A found family: a web of friendships mending broken childhoods. We find the gang exactly where we left them-- in Boo's cramped car, driving at top legal speed from Stump Town premises. Everyone picks the same side. It's one team, out to solve a mystery.

1. WHO KILLED ALASKA?
#6 THE ADVENTURES: FOUND FAMILY
written by
Cameron Cooper LeBrun

2. BOO [clip / WKA4]
We’re counting an extra person. There’s another person with us.
BOBBY [clip / WKA4]
No no no no no no no....
JO [clip / WKA4]
THERE. IT’S RIGHT THERE.
BOO [clip / WKA4]
(small, voice cracking) What are you?
BOO [clip / WKA4]
NO NO NO! DON’T DO THAT!
BOO [clip / WKA4]
Why don’t I know what you look like?
BOO
Okay, so. What do we do now?
Song: Fuck You Kyle.
BOO
My name is Boo Curtis, and I am famous in my hometown as the guy whose brother died. I live
in my car, and my car lives in Roslyn. About 20 minutes north of that is a forest we call... Stump
Town. Me and my dog met up with four people in the woods— Jo, Emma, Logan, and Bobby.
Then, Emma ran off, we went looking for her. And then we ended up deeper in the woods. There
2

3. was some kinda creature there. Nobody saw it until they were looking for it, and it was a blank,
fake person. It didn’t look like anything, except...
BOO’S CAR.
BOO
Except... Except that, uh... Yeah, well, we’re chillin now. It’s surprisingly cozy, y’know, near-
death experiences considered— how’s the ice cream, guys? Good? Aw, it’s a real ice cream party
in the back seat, ahaha, look at that— It’s been, how long, an hour? Since the incident. That’s
like a million years! We just picked up ice cream from CVS—
BOBBY
Hey Boo? Whatcha doing?
BOO
Oh, just catching up the audience. It’s called “signposting,” it’s like a podcasting tactical method.
I heard about it on this thing—
JO
How about we get some quiet, Boo? What is this, what’s this… stupid fucking song— TURN IT
OFF!
BOO
Oh this? It’s, um... Fuck You Kyle, by Cornflour Acoustic Monolith Ward…
EMMA
My ears are bleeding.
3

4. Jo mashes the stop button on the car’s cassette player.
BOO
The stop button, it’s kinda jammed, it might take a few tries...
JO
C’mon, c’mon!
REFRESHER MONTAGE.
BOO [clip / WKA2]
My brother, Alaska, was murdered, he was stabbed with a knife— which is generally how
stabbing works, actually.
BOO [clip / WKA2]
There are four suspects— there are just four of them. I’m going to find out who out of those four
people did it, and then, I’m going to bring the killer to justice.
BOO [clip / WKA2]
My reflection talks to me.
LOGAN [clip / WKA2]
Your reflection talks to you?
BOO [clip / WKA2]
My reflection talks to me. And I’m avoiding him.
4

5. BOO [clip / WKA4]
Okay, so someone is with us. And we don’t know who they are. But we do know that they are
here. Somehow. Uh.
BOO [clip / WKA4]
AHHHHHHH!!!
LOGAN [clip / WKA4]
HOLY SHIT!!!!!
BOBBY [clip / WKA4]
DID YOU JUST PUNCH A GHOST?
BOO [clip / WKA4]
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WHAT WAS THAT THING? I’m blacking out. I’m about to
black out.
REFRESHER MONTAGE ENDS.
BOO
And now, it’s time for the new episode! Welcome back, bud! This is Who Killed Alaska: The
Adventures!
5

6. BY THE POND.
JO
I’ve never even heard of anything like this. Even on tv. Is this real?
BOO
Probably.
BOBBY
I’m gonna sit on my own a little bit.
BOO
Do you want—
BOBBY
I don’t want to go home or anything, I just... need to be alone for a minute or two. Don’t get
close to me, don’t get near me, just leave me alone.
Boo is tuning his guitar.
EMMA
Mm! Thanks for getting us ice cream, Boo. I feel a lot better.
BOO
Do you wanna do me a solid and eat mine too? I am more bones than man, eating isn’t really my
specialty-zation.
EMMA
Really? Thank you!
6

7. BOO
Uhhhh, yeah, uh— yeah! Uh. Hey. It’s a nice night out, huh?
EMMA
Is that a... innuendo for something?
BOO
Do you want it to be? I just, I just thought your attitude was cute. Not cute like, uh— I’m not
bothering you, like— I’m gonna shut up now.
Emma laughs.
EMMA
You’re so silly! Have you fallen in LOVE with my FEMININE CHARMS?
Both laugh.
BOO
Noooo, no, that would be ridiculous! Nooo.
JO
Boo, stop it. Stop joking around like idiots. You were so serious before, Curtis. What happened?
Boo is playing “Fuck You Kyle” on guitar.
7

8. JO
I feel like we weren’t supposed to see that. Maybe that was the point, cause— I’m, I’m gonna
piss myself. That musta been a demon! It seemed— demonic!
EMMA
We don’t know what it was, right?
JO
Does it matter? The point is, you got spirited away, Emma!
EMMA
I did?
JO
YES! You disappeared, then when you came back, it had you in a trance and you threw up!
EMMA
What did it look like for you two? Jo and Little Curtis.
EMMA
Yeah, I was curious, since I wasn’t there.
LOGAN
Obviously I saw it. I was wondering if it looked the same for you guys.
JO
It was like a person... it had eyes, and a nose, and a mouth... It’s... it’s so hard to remember!
BOO! Stop it with the music! Is that the song from the car again!?
BOO
I, j, uh—
8

