ring. It meant more to methan she could even imagine and I held her hand tightly in mine so she would stop trying to hideher hand in her pockets. I had head Charlies cruiser well before she did and she tensed when thesound reached her and continued to fidget more."Stop fidgeting, Bella. Please try to remember that youre not confessing to a murder here""Easy for you to say." She grumped.Charlie was walking up the sidewalk and I could tell she was listening closely, tensing with eachstep he took."Calm down, Bella." I whispered as I heart her heart rapidly accelerating. We heard the door slamand Bella jumped."Hey Charlie," I called, feeling fairly confident."No!" Bella hissed under her breathe."What?" I whispered back."Wait till he hangs up his gun!" I chuckled and ran my fingers through my hair. She was silly. AsCharlie came around the corned in his uniform he made a face, clearly still upset it was I who wassitting with Bella, he would have preferred Jacob to be the one she loved, however he did try tobe civil.
  3. 3. "Hey kids, whats up?""Wed like to talk to you," I said "We have some good news." He was suspicious immediately."Good news?" He growled glancing right at Bella."Have a seat Dad." He raised an eyebrow and stared at me. I knew exactly what he was thinking.He stomped over to his recliner and sat on the very edge of his seat."Dont get worked up, Dad," Bella started to say. "Everything is ok" I grimaced at her words.Okay? It was more than okay. If it were me I would have used words like wonderful or perfect orincredible, but certainly not okay. That was like calling Bella simply pretty."Sure it is Bella, sure it is. If everything is so great, then why are you sweating bullets?""Im not sweating," She lied. She was indeed a little sweaty, but she looked glorious, then withthat thought I had to remind myself to focus.She leaned into me for support as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. As she did this,Charlies thoughts became very clear and panicked; I barely had time to decipher them before heshouted."Youre pregnant!" Charlie had exploded. "Youre pregnant, arent you?" And although thequestion was meant to be for Bella he was glaring directly at me."No! Of course not." Bella shouted. I knew she must be upset; this was exactly the thought shetold me people would have when we told them we were getting married.Charlie relaxed slightly believing what Bella was saying. "Oh! Sorry.""Apology accepted." Bella said, stalling. There was a long pause and I realized that they werewaiting for me to say something. Bella looked at me with panic in her eyes. I could tell shecouldnt do it and needed me to step in. I smiled at her, squared myself and looked directly at herfather."Charlie, I realize that Ive gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first.I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I dont want to diminish her choicein the matter, instead of asking for her hand, Im asking you for your blessing. Were gettingmarried, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and – bysome miracle she loves me that way too. Will you give us your blessing? After a moment I sawCharlies eyes shift, his eyes were now locked on Bellas ring.Bella held her breath beside me as Charlie started to change from fair to red, red to purple, purpleto blue. She started to get up tentatively. "Give him a minute." I said so only she could hear as Isoftly squeezed her hand.The silence was long, very long for Bella. But in the silence Charlie started to return to his normalcolor. His lips were pursed and his eyebrows were furrowed. He was deep in thought. He studiedboth of us for a moment. As his thoughts seemed to clear, I relaxed and I knew Bella could feelme beside her."Guess Im not that surprised," He grumbled. "Knew Id have to deal with something like this soonenough. You sure about this?" He demanded after he heard Bella sigh."Im one hundred percent sure about Edward." Bella said without skipping a beat.
  4. 4. "Getting married though? Whats the rush?" He asked, suspicious again.Bella and I both knew the rush. She was getting older everyday and didnt want to appear toomuch older than me. She was turning nineteen and I would always be frozen at seventeen. Sheknew that the only way I would change her would be if she was my wife. She wanted to be one ofus so badly she was willing to give up everything she had been taught. Of course these werethings we couldnt share with Charlie."Were going away to Dartmouth together in the fall Charlie," I reminded him. "Id like to do that,well, the right way. Its how I was raised". I explained shrugging.I could tell from Charlies thought that he was searching for an argument but we all knew hewasnt going to find one. No one wanted their daughter shacking up with their boyfriend."I knew this was coming." Charlie muttered. Then he was almost happy."Dad?" Bella asked anxious, clearly afraid he was having a nervous break down. She glanced atme and I tried not to frown at Charlies thoughts. I knew they were probably right."Ha!" Charlie burst with a chuckle and Bella jumped. "Ha, ha, ha!" We watched as Charliedoubled over in fits of laughter."Okay fine," Charlie choked." Get married," More laughter. "But...""But? What?" Bella demanded."But you have to tell your mom! Im not saying one word to Renee! Thats all yours!"And that was how we first told anyone we were getting married.I remembered how Bella had been terrified of telling Renee, probably even more than she wasabout telling Charlie."Well Bella," Renee had begun after Bella finally managed to tell her she was marrying me. "Im alittle miffed that you waited so long to tell me. Plane tickets only get more expensive. Oooh."Shed worried and wondered if Phils cast would be off in time."Back up a second, Mom," Bella gasped expecting more of a reaction. "What do you mean,waited so long? We just got en-en..." Shed stuttered with the word, still having trouble with theconcept. "things settled, you know, today.They chatted for a while and Renee was surprised. She seemed to assume we were heading inthat direction when we were visiting back in April. And then Renee had surprised her buy tellingher she was not making a mistake, thats what Bella needed to hear.For the past few weeks, although I wouldnt say Bella has been excited for the wedding, but shehadnt been dreading it either.I had been pleased because Renee and Esme had been in such close contact. Renee seemed tolove Esme as most people did and they hadnt even met.Bella didnt need to do a single thing for the wedding. For one, even if she wanted to, Im not sureAlice would have let her anyway. She was having such a great time with the flowers and thedecor and the menu for our human guests. For another I didnt want her worrying about anythingunnecessary. She had been through so much with the Mutt and Victoria and the Volturi breathingdown our necks. I knew she was trying to prepare for the day that I dreaded. I wanted her to
  5. 5. experience everything human that she could before she never would be able to again. I let hersleep as much as possible this was as much for her as much as it was for me (I loved watchingher sleep in my arms although I wouldnt miss those nightmares she was always having. I fed heras much as possible, something new everyday.Plus I knew that Charlie was stressing her out more and more. He had been counting on Reneeto be the heavy but was sorely disappointed.Today I knew that she would not be happy. Although Alice did everything in her power to keep hermind away from Bellas wedding dress so as not to spoil my surprise at seeing her on ourwedding day...our wedding day, what a glorious thought! I still had picked up from Alice that todaywas the final fitting. The time to make sure that Bellas dress would fit her perfectly.I tried to picture Bella in a wedding dress. I thought of so many styles. Bella in a long, whiteflowing gown. Bella in a long, white, slinky gown. Bella in a big white, pouffy gown. Picturescycled in my head, each one more beautiful than the last. I knew there was no way I could bedisappointed. I knew she would look perfect in whatever gown she had chosen. I smiled, and allmy worries about changing her and the Volturi and the mutt disappeared. She was my Bella and Iwas her Edward. And I was there with her. I was in my happy place.Before I begin this chapter I just want to re-iterate that this is Stephanie Meyers work andcharacters. I have borrowed them to play with. This is Edwards Version of what happened inBreaking Dawn ( the first book anyway). I hope you enjoy and please do let me know what youthink! Review it if you like, Id always like to hear opinions!Chapter 2 – Long Night"I miss you already." Bella said, pouting."I dont have to leave. I can stay..." I said nuzzling her hair."Mmmm," was her response. I bent my head to her lips and the sweet sound of her heart and ourlips were the only sounds in the still night. She was tempting, no longer her blood though, not thetaste of it anyway. The thing that tempted me now was her heart, the sound of her blood pumpingas she got excited by my kisses. I got used to the burning in my throat; it hardly even botheredme now. It was a different burning in my body that was painful now, the burning of my desire forher.I opened my eyes to find her starting back at me. She was a goddess sent here to tempt me. Idesperately wanted to know what she was thinking, just as I always did. I saw the same longingin her eyes that I felt for her."Definitely staying." I murmured into her ear."No, no. Its your bachelor party. You have to go." She said, but I could tell she didnt mean it. Herright hand tightened in my hair and her left pressed into the small of my back. I stroked her faceas I gazed into her eyes. I didnt want to leave her anymore than she wanted me to go."Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. Icouldnt be more eager to have them behind me. So theres no point." And it was true, after morethan eighty years I was glad to be settling down with my Bella."True." She breathed carefully to be quiet so as not to wake Charlie who slept in the next room.
