Do we hear wedding bells?

1. WHO KILLED ALASKA?
#12 - DETECTIVE FILES: THE WEDDING
written by
Cameron Cooper LeBrun

2. DENVER [narrator]
Two years ago, Alaska Curtis was murdered in the woods of Stump Town, 20 minutes north of
Roslyn Estates. This is Long Island— the land of manicured lawns and alcoholic iced tea. To
find Alaska’s killer, I’m investigating the grown up children of some of the wealthiest families in
the United States.
Our six suspects are Jo Magaro, Emma Wooten, Logan Goldberg, Bobby Yorke, Boo
Curtis, and the soulless husk that was once Glory Johnson. And then you have me— my name is
Detective Finn Denver. I’m a private investigator looking for the killer.
THEME SONG STARTS
DENVER [narrator]
Welcome to Who Killed Alaska: Detective Files, an original series by The Ghost Factory. This is
Episode 12: “The Wedding.” Listeners be warned that this series may be inappropriate for
younger audiences, and content throughout may be alarming or upsetting. Welcome to the
Detective Files. Welcome to the truth.
THEME SONG ENDS
2

3. DENVER’S KITCHEN.
DENVER
Hello there listeners. Welcome back to my kitchen. You know, it’s funny, because we’ve spent so
much time together, and you don’t know what my kitchen looks like. I don’t know if I could
describe it— just close your eyes. And imagine… your favorite room in the house where you
grew up. That’s what it feels like. Hold on, my cat is purring. Can you hear him? You know what
I’ll do? I’ll bring him closer to the mic.
He does, and the cat’s purring becomes louder.
DENVER
That’s Milton. We fell in love right away. He’s a sweetheart. It’s nice to have somebody when
you get lonely. I don’t have to be lonely when I have Milton around. Now, today is Tuesday, May
24th. Good weather today. And we. I, uh. Bobby— Bobby is— Bobby Yorke is temporarily
suspended, at work. I recently had to report that he may have hurt somebody in the past.
BOO [clip - WKA11]
Somebody stabbed— alright, let’s just say attacked. Somebody attacked Logan in the arm. It
didn’t do a lot of damage but somebody did it. Who did it?
EMMA [clip - WKA11]
Bobby… this is scaring me.
BOBBY [clip - WKA11]
What?
3

4. EMMA [clip - WKA11]
Bobby had a knife.
BOBBY [clip - WKA11]
I didn’t! I DIDN’T! I DIDN’T! I DIDN’T DO IT!
JO [clip - WKA11]
But Bobby is… Bobby…! Oooooooooh!
LOGAN [clip - WKA11]
Shut up, Bobby. Bobby, shut up. You don’t have to yell about it.
EMMA [clip - WKA11]
You’re scaring me!
DENVER
Bobby… Bobby. The knife he would have used was his personal knife. That was a different knife
from the one that killed Alaska. The knife we suspect he used to attack someone was a switch-
blade, which means it had a grip, which means it wouldn’t have split his hand open, unlike the
knife that killed Alaska. On a personal note, I don’t know if he considered me as a friend, but. On
a professional note, hey, I have this photograph. It was, uh, given to me by Shay. Do you
remember Shay? They’re a police officer, they’ve been helping me anonymously. I’m looking at
the photo now.
Ohh, shit, dropped it! I dropped it. Picking it up now. It looks like we have five of the
suspects here. And there we have Alaska. Glory’s not in the picture. She was missing by this
point. Otherwise… they’re aaaaall here. And there’s blood on Boo’s hand. That’s it— Hold on.
4

5. SOON.
DENVER
(crying) I’m glad I have you to comfort me, Milton!
Milton: Mrow!
SOON.
DENVER
Get it together, Denver. So here we have a photograph of the suspects from right after help
arrived. On the right, Jo’s talking to an officer. Got a long sleeve black sweater on. Very pretty.
She’s gesturing, like she’s explaining something. Then Emma’s wearing gray lounge-wear, and
there’s a massive jacket on her shoulders. She’s got a black hoodie with white sleeves. Hands in
her pockets. She’s tiny. The jacket’s practically swallowing her up. She’s covered in Alaska’s
blood. That’s not suspicious, uh— she was the one who resuscitated him.
911 RESPONDANT [clip - WKA3]
Ma’am. Ma’am, I need you to keep putting pressure on the wound.
EMMA [clip - WKA3]
THERE’S SO MUCH BLOOD! IT WON’T STOP!
DENVER
Then Jeremy is wearing the same hoodie as Emma, but it fits him better— it’s the black hoodie
with white sleeves. Or I should say white sleeve— one of his sleeves is missing. Maybe because
he was stabbed in the arm by Bobby. And then he just tore the rest of the sleeve off to bandage a
5