9. JO
Boo, you were right! Something weird is going on. This is some crazy, Ghost Hunters-type shit!
And our priority should be figuring out what the hell is happening! This is paranormal! We don’t
know how big this paranormal shit is, I don’t know if I can say anything at church, and we can’t
send in the police, we can’t tell the government, we just—
BOO
Yo.
JO
I mean this is crazy!
BOO
What if nobody did it?
JO
What?
BOO
What if none of us killed Alaska? I mean there’s something metaphysically— mystical, going on.
I mean we don’t know what happened. We don’t know that Alaska was killed by a human being.
JO
Oh.
BOBBY
Hey hey! Your buddy is BACK and I’m ready to party! I just needed some Bobby time! What
did I miss?
9

10. BOO
Guys, what if none of us killed Alaska?
BOBBY
Shoot. I missed a lot, I guess.
JO
I’m calling it. Yeah. Boo, you’re right, none of us killed Alaska. I for one, did not kill Alaska—
EMMA (unison)
Mhmmm, I do relate to that. Because I did not kill Alaska.
LOGAN (unison)
Uh-huh. Mm, yeah. I DEFINITELY didn’t kill Alaska.
BOBBY (unison)
Psshhhh, I wouldn’t even know how to kill Alaska. Probably.
BOO
Mm, okay, that was suspicious—
JO
Personally, I’m getting concerned with somebody dying in Stump Town, then somebody else
disappearing in Stump Town, and then Stump Town is ending up seeming pretty haunted. At this
point, this is my goddamn business. So Boo— put your hand out for me.
LOGAN
Haha, Bobby— HAND.
JO
Mr Holmes, meet your new John Watson. Or Jo Watson. I should’ve said that…
10

11. Boo laughs.
BOO
I think Alice is already my Watson, but uh... I’m um... sure we can find you a position... Assistant
Watson, or... Jeeves...
EMMA (unison)
(whispering) This is like a movie...
BOBBY (unison)
Ohhhh myyyy goooood, can I join? Like I really wanna help, I just wanna join, I will not get in
your way!
BOO
Sure, Bobby, you can help!
BOBBY
Yes!
EMMA
I’m not joining.
BOO
Emma.
EMMA
I’ll help if you beg me.
BOO
Emma, can you help?
11

12. EMMA
Fine!
BOO
What about you, Logan? Do you wanna help, or what?
LOGAN
Oh. Honestly, I just took for granted that I was tagging along. I just do whatever, so. I can
promise that I will SHOW UP!
BOO
Showing up is ENOUGH, so. Uh. So. Really? That’s everybody! That’s wild! Are you serious?
BOBBY
Dead serious. That wasn’t meant to be offensive.
Emma gasps.
BOO
Wowww. Alright, first thing’s first— When are you guys down to meet up?
JO
Honestly? Tomorrow.
BOBBY / LOGAN
Yeah.
BOBBY
I think we’re all invested at this point, so. Oh, wait, Emma— you should stay with somebody
12

13. tonight. That creature could’ve followed us, it could come after you and that would be NO
GOOD!
BOO
I’d offer my place, but I am literally homeless.
JO
You’re what?
EMMA
If I have to stay with somebody... Jo, would you be okay with me staying over?
JO
I’ll have to confirm with my dad to see if he’s okay with it but that should be fine. Heads up—
mornings start at 5am, knock twice or text me if you want permission to leave your bedroom,
don’t open any drawers, and if you think you heard something, sleep it off, no you did not. Also,
this is my dad and not me, but we don’t do allergies in my house, so whatever you’re given, eat
it, and I can pass you a Benadryl under the table.
EMMA
I get my own bedroom? Will my door have a lock?
JO
Every door in the house has a lock, if that gives you a vibe. A Magaro cannot live without
privacy.
EMMA
Wow!
13

14. LOGAN
Oh, GOD, I just realized— One more thing. I cannot skip work tomorrow. I’ve taken too much
time off for knitting club with the Grannies Association of Roslyn. They’re total girlbosses by
the way. They gatekeep, they slay, they honestly frighten me, actually— I’m thinking we can
meet at my work tomorrow. It’s cool, my manager is a fuckin sweetheart. Yeah, I can do
whatever I want after I clock in. What’re we thinking?
BOO
Yeah man, if it’s close! Where do you work?
LOGAN
Yesteryear Park. It’s like an amusement park in Glen Cove—
BOBBY
Tubular!
JO (unison)
No shit! That’s pretty cool!
LOGAN (unison)
Hey thanks!
BOO (unison)
I’ll pick everybody up come morning, you’ll get your cars, and then we’ll head to Yesteryear
Park. Sound good?
BOBBY
Sounds perfect! Go team!
14

15. YESTERYEAR PARK.
BOO
C’mon, Alice! Good buddy.
LOGAN
WELCOME TO YESTERYEAR PARK!
BOBBY
Logan, what’re you doing?
LOGAN
Guys— for the rest of the day, I’m gonna be (changes voice) DAME ETHEL SMYTH!
MARGINALIZED FEMALE COMPOSER, HERE TO EDUCATE THE CHILDREN! YOU
MUST ADDRESS ME AS SUCH!
BOO
Hey, if you gotta stay in character, go for it.
JO
Can we talk now? We need to sit down and have a serious discussion.
LOGAN
You all can talk. I need to clock in. I’ll be back before you know it, my darlings. I miss you
already. Goodbye!
JO
Cool...
JO
Do we have any th— new theories about the creature from last night?
15