  6. 6. This would be the last time that we would cuddle up in this room. This would be the last time I hadto sneak in through her window in order to be with her at night. She was huddled in a blanket; Ihad to sacrifice my shirt which now lay of the floor beside the bed. I felt her shudder as she laybeside me and I bent to her pressing my hard, cold lips to her lovely, warm ones. And it was myturn to sigh as she pressed her soft tongue to my lips, a surge of urgency for her washed throughme and I started to pull away knowing that if we continued I wouldnt be able to last to thewedding night, our wedding night."Wait." She said gripping my shoulders and hugging me to her. She kicked her leg free of theblanket and seductively wrapped it around my waist. "Practice make perfect."I laughed. "Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then shouldnt we? Have youslept at all in the last month?" I knew she hadnt been sleeping well with all of the changes thatshe had been going though."But this is the dress rehersal," She reminded me, like I needed any more reminding "and weveonly practiced certain scenes. Its no time for playing safe."I didnt answer her. I went still and straight. She just didnt understand the constant care I had totake so that I didnt break her. "Bella," I whispered. I knew she knew what I was thinking."Dont start this again," she said, rolling her eyes. "A deals a deal.""I dont know. Its too hard to concentrate when youre with me like this. I – I cant think straight. Iwont be able to control myself. Youll get hurt." It was always at the forefront of my mind."Ill be fine.""Bella...""Shh!" She pressed her lips to mine. I knew she would never let me out of our deal but I had totry. I had made a deal and I would make good on it, unless I could convince her to change hermind."How are your feet?" I asked."Toasty warm." She answered, not understanding my meaning."Really? No second thoughts? Its not too late to change your mind.""Are you trying to ditch me?" She joked."Just making sure. I dont want you to do anything youre not sure about." I was giving her anotherway out, knowing she would never take it."Im sure about you, the rest I can live through." I hesitated; hating that marriage was still notsomething that excited her as much as it did me."Can you?" I asked barely a whisper. "I mean the wedding – which I am positive you will survivedespite your qualms – but afterward...what about Renee, what about Charlie?"She sighed. I knew she was getting tired of my questions, but I needed to be sure that she wassure. "Ill miss them." And I knew she was not thinking about herself, she was thinking how thatthey would miss her. She was always putting others above herself.
  7. 7. "Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike?" I started naming all her human friends."Ill miss my friends, too." She smiled in the darkness, to herself mostly. "Especially Mike. Oh,Mike! How will I go on?" She feigned distress, I growled.She laughed but then said seriously, "Edward, weve been through this. I know it will be hard, butthis is what I want. I want you and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me."This of course was what I wanted too. I wanted her for more than forever."Frozen forever at eighteen." I whispered."Everyone womans dream come true," she teased while I was trying to make her see just howserious this really way."Never changing...never moving forward.""What does that mean?"I thought for a moment making my thoughts clear. "Do you remember when we told Charlie wewere getting married? And he thought that you were...pregnant?""And he thought about shooting you?" She teased with a light laugh. "Admit it – for one secondher honestly considered it." I didnt answer. I wanted her to listen to me. To take what I was sayingseriously. There were so many things she would never experience. There were so many things Icould never give here, like a child."What, Edward?""I just wish...well I wish that hed been right."She made an indistinguishable sound that sound remotely like a cat throwing up, obviouslyshocked."More that there was sine way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hatetaking that away from you, too."She hesitated and I stared at her. It was just something I couldnt give her. I could never give it tous. I could never be a father as Carlisle had been one to me, as well as my own father, Edwardhad been before him."I know what Im doing." She said simply."How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. Its not as easy a sacrificeas you imagine.""Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If its a problem later, we can do what Esme did, well adopt."I sighed heavily and then I was suddenly angry. "Its not right! I dont want you to have to makesacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I dont want to stealyour future. If I were human-" I started to say, put she was fast. She put her hand over my lipssoothing me."You are my future. No, stop. No Moping or Im calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybeyou need a bachelor party."I thought for a moment. She was right. It was the eve of my wedding, our wedding. I was marrying
  8. 8. the most beautiful woman in the world. She wanted me and I more than wanted her and nothingwas going to change that."Im sorry. I am moping. Must be nerves/" I said as I touched her cheek."Are your feet getting cold?""Not in that sense. Ive been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremonyis the one thing I cant wait –" I stopped mid sentence as new voices popped into me head. Yo!Bro, we know youre in there! Emmett called from outside, of course I could hear them only in myhead. "Oh, for the love of all things holy!""Whats wrong?" Bella asked, concern clouding her voice.I gritted my teeth listening to Emmett inside my head. Youd better get your ass out here, its partytime! "You dont have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let mebow out of tonight."She squeezed me tighter, as if not sure she could let go, but she reluctantly released me. "Havefun." She said trying to keep her voice light.There was an awful squeal on the window, reminiscent of nails on a chalkboard, and Bellashuttered at the awful sound."If you dont send Edward out," Emmett, who was still invisible to Bella, hissed. "Were coming inafter him."She laughed. "Go, before they break my house."I rolled my eyes but stood and replaced my shirt. I didnt want to leave her, there had been so fewtimes when we had not spend the night together. My favorite thing to do was watch her sleep. Ibent to give her a final kiss on her forehead."Get to sleep. You have a big day tomorrow." I ordered."Thanks! Thats sure to help me wind down." She griped."Ill meet you are the alter." I said smiling."Ill be the one in white." She smiled back at me, sounding very casual, like we got marriedeveryday.I chuckled. How I didnt want to leave. "Very convincing." I suddenly crouched low and coiled likea spring. I found my way swiftly to the ground and I knew I had been too fast for Bella to see, but Ihad fun landing on Emmett. He cursed and I laughed, it served him right for stealing me from myBella."Youd better not make him late," I heard Bella murmur quietly, but still sounding as if she wereright next to meJasper was at Bellas window, radiating a peaceful calm. "Dont worry, Bella. Well get him homein plenty of time." I hoped he was helping her to relax. She did have a very big day tomorrow anddid need her rest.I heard Bella again, "Jasper? What do vampires do at bachelor parties? Youre not taking him to astrip club, are you?" I chuckled. There was an idea. Take 3 male vampires to a place filled with
  9. 9. people and women and sweat and heat and high emotions. Not that a place like that could everhold appeal for me, Bella was the only one I ever looked at, the only one I ever saw, the only oneI ever wanted to see."Dont tell her anything!" Emmett growled and I smacked him, laughing again."Relax," Jasper soothed. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a coupleof grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out.""Thanks Jasper." He came to stand by me and put his arm over my shoulder as we prepared toleave. All I wanted to do was to climb back in that window and lay with my beautiful bride-to-be inmy arms.Youre so whipped! Emmett thought, staring at me. I growled and his grin widened and then heran into the forest as I took a stop towards him. I decided that I would take a page from Bellasbook. I knew that my brothers really wanted to share this time with me. Emmett and Rosalie andJasper and Alice had already been married several times, which meant several bachelor partiesfor each of them. This was my first and I knew that they had come to believe that I would nevermeet someone, would never fall in love. This bachelor party was as much for them as it was forme."Seattle?" I asked as we ran through the woods.Wherever we can find you some nice, mean mountain lions, bro. Emmett thought somewhere tomy right.We ran in silence for a but. My mind was on what would happen tomorrow. When I could turn toBella and know that she was no longer Isabella Swan, but Isabella Cullen. The thought filled mewith joy and my thoughts drifted to our wedding night. Bella had made one provision for us to getmarried; she played on my wanting her to experience everything human. There was only onething she wanted to experience while she was still human. She wanted for us to make love and Ihad agreed, anything to make her my wife.Emotions flooded through me, terror at the possibility of hurting her, neverousness becauseneither one of us had experience in that particular department and of course pure longing and lustto be with Bella in the most primal of acts."Dont worry Edward". Jasper had said, feeling my emotions rolling off me in waves. Everythingwill be fine. Im still surprised you managed to hold out this long; she is very obviously ready forthe two of you to seal the deal, as it were."Yeah, do you know how much money I lost?" Emmett grumped."Its your own fault for betting again Alice." Jasper interjected."I honestly, am not sure at times either. I thought it was bad when I only wanted her blood, but thislonging, this desire was almost too much. I cant tell you how many times I almost came to givingin.""Well, why didnt you? Maybe I could have recouped some of my losses." Emmett pressed. Iknew it would be difficult for him to understand. Rosalie was no human and he didnt need to hidehis desires from her. I thought for a moment, trying to put in words he might understand."Would you allow someone to destroy Rosalie? Would you let someone pull her limb from limband burn the pieces?
