How does someone become the boss of me? Where do they get that authority?

1. YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME
By Tom Seest

2. KIDS
When I was a kid back in the 60’s and 70’s, one of the expressions that was
commonly tossed around was the phrase: “You’re not the boss of me.” This
phrase was often tossed out when an individual child felt threatened or coerced
into behaving a certain way or was given orders or directions to do a certain task.
Children can often find all these potential sources of authority to be confusing:
 Teachers
 Religious leaders
 Parents
 Guardians
 Peers
 Police
 Other adults
To add to the confusion, due to the problems associated with living in the society,
kids were given the task of determining whether the person claiming authority or
boss status over them actually indeed had this authority as granted by
themselves, their parents or their guardians.

3. SCHOOL
Once we started aging and progressing through schooling or
education, we were less likely to use the phrase “You’re not the boss
of me” because it didn’t sound grown up enough. So, the language
of claims of authority changed to more sophisticated statements or
questions like “Who died and put you in charge?”
Also, because we extended our mobility and were likely to be in
more varied situations rather than with parents or guardians, we now
had to account for new expanded claims of authority like:
 Friends
 Family
 Businesses
 Property owners
 Our thoughts
 Our conscience

4. ADULTS
Growing up, or optionally aging, into
the age where we became adults, we
were exposed to an entirely new group
of people that claimed authority over
us in varying ways:
 Community
 Governments
 Government agencies
 Religious organizations
 Licensing or certifying
agencies
 Professional organizations and
unions

5. CLAIMS OF AUTHORITY
How does someone become the boss of me? Where do they get that authority? People or
organizations generally make these claims based on one of the following:
 Legal authority
 Formal authority
 Mob authority
 Authority based on age
 Social authority
 Communal authority
 Elected authority
 Authority by acceptance
 Authority by competence
 Charismatic authority
 Authority by coercion
 Financial authority
 Divine authority

6. LEGAL AUTHORITY
Most governments and their respective agencies will claim to have
authority over people either in a geographical area, by place of
birth, or by consent. This type of authority is often questioned as
to its origin.

7. FORMAL AUTHORITY
Some people consent to be subject to authority in certain business
relationships. As an example, in most cases an employee is subject
to the authority of an employer. A contractor might also be subject
to the authority of their client or customer.

8. MOB AUTHORITY
Many people claim that the majority, the larger mob, should rule
and have a boss relationship over the minority, smaller mob. So,
individuals get caught up in these groups depending on how each
mob defines itself. In any case, this form of authority is often
combined with coercion to establish authority and compliance.

9. AUTHORITY BASED ON AGE
Put simply, some people believe they
have authority over other individuals
based on their being born one second
or more after you. As someone that is
often told to “act my age,” this form of
authority claim is often confusing
because it often relies on uncertified
forms of age like appearance and
behavior.

10. SOCIAL AUTHORITY
Some people will claim authority in social situations because
“someone has to be in charge.” In many cases, this authority is
established without consent but without concern as well due to
the passing nature of the relationship. Most people don’t care
who is the boss in situations like this. In many cases, authority is
established in these situations based on implied authority from
other situations.

11. COMMUNAL AUTHORITY
In many tribal or communal situations,
authority is inherited by families. In
other situations, authority is consented
to and agreed upon by the entire
group. So, in these situations, authority
is often consensual.

12. AUTHORITY BY ACCEPTANCE
Any individual can give authority to any other individual or
organization based on their own motivations or desires. In things
like agreements to marry, formation of business partnerships,
establishment of business relationships, these forms of authority
are often established via consent but with stipulations for
disagreements.

13. AUTHORITY BY COMPETENCE
Some people spend extended periods of time studying specific
subjects and either obtain licensing, certifications, or degrees based
on their efforts. In some cases, these certifying agencies require
continued education to maintain certification or licensing. Often,
this authority is expressed in an attempt to gain authority over
another individual that has a lesser pedigree and is often
accompanied with implications regarding competence on specific
subjects. While many people seek to establish relationships with
people citing this type of authority, others are forced into
nonconsensual relationships based on this type of authority.

14. CHARISMATIC AUTHORITY
Some people tend to develop a group of followers based on their
personal traits such as looking beautiful or handsome, their
intelligence, their integrity, or their actions. These people are often
persuasive speakers and can have a hypnotic effect on their
listeners.

15. AUTHORITY BY COERCION
Some people or organizations simply claim authority by exerting
physical force over other individual groups. In some cases, this is
done with consent. For instance, I may agree to fight someone
else, in some form of physical duel or with some other form of
violence, with a promise that I’ll be the authority if I win the day. In
some cases, this coercion is undertaken without the consent of both
parties.

16. FINANCIAL AUTHORITY
Many people claim authority over others because they are paying
their way through some circumstance, experience, or time period.
So, since they are paying or paving the way, they claim authority
to manage and set expectations for that experience.

17. DIVINE AUTHORITY
Many people will recognize the
authority of some divine being in their
lives. As an example, most Christians
believe that God has some authority in
their lives.

18. ARE YOU THE BOSS OF ME?
It is not my responsibility to determine who is the “boss” of you, nor do I make the claim of that
responsibility. If you’re reading this, you are likely an adult that can think for themselves and develop
their own understanding on the topic. Some may even imply or state that I don’t have the authority
to draft this document and publish it.
In any case, I hope to maintain a respectful relationship with you and only establish authority on a
consensual basis when necessary or warranted. Be well.