16. BOO
It’s not a theory, but I got info. Remember when I jumped the gap to look for Emma?
JO
When you gave Logan the microphone.
BOO
Mm. I found a hole in the soil, a soil hole, roughly three inches diameter—
BOBBY
Like for a corpse?
BOO
Naw man. It was small. I couldn’t even fit my hand inside, and I can fit my hand in a lot of
things. Wacka wacka! Uh, it looked artificial, maybe dug up with one of those teeny weeny baby
shovels. The hole looked out of place, so I gave a little touchy-touch at the soil at the bottom, and
it, it was dry. So there you go.
JO
There you go what?
BOO
You don’t get it? There was rain yesterday when everybody got to Stump Town. So if the hole
was dry at the bottom, it, it wasn’t rained on. The greenhouse has no ceiling, like, like all the
other soil around was wet. The hole had to be dug recently, after the rain.
JO
I would never notice that, like...
16

17. EMMA
Here comes Logan! Pretending to be a British lady.
LOGAN
WHO IS LOOGAHHHN? I AM DAME ETHEL SMYTH! Well I have brought the least glorious
of news! Congratulations, my children, we are on the run! Oh! My employer does not want you
to be here! It is time to HIDE! What fun!
BOO
Haha what?
LOGAN
That was not a joke you stinky little raccoon boy. We are now making haste! Come!
BOO
WHAT!? You idiot!
LOGAN
QUIET!
LATER.
LOGAN
And here, my glorious little dough boy, are our tickets!
EMPLOYEE
I won’t need your tickets.
17

18. BOO
Logan’s manager found out that Logan brought friends, and apparently she is not happy— fuckin
get fucked I guess. And now we’re literally just gonna hide by going into one of the attractions.
It’s like an indoor maze or something?
LOGAN
Great. Is there a new system? Do we just go in?
EMPLOYEE
Oh, yeah. Just go in. Beautiful dog.
BOO
Oh, uh. So this is my service dog.
EMPLOYEE
Sure. Enjoy the maze.
BOO
Yeah, thanks. Have a great day.
EMPLOYEE
The mirror maze has trapped a few unfortunate souls. Self-reflect, and keep doing it. Only you
can guide yourself to safety.
MIRROR MAZE.
BOO
Did he just say mirrors? You’re joking. I fucking hate mirrors.
18

19. EMMA
It’s so dark... Eurgh. Fuck you, darkness.
LOGAN
Now that was odd. I didn’t even recognize that fellow. As a matter of fact, he may not work here
at all!
BOBBY
Logan— or Ethel, you’re really good at making things spooky!
LOGAN
I never forget a face, darling. That gentleman was genuinely a stranger to me. And then this
place… This was an empty lot two days ago. That’s just one more than one day.
BOO
What’s that supposed to mean? Like we’re in a place that shouldn’t exist?
Trying to open the door.
JO
Door’s locked. There’s no keyhole. I can’t pick the lock. We’re stuck.
EMMA (unison)
BOO! LOOK WHAT YOU DID! I COULD BE AT HOME! DRINKING COCOA! AND
PLAYING HELLO KITTY ROLLER RESCUE!
19

20. BOO (unison)
WOAH WOAH I’M NOT GONNA START BLAMING LOGAN, BUT ETHEL’S THE ONE
THAT BROUGHT US HERE! DID YOU SAY Hello Kitty Roller Rescue? Aw.
BOBBY
Folks, FOLKS, THERE’S AN EASY WAY OUT! Somebody set up a game for us, and we know
the rules of the game. They say it’s a maze. So... we’ll play the game. How do we like that?
EMMA
How about 911!?
JO
Hey, hey, c’mon now. We’ve already decided Boo is our Sherlock Holmes, so Boo gets to call
the shots around here! So I need you all to respect that or you’re gonna have to go through me
and anyone else who wants to respect Boo!
BOO
Uh—
JO
It’s your call. Like I said, I’m just your Watson. It’s all you, General Curtis— Ten hut and all that
jazz.
BOO
We should probably try the maze? Yeah. It’s for the best. I’m seeing a lot of pros, and the cons
are just unknown variables. I mean we call the police and then we say what, like…
20

21. JO
Ohhh, you got it! Everybody walk behind me. You guys’re gonna see first hand what the Roslyn
Highfields Fire Department is all about. I’ll get us out of here.
EMMA
Jo, you’re... still so cool...! Even with all the cats!
BOO
Emma, am I cool? How cool am I?
EMMA
4 out of 10.
BOO
Yeesh! Tough crowd. Cool cool. Cool cool. Ok.
EMMA
That’s. A lot of mirrors.
BOO
It looks like we’re surrounded... with mirrors... on all sides...
JO
Let’s keep moving!
EMMA
Yeah...
BOO
(whispering) Shut up. Well you’re a dingus.
21

22. BOBBY
Are you okay?
BOO
Thanks, Bobby, but I’m fine.
JO
I know the trick to solving mazes. The first thing we have to do is we stick to the wall on the
right. The second thing is— wuh, it’s just that, actually, we just stick right.
BOBBY
Hey, Boo? I was wondering something. I know it’s a weird question, but— what color eyes did
the creature have?
BOO
What’d you say?
BOBBY
What color eyes did the creature have last night?
BOO
Mm, the eyes, yes. I did notice that too.
JO
We’re taking a right!
EMMA
What’re you guys talking about?
BOBBY
The color, of that, of that creature’s eyes.
22