6. different wound he had. He’s visibly bleeding from the arm, but it looks like a pretty shallow cut.
It’s not even noticeable. Then we have Bobby, who’s being carted off on a stretcher. Bobby’s
wearing a lot of black. He looks unconscious and his hand is missing. In hindsight, it’s possible
that Jeremy fought back against Bobby and cut Bobby’s hand off. And then, in the back of the
ambulance, you can see Alaska, who’s wearing a tank top. Yeah. Then, last but not least, we have
Boo, who seems to be covering his face with his hands and screaming. Dressed warmly. No
mask here. Or goggles. Like I said, his hands are cut up and bleeding. Somehow, I have this gut
feeling that this isn’t the end— like this isn’t proof that Boo’s our killer, exactly. I don’t know.
DENVER [narrator]
It’s the revelation I’ve been looking for. Ever since my first episode, I’ve been looking for proof
that Boo or someone else had cuts on their hands. After all, to re-explain it, the killer was using a
cheap gag knife that would’ve given them a good hand injury, so whoever had a hand injury that
night probably killed Alaska. I need to solve this, even if it means leaving my sweet little kitty
behind. He’ll be lonely in the kitchen, in the kitchen without me. I get ready for the day and set
out to find out— are the cuts on Boo’s hands proof that Boo killed Alaska?
DENVER (unison)
Shoe 1, shoe 2, now you put the bunny in a loop…
DENVER [narrator] (unison)
At the start of every day, I remind myself that today could be difficult, today could be trying, and
I’m prepared to be scared and overwhelmed. Everything is always worth a try, and a try is worth
your confidence!
6

7. SHADOWMOON’S PRACTICE.
DENVER
Hello? Hellooooo?
DENVER [narrator]
This is our first stop, and kind of the only stop I really planned out today. Which is my bad,
honestly.
DENVER
I definitely feel like I’m not supposed to be here.
DENVER [narrator]
I’m meeting with a psychic— Boo Curtis’s psychic, a guy named Riley Shadowmoon. He has a
practice in New Hyde Park, so here I am to check it out. Hopefully, Riley Shadowmoon can tell
me more about why Boo would’ve killed Alaska. Or maybe he can tell me why I just don’t feel
like Boo did it.
SHADOWMOON
SPIRITS! MAGIC! THE GREAT ABYSS!
DENVER
Hello?
SHADOWMOON
WHO HAS COME TO THE PLACE THAT IS THIS?
DENVER
Hi— Riley Shadowmoon?
7

8. SHADOWMOON
ABRACADABRA! Did I scare ya?
DENVER
Ahhhh! Very scary.
SHADOWMOON
Alright, welcome, welcome. Tell me who you are. And make it a little bit snappy, because I gotta
be somewhere.
Denver clears his throat.
DENVER
Actually, I have some questions about a friend of yours: Boo Curtis. I have evidence that he may
have perpetrated the murder of Alaska. My name is Detective Denver and I’m being
commissioned by Alaska’s parents to solve his murder.
SHADOWMOON
Wow! Well, uh. Let me just pick my jaw up off the floor. I was not prepared for this. Boo did it?
You’re really sure about that. Huh.
DENVER
I mean, yeah. Um. Were you Boo’s psychic while he was in high school?
SHADOWMOON
I was indeed. Now, as I said, I’m in a bit of a hurry. Uh. Let’s do a walk and talk, shall we?
8

9. DENVER
Can you tell me why Boo would’ve killed Alaska? Did he ever ask for any readings that
seemed… suspicious?
SHADOWMOON
Oh. You are getting a little off-track I think, and I am regretting this walk and talk. Let’s sit down
for a second.
DENVER
Alright.
SHADOWMOON
Now, I can’t tell you about what me and Boo talk about because that violates HIPAA, right?
Right? Let us, oh yeah, let’s do a reading, okay, buddy? I can be a couple minutes late to this
thing.
DENVER
So I’m very new to the world of supernatural beliefs. Aaaaand I get an involuntary angry
reaction to magic that turns out to be real.
SHADOWMOON
Oh well let’s get that out of the way. Your new pet’s name starts with— mmm? M.
DENVER
What? You read my mind?
9

10. SHADOWMOON
What? Don’t be ridiculous, detective! I don’t have magical powers or anything. What, you think
I’m going to— ALAKAZAM— turn you into a rabbit? Are you a rabbit, detective? Are you?
These are techniques, man. I just happen to be very, very skilled with them. C’mon, sit down! Or
you can continue to stand there ominously. Now shuffle these for me.
DENVER
But wait, I will, but I heard that Boo called you the night that Alaska died. What did he say?
SHADOWMOON
I want to talk magic with you, detective! What does it mean to believe in magic? Magics are the
belief that truth is real. It’s not a social construct. That truth is absolutely and completely
universal. Oh, goodness gracious, I gotta hurry up. Ok. Under this belief system, destiny is not
about one inevitable future. No no no, that would be dumb! That would be incredibly dumb! You
can laugh! It doesn’t matter— anyway— uhhh, destiny! It means cause. Right? It means cause…
and effect. Coincidence, that is myth. This is why I don’t talk to non-believers anymore. Non-
believers like my ex-wife live in a different world, no symbolism, no nothing. When a question is
asked, truth does not contradict itself, and the correct answer becomes… destiny.
DENVER
I have some, some questions to ask you about Boo that don’t have to do with tear-it cards…
SHADOWMOON
Tarot, detective! Tarot, and I— don’t care. I call this a question-and-answer pull, alright? Should
be very quick. I can’t be late to this. Alright! Uhhh, select a card randomly from the deck. I say
randomly, but this is indeed destiny.
10