  10. 10. "Hell, no!" He growled, more fierce than usual, more so than I had heard him in a very long time."Now, imagine if that someone was you, you were ripping Rose limb from limb, simply becauseyou lost control. Could you ever forgive yourself for that? Thats what it would feel like for me. If Ilost control I could break her beyond repair. I still hope to keep her human as long as possible."Emmett pondered a moment "I see your point. You are stronger than I, brother."As I considered what it might be like for me to be with Bella in every manner of the word, I lookedat both my brothers. A new emotion flooded me as a question formed in my mind."Dont be embarrassed, Edward. What is your question?" Sometimes Jaspers gift was a blessingand curse."Well, I was wondering," I started to say as I stopped to lean on a large boulder looking at theground. Jasper and Emmett had stopped and double backed at my abrupt stop. "What its like.What it will feel like when we do, you know, make love for the first time."There was no way to hide my embarrassment. It was true that I didnt blush that spectacular colorthat Bella did, but my grimaced as I said the words. Emmett barked a laugh so loud it scaredsome birds from a near by tree."Theres nothing in the world like it. Its a burning, a fire from within you. It needs to escape andtheres only one way to get rid of it." Emmett said and then pondered a moment," Well there ismore than one way, but only one method." He barked his laugh again."Its loosing yourself in the one youre with. Everything is heightened. Its the pleasure and thepain. Its a pain like no other." Jasper added."How can I loose myself when shes still human? What if I hurt her? How do I show her pleasureand still hold back enough that I dont hurt her?""You just will, man. Its just something you have to do. You cant plan it. I know it isnt helpful, butthis is what Bella wants and you seem to be in the habit of giving her what she wants." Emmettsaid smiling."My suggestion is to enjoy your pleasure, allow yourself to feel it and enjoy it, but focus yourpleasure onto Bella. Make her feel what you are feeling. Listen to her. She will let you know whenyou arent doing something right and of course, when you are doing it just right.He smiled at me as Emmett clapped me on the back."Your worry too much, bro." His grin wide. His head suddenly jerked from my face to somewhereto the left of us. "Dinner time!" He said flashing his razor sharp teeth.I smelled it too. Three mountain lions were stalking to our left, just a perfect number althoughunusual to find so many together, I took it as a gift.The Hunt was on and I allowed my mind to stray to the mountain lions, tomorrow night would beeasier if I was well feed. And well fed I was.Chapter 3 – Big DayIt was a long night. Although I had plenty of fun with my brothers, Emmett always made a game of
  11. 11. hunting, I had my fill of grizzly bears and mountain lions and deer, oh my! I had more than Ishould have, but I figured better to over-do than to under-do considering what Bella expected ofme after our wedding.There wasnt much for me to do once I had my fill to eat. I wandered around my house for a whiletaking in some of the preparations that had already been put in place. I looked for something todo, so I found Alice hanging some lights in the trees and decided to give her a hand, keep myselfsemi-busy.I went over all our luggage, to make sure nothing had been forgotten. Even though Bella hatessurprises I begged her to allow me this one little thing, and allow me to surprise her with ourhoneymoon destination. I knew this was difficult for her, but Alice was very happy because shegot to pack and shop for everything for Bella. Shopping was Alices favorite thing to do so Bellaagreed only to make Alice happy, on the plus side she now had a whole new wardrobe withouthaving to do any of the work.It was fairly early in the morning when got shooed away by Alice who said I needed to leavebecause she was going to pick up Bella."But I want to see her," I whined. An entire evening away from her was an awful thing, that would,thankfully, never have to happen again."Nope, remember the human tradition. Cant see the bride before the wedding." Alice said as sherecited the periodic tables and then all the zip codes in the continental United States (she must bebored at night, I thought). I knew she was trying anything to keep her thoughts away from Bellasdress."Where am I supposed to go?" Perfect timing as usual, my brothers and Carlisle swept into theroom."Come, Edward. I know it isnt the most exciting place to be before your wedding, but there arepatients I need to check on at the hospital." Carlisle turned and headed to the door. I knew I hadno choice so I followed. Spending time with my father wouldnt be so bad anyway.When we were in the car and on our way I heard him ask wordlessly; How are you doing, son?"Im wonderful, well with the wedding part anyway."And, is there another part that you are not to wonderful with? He asked in my head again."Well, you know Bella wants to experience human things before she becomes one of us, there isone thing she wants to experience about all others. I would prefer until after I changed her toexperience it, but she insists that we make love tonight when we reach out honeymoon. I knowwe have discussed the ramifications of this long ago, but I cant seem to delay it any longer. Imafraid Ill loose control and Ill hurt her."Well, Edward. I must say how proud I am at your resolve, you lasted a lot longer than anyonewould have ever dreamt possible. He thought for a moment, formulating his next thoughts, whichat the moment jumbled in my head. Do you remember when James had bitten her and youneeded to suck the wound of all its venom?"How could I ever forget?" The memory was still awful, still haunted me, seeing my Bella layingbroken, screaming in pain and begging for me.Well you found the fill to stop, to make Bella better. I know you will find the will to keep her safeand be careful with her, while still...enjoying yourself.
  12. 12. "What if I do loose control and I do hurt her, or worse...?" The words were heavy on me as I saidthem, my greatest fear.You have medical training, Edward. If she is injured you will know enough to help her and keepher comfortable until you can get her to a hospital. It she is more than injured, then you will callme immediately and we will go from there. But, Edward, listen to me now. You will not kill her;your love for her is too strong.I knew he was right and there was nothing more to say. I thought it over until I felt Carlisleslapping me on the shoulder.Cheer up! Youre getting married today! You look like someone died. This is a happy, a joyousday, Edward!He was right, of course. My wedding day. Bella was going to be my wife in just a few short hours,although the minutes seemed to be passing at a snails pace.I got ready in Carlisles office at the hospital while he checked on patients. It was all I could do tostay there instead of going to the door and starting to run home. This waiting was surely going tokill me.I carefully, so as not to wrinkle pants, sat down in Carlisles chair. I looked across the desk at mysuit jacket. All I wanted to do was pull it on and go make Bella my wife.I wondered briefly if my linen suit and crisp, high white collared shirt, with my taupe colored ascotwould match what Bella was wearing. I did look very old fashioned, almost like someone out ofAnne of Green Gables. Hopefully Bella would approve. Alice had obviously though my attire metthe standard as she didnt make me change it.Just when I was getting my antsiest I heard Carlisles thoughts, he knew I could hear him; Alright,son. Lets get going. I heard him think as he strode through the door. I dont know where or when,but he had found the time and he had already changed into his dark suit.We waited a couple of miles from the house as we were instructed by Alice who had theobsession to keep peoples thoughts of Bella away from me. She didnt want to spoil the surprisefor me of seeing her coming to me, or for her to see my face the first time I saw her coming downthe aisle.We waited in silence and finally got Alices phone call. "Okay, the minister is ready and Bella isgetting anxious. Its time, whenever youre ready.""GO!" I growled at Carlisle who was drivers seat. Hearing that Bella was anxious was all themotivation I needed. Actually, I didnt need any motivation. The only reason we werent marriedright now was because Bella wanted to do this right. Carlisle wasted no time and put theaccelerator to the floor. We were in the driveway in two minutes, tops.I walked quickly though the garage door (I didnt want to take the risk and been seen in all mydiamond shimmering glory), grudgingly I slowed to a human pace to go and stand by the minister,who happened to be the father of Bellas friend, Angela. I nodded and smiled at him, then turnedto look at our guests.Rosalie was playing Pachelbels Canon. I knew it wouldnt be long now and I glanced over andsaw Jasper, knowing it must be difficult for him with all the humans in the room and it must havebeen filled to the brim with emotions. I hope he was able to work a little of his magic to calm Bella.She must be a wreak, I thought. She didnt like to be the center of attention and she certainly
  13. 13. didnt adore the idea of marriage.I looked beside me to see my father smiling; I followed his gaze and saw my mother. She wassmiling as well, but I knew if it had been possible, she would have been crying. She was so happythat I had finally found someone to spend the rest of my life with and it helped that she adoredBella.The traditional wedding march started and I could hear Charlie; One foot in front of the other, nottoo fast. Not too fast, one foot in front of the other. He thought his mantra over and over again. Iknew that they were on the stairs and Charlie was holding Bella tightly so she wouldnt fall.I waited as she got nearer so that I would be able to see her. Everyone had done a wonderful jobof keeping what she looked like from me.And then I saw her. She was beautiful, not more than beautiful. She was exquisite, although thatstill didnt seem a strong enough word. Bellas hair was up, braided intricately, a long veil flowedbehind her. I didnt need to worry about my attire one bit, we coordinated perfectly. She wore along, white satin and lace dress, circa 1918 with a slight modern twist, Alices influence no doubt.She looked radiant. I smiled in the knowledge that she had chosen me and in a few shortmoments she would be all mine, for forever.She looked at me and looked like she wanted to drop her bouquet, hike up her dress, kick off hershoes and run to me, if not for Charlie holding her arm tightly, she probably would have.The time seemed incredibly slow and I held my hand for her as they reached me. Charlie held herhand a moment, almost reluctant to let go, but then placed it in mine. I touched the warm miraclethat was her hand and I was home.We decided to keep our vows short and simple; nervous as Bella was it was best to limit theamount she had to say. We did however, make one revision and asked the minister to switch outthe traditional "til death do us part" for the much more appropriate "as long as we both shall live",which made much more sense since, after I changed her, we would both live forever.I was over the moon and it looked like Bella was doing well, not as horrified as I would haveguessed she would been at the gravity of the words.And then she started to cry, but they werent tears of fear or sadness, they were tears of joy."I do," She chocked through the words I wanted to hear for so long."I do," I vowed triumphantly. She was finally mine and I was hers.The minister declared up husband and wife. I reached to her face, cradling it gently as if she werethe most delicate of flowers. I knew that if I had been able, tears would have flooded my eyes as Istared in my beautiful new wife dark chocolate brown ones.I tilted my head slowly down to Bella for our first kiss as husband and wife. I tried to kiss hersoftly, tenderly, but Bella, being Bella, stretched on her tip toes and threw her arms along with herbouquet, around my neck. She kissed me so passionately I hated to end it, but there were stillpeople in the room. She clung to me and I had to restrain her face and pull back. I smiled at her,amused. The joy I felt was mimicked upon Bellas face.Our guests erupted into a long, loud applause and Bellas mothers arms soon enveloped her asshe was unwillingly torn from me. And then she was passed along to everyone and receivedhugs, while I held her hand and got the congratulatory claps on the back. And then it finally hitme, we were married.