23. BOO
It’s a normal eye color. It’s typical... For some reason, I can’t think of the word for this color.
Something isn’t clicking in my brain, it’ssss a little hard to explain.
BOBBY
You’re really good at explaining things, actually! But yeah, that’s about right!
BOO
Mmm. You know what it’s like? It’s like it made us face-blind.
JO
Did you just say face-blind? Are you talking about the creature?
EMMA
What does. That. Mean?
BOO
Face-blindness?
EMMA
Yeah.
BOO
People who’re face-blind can see all the facial features but they can’t put them together in a
unified idea of a face. It’s like when a computer doesn’t have facial recognition. Human beings
are real good at putting visual ideas together and creating categories, right? But people who are
face-blind, they don’t have that strong “face” category, so they can’t remember faces. The thing
is though, at least face-blind people know colors apart. So that’s, that’s what’s really weird, like
— anybody who saw the creature doesn’t even have the right color categories to describe the eye
23

24. color. It made us face-blind, but also blind to everything else. It made us hairstyle-blind and
clothing-blind. We aren’t able to put the data together into words or categories.
EMMA
That’s... interesting.
LOGAN
What a frightening matter. Isn’t it, Emma?
EMMA
Why are you acknowledging me?
JO
There’s a trick!
Everyone stops walking.
JO
It’s not a normal maze! This is a dead end.
EMMA
We can. Go back. Mazes have dead ends. That’s a thing.
JO
I’m gonna need you to trust me and listen to me. This is not a normal maze. This is a dead end.
The other path was a dead end too. Both directions are dead ends.
BOBBY
It looks like we’ve got an inscription here, on the mirror?
24

25. BOBBY / JO
Self-reflect to guide yourself to safety.
LOGAN
That strange man at the front said the same thing.“Self-reflect, and keep doing it. Only you can
guide yourself to safety.” He sounded like that. Like an idiot.
JO
So it’s a riddle. We need to find the exit. Everybody check the mirrors!
BOO
There are hundreds of mirrors. That might not be it.
JO
Alright well I’m checkin em!
BOBBY
We can just try different things until it works. Like we could start by taking it literally. Maybe we
all need to self-reflect.
BOO
Sure. Let’s try it. Everybody think deep about yourself!
JO
Let’s see, um. My mom always told me that I was her little angel... She had me repeat it back to
her, “I’m an angel.” Ever since I was a kid, I learned always to be kind to people, always put
others first. Always take the bullet. And uh— you know how sometimes when you’re a kid, you
watch lots of tv, so you come up with catchphrases for yourself? Oh, c’mon, that’s relatable. Kids
start repeating things they say until it’s their “thing.” Like I switched “I love you to the moon and
25

26. back” to “I love to you the edge of the universe.” I was like, this is how I say this thing. And
when I was ten, I added something onto it when my mom told me I’m an angel. I’d say, “I’m an
angel, and I’m going to die doing what’s right, so when I die, I’ll be an angel again.” I’ve always
been that way. If I’m with you, you know, I’ll stand up for you, anytime anywhere, no matter
what. The bullet’s mine to take. I take it every time.
Jo groans in pain.
EVERYONE
JO!
BOO / LOGAN
Are you okay!?
JO
I’m okay, I’m good. I just felt really sick all of a sudden— RIGHT THERE! It’s there!
Footsteps.
JO
There’s no wall in back of this mirror! There’s nothing back there!
BOO
Jo is standing in front of a regular mirror. It looks like the rest of them. How do you know it’s
different?
26

27. JO
I can just tell! Step back!
EMMA / LOGAN
Oh shit.
Jo kicks the mirror and it shatters.
BOO
Alright, word, she kicked the mirror in.
JO
I knew it somehow. I knew there was no wall behind this one— just this one!
BOO
It was after you self-reflected like that... That was the solution!
JO
Step through. There’s broken glass so don’t scrape your noggin.
Broken glass crunching under foot.
27

28. EMMA
More mirrors...
BOBBY
How long does this go?
LOGAN
Great job, Jo!
JO
Thanks! Once I did an escape room in 61 seconds. The guy said he didn’t know you could win
that fast. What I did was, I looked up how to hot-wire a car and I hot-wired the prop car cause I
wanted to see my cousins shit their pants. And turns out? It was a working car. I broke the game.
I basically white-hatted the whole escape room system and they gave me a free coupon after that.
BOO
Bro, they can’t HEAR YOU. They can’t hear you, only I can hear you. I know, just— shut up! I
don’t want to break my hands. But I can. I can do that. If you don’t quiet down.
JO
What if the thing was just a ghost?
BOO
Hm?
JO
I mean, it made Emma throw up. Maybe it possessed her to do that.
28

29. BOO
The Grudge is a bad primary source and I don’t think it was a ghost, alright? You punched it
pretty hard in the face. I mean. You kicked its ass. It was definitely corporate.
EMMA
Corporeal.
BOO
I mean it’s true that Emma was fine after she threw up…
EMMA
Wait. Let’s go back. This is a dead end.
BOO
Almost like she was getting negative spiritual energy out of her system... It was gone
instantaneously... I dunno, I don’t even know if that makes sense. Can we even apply logic or
experience to this? It’s hard to solve a puzzle when you don’t know, like, all the rules.
BOBBY
But games are the most fun when you don’t know where you’re going! When it’s confusing, the
mystery just seems so big and overwhelming, it could be anything! You get to say, oh, what’s in
this treasure chest? What’s at the end of this hallway?
LOGAN
A dead end!
BOBBY
Oh, uh, I meant it as a metaphor.
29