11. Denver pulls a card out of the deck.
DENVER
What do I do with this?
SHADOWMOON
Oooh, so you pulled a card called The Fool! And Sir! No flipping here! You flipped it wrong! It
was upright!
DENVER
Is this supposed to have to do with Boo?
SHADOWMOON
Ahh, yes, right. Normally, The Fool card refers to beginnings, spontaneity, being sweet and
naive. It might refer to being at the beginning of a journey. But in our context, it has a very, very
specific meaning. Out of 78 cards in this deck, you pulled the Significator for one of my clients:
Boo Curtis. Ha! That’s Boo’s card! I selected it for him myself.
DENVER
Uhhh.
SHADOWMOON
Boo is the question. Pull another card— that’ll be our answer. Quick quick quick quick quick!
Denver pulls a card out of the deck.
11

12. SHADOWMOON
Alrighty! You’ve pulled the Page of Swords. Now this refers to a thirst for knowledge or
curiosity. We’ll can skip the clarifying card, you get the picture, because! Boo is curious about
Alaska’s death, and who caused it. In other words, his sleuthing is genuine. Boo doesn’t know
who or what killed Alaska. And if Boo did indeed kill Alaska, he doesn’t know that he did it.
DENVER
Are you sure?
SHADOWMOON
Tarot is usually subjective, but you could say my readings are a bit different. I am never wrong.
DENVER [narrator]
I’m not saying Shadowmoon’s right that Boo didn’t kill Alaska… but he’s been right before.
BOO [clip - WKA2]
I want to know if Glory is still alive, or if she died the same night as Alaska. So what I’m gonna
make my question is, what happened to my best friend Glory Johnson?
SHADOWMOON [clip - WKA2]
Glory Johnson has been in a state of pause, for a very long time. She’s been lost, or stuck, or
frozen—
SHADOWMOON [clip - WKA2]
As if she’s maybe kind of alive.
DENVER [narrator]
If he’s been right before, he could be right again!
12

13. DENVER
But wait, if Boo didn’t kill Alaska…
SHADOWMOON
Again, I really do have to go.
DENVER
Then I need to start this episode over again! This episode was supposed to be about whether Boo
killed Alaska, and we got an answer in about five minutes.
SHADOWMOON
Oh no! I guess you need to start the episode over again!
DENVER [narrator]
I guess I need to start this episode over again!
Two years ago, Alaska Curtis was murdered in the woods of Stump Town, 20 minutes
north of Roslyn Estates. This is Long Island— the land of manicured lawns, the alcoholic iced
tea. To find Alaska’s killer, I’m investigating the grown up children of the wealthiest families in
the United States.
Our six suspects are Jo Magaro, Emma Wooten, Logan Goldberg, Bobby Yorke, Boo
Curtis, and the soulless husk that was once Glory Johnson. And then you have me— my name is
Detective Finn Denver. I’m a private investigator looking for the killer.
THEME SONG STARTS
DENVER [narrator]
Welcome to Who Killed Alaska— FUCK! Welcome to Who Killed Alaska: Detective Files, an
original series by The Ghost Factory. This is Episode 12: “The Wedding.” Listeners be warned
13

14. that this series may be inappropriate for younger audiences, and content throughout may be
alarming or upsetting. Welcome to the Detective Files. Welcome to the truth, motherfucker!
THEME SONG ENDS
DENVER [narrator]
I heard Jo set that fire, the night that everything happened. Say she’s guilty, right? Don’t ask why.
Ask when. One of my college buddies has become a very talented fire investigator over in
Montana. When she dropped in for a visit, I coerced her into doing my work for me. We took a
look at the crime scene— Stump Town. Stump Town has been recovering from that fire for the
past two years now. The forest recovered, for the most part, but the bark still remembers the fire.
She says she’s examined degree of damage, depth of char, and angle of char. And after all these
years, she was still able to determine multiple areas of the origin to the fire. In other words, our
arsonist started multiple fires. At least five—
Five beeps, increasing in pitch.
DENVER [narrator]
—moving east towards the Jail House. The last fire was so small that it barely had any time to
spread. It probably started just at the same time as the rainstorm, and it was put out right away.
And we know that the rainstorm started at around 9:12pm. Alaska’s death was called in at
9:15pm. Alaska was last seen alive at 9:10— we’ve seen that on Emma’s camera footage. While
Alaska died between 9:10 and 9:15, someone was still starting fires west of the Jail House. We
have reason to believe that Jo started that fire. That’s an alibi.
14