  14. 14. Chapter 4 – GestureThanks to Alice and her wonderful planning skills our ceremony ended as the sun set and it was aspectacular August evening, The tress glimmered with lights and the tent stood just a shortdistance from the house.I took Bella from the crowd and outside, desperate to have just a moment with my incredible newwife. I didnt get the chance to savor my moment long, one of the mutts interrupted us."Congrats guys," Seth said. I had fought along side him only weeks ago. He was accompanied byhis mother and Billy Black, the father of my least favorite mutt, Jacob Black. These people werethe ones I least looked forward to seeing, with the exception of Seth who was a good kid. I knewthey didnt like me much and quite honestly the feeling was more than mutual. But today, at least,Billy Black didnt seem to hate me so much. I knew his thoughts and he was grateful, happy even.He knew of my surprise for Bella and he only wished my plans worked out, well, for this weddingpresent anyway. I frowned when I heard his thought. Stealing her life, should be ashamed ofhimself."Its good to see things work out for you, man." Seth said to me. "Im happy for you.""Thank you, Seth. That means a lot to me." I said hugging him. I turned to Billy and Sue, "Thankyou, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella today." I said graciously."Youre welcome." Billy said perhaps not friendly but certainly optimistically.A line was growing so they gave us hugs again and stepped a side.Bellas friends Angela and Ben were next in line to congratulate us. I was pleased to see them;Angela had always been such a good friend to Bella, much more than Jessica and Mike whowere next along with Jessicas parents.I was pleased to see my cousins The Denalis were sauntering up to us. I felt Bella tense besideme and realized she must have guessed which one of them was Tanya. She had always been alittle jealous of Tanya who always had somewhat of a thing for me if only because I was the oneshe couldnt have, the only one who had ever refused her. I was the conquest she could neverconquer. Tanya came to me and we embraced. She held me a little longer than was necessaryand I saw Bellas brow furrow slightly."Ah, Edward," Tanya said. "Ive missed you." She said still held me; I pulled back and placed myhand on her shoulder."Its been too long, Tanya. You look well.""So do you.""Let me introduce you to my wife," Oh, how I loved the sound of that! I wanted to shout it from therooftops. "This is my Bella.""Welcome to the family, Bella." Tanya smiled taking Bellas hands in hers. "We consider ourselvesCarlisles extended family and I am sorry about the, err, recent incident when we did not behaveas such. We should have met sooner. Can you forgive us?"Of course," Bella said nervously. I knew that Tanya could be very intimidating. "Its nice to meet
  15. 15. you."I introduced her to Kate, Carmen and Elezar who call stood slightly behind Tanya, waiting theirturn. They all welcomed her graciously and moved along as to allow the other to have their turnswith us. "Well get to know each other later. Well have eons of time for that!" Tanya promised witha laugh.We observed all the human traditions of photographs and cake cutting and Bella was evensurprised when we took turns feeding cake to each other, that I managed to eat my piece with notrouble. I guess, she had forgotten that piece of pizza I had eaten when we first met. Bella threwthe bouquet and Angela caught it with a panicked Ben looking on. Great, now Im going to have tohear about this from everyone for a very long time! He grumped inside my head.Then it was time for my favorite part; the Garter toss. I placed Bella on a chair and whispered forher to behave herself. I walked over to Emmett, handed him my jacket and rolled up my sleeveslike I was preparing to go fishing. As the music started "Fever", the more modern Michael Bubleversion, I sauntered over to Bella slowly, seductively. She started to blush almost instantly. I heardCharlie inside my head; Cant watch this. Still my daughter and then he entered the house. Icouldnt contain a smirk as I looked directly into her eyes. As I got nearer to her, her heart racedand her breaths were quick and shallow.I bent before her to kneel on the ground and I took her hands in mine. I kissed them both andplaced them in her lap. Slowly, carefully I raised her skirt slightly and disappeared beneath it. Iplaced one hand on the ground and the other on her ankle. Slowly, but not too slowly, (I had tocontinuously remind myself that this was not our honeymoon and there were guests watching us)I kissed up her leg until I found her garter. I didnt want to stop my kisses but I knew Bella wouldbe fighting for control and she must be blushing furiously by now. I heard Emmett and Jasperhooting and hollering somewhere behind me.I grabbed the garter very carefully with my teeth and slid it down her leg to her ankle. I retrieved itwith my hand and resurfaced. I saw Bellas embarrassment and longing reflected in her eyes. Ikissed her on her cheek, winked and then shot it direction at Mike Newton.Then it was time for our first dance. I had thought long and hard about what our first dance shouldbe and it seemed most fitting to choose the song we had first danced to when we went to theprom the year we met, "Flightless Bird." It was out first dance as a couple and now it was our firstdance as husband and wife.I pulled Bella to me, holding her close as we glided under the lights and moonless sky. Iconcentrated on only her as the flash bulbs went off around us, taking mementos of this day forBella. We knew that her human memory would fade slightly after I changed her. I wanted to makesure she would remember this moment for the rest of eternity."Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" I whispered as I nuzzled her ear.She laughed. "That will take come getting used to.""We have a while," I reminded her and I leaned in to kiss her while I twirled her around the dancefloor.The music changed to "Butterfly Kisses" and Charlie tapped me on the shoulder. It was time forthe father – daughter dance. I kissed Bella again and went to take my mothers hand to dancewith her.She played with a strand of my hair that was out of place and put her hand on my check, smilingand me. "Oh, Edward. That was beautiful. I am so happy you have finally found someone and we
  16. 16. couldnt be happy that it happens to be Bella. I really do love her like she was my own.""Thank you, Esme. I know she loves you just the same. I know this has been difficult on all of you.I do appreciate all your love and patience with me, with us."She rested her head on my shoulder. After that song Bella was passed to someone else andCarlisle came to steal Esme from me, so I found Alice and whirled her into my arms."Alice you did a wonderful job. Everything is perfect and Bella seems like she is having a greattime. Thank you for this, and for doing it all with such a short time limit.""Oh, Edward, "She smiled."Youre silly! I didnt have limited time. Ive been planning this from themoment I saw you with her, true I did get side tracked with the unpleasantness of last year but assoon as we got you back from Italy I knew it was sonly a matter of time. It wasnt easy to keepthat from you though." I kissed her on the cheek and saw Bella get passed to Mike Newton.So beautiful, he totally doesnt deserve her. Man, if she was mine I would totally rock her world.Id heard enough of Mike, so I walked over to cut in and reclaim my wife."Still not that fond of Mike, eh?" She joked as I whirled her as far away from him as I couldmanage."Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. Hes lucky I didnt kick him out. Or worse.""Yeah, right." She said rolling her eyes."Have you had a chance to look at yourself?""Umm, no I guess not. Why?""Then I suppose you dont realize how utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful you are tonight. Im notsurprised Mikes having difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman. I amdisappointed that Alice didnt make sure you were forced to look in a mirror." She still took mybreath away when I glanced at her."You are very biased, you know."I sighed and saw the glass of the window; I spun her so she could see herself. I pointed. "Biased,am I?" I watch as her eyebrows rose appraising herself, she looked surprised. Then I heard afamiliar voice that I had been expecting, but not wanting, to hear.Im here bloodsucker. Lets get this show on the road.I stiffened at the sound of his voice. "Oh!" I said, now it was my brow that had furrowed. When Inoticed Bella eyeing me I smoothed my expression."What is it?" She asked."A surprise wedding gift." I had asked Seth to ask Jacob, while in wolf form of course as Jacobhad run off after Bella had picked me, to please come and see Bella. I knew she would appreciateseeing him."Huh?"I didnt answer. I pulled her into my arms and continued our dancing. I started spinning her awayfrom the lights to the edge of the dance floor and toward the forest.