30. LOGAN
Well your metaphor has a dead end. Come along, my delicious little morsels! Other way!
BOO
Yeah, well, I prefer games where I know how to play. At least with a maze, we know the rules,
and we... we— Hey, are we lost? I think we were here before.
EMMA
He’s right, actually. That’s the mirror that Jo broke.
JO
What the wha— how did we do that!? We were sticking to the right wall!
BOBBY
We didn’t have to choose a direction. We must’ve walked back and forth in a straight line.
BOO
We need to do the thing again, like. Somebody’s gotta self-reflect. Who’s going?
JO
Ooooooh, we got three men with us but no BALLS! C’mon, it’s easy! Boo, you do it!
BOO
You don’t want me to. Alright? Trust me.
EMMA
Fucking fine! I’ll do it! Whatever! I don’t even fucking care. Just stop looking at me and waiting
for me to save your funky-ass butts!
30

31. LOGAN
Funky-ass butts...
EMMA
How do I— What? Jo, what?
JO
Uhhhh, just look in the mirror and say stuff about yourself. It’s easy.
EMMA
Okay! Well! I’m ugly. I’m ugly. There you go! Look what you made me say, BOO!
BOO
Me again!?
BOBBY
I don’t think you’re ugly but try something else.
EMMA
Well! I! I’m short! I! Have brown hair! What the fuck do you want from me!? MIRROR! I know
I’m ugly, I’m SORRY, just TELL ME WHERE TO KICK! I’M SO FUCKING SORRY I’M
NOT A GORGEOUS PRINCESS! I’M SORRY I’M NOT JO! AND THAT I HAVE A PIG
NOSE, AND! AND!
BOO
Emma, you have to try something that’s not your appearance. You’re gonna have to go deeper.
Past the skin, just go deeper.
31

32. EMMA
Deeper!? Well...! I... I don’t think there’s... anything... much deeper. Ever since... around after
high school, and... all of that... I’m different now... I think that I can think, but, deeper… Deep
down, I think it’s... nothing.
Emma screams.
BOO / BOBBY
EMMA!
JO
She’s fine. She’ll get over it. It was the same with me.
EMMA
I know where it is. That mirror, there— there’s a door.
LOGAN
Hey, quick question for the room? What the fuck? What the fuck is happening? Okay, I wanna be
Ethel, it’s just weird cause I’m usually Logan with you guys— As I live and breath, what is all
this!?
BOO
SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
LOGAN
Me?
32

33. BOO
NOT YOU. I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINIONS, I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.
THINK WHAT YOU WANT, BUT KEEP IT TO YOURSELF OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL
KILL MYSELF! SHUT UP! ALRIGHT, THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!
JO
What was that, Boo?
BOO
It was honestly nothing.
JO
Boo? What was that?
BOO
Ethel can tell you. I don’t need to talk about it.
LOGAN
I can’t say I... know what you mean, my little beignet. Unless you’re referring to your unique
aversion towards the looking glass, perchance?
BOO
Perchance I am. Forsooth. Zounds. Dyspepsia.
LOGAN
That one hurt my feelings. (laughs) You’re telling me to describe it, yes? I have your blessing in
doing so? I suppose he wants me to say for him that he… has a reflection which speaks to him.
And he believes it to be real. And not a figment of his imagination.
33

34. JO
Are you saying that he’s been hallucinating that the mirrors are talking to him?
LOGAN
I’m saying that if you’re averse to the mad, then don’t start exchanging vows with the younger
Curtis.
BOO
I’m so flattered by the rave reviews on my entire life and personality, Logan. Thanks so fucking
much. But I think that’s enough. Logan likes to say that I’m the c-word— C-R-A etcetera. And
I’d love to argue, but quite frankly I’m a little distracted because the guy in the mirror is really
loud in here. I think he almost burst an eardrum a second ago. Um. And by the way, like also, he
hates you guys. Like in an absurd way. Like he keeps calling you some atrocious garbage words,
and I’m not doing that, so uh. I think you should be nicer to me, alright? Because I, I’m on your
side, and he’s not. Also also, um, he’s trying to convince me that I shouldn’t trust you and he’s
giving me some dubious hints about the creature from last night, but alright, um, don’t worry, I
won’t ever believe him. You guys’re chill. I trust you. We’re a team, and we’re gonna figure out
what supernatural thing killed Alaska. Yeah.
JO
Is he definitely crazy? Is it definitely not magical?
BOBBY
I heard from one of my coworkers at the P.I. agency that Boo does not like looking at himself or
being seen. That’s why he wears the goggles and the mask.
34

35. BOO
I can still hear you.
BOBBY
Maybe that’s what makes the mirrors hard for him.
BOO
I can still hear you.
BOBBY
Ohhh this is gonna take a long time. It’s a four-way crossroads. If we try every direction, this
could take some time, and I don’t know if we’re down for that.
JO
Well who’s going next?
LOGAN
I do believe it’s Bobby’s turn!
BOBBY
Why no thank you. I would like you to go first.
EMMA
Boo should go! He’s just been watching everyone else go!
BOO
No, absolutely not!
BOBBY
Logan?
35