15. Most, if not all of the suspects were doing something suspicious that night. Emma
might’ve been doing drugs. Jo might’ve been starting a fire. Jeremy and Bobby seem absolutely
suspicious as well. But maybe their secrets will actually protect them. Arson is a crime, but if
that’s what kept Jo busy, then she wasn’t killing Alaska. So I started wondering, what other alibis
do we have? Listen to this old recording from Emma’s camera, taken just a few minutes before
the killing—
A forest fire and glass shattering.
DENVER [narrator]
Did you hear that funny little sound? As they say on tv, ENHANCE!
A forest fire and glass shattering.
DENVER [narrator]
It sounds like glass shattering in the distance.
A forest fire and glass shattering.
DENVER [narrator]
To me, that shattering noise sounds off. Artificial, I guess. Like an added-in-post sound. But trust
me, that’s real glass shattering. It’s right there in Stump Town. And by the end of this episode,
15

16. that sound is going to be someone’s alibi. We’ll be able to rule out at least two people from
killing Alaska. So, we’re set up with our new question: Who didn’t kill Alaska?
At the start of every day, I remind myself that today could be difficult, today could be
trying, and I’m prepared to be scared and overwhelmed. Everything is worth a try, and a try is
worth your confidence!
SHADOWMOON’S PRACTICE.
SHADOWMOON
Hello! Sir. Sir. Please. I need you back in the room with me.
DENVER
GUH! Ah. Sorry. I just thought up a funny moment for the podcast.
SHADOWMOON
I gotta go! Can we get moving?
They’re walking.
DENVER
I have kind of catchphrase— y’know what? never mind. Mr Shadowmoon, your fortune-telling
is the key to solving this mystery!
SHADOWMOON
Hold on, I’m calling an Uber.
16

17. DENVER
We can do tarot to figure out who killed Alaska!
Shadowmoon opens the door and we’re outside.
OUTSIDE.
Walking.
SHADOWMOON
Oh, look at you! How very inventive! Alright, first piece of bad news: right now I’m Riley
Shadowmoon, as in the fortune-therapist and YA author Riley Shadowmoon, but in a second I do
need to be Riley Cohen.
DENVER
Uh—
SHADOWMOON
The Riley Shadowmoon performance is like a big part of who I am, don’t get me wrong, but
right now I’m heading to my daughter’s wedding reception, and I was just popping into my
office since I forgot my wedding card. Ah, there’s the Uber!
The Uber ride pulls up.
17

18. DENVER
Oh! I made an appointment for today, though!
SHADOWMOON
Also, bad news, you can’t just use tarot to solve a crime. There’s a lot of reasons why that’s a bad
idea.
DENVER
Then— how about alibis? Can you help me figure out alibis?
SHADOWMOON
Ooh, y’know, I haven’t tried that, but I do have to get to this wedding. Alaska’s case is really
important, though… How about this, then, detective? What if you just come along?
DENVER
In the Uber?
SHADOWMOON
No, you can drop in on the wedding! Come as you are, nobody’s gonna mind. And look! You’re
already formal for the occasion.
DENVER
OH, uh, I would, be Selena Gomez is recording in my living room…
SHADOWMOON
Oh, please! It’ll be an adventure! Come with this stranger to his daughter’s wedding! That’s just,
I mean, what’s more Long Island than that?
Denver sighs.
18

19. DENVER
I do love an adventure.
SHADOWMOON
Me! Too! After you, Sir!
DENVER [narrator]
And we arrive at the venue in no time.
ENTRYWAY.
DENVER
Mr Shadowmoon, maybe we could just do the fortune-telling outside?
SHADOWMOON
Oh, come on!
WEDDING VENUE.
ATTENDANT
Good evening.
WEDDING GUEST 1
She just looked so beautiful walking down that aisle!
WEDDING GUEST 2
This is without a doubt, the best day of my life. I’m just so happy to be here.
DENVER
Congratulations, by the way…
19

20. SHADOWMOON
Alright, now this is a party! What should we do first? Should we go dance? Maybe we can find
some lllllladies!
DENVER
Mr Shadowmoon, if you want to check for alibis, I think we should just do it outside? Or else I
might want to leave. Sorry.
SHADOWMOON
Oh!
WAITSTAFF
Excuse me, can I take your coat?
DENVER
No, I’m actually on my way out, thank you. Uh, Mr Shadowmoon, you can do the fortune-telling
and then I’m gonna get going.
SHADOWMOON
Oh, I, I thought. Y’know, every stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet. Right?
DENVER
Oh gosh.
SHADOWMOON
And like, I didn’t really have a plus one, so I thought.
DENVER
Mr Shadowmoon, that’s very sweet.
20