  17. 17. "Thanks you," I said into the blackness. "This was very...kind of you."Whatever bloodsucker, Im here for her, not you. Jacob thought but said instead "Kind is mymiddle name. Can I cut it?"Jacob!" Bella choked. "Jacob!" I understood her excitement and although I knew she was mywife, that she had chosen me, I still felt a twinge of jealousy in the pit of my stomach."Hey there Bells."Bella stumbled into the darkness and I followed keeping my hand on her elbow until Jacob hadher and enveloped her into a close, tight hug. There was that jealousy thing again."Rosalie will never forgive me if she doesnt get her official turn on the dance floor." I murmuredtrying to keep the hurt from my voice. See ya bloodsucker. Jacob thought as I turned and walkedaway. I was going to give them their space but I would not go far and I would be monitoring theirconversation.I did see Rosalie and beckoned her to me. She glided to me in her scintillating way."Congratulations, Edward, it really is about time you found someone. Too bad its human." Shejoked, flipping her hair as she spoke."Thank you Rose. I never knew this kind of happiness existed. I see what you and Emmett havenow.She smiled and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I dont mean to be a bitch, Edward. I knowwe have never been close, but I do love you and Im glad you are finally happy. And I guess Bellaisnt that bad. I mean you could have fallen for that Jessica girl."I laughed and kissed her forehead. "I love you too, Rose." We were silent as we twirled. I listenedto Jacob and Bellas conversation of how he was doing. I must admit I hated the idea of askingthe mutt for any favors, but he had kept her safe when I wasnt able, so I did need to give himcredit for that, if nothing else."My mind strayed to how beautiful Bella looked tonight. I knew that even had I not made out dealto make love to her, my resolve would have been broken. Not only was I filled with love andadoration for her, she looked unbelievable tonight. She was always beautiful but this was more.I imagined when we were finally alone together, when the wedding was over and done and wewere on our honeymoon. I imagined touching her warm skin, feeling her soft lips on my hardones, hearing her breathe as I caressed her.Then I was suddenly ripped from my reverie."Ow, Jake! Let go!" Bella had cried. He was shaking her, he was beyond angry. His vile, angrythought flooded my mind. He was imagining me on top of Bella and she was writhing in painbeneath me, begging me to stop while I continued on with my assault.I threw Rose aside and ran as fast as I could without arousing suspicions."Bella! Have you lost your mind? You cant be that stupid! Tell me youre joking." He wasscreaming at her, if the music hadnt been so loud everyone would probably have heard."Jake – stop!" Seth shouted.
  18. 18. "Take your hands off her!" I commanded.Behind Jacob there were snarls. He had brought backup of course. I should have brought mybrothers. I never should have allowed this in the first place."Jake, bro, back away." Seth urged. "Youre loosing it." But Jacob didnt move, he was just staringat Bella, deep into her eyes, silently pleading with her. "Youll hurt her. Let go.""Now!" I snarled, ready to pounce if he didnt release her. My resolve was weakening by thesecond and I hoped that Seth would be able to talk him down.Jacob finally let her go and I grabbed her and whisked her a few feet away, standing protectivelyin front of her. I knew the situation was volatile and I wanted to stand, to fight if necessary but Ihad to think of Bella. I knew I would need to get her to safety, but what if they followed? Thatwould break up the party pretty quick."Cmon Jake. Lets go." Seth urged again.Jacob was looking at me, shaking with fury. "Ill kill you! Ill kill you myself. Ill do it now!" And hewas shaking more now and a big black wolf, Sam, was growling."Seth, get out of the way." I hissed knowing that if Jacob phased it would be very bad for him.Seth stayed firm.You filthy bloodsucker. You will hurt her. I swear, if you hurt her I will kill you. And then he startedthinking of everything he could do to inflict pain on me."Dont do it, Jake. Walk away. Cmon." The other wolves joined Seth now in pushing Jacob back.Then they disappeared into to black once more."Im sorry," Bella whispered after the last wolf. He stared at me and thought; you hurt her and youknow we will be back for you. Dont forget that. I nodded once knowing all too well that theywould, indeed be back."Its alright now, Bella." I soothed. "Alright." I said more to calm myself than to Bella. "Lets getback." I knew that people were going to wonder where we had gotten to."But, Jake –" She worried."Sam has him in hand. Hes gone.""Edward, Im sorry. I was stupid –""You did nothing wrong –" I tried to reassure her, but she was worked up."I have such a big mouth! Why would I...I shouldnt have let him get to me like that. What was Ithinking?""Dont worry." I caressed her face, knowing my cool hand would begin to calm her. "We need toget back to the reception before someone notices our absence.""Give me two seconds." She pleaded after a moment. She started to smooth her dress and herhair. I knew she was panicking inside but all she cared about now was making sure she panickedno one else."My dress?" She looked surprisingly impeccable, considering the force with which the mutt was
  19. 19. shaking her."You look fine. Not a hair out of place."She took some deep breaths and closed her eyes, steadying herself for our return. "Okay. Letsgo."I hugged her close to me, never wanting to let her go. I spun her back to the dance floor. I noticedmy brothers, of course they had known what was happening and they had been waiting to see if Iwould need their assistance. I nodded once and they nodded back.Everything good, brother? Need us to go kick some ass? Emmett though hopefully.I smiled slightly to let them know it was all good and shook my head once to tell them to leave italone.I looked at my bride. Her face looked slightly tense, but unscathed. "Are you –""Im fine." She promised. "I cant believe I did that. Whats wrong with me?""Nothing is wrong with you." I kissed her forehead and brushed her cheek lightly with myfingertips."Its over." She said. "Lets not think about it again tonight." Of course I heard her, but the doubtshad already started to creep up on me again. What if his vision of me, the monster, the attackerwould come true? What if Bella begged me to stop and I ignored her for my own pleasure?"Edward?" Her soft voice brought me back from make waking nightmare.I closed my eyes and touched my forehead to hers, too afraid to look into her eyes. "Jacob isright." I whispered. "What am I thinking?""He is not." She said. "Jacob is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly." But she didnt know.She didnt see what he saw, what he showed me."Should have let him kill me for even thinking..." I mumbled low enough that I didnt think shecould hear me.She grabbed my face in her hands. "Stop it." She commanded and she waited for me to look ather. "You and me. Thats the only thing that matters. The only thing youre allowed to think about.Do you hear me?""Yes." I sighed. She was so beautiful, so convincing when she commanded things of me."Forget Jacob came. For me. Promise me youll let this go."That was a difficult request as it was all my fault that he had come in the first place. I stared intoher beautiful pleading eyes and there was no way I could refuse this."I promise.""Thank you. Edward, Im not afraid.""I am." I whispered as I nuzzled into her hair, at least it felt safe in here, surrounded by her scent,by the beating of her heart.
  20. 20. "Dont be." She took a deep breath and pulled slightly away from me so I could see her. Shesmiled and she looked radiant. "By the way, I love you."I smiled a half smile. "Thats why were here.""Youre monopolizing the bride," Emmett said tapping me on the shoulder. "Let me dance with mylittle sister. This could be the last chance I get to make her blush." He barked his laugh and Ireluctantly relinquished my hold on her.After Emmett was finished dancing with her she got passed around to someone else and Emmettcome to stand by me, Jasper followed.What was that, bro? That was intense with the dogs. Emmett probed.I whispered so low that no one but them could hear me. "He found out we were planning to havea real honeymoon. It was awful, his thoughts were so vile. He saw me attacking her. He saw herbeneath me, calling for me to stop and I ignored her."He isnt Alice. Its his own sick, twisted mind. It isnt the future. Jasper thought."What if it is or something very much like it?" I never took my eyes from Bella. She looked like shewas having an easier time forgetting Jacob than I was.Weve been over this, Edward. Your love is too strong, especially to do something like that. Yourlove for her is simple too strong."I hope youre right." At that moment I strode away from my brothers and walked to my wife. Icame up from behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She placed her hands on myarms and leaned into me. I spun her around to face me and her face had pure joy reflected on it.She smiled and leaned into me again, my arms automatically tightened around her."I could get used to this." She cooed."Dont tell me youve gotten over your dancing issues?""Dancing isnt so bad – with you. But I was thinking more of this –" and she pressed herself evencloser against me. A small, involuntary gasp escaped my lips at our new closeness and her softbody couldnt get any closer to me. "Of never having to let you go.""Never," I promised. I leaned in and kissed her intensely, letting her feel all of my joy over havingher as my wife."Bella, its time to go." Alice called. I rolled my eyes as I was still kissing my bride. This was thesweetest, most tender and incredibly intense kiss we had shared to date."Do you want to miss your plane? Im sure youll have a lovely honeymoon camped out in theairport waiting for another flight."I turned my head slightly just enough to murmur, "Go away, Alice," before I returned my lips backto Bellas."Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?" She demanded.Neither of us was paying any attention to her, still making out on the dance floor."Ill tell her where youre taking her, Edward. So help me I will." She growled...Okay that got my
  21. 21. attention."Youre awfully small to be so hugely irritating." I griped."I didnt pick the perfect going away ensemble to have it wasted." She snapped and took Bellashand. "Come with me, Bella."Bella resisted Alices tug, but we were ripped apart anyway. I heard people chuckle at Bellasreluctance. Ahhh Newlyweds, most of them thought.My father was at my side almost immediately after Alice and Bella reached the stairs.He put a hand on my shoulder. You will be fine, son. You can do this and everything will bewonderful. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Esme were all suddenly at my side, hugging me andwishing us well.And then I saw her for the second time descending from that staircase. She looked nothing lessthan radiant and glowing. She worse a beautiful deep blue V neck dress and her hair had beenfreed of the braids and now cascaded down her back.I smiled and held out my hand for her as she reached the stairs; she took it but leaned away fromme, searching."Dad?" She asked."Over here," I murmured. I took her to her father who leaning against a wall.Cant believe Im loosing her. He better make her happy. He thought as I brought her to him, Inoticed his eyes were red."Oh, Dad!" She threw her arms around him while he patted her on the back.So beautiful, my little girl is all grown up.Bella started to tear and Charlie said, "There, now. You dont want to miss your plane.""I love you forever, Dad. Dont forget that.""You too Bells. Always have, always will." They kissed each other on the cheek. "Call me.""Soon." She promised. I knew this was difficult for her. She was saying goodbye to her father, notknowing if she would ever see him again. Depending on what happened, she may be a vampireby then and this would be the last time she would ever see him."Go on then. Dont want to be late."Take care of my baby.I pulled Bella close to me as our guests cleared to make a path for us. We stopped on thedoorstep. "Are you ready for this?" I asked?"I am."And then I kissed her passionately. Everyone was applauding and throwing rice on our way to theVanquish, my special occasion car and there was no occasion more special than this. I tried toshield her from the rice; Emmett seemed to be taking great joy at throwing especially hard at me.
