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1. Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides, and every time that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs. She also had a little blouse, twas old and torn to bits and every time she wore it, the boys could see her tits. Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front, ...but she didn't wear that one very often.

2. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, her clothes all tattered and torn. It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her, but Little Boy Blue and his horn.

3. Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pieman, "What have you got there?" Said the pieman to Simple Simon, "Pies, you dickhead!"

4. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King’s horses and all the King’s men said, "F@&k him, he's only an egg!”

5. Mary had a little lamb. It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its ass and turned its wool to nylon.

6. Georgie Porgy pudding 'n pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play, he kissed them too, 'cause he was gay.

7. Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hanky panky. Jill, the dill forgot her pill and now, there's little Frankie.