21. SHADOWMOON
We’re reclaiming today! Y’know?
DENVER
Can you help me with the investigation? Please?
SHADOWMOON
Oh, well this is too bad. Um.
DENVER
I’m sure your daughter wants to see you!
SHADOWMOON
Oh, she doesn’t need her wacky old dad today— hm?
DENVER
Fine. No ladies, but if we dance to a couple songs, could you check who killed Alaska? How
does this work, by the way?
SHADOWMOON
OH, yes, of course, sorry, let’s put a quick pause on this— You over there! Show me where you
got those tacos! One sec, Detective.
DENVER
I, but, I, wait— And he’s gone. I guess I’ll wait here! Beautiful venue… How’s it goin. Hi.
Urgh…
DAN
This shit is classy. Fuckin (mispronounced) magnifique.
21

22. DENVER [narrator]
Two guys in suits pass by the bar, and they sound just like Jo’s firefighter friends from last
episode.
DYLAN
Y’know, that girl is a piece of work as a bride. She’s such a [LONG BLEEP]. So. Hope the
marriage works out.
DENVER [narrator]
I automatically go to smile at them and give em a little wave. They look away— obviously.
Because, they don’t know who I am! But since I’ve heard them on this show, it just feels right to
be friendly… Maybe I should go talk to them, so I don’t seem like a weirdo.
SHADOWMOON
There were four people in the Jail House.
DENVER
Hi. Mr Shadowmoon. You’re back.
SHADOWMOON
There were four people in the Jail House. I mean when Alaska died. That’s, that’s all I know.
DENVER
You did the fortune-telling?
SHADOWMOON
Yes, and it might be better if you don’t know the method. I figure you’re new to fortune-telling,
so it might just freak you out a little.
22

23. DENVER
I guess I don’t need to know right this second. Is it— this is fool-proof? Yes? Okay.
SHADOWMOON
Yeah, I, I don’t know anything about alibis, so the four people is all I can tell you. But. Mm. Hm.
DENVER
What is it?
SHADOWMOON
Well, this might be helpful for you— I can guarantee that Alaska was killed by an Outsider.
DENVER [narrator]
Noted. I’m still not sure if I completely understand what an Outsider is, but noted.
DENVER
In that case, I have to ask. Who exactly is—
WAITSTAFF
Excuse me, Mr Cohen?
SHADOWMOON
That’s me?
WAITSTAFF
The schedule’s been changed.
SHADOWMOON
What schedule? For the— for the?
WAITSTAFF
This is a note from your daughter. There was an event we didn't know about.
23

24. SHADOWMOON
What do you mean there was an event you didn't know about?
WEDDING MC [speaking into microphone]
Alllllright! It appears as though we have some kind of surprise in store for you! Please ignore the
last two announcements, there was some miscommunication— I hear this surprise is really going
to knock our socks off! All guests taking part in the surprise can please stand up, and do what
you need to do to get yourselves ready!
Heels and formal shoes scurrying across marble floors.
SHADOWMOON
Uh, now I will drop you off somewhere and we can talk more later.
DENVER
Yeah, sure.
SHADOWMOON
Also, can you hold my drink for me?
DENVER
Oh, yeah, sure!
SHADOWMOON
Alright, walking, walking! Here we go!
DENVER [narrator]
Shadowmoon opens a door.
24

25. JO (unison)
(singing) All the leaves are / All the leaves are brown / All the leaves are brown / All the leaves
are brown
LOGAN (unison)
Perfect! My favorite song! You bet this song didn’t drive me insane in 2021. I don’t associate this
song with daily panic attack—
EMMA (unison)
One day I’m gonna have a wedding just like this…
SHADOWMOON (unison)
Good luck. I’m sure you’ll find some answers.
DENVER
Uh, sure!
DENVER [narrator]
I look around. By some miracle, I’ve found myself in a side room with the suspects. It’s Jo,
Emma, Jeremy, Bobby, and Boo.
SIDE-ROOM.
Door is shut behind him.
JO / BOO (unison)
When will you learn… When will you learn… that your actions have consequences!?
25

26. LOGAN (unison)
That’s how I looked when I started being Ethel Smyth. I was barely eating. I looked so good. It’s
infuriating.
BOBBY (unison)
(proudly mischievous) Emma, look. I got so bored during the ceremony that I made a wood
carving of the queen of England but I think I disrespected the queen because Logan says it looks
like a wet bear.
DENVER
Hi?
Emma gasps.
EMMA
Oh!
BOO
Oh hey. What’s up. How’s it goin.
JO (unison)
What the hell— How did he just manifest like fuckin Harry Potter!?
LOGAN (unison)
Christ! Oh no! A suitor! You’ve come to propose to me again!
26