  22. 22. I saw Bellas face as she watched her parents disappear from view. I squeezed her hand and shelooked at me."I love you." I said.She leaned against my arm. "Thats why were here." She said, turning the tables on me.I knew we needed to be fast to catch out plane. Wed left later than we should, but I was countingon the car to get us there with plenty of time to spare. Once we were on the highway I reallyopened her up, my foot almost to the floor.Could life be any sweeter than this? And then we heard a pained, devastated howl from behindus. I pressed my foot to the floor and the sound faded into the blackness and we were alone inthe moonless night.Chapter 5 – Isle Esme"Houston?" Bella said surprised."Just a stop along the way," I grinned. I knew she was worried about where I would take her forour honeymoon. I knew she didnt want to be sentenced to spending our entire honeymoonindoors because I couldnt go outside, well maybe thats what she was hoping for actually; neverhaving to leave our room.Bella slept the whole way from Seattle to Houston and I watched her sleep. This, I knew, I wouldnever tire of, watching her as dreamed. She looked like an angel and I hated to wake her whenwe arrive. I pulled her through the terminal to another gate so we could catch out connectingflight."Rio de Janeiro?""Another stop," I promised.When we were on the plane again Bella had fallen right back asleep. The flight was long and Ihad all that time to worry about what would happen in the coming hours. Maybe she would be sotired from traveling so long that I could prolong it, put it off, just a little longer. I gave up on thatidea, knowing that Bella had slept so long and so soundly there was no way that would happen.I imagined touching her face, staring into her eyes. I imagined enveloping her into my arms andholding her as my lips met hers. I imagined touching her skin gently with my fingertips, my lipsgliding from her mouth to brush lightly on her cheekbone and down to the nape of her neck. Andthen I imagined biting her. No, damn it! That wasnt going to happen. And of course it wouldnt, Iknew I would never let it, and could never do it.Bella woke and took me from my thoughts. As I expected, she was wide awake and unusuallyalert from just having slept for such a long period. There goes my hope of her being too tired, Ithought.I gathered our luggage and hailed a taxi. We drove, hand in hand in the back seat through Rio. Ipointed out landmarks as we went. I knew Bella was confused as to where we were going. I hadsaid that Rio was only another stop. It became clearer to her as we arrived at a dock that wewere, indeed, not yet done with our traveling.
  23. 23. I lead her down the dock with the luggage in tow and jumped in to put the bags down. I bent downto help Bella to climb into the boat.I sat Bella in one of the luxurious leather seats as I prepared the boat for our departure. Icontinuously looked up to make sure she hadnt gone and fallen into the water or something. Iwould be just like Bella to find an accident which sitting absolutely still.I couldnt help but notice how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. It looked like she wasglowing, emanating light from within her. Was it possible that she could be even more beautifulthat she was just a few days ago?I knew Bella was full of nervous anticipation at where we were headed and I knew she would bereviewing geography in her head, trying to figure it out and I knew she would never guess, shedidnt even know this place existed.I stood in front of the wheel, feeling the wind in my hair, knowing that my life was perfect. I wasfinally alone with my Bella, my wife."Are we going much further?" I knew she was hoping that this boat was not the destination itself,as comfortable as it was it would not do to be cooped up here for a few weeks."About another half hour." I glanced at her and grinned. I saw she was clutching the seat tightly. Ialways forgot that she didnt like speed like I did; guiltily I hoped that it would be different after Ichanged her."Bella, look there." I called and pointed strait ahead.I didnt know if her human eyes could see the island that had appeared in front of us. I could seethe palm trees lightly swaying in the breeze, the moon illuminating the silvery sand and a smallview of a large estate thorough the palms."Where are we?""This is Isle Esme." I said turning to smile at her.I maneuvered the boat to the dock and cut the engine. What a still and quiet night. The onlysounds were the water lapping gently at the boat and the sound of Bellas heartbeat."Isle Esme?"A gift from Carlisle – Esme offered to let us borrow it." I had hoped that Bella would like it, andthat maybe she would like it so much so would let me buy something like this for her one day. Itwas quiet and private. No one could bother us here and we didnt need to hide. We could dowhatever we wanted her, whenever we wanted and never be disturbed on the expansive island.I took our luggage to the dock and returned for Bella. I knew she expected me to take her hand,but I smiled at her as I scooped her up into my arms, holding her firmly to me."Arent you supposed to wait for the threshold?" She whispered a little breathless.I grinned again. "Im nothing if not thorough." I said as I walked into the darkness towards thehouse. I felt Bellas heart start to accelerate and I watched her face wondering what wasfrightening her. Could she be having second thoughts about making love tonight? I decided not tosay anything just then; I would wait to see what would happen.I set the suitcase down to unlock the door and waited. I wanted her to look at me, to know what I
  24. 24. loved her; she had nothing to fear, especially if she wanted to back out of our deal. When she didfinally look at me I carried her over the threshold and through the whole house, flipping on asmany lights as I could find. I thought that maybe if it was bright in here she could be somehowless scared.I stopped at the last room, afraid to take her through the door. I steadied myself and walkedthrough the door, flipping on the very last light. It was our bedroom. Large and airy, it had a longglass window and all white walls, of course. The moonlight illuminated the large king sizedcanopy bed, which was draped with soft looking mosquito netting.I put Bella on her feet. "Ill...go get the luggage." I walked slowly, for me, down the stairs, thinkingabout what the evening may, or may not, hold for us. I reached the bags and grabbed them. Ichecked the thermostat on my way up the stair, yup twenty-five degrees, a little warm I knew, butI was trying to take every precaution I could think of.Returning upstairs, I found Bella near the bed. I walked to her and caressed the back of her warmneck with my cool fingers. "Its a little hot here." I said apologetically, maybe turning on the airconditioning would be a good idea, just for a bit. "I thought...that would be best.""Thorough," She murmured, looking around her surroundings. I chuckled and realized that itsounded strained and a little nervous."I tried to think of everything that would make this...easier." I confessed. She swallowed loudlyfrom in front of me. Was this just the normal nerves or was she rally rethinking our deal? I decidedthat I would not back out, but if she told me no or stopped me, I would be fine with that too."I was wondering if," I started, trying to ease the situation," if...if maybe you would like to take amidnight swim with me?" I took a deep breath to calm myself. It was a swim, nothing more thanthat, one step at a time. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of.""Sounds nice." She said, he voice breaking slightly."Im sure you would like a human minute, or two...It was a long journey" She nodded and Ibrushed my lips against her throat, just below her ear. I chuckled at her as she shivered slightly, Idoubt she even noticed, that her body had emanated. "Dont be too long Mrs. Cullen." Shejumped at being called her new name. I brushed my lips to her through again. "Ill meet you in thewater."I strode past her to the doors that led from our bedroom to the beach. I removed my shirt and let itfall to the floor just before I reached the doors. I didnt look back as I walked out into the warm,soft sand. The air was fresh and clear ad I made my way to the waters edge, feeling all theanticipation that had been building in me.Although I knew Bella was nervous I knew that it was not second thoughts she was having. It wasnormal for human girls to be nervous about their first time being intimate; apparently it was forteenage vampire males as well.I saw a tree nearby the water, a perfect spot for my remaining clothes. As I had already divestedmyself of my shirt, I removed my shoes and socks and placed them neatly at the base of thepalm. I undid the zipper on my pants and slid them down, folding them and hanging them on thetree. As I reached for my boxers, a realization hit me. This would be the first time that I would seeBella naked and the first time she would see me, all of me. I got a sudden thrill and twinge ofnerves at the same time. Well, this was it, I thought as I removed my last stitch of clothing, bare tothe night.My feet touched the water and it felt soothing. I decided to dive right it, hoping it might calm my
