2. Not- Exactly Empathy Responses
• When the other person’s strong emotions trigger our own anxieties,
past grievances or defences, being empathic can be hard. Then we
tend to lose our non-judgmental awareness of the other and slip into
protection mode (of ourselves or them). We get caught up in our own
thoughts and feelings.
3. Some Common Kind of Empathy Busters:
• Advising- e.g. “ I think you should……….”
• Educating- “ You could turn this into a positive experience if you…..”
• Consoling – “It wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could.”
• One-upping- “That’s nothing! Wait till you hear what happened to
me.”
• Sympathizing- “ Oh you poor thing.”
• Story-telling- “ That reminds me of something I heard on the news.”
• Shutting down- “Cheer-up. Don’t feel bad. Lets go for ice-cream.”
• Data- Gathering- “When did this begin?’’
• Correcting- “That’s not how it happened.”
4. • Reassuring- “It will all be OK.”
• Denial of Feelings- “Don’t worry .It’s silly to worry.
• Minimizing- “This isn’t so important.”
• Diagnosing- “Your problem is you’re too impulsive”
• Analyzing- ‘ I think it’s to do with your personality type.”
5. Empathy- Booster
• Empathy supports the other person to turn towards their own
internal experience. It always begins with your intention to pay
attention to them and to calm your own busy mind.”
• Ask questions such as (open ended questions)- “Are you feeling….?’’
Where you wanting…?
Paraphrase- “ That must have been difficult” or sounds like you were
needing….” etc.
6. Difference between Pity, Sympathy, Emotional Contagion, Empathy,
Apathy
• Pity is “Things are bad for you, you seem as though you need help.”
• Sympathy is,” I’m sorry for your sadness, I wish to help.”
• Emotional Contagion is, “You feel sad and now I feel sad.”
• Empathy is, “ I recognize how you feel.”
• Apathy is, “I don’t care how you feel.”
7. Factors Of Empathizing with Others
• Chinnappa is feeling annoyed( via facial, vocal or postural expression).
• Chinnappa is feeling annoyed due to not getting what he wants(
general object of emotion).
• Chinnappa is feeling annoyed because he missed his train (particular
object of emotion)
• Chinnappa is feeling annoyed because he only just missed his train
and he had an important meeting to get to.( background non-
psychological context)
• Chinnappa is feeling annoyed because he only just missed his train
and he had an important meeting and because he is generally an
irritable sort of person. (character traits )
8. Exercise
1. Client: I really don’t want to work anymore. I like being home
spending time with my children. But my expenses….I’m thinking
about it. I can’t understand what to do?
Empathy Buster-
Empathy Statement-