27. BOBBY (unison)
Denver! Hiiiiiiii!
DENVER [narrator]
And then it’s all of us together in one terrible, terrible fuckin room.
DENVER
Riley Shadowmoon just kind of left me here.
EMMA
Denver! Are you going to join the challenge?
DENVER
What challenge?
JO (unison)
The makeover challenge!
EMMA (unison)
There’s a makeover challenge!Where we all wear the craziest thing we can think of! And then we
get judged!
DENVER
I think I’ll skip— Actually, while I’m here, maybe I can accomplish something after all. I just
found out that four of you were in the Jail House when Alaska died!
JO
Guys, we can wear anything— what if I wear a suit!?
BOO
Pop off, queen.
27

28. DENVER
Four of you were in the Jail House when Alaska died! I’m looking for alibis!
LOGAN
How does this look?
EMMA
Eh.
LOGAN
I’m giving you permission to
be into me for once.
EMMA
Eh.
BOBBY
Boo! I just had an idea!
What if I go naked?
JO
Wow.
BOO
I support you, but you’d
probably get arrested.
BOBBY
No I won’t! I’ll wear my
underwear!
BOO
Pop off.
DENVER
Guys? Guys? I just found
out— I found out that four
of you were in the Jail
House when Alaska died.
Guys? GUYS? Please pay
attention or I’ll get mad.
JO
Jeremy! You know how before, like the fact that it’s weird, that we were invited— so! I talked to
the bride for a sec, and I got kind of a vibe. I think the bride invited me on purpose, but you guys
got invited by accident! Like maybe you guys got somebody else’s invite? I dunno, what do you
think?
28

29. DENVER
What’re you talking about?
BOO
Yeah, well, I think the bride invited me on purpose, so.
DENVER
Uh helloooo?
BOO
I hate to say it but it was probably the dead brother thing.
DENVER (unison)
Am I a detective or a ghost?
BOO (unison)
One dead brother and your social status really goes through the roof. I mean my approval
numbers are crazy.
BOBBY
Now that you mention it—
DENVER
GUYS!
BOBBY
—it would make sense if you guys were invited by accident, but I’m pretty sure I was asked to
do the special dance on purpose. Y’see, I had an English class with the bride-to-be! Plus, who
doesn’t love Bobby? C’mon.
29

30. BOO
He has a point.
LOGAN
Um.
BOBBY
Yup! You guys were all invited by accident.
EMMA
You guys’re right. I was probably invited by accident. Is this room getting smaller? Oh, no, this
is just a new kind of panic attack.
LOGAN
If anyone was invited on purpose, it was me. I never actually talked to her, but I did have sex
with her in a closet once so Alaska could have sex with her sister.
BOO
DUDE! Fuckin nasty. Don’t tell me about Alaska’s sex life. Or yours, actually!
EMMA
I didn’t hear that. Nope.
LOGAN
No, guys, guys, listen! She was so weird! I tried to have a conversation, I literally asked, “How
was your day?” But the only words she said the whole time were “I’M CUMMING” and, and
that’s it. What a fuckin weirdo!
BOO (unison)
Logan! Shut up! I don’t wanna know!
30

31. EMMA (unison)
AHHHHHHH!!!!!
DENVER [narrator]
I am simply too stunned to even speak.
BOBBY
Heyyy. You okay, friend?
EMMA
All good. I exaggerated the yell a bit for
comedic effect.
LOGAN
Boo, how would you feel if we had a whole
conversation and the only thing I said was
“I’m cumming”?
BOO
I’d throw up and aim for your shoes.
LOGAN
Or my mouth.
DENVER
Boo. Can I talk to you?
BOO
I’m surprised you’re here. The groom is from Seattle and I thought the bride only invited people
from our graduating class. At our high school.
DENVER
Well you thought wrong.
EMMA
Ooh! Tell him!
31

32. DENVER
No, I mean— Boo, I have reason to think you killed him.
BOO
I must’ve just hallucinated you talking because there’s no ungodly way you just accused me of
killing my brother. Tell me that’s not why you’re here.
LOGAN
Gottem.
DENVER
Sorry to disappoint. I have photographic evidence. Look.
BOO
Can I see?
Denver hands it over.
DENVER [narrator]
I hand Boo the photo, where he’s screaming and covering his eyes with visibly cut up hands.
Emma stares at her fingernails but the rest of the room watches.
BOO
I’m taking off the goggles. Nobody look at me. Please.
Boo puts his goggles on his forehead.
32

33. BOO
Why are Emma’s pockets bulging? They look full.
DENVER
I dunno. You’re on the very right there.
BOO
That’s obvious. This photo’s awful and I feel a little more dead inside. Holy shit, that, ok, that
was a joke, I mean I wasn’t lying but wow that came out really sad. Look. I’m impressed that
you’re this carefree carrying around someone else’s trauma. Actually, never mind. Y’know what?
That tracks, ya fuckin— (sighs)
DENVER
I was going to point out that your hands are bleeding in the photo, which was taken right after
Alaska was stabbed. Pardon the accusation, but that makes me think you injured yourself while
stabbing Alaska. Do you wanna correct me?
BOO
You’re laughably wrong but y’know, here’s your photo. Just take it, ok? The goggles’re back on.
He does.
DENVER
Can you explain why you were bleeding from your hands?
33