  25. 25. nerves. It was almost time to make good on my promise to her. I needed to be strong, she wouldneed me to reassure her, to calm her, it was hard to take on that role if i was not calm myself.I swam near the ocean floor for a time, checking every now and then to see if Bella had made herway to the beach.After a time I found my way to waist deep water, knowing Bella wouldnt be long now. I stood withmy back to the house, to give her some privacy, if she wanted it. I placed my palms on top of thewater, feeling it dance across them. Then, I heard her heart beat and I knew she was on thebeach. I wanted to turn around, to drink in her beautiful figure, but I restrained myself, knowingthere would be plenty of time for that. I would wait until she came to me."Beautiful," I heard her say of the moon."Its all right," I said as I turned to her. She looked incredible in the moonlight. She stood beforeme; all I could see was her bare midriff, since her arms were draped across her to hide herbreasts modestly. It gave me a thrill of excitement to know that we were both without clothes andthis close to each other.I held out a hand for her, waiting for her to unwrap one arm from her chest so I could intertwineour fingers together. She carefully removed one arm from her chest and put her hand in mine andwe held each others hand under the water. I kept my eyes locked with hers so she could feelmore comfortable, to know that I wasnt there to ogle just her body. "But, I wouldnt use the word,beautiful. Not with you standing here in comparison."She smiled and finally removed the one arm that had been covering herself. She was completelyuncovered now and I tried not to stare at her glorious body. She placed her free hand on mychest where my heard used to beat. I shuttered at her warm touch and her magnificence."I promised we would try," I whispered, tense knowing the time was very close. "If...if I dosomething wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once.""Dont be afraid," She murmured looking into my eyes and I could tell it was not fear I detected inher heartbeat anymore. It was excited, it was longing and I knew that this was going to happen,tonight, her second thoughts had disappeared. "We belong together."I wrapped my arms around her holding her to me. My body coursed with electricity, something Idfelt in biology class while we watched that movie, so long ago."Forever," I agreed and that was the last of our conversations for that evening.I decided right there and then my internal doubts were over, Bella wanted me and I wanted her. Iwas her husband and she was my wife and we loved each other and that was all that matteredI pulled her close to me and looked deep into her chocolate brown eyes, she looked happy andshe looked ready. I put my hand on her chest to feel her heart beating. I closed my eyes for amoment wanting to savor the feel of her heart under my hand. I bent my face to her slowly andgently touched my lips to hers. She moved herself closer into me and I gasped at the feeling ofher breasts pressed so hard into me. The fire started to burn hotter then."Bella," I moaned and she threw her arms around my neck as I grabbed around her waist. Myhand found its way to her face. I brushed her cheek with my fingers. She shivered slightly, but Iknew she wasnt cold. My hand traveled to her hair and stroked the long stands. My lips foundhers and then her cheek and then her ear. I nibbled ever so gently, so as not to break the skin.My lips made their way down her neck, leaving a trail of kisses, to her collar bone. I kissed andcaressed and she moaned, wrapping both her hands in my hair.
  26. 26. I could feel my urgency growing for her, burning from within me. Bella threw her head back indelight as I hoisted her up with her legs on either side of my hips. She pushed herself closer tolick and suck my earlobe. It drove me wild. Who knew this kind of pleasure existed?I pulled back from her slightly to look into her eyes. "Are you ready for take this inside, Mrs.Cullen?" I asked. She stared directly into my eyes and I could see all the urgency that I felt for herreflected back at me.We kissed all the way back to our room, the fire seemed to grow stronger with every step I took. Iknew that there was giant bed awaiting us on the other side of those doors.I held Bella on her small round buttocks with one hand while opening the door with the other. Idont even know if she noticed that we were inside until I slowly laid her on the soft, whitebedcovers. I stood for a moment to look at her, to finally allow myself to drink her body in.She looked so innocent just laying there, waiting for me to join her. She was magnificent. Themoonlight danced across her sweet face, illuminating her wonderfully luscious breasts with theirperfect nipples, her flat stomach and her long legs, she was not a tall girl but as she lay her likethis, they seemed to go on for miles. She rolled onto her elbow to look at me."Edward? Is there something wrong?""No, my love, nothing is wrong. I just wanted to look at you." I said climbing slowly onto the bednext to her. "Youre beautiful, truly incredible. I dont know how I got so lucky."I didnt wait for a reply, she was blushing and I had to kiss her then, it was like her body wascalling to me and I could resist no longer.I started at her lips and trailed down her neck until I found those beautiful breasts of hers. Igrabbed one in my hand and kneaded it slowly while I guided her other one into my mouth andstarted to roll her nipple around with my tongue, slowly licking and sucking. She groaned and Istiffened, afraid I had hurt her. I looked at her face but it was not a face of pain, but of purepleasure. Maybe pleasing her would not be so difficult after all, I thought. She reached down andput her hand in my hair, the only part of me that she could easily reach. With one hand still on herbreast, I continued my trail of kisses downward.Pausing on her perfect stomach my tongue traced her belly button and she squirmed. I lookeddown and saw her legs were pressed together. I slowly reached my free hand down allowing myfingertips to trail down her side, contouring the shape of her breasts, down her waist and over herhips and between her legs, when she felt me there she parted them a little too willingly, someonewas getting impatient, I thought.I placed myself between her open legs, and knelt above her. She opened her eyes and looked atme, she was simply angelic. I bent, balancing my hands on either side of her head to kiss her lips.She caught my face in both her hands and kissed me more passionately than she ever had. Ipulled away and she looked puzzled."Not yet, my love, I havent finished playing yet." I said as I touched her face, letting my handstrail down her check, her neck, between her beautiful breasts and down her stomach. As myhands reached her waist I shimmed down to position myself and placed my hands on either sideof her hips. From her belly button my lips traveled down and found first her left thigh, then herright, licking and softly sucking as I went.Then, the smell nearly drove me from my mind. Her sweet scent was so strong and lovely, I knewI had to have it. My lips found her core. I stuck out my tongue, gently touching it to her and she
  27. 27. moaned, her back arching. I did it again and again in more rapid succession, digging my fingersinto her hips, holding her to me.I could hear her heart speeding up, it was so fast, I didnt know how it could be beating so fast,the sound was seductive, enticing. I could feel her heat and her urgency flowing through me asher moans became louder and more prolonged.Finally she bucked her hips against me and called my name. I slowed my tongue and when herpanting and heat beat returned to normal I reluctantly left my new favorite spot and returned toBellas face, figuring she might like a kiss and some time to come down from her high. Oh howwrong I was.I looked down at her blushed body and marveled that she didnt just blush on her face, but allover her body as well. I brought my face to hers and she grabbed it, pulling me to her. She kissedme so deeply I was taken by surprise. I felt myself go stiff as she trailed one hand from my facedown to my chest, and downward, groping, trying to put me inside her. I pulled away slightly,shocked. She looked at me with her big brown eyes, pleading."Please, Edward. Im ready, I need you."And that was all I needed to hear. Slowly I lowered myself to her. I paused at her opening, notsure of my speed, she looked at me obligingly and raised her hips to meet me. Slowly I enteredher only slightly and the fire inside me was heaven.I heard Bella gasp and I froze. Had I already hurt her? My mind was racing and I looked at herface. "Bella?" I asked urgently. "Have I hurt –"."No, no, Edward. Its fine. Its just, the first time. We will need to go slow, I think." I kissed her lips,but didnt move, didnt breathe. "Its okay, Edward, dont stop." With that I inched into her againand I could tell she was trying not to cry out, but I could also tell she wanted me to continue. Icontinued to enter her slowly, inch by inch. I could smell it now, there was a little blood, but itwasnt bad. The blood didnt even phase me; it was the scent of her urgency that was affectingme now.I was fully inside her when she finally spoke. "I think were fine now, Edward, it hardly even hurts.Really." She put her hand encouragingly on my face and kissed my nose.I began to thrust in and out of her. The fire was beginning to grow within me now. I was almostfully engulfed when I heard Bellas moan of pleasure from beneath me and I nearly lost control. Ifelt the strongest urge to bite something, I couldnt control it. I collapsed on top of her, stillthrusting and bit the first thing I could find. As my teeth sunk into, whatever it was, a pillowpossibly, I heard Bella moan louder and growl my name seductively and that sent me over theedge and we both lay there, shaking and panting, together.I remember kissing Bella and her murmuring it was wonderful and she loved me. She fell asleep,exhausted from our night together. But everything about that is very blurry.It was about two in the morning when I noticed the first bruise start to appear on her skin. I wasntworried. She seemed fine, happy. It wasnt until I noticed the third, fourth and fifth bruise that Ireally started to get concerned.I knew this was a bad idea. I wanted to wake her, to see how badly I had hurt her. But, what if herslumber was just an act? A ruse before she could run away from me screaming. She soundedasleep and she looked asleep, but who knew. Maybe she was too terrified of me and pretended.Would she hate me in the morning?