36. LOGAN
BUT OF COURSE IT IS MY TURN, WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN? Yes yes, let’s get right to
it. Hello. A fine looking glass— Mm! My name is Dame Ethel Smyth and I am a marginalized
female composer, born of the year 1858! I am the queen of music! I am a suffragette, and I wear
that term with pride! I’ve conducted music from a prison window using only a toothbrush and I
will burn your house to the ground!
BOO
Okay, but do it for real—
LOGAN
FINE. Fine. Jesus, have a sense of humor, baby. If I had to think deeper about me, I’d just
sayyyyy I’m a bamf. And there’s that, that’s that, we’re done. Bam. I’m not deep. But maybe
knowing that’s something. Maybe that’s enough. I try to be funny because there’s nothing else to
do. I dunno why else people would like me. But at least I know that about myself.
JO
It didn’t work.
BOO
You’re just doing an Alaska impression.
EMMA
What?
LOGAN
Fine! My mom always told me that I was her little angel—
36

37. BOO
Bruh.
LOGAN
It worked when Jo did it!
BOO
Ok, I don’t know why, Logan, but it needs to be real. Ok? You have to do it as yourself. Not as
Alaska, and not as Ethel. Alright? Be you.
Logan sighs.
LOGAN
I guess I don’t know how to be me. That’s kind of a lie. (laughing) God, GOD, I don’t wanna do
this—
BOO
You’re good.
LOGAN
What should I say? I can think of a few things... Mm. I’ve got something. Can you, can you guys
cover your ears?
BOO
Jo, you too.
37

38. LOGAN
My name isn’t Logan. My name’s Jeremy. My real name’s really dumb, Boo. When you hear this
later, don’t, urrrrgh, don’t start calling me that, or I’ll beat your ass. Okay, you guys are good.
Thumbs up! Look. You’re good!
JO
You’re done?
LOGAN
Ooooooh, that hurts pretty bad. I see what you guys mean, this is, ah, it’s painful. It’s the second
path. We walk that way. I just knew that. That’s fucking crazy!
Everyone goes back to walking.
LOGAN
Little Curtis! How’s your brain doing?
BOO
Ummm, I can’t hear you super well. My reflection’s getting loud again.
BOBBY
And here’s the dead end.
BOBBY
So I guess it’s my turn? Uh, gee, I don’t know what to say so much. See everyone’s had lots of
interesting things to say. It’s hard to summarize your entire self, you know. Alright, first thing?
Sometimes I get a little “chaotic.” Like the other day, I was playing a song by the 1980s rock
38

39. band called Nirvana, and my mother came in, and she told me to turn down my rock music. And
then I got her to play The Floor is Lava with me to the beat of the music. She came right around
to the song on that. (laughs) Let’s see! Things about me— there’s a diner down the street from
me that I really like. It is the best coffee you can imagine. It’s like the Key and Peele skit, which
is a comedy duo, with that skit about the delicious breakfast spread that makes you travel back in
time. I don’t know. I like to people-watch. That’s who I am. I’m just a guy.
LOGAN
You’re not being honest.
BOBBY
I am! That’s the best I can think of! It should be working, shouldn’t it?
LOGAN
Try again.
BOBBY
Well. Well let’s see. I feel kind of like… I don’t belong around you guys? Like you’re all so
special and cool, and you have such great things to say. Y’know, I have these supernatural
senses, like I can sense electromagnetic fields, and I know the direction of the sun even when my
eyes are closed. And sometimes I can read people’s minds.
BOO
What number am I thinking of?
BOBBY
4.
39

40. BOO
Close enough. (whispering) It was fifteen.
BOBBY
So my supernatural senses are telling me that you guys are too special. And so. I don’t deserve to
be around you. I don’t know if I should hang out with you guys anymore.
JO
Bobby...
Bobby yells.
BOO
Poor guy...
JO
Wait it out.
BOBBY
I’VE GOT IT! It is another door! Here!
JO
Why am I the only one that had to break things...
EMMA
Bobby. Wait. You said. Some things. I feel that way too. All the time.
BOBBY
Really?
40

41. EMMA
Yeah. STOP smiling at me. I’m vulnerable.
BOBBY
Sorry.
EMMA
Sorry.
BOBBY
Sorry.
EMMA
Sorry. We’re friends now. What? Shut up. I didn’t. We’re going now. Sorry.
BOBBY
Thank you. Sorry.
BOO
We went through all this and we still haven’t talked out anything about the creature.
BOBBY
You do have a source of information, Boo. What’s your reflection saying?
LOGAN
Bobby. You’re encouraging him.
BOBBY
Personally, I believe that most hallucinations are actually just angels or demons trying to give
messages to human beings. Calling people mentally ill is actually a cover for the truth—
41

42. EMMA
Stop it. Stop. Shhhhh.
BOBBY
Hey, this is a nice hug. Thank you for hugging me.
BOO
He’s not a hallucination, and he’s not an angel or a demon. If you really wanna know— he’s
saying somebody was the creature last night, and— But I know that’s not true. Alright? And I’m
gonna keep trusting you guys. So. Don’t worry. I trust you. I trust all of you. Logan, what? Why
are you looking at me like that?
LOGAN
Nothing.
BOO
What do you know that I don’t know? Did you do something? Did you summon something?
LOGAN
It’s not my business.
BOO
Interesting. Fascinating. So somebody did something. Maybe by accident. A demon would
actually make sense because it had a physical form, which we know because Jo punched it.
JO
I KNEW IT! DEMONS! IT WAS ALWAYS DEMONS!
EMMA
Boo, that doesn’t make any sense. You’re jumping to conclusions too fast.
42