34. BOO
Ok. God, how do— huh. How do I say this nicely? I’ve heard your split-hand theory? The
amount it helps you here is zero. Okay? I can’t explain in any more depth. I mean, you know,
we’re competing to solve this mystery and I feel good knowing more than you. I mean that’s just
how things crumble. You know what I’m saying?
DENVER
What’s your alibi?
BOO
You know what? Massive hint. I had blood on my hands. That’s my alibi, alright? Go think on
that.
LOGAN
He’s such a rude boy!
DENVER [narrator]
Boo took that accusation pretty well. Maybe he really isn’t the killer. Or maybe he’s just that
good of a liar.
JO
Boo, what’s wrong?
BOO
Hm?
DENVER [narrator]
There are six suspects, and I’m close to crossing Jo off that list altogether.
34

35. JO
I’m an empath. I’m good at reading people.
BOO
Naw, naw, naw… it…
DENVER [narrator]
The forest fire is a real alibi, and I know for sure at this point that she had no cuts on her hands.
BOO
It’s, uh… yeah… corporate straight weddings, and uh… Haha.
DENVER [narrator]
We’re missing Glory but four of these six suspects were in the Jail House.
JO
Do you miss Alice?
BOO
Partially.
JO
Because…
BOO
They, uh, really hurt when I’m not around? Y’know, they’re spending the day all alone and it’s
me they wanna hang out with. Why me? I, I don’t even deserve that. I, uh… Sorry! Anyway, I
was invited here as Alaska’s brother, so. Gotta. Yeah. Y’know. Be here.
35

36. DENVER [narrator]
Shadowmoon said an Outsider killed Alaska— an Outsider, one Outsider, singular. One killer.
But four people in the room during a homicide? Are they protecting the killer’s secret, or did
they actively assist in the killing? These people are incredible. They’re so suspicious, but they’re
great at garnering trust. They’re so blunt and they feel honest to me. Statistically, I shouldn’t trust
any of them, except maybe Jo. I really need to check in with her.
DENVER
Hey, Jo? Is now an okay time to talk?
JO
Sure. What’s up? BOO, how about this dress!? The DRAMA!
BOO
Pop off, queen.
DENVER
Beautiful wedding, right?
JO
I know! I hate how she looks like an absolutely gorgeous, like, just a Disney princess, and the
arch of those pink flowers? Ugh!
DENVER
For sure. Um.
JO
Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s such a basic bitch wedding. Personally, I don’t go for this kind
of aesthetic? I’m gonna walk down the aisle in my grandmother’s dress that she wore when she
36

37. married my grandpa, which is, I mean it’s yellow now and you look at it and you can tell,
because it is gorgeously old as balls. And y’know, I’m not about the decorative bows on the
plastic chairs, flowers and everything. At my wedding, the receptions’ gonna start, I’m gonna
dress like Shrek, not Fionna, alright? And I’m gonna force everyone to dance to Cardi B in
swamp water, and if you need to have some cake, if you wanna have a slice of cake, you need to
beat me at wrestling. That’s real, by the way. I’m not joking.
BOO
That’s hilarious.
JO
I dunno, though, like I know this is basic, but I can’t help it. Seeing a friend happy makes me
happy.
BOBBY
Are you friends with the bride?
JO
Obviously. She invited me. On purpose.
DENVER
Jo, do you have any drinks on you? Tequila, vodka, anything?
JO
Yeah? Oh shit, I wasn’t looking at you. Yeah, okay, I can read you loud and clear, Denver. What
do you want?
DENVER
How long have you been carrying drinks everywhere?
37

38. JO
A couple years?
DENVER [narrator]
I didn’t wanna say this, but…
DENVER
You’re past the statute of limitations for arson in New York.
JO
Oh.
DENVER
Sue me if you think I’m lying.
JO
I know you’re not. I didn’t do it.
BOO
It’s kinda wack that you’re lying still.
JO
(laughing) Boo! Stop, you’re gonna make it seem like I’m actually lying! I didn’t set the fire!
DENVER
Jo, if you set the fire, that means you didn’t kill Alaska. Those events took place at the same
time. It’s an alibi.
JO
Yyy—
38

39. Jo goes silent.
LOGAN
Jo’s eye twitches when she lies.
JO
What!? How do you know that!?
BOO
Oh shit. Jo, did you start the fire?
JO
No!
BOBBY / BOO / EMMA
Woah.
DENVER [narrator]
It twitches.
DENVER
Perfect, Jo. You’re the only person with a solid alibi right now. Congratulations. You didn’t kill
Alaska.
JO
I didn’t start that fire.
BOO
Oh, shut up. Yes you did.
39