  28. 28. I sat there all night watching more and more bruises appear on her beautiful skin. I had done thisto her. I was the monster that I so feared. I vowed that is by some miracle she woke up and didntrun from me I would never inflict this on her again. I only hoped I didnt break anything.I looked for the source of what I had bitten, and I was right. It was two pillows and now not onlywas Bella covered in bruises but we were both covered in down feathers.As Bella slept I tried to pull feathers from her hair, but every time I touched her to remove one shewould stir. I didnt want to wake her if she really was asleep. I wanted to prolong the inevitable foras long as possible. I loved her so much; I dreaded when she would wake up and discover what Ihad done.It was late morning before Bella finally awoke. I knew she had awoken, but she didnt open hereyes. I was afraid my nightmare was about to come true.I gently trailed my fingers up and down her spine, wondering when the screaming would begin.Her arms suddenly tightened around my neck and I heard her giggle."Whats funny?" I murmured, still trailing my fingers on her back. I felt her blush against my chestand then I heard her stomach growl. Great now Id hurt her and I was starving her. What the hellkind of husband was I?"You cant escape being human for very long." She giggled again but I said nothing, did nothing. Ijust waited, enjoying her company before she realized what kind of monster I really was."Edward," She choked, suddenly sullen. "What is it? Whats wrong?""You have to ask?" Could she really not feel what Id done to her? The bruises must be painful.What if I had broken a bone, she would surely feel that. I saw lines of worry appear on herforehead and I soothed them with my finger."What are you thinking?" I asked afraid of what her answer might be."Youre upset. I dont understand. Did I...?" her voice caught."How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth – dont try to downplay it.""Hurt?" she asked, seemingly confused. I felt her stretch all of her muscles and flex, surveyingher own damage.Her voice was angry when she spoke again. "Why would you jump to that conclusion? Ive neverbeen better than I am now."I closed my eyes and took a calming breath. "Stop that.""Stop what?""Stop acting like Im not a monster for having agreed to this.""Edward!" She cried and I heard tears welling up in her. "Dont ever say that!"I kept my eyes closed; I didnt want to see the look on her face when she finally saw what I haddone to her. "Look at yourself Bella. Then tell me Im not a monster." There was a moment andthen she gasped. This was it; this is the moment she would leave me."Why am I covered in feathers?" Confusion gripping her voice, but so far no fear.
  29. 29. I exhaled. "I bit a pillow...or two. Thats not what Im talking about.""You bit a pillow? Why?""Look, Bella!" I snarled and took her hand gently, stretching her arm in front of her. "Look at that!""Oh," She said, realization washing over her."Im...so sorry, Bella." I whispered. "I knew better than this. I should not have –", I growled, angrywith myself. "I am more sorry than I can tell you." I threw my arm over my eyes, too ashamed tohave her see me. She touched my arm, wrapping her fingers around my wrist, trying to get me tolook at her but I didnt budge."Edward," She waited, but I was still motionless. "Edward?" She said again. "Im not sorry,Edward. Im...I cant even tell you. Im so happy. That doesnt cover it. Dont be angry. Dont Imreally f –""Dont say the word fine." I said icily. Here I was a monster and she was apologizing, after I hurther, trying to make me feel better for what I had done. "If you value my sanity, do not say that youare fine.""But I am." She whispered"Bella," I groaned. "Dont.""No. You dont, Edward." I could tell she was really angry now. I removed my arm to look into hereyes."Dont ruin this," she said. "I. Am. Happy.""Ive already ruined this." I heard my voice as it caught in my throat."Cut it out," she snapped and I grinded my teeth together chewing back my retort."Ugh!" She huffed. "Why cant you just read my mind already? Its so inconvenient to be a mentalmute!"My eyes widened in surprise. "Thats a new one. You love that I cant read your mind.""Not today."I stared at her. Would I ever be able to understand the way her mind worked? "Why?""Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Orfive minutes ago, anyway. I was perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now- well, Imsort of pissed actually."You should be angry at me.""Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?"I sighed; she knew that it wouldnt make me happy to know that she was mad, mad at me no less."No, I dont think anything could make me feel better now.""That!" She snapped. "That right there is why Im angry. Youre killing my buzz, Edward."
  30. 30. She took a deep breath and tried to soothe me. "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thoughtthat was assumed. And then – well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is reallynothing." She said brushing her bruised arm with her delicate fingers. "I think for a first time, notknowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice –" she broke off as she took in myexpression. I was angry, no, more than angry, livid. Shed assumed I would hurt her and she stilldid it anyway."Assumed? Did you expect this Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were youthinking it would be worse? Do you consider it a success because you can walk away from it? Nobroken bones – that equals a victory?" She didnt speak for what seemed like an eternity,probably waiting for me to calm down."I didnt know what to expect – but I definitely didnt not expect how...how... just wonderful andperfect it was." Her voice fell to a dull whisper and she took her eyes away from mine and lookedat her hands as she fidgeted. "I mean, I dont know how it was for you, but it was like that for me."And then her eyes started to well with tears, again. Oh God was there no end to my torture of her.First I hurt her, then starve her, now I make her cry because she thinks she hadnt adequatelypleasured me? That was so far from the truth, she was more than I could have ever dreamedpossible, prefect in everyway. I melted as I looked at her, as she felt like I hadnt enjoyed myselfmaking love with her.I placed one of my icy fingers to her warm chin and raised her head to look at me. Is that whatyoure worried about? That I didnt enjoy myself?"Even thought I lifted her head her eyes still didnt look at me, still fidgeting with her hands in herlap. "I know its not the same, youre not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human,well, I cant imagine that life gets any better than that."Oh crap, was all I could think. She really wasnt mad at me after all, not for hurting her at least.She really wasnt going to flee from me with any of the feared running or screaming. I verypossibly just ruined something that was very special to her, simply because I forgot that it was tobe human."It seems that I have more to apologize for." I said frowning. "I didnt dream that you wouldconstrue the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasnt...well, the best nightof my existence. But, I dont want to think of it that way, not when you were..." And I couldnt finishmy sentence because she smirked her sweet smile that always melted my icy heart."Really? The best ever?"I took her face in my hands stroking her cheeks lightly with my thumbs. "I spoke to Carlisle afteryou and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me this could bevery dangerous for you. He had faith in me though - faith I didnt deserve." I frowned and shestarted to protest but I put my finger to her lips so she would allow me to finish."I also asked him what I should expect. I didnt know what it would be for me...what with my beinga vampire. Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physicallove was something I should not treat lightly. With out rarely changing temperaments, strongemotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said that I did not need to worry about that part– you had already altered me so completely." I smiled this I knew was true. I was never happierthan I was with her."I spoke to my brothers. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinkinghuman blood. But Ive tasted your blood and there could be no blood more potent than that...Idont think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more."
  31. 31. "It was more. It was everything.""That doesnt change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feelthat way.""What does that mean? Do you think Im making this up? Why?""To ease my guilt. I cant ignore the evidence, Bella or your history for letting me off the hookwhen I make mistakes." Every mistake Id every made with her raced through my mind, James,Victoria, leaving her, believing Rosalie and going to Italy when I thought she was dead, forbiddingher from seeing the mutt, allowing her to see the mutt, the list went on and on in my head.She grabbed my face and pulled my face close to hers, staring into my eyes. "You listen to me,Edward Cullen. I am not pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didnt even know there was areason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable. Ive never been so happy inall my life – I wasnt this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to killme, or the first morning I woke up and you were there, waiting for me...Not when I heard yourvoice in the ballet studio," I flinched as the images of Bella screaming on the floor entered mymind, but she continued on. "Or when I said I do and I realized that I somehow get to keep youforever. Those are the happiest memories I have and this is better than any of it. So, just dealwith it."She was frowning and I touched my finger to the crease that appeared between her eyebrows."Im making you unhappy. I dont want to do that.""Then don you be unhappy. Thats the only this thats wrong her."I blinked quickly and took a large intake of breath that I didnt need and sighed. "Youre right. Thepast is past and I cant do anything to change it. Theres no sense in letting my mood sour thistime for you. Ill do whatever I can to make you happy.""Whatever, it takes to make me happy?" She tried to ask seductively, trying to draw me in with hercharms, however, her stomach betrayed her and growled loudly, so I was able to ignore heradvances."Youre hungry." I said, having forgotten about the first time her stomach growled. I stood upquickly, watching as the feather stirred in the air."So, why exactly did you decided to ruin Esmes pillows?" She joked, shaking her long beautifulhair, trying to relieve it of the white down that stuck in it."I dont know that I decided to do anything last night." I muttered. "Were lucky it was the pillowsand not you." I thought of what it would have meant if it had been Bella I had bitten. I quicklyshook the thought from my mind and tried very hard to smile.She slid from the bed, looking nothing like she had last night. I gasped and turned my back to her.Her beautiful body was littered with bruises, I had done that to her, was all I could think."Do I look that hideous?" She asked lightly, walking into the bathroom. I couldnt even breathe.She was beautiful as always, but it was me who make all those mark on her skin.I heard her groan and I rushed to her side to see what was wrong. "Bella?""Ill never get this out of my hair!" She pointed to the tangle of white and brown that was her hair.

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