43. BOO
My reflection is saying something about the hole in the soil. He says it lined up with the other
plants. Something was planted there, and it was dug up.
BOBBY
Like what?
BOO
Maybe a flower. It was nearby a patch of flowers. But if that’s what it is, I don’t know why he’s
talking about it.
EMMA
We’re stuck. Again. It’s a dead end.
JO
Boo—
BOO
No.
JO
Boo.
BOO
No.
EMMA
Dude. You gotta do it.
43

44. BOO
You know what this means— It’s Alice’s turn! HNNG. Alice. Look deep into your psyche. Tell
us how you feel about bones and belly rubs.
Alice barks.
BOO
Yeah, that sounds about right.
JO
Boo.
BOO
I know. I know. Yeah, there ya go. Congrats, I’m finally paying attention to you. Just, just what
you’ve always wanted.
JO
Excuse me?
BOBBY
(whispering) Jo, I don’t think he’s talking to you. He’s probably talking to his reflection.
JO
Oh shit. He really is crazy.
BOO
Yes, thank you. Thank you, yes, thank you for the warning, you’ve said that four times. Then
five. God, I hate that you’re as funny as me. What can I even say to you... I wish you’d stop
44

45. looking at me? I wish you’d stop looking like me. He looks— God. He looks how I looked in
high school. Edgy phase— Do you know I dyed my hair black? My hair is black naturally. I
dyed it black on top of that. This is what happens when you spend high school with goth white
people. Y’know? I have no idea what caucasian kid I got that from, but, uh. God. I can’t believe
Holy Cross High never helped us. Any of us. I mean we were kids. The warning signs were early.
Like before Alaska’s death. We’ve all had a lot in common this whole time, but everybody kept
us away from each other. And they made us hate Alaska. But then after Alaska died, what did the
school do for us? Nothing. So I guess what I’ve learned is, I’m like you guys. Do I get points for
that? No? Well, fuck. Okay. So what else? Dude— BRO. Fuck, let me finish! Let me try again.
I’m not done. No, I—
BOBBY
What’s he saying, Boo?
BOO
He said, “Stop trusting them. Think about the hole in the soil.” Why do you always have to be so
coy? Why do you have to talk in riddles or something, you fucking weirdo?
JO
Is that actually something? Is the reflection real?
EMMA
No. We went over this. Boo’s crazy.
BOBBY
We’ve seen a lot of magical things lately. Why is the mirror an exception?
45

46. BOO
He said, “They’re not your friends. They’re just trying to gain your trust.” Yeah, well— Huh.
BOBBY
Boo, he’s messing with you.
EMMA
He’s not real!
BOO
He says, “Let’s go back to before. When it was just you, me, and the dog.” I don’t want that. He
says, “Don’t you?” Do I? Ohhh. Oh. I’m— scared of people. Wait wait wait— Everything I’ve
done. For so long. Am I scared of people? I mean I can’t, I can’t be. I’m an extrovert. I like
people. But everything I’ve ever done. Everything about how I talk. And how I carry myself. It’s
like a, like a phobia. A phobia of human beings— that aren’t me.
Boo yells.
EVERYBODY
BOO!
BOO
THAT’S IT! THAT’S THE EXIT! IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!
Boo kicks through the mirror.
We hear rain. The broken mirror leads to the exit.
46

47. OUTSIDE.
JO
That was the last one. We’re free.
BOBBY
We can go home.
Bobby sniffles and cries.
EMMA
Oh, it’s. Okay now.
BOO
Emma. Your concealer’s washing off. That’s a nice birthmark. Or is it a bruise? Because it looks
like a bruise. Emma. Don’t run. It was you Jo punched. You were the monster.
EMMA
(crying) I just wanna go home.
BOO
What are you?
EMMA
I’m a PERSON! I just wanted some alone time! I’m just a little different!
BOO
Then why did you lie?
47

48. EMMA
Mind your own BUSINESS! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS, BOO! MAYBE I’M
JUST A LITTLE DIFFERENT! THAT’S FINE!
BOO
Stump Town wasn’t haunted, it was just you! And you never even said anything! That’s cruel!
You put us through all of this, there has to be a reason!
EMMA
Yeah, because I was GETTING HIGH!
BOO
What? You’re fucking kidding me.
EMMA
I grow opium! Ok, I have a patch of it in the greenhouse! It’s not a big deal! That’s what I was
acting weird, that’s why I threw up, but it’s not a big deal! It’s fine! I just don’t want to go to
PRISON, BOO!
BOO
Opium? But... Alaska was high on opium when his body was found. That’s what the police said.
EMMA
What? Uhhh—
BOO
You weren’t with Logan, were you? Were you and Alaska getting high? Or did you go out of
your way to drug him yourself? Don’t touch me. Logan? What were you doing? You weren’t
with Emma?
48

49. LOGAN
I’d rather not say! I could’ve been doing anything. Maybe it was something suspicious. But the
thing is... I’d rather not say!
Everyone laughs.
YOLO FROZEN YOGURTS.
BOO
I’m counting about... a month and a half since I recorded anything. So I’m gonna give it a
college try, I’ll talk into the microphone for a second. Helloooo microphone. So, audience,
microphone, what I’m doing lately is a lot of research, when I have the brain juice. Before, my
brain was floating off and I thought I had friends. Wow, let me play a song on the world’s
smallest violin. (violin sounds) Why are you listening to me? Fuckin— anyway, that was naive,
and not on the card game for me. Am I supposed to need little friends to run around with?—
Like, no. I have all this stuff to do. It’s always wake up. Try to save Alaska. Try to find Glory.
Get my eight hours, which is actually more like fourteen lately. It’s all exactly what I signed up
for. And it’s what I want. It’s what I want. And I always have Alice. I mean hypothetically, aside
from Alice, I do have one… “friend.”
49

50. BATHROOM.
BOO
Hey there, Mirror Me. How’s the weather in there? It’s been a, it’s been a hard day at work.
Service industry. Being a vegan. You know how it is. Driving me a little C-R-A etcetera. You
can’t hear him, but my reflection just said to me, “Are you so lonely? You’d talk to me?” / And
to that I say, I guess so! I guess I am. But also, you could tell me a lot of interesting stuff. Like I
keep thinking about the mirror maze. What was that? Logan said the maze was gone the next
day. Do you know? He says, “There are a lot of strange things that aren’t made to be understood
or explained. I don’t get it either.” / Sure. Sure. Hey. There’s no way any of them did it. None of
them killed Alaska. You have to be lying to be. He says, “Why do you believe me about
everything else, but not this?” / Well why are you always so sassy? / “One of the six of you killed
Alaska. There’s no trick to it. There’s no plot twist, and there’s no prestige. It’s not a magic trick.
It’s a simple concept. Boo Curtis, when do I ever lie?” You call me unlovable. And filthy. /
Reflection says, “That’s not a lie. That’s an opinion you don’t agree with.” / Mm... / He says,
“One of you murdered Alaska in cold blood—” / STOP it. / “Do you hate the truth that much?” /
Hey, listen. Just because it’s true doesn’t mean I have to think about it all the time. / He says…
“You know what’s funny about that? You’re wrong. You do have to think about it. Thinking is
part of every day of your miserable life. You were already thinking about it. And that’s what it
means to be you, Boo Curtis. If you are physically capable of being miserable, you will be. Over
and over and over, and it gets worse with time, because you’re not a person. You’re a stew of bad
thoughts.” It’d be so easy to just stay here. And let you teach me to be miserable. Maybe I can
only catastrophize. But I’m going to choose for you to be wrong, and before you say that doesn’t
50

51. make sense, I know. I know it doesn’t. But today, I choose to believe that nobody killed Alaska.
I’m gonna find the truth... and until I do, nobody did it. Don’t tell me I could be killed! Let me
die happy!
SUBURBS.
BOO
Guys!
JO (unison)
Eyyyyyy!
EMMA (unison)
Hey.
BOBBY (unison)
Boo!!
LOGAN (unison)
Little Curtis!
BOO
Do y’all just wanna walk around?
JO
What made you wanna meet up all of a sudden?
BOO
No special reason.
51

52. JO
What, really? I thought you’d have some crazy scheme for sure.
BOO
No, the reason I wanted to hang out is cause I like you guys.
JO
Oh.
LOGAN
Are we gonna kiss?
BOBBY
Hey, guys. It’s the old school building! Let’s do it like Glory used to!
JO
Like Glory used to do?
BOO
He means climb the fence and break in!
LOGAN
WOO! LET’S DO IT!
BOO
Guys, we’re climbing the fence to our old high school. We’re gonna break in.
EMMA
What if! We get in trouble!?
BOBBY
We almost certainly will get in trouble, but how high can the bail be?
52

53. JO
Boo, c’mere. Grab my hand, I’ll pull you over.
BOO
Okay, I gotta go.
JO
C’mon.
BOO
Don’t drop me!
JO
C’mon.
BOO
You better not drop me!
EMMA / BOBBY
Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
LOGAN
Don’t fall down. Don’t break your body. Don’t become paralyzed.
JO
Let’s go! The school is ours!
They break in.
53

54. INSIDE THE SCHOOL.
They cheer.
BOBBY
You probably had a lot of bad memories here, didn’t you, Boo?
BOO
Hmm.
JO
Yo, once Georgia Wermen came up to me here, I was sitting here, and she came over, and she
was like, “Sing. Hey, sing, I heard you can sing.” Like we were in middle school.
BOO
Have you guys ever teepeed anything before?
JO
Do people actually do that?
BOO
Doesn’t matter. Think outside the box.
Shenanigans. They’re throwing toilet paper.
BOO
Bobby, say a curse!!
54

55. BOBBY
A-ass.
BOO
Nice.
EMMA
I am not normal! I am very weird actually!
Everyone cheers.
BOBBY
Hey guys, watch this!
EVERYONE
OHHHH!!!!
LOGAN
Bobby! The thing you did means that you’re cooler than all of us! I might be in love with you.
BOO
He’s an icon!
LATER.
EMMA
I drew a penis!
55

56. LOGAN
Emma. That’s not what a penis looks like.
EMMA
Wha?
LOGAN
I’m an expert.
BOO
Wait! Pass me a marker!
JO
Where’re the markers?
BOBBY
Boo, give me something to draw!
LATER.
BOO
We drew way outside the lines with this, huh...
OUTSIDE.
BOO
3... 2... 1...
EVERYONE
MURDER!
56

57. BOBBY
But only solving a murder. Not committing a murder. Um—
LOGAN
Nerd.
Everyone sings “Fuck You Kyle.”
57