40. DENVER
The fire doesn’t matter to me and I don’t care why you set it. If you want to sit down with me
later and tell me more about that fire, I would be honored. In the meantime, I wanna ask if you
can clear anyone else’s name. Can you vouch for anyone else? Like Bobby, for example?
JO
I don’t think anyone did it. It was probably just the ghost of Harvey Paris.
EMMA
Yeah.
Boo chuckles.
DENVER
(sighing) Do you have any evidence?
JO
No. I can tell you— right after everyone ran from the flashbang, I did see Bobby and Alaska
from a distance.
BOBBY
Oh!
JO
They were over 33 feet away.
BOO
That’s wild.
40

41. JO
Bobby was limping away from Alaska, then Alaska looked at me and— don’t worry about it.
Then a bit later I saw Bobby in the woods, even further away. Then when I blinked, it was like he
disappeared. He was there, and then he wasn’t.
DENVER [narrator]
She blinked and Bobby disappeared… This
could be one of those supernatural things. I
can’t question Jo further about that, though—
these are two-year-old memories, and if I ask
for more details, she’s going to get inaccurate.
EMMA
You okay, Logan?
LOGAN
Yeah! Why wouldn’t I be?
JO
By the way, I saw a pair of shoes outside the Jail House, right before I went inside and saw
Alaska dying. The shoes were right next to each other like you could step into them. I was gonna
go poke the shoes with a stick but I got distracted because Emma’s throw up was spread out in
the dirt and it smelled like shit.
EMMA
Sorry… I know I’m disgusting.
JO
I stopped noticing it after we saw Alaska.
41

42. BOO
Jo. Jo!
JO
What?
BOO
Those were probably Alaska’s shoes! He wasn’t wearing shoes when we found him, remember?
How did Alaska’s shoes end up outside?
DENVER
So here’s the issue, Jo. Riley Shadowmoon has told me that four people were in the room when
Alaska died. There are six suspects. And if you weren’t in the room when Alaska died, then only
one other person should be completely innocent. Everyone but you and someone else is
complicit in Alaska’s death.
BOO
You’re wrong.
DENVER
Ask Riley.
BOO
Okay. Listen to the words. Alright? Did he phrase it like that? Did he say, “Four people were in
the room when Alaska died?” It feels like you’re quoting him— right?
DENVER [narrator]
He’s getting at something.
42

43. DENVER
You’re saying there might’ve been someone else in the room? Because Outsiders aren’t people.
BOO
No. Well— probably not? I, I don’t know about that. Alright, he’s kind of inconsistent. Look,
four people in the room means three suspects. One, two, three suspects, then four is Alaska.
Alaska counts.
DENVER
Oh. Um. Um.
DENVER [narrator]
That’s embarrassing.
JO
Boo! I’ve got it. I’m definitely gonna wear a tux. What do we think?
DENVER [narrator]
I head over to Emma with my tail between my legs.
EMMA
Jo! Can you help me with my eyeliner?
JO
I’m a little busy sweetie! I mean, c’mon, Jesus Christ, I feel like it’s pretty fuckin obvious.
LOGAN
I can help!
EMMA
Yeah! Yay. Um, um. Logannnnn. So nice.
43

44. LOGAN
What’re we going for? Like a, like a winged eye? Are we doing TikTok, are we doing—
DENVER [narrator]
Let’s review.
Jo was too busy setting forest fires to be our killer. Boo claims that he has an alibi, but
refuses to say what that is. He claims that his bloodied hands are evidence of an alibi, but I
thought they’d be evidence that Boo’s the killer— after all, Alaska’s killer should’ve had cut-up
hands. A plastic gag knife was the murder weapon. The killer would’ve cut their hands on the
blade while stabbing Alaska. Quick note: Boo noticed Emma’s pockets were bulky. Is Boo
suspicious of Emma? I’m not keen to follow his lead. I’m sorry, Boo, but a detective needs
training and prior experience. Besides which, you’re a suspect, too— as much as you hate that,
it’s true.
There are two slots open for alibis, and our three other suspects were in the Jail House
during Alaska’s death. One of those three was killing Alaska, and the other two have not revealed
the killer’s identity. So who’s who? Where are our two alibis, and which three were in the Jail
House?
EMMA
We’re supposed to wear whatever we want! I’m gonna wear a white dress!
LOGAN
Honestly, go you… Emma, turn?
44

45. EMMA (unison)
Turn to you? I’m shy. I’m a little shy. This is a lot of physical contact. Okay. Okay.
LOGAN (unison)
Yea— Emma. Emma. I need you to calm down. I’m doing your makeup. Do I need to be Ethel
Smyth or are you gonna calm down?
EMMA (unison)
No! I’m just gonna close my eyes.
DENVER [narrator]
Problem is, they’re all distracted…
EMMA
Heeheehee…
DENVER
Emma, what’s your alibi?
EMMA
Just, y’know, doing drugs in the greenhouse. My mom can’t know, please— OW!
LOGAN
Don’t move.
DENVER [narrator]
And after Emma, I interview Jeremy.
DENVER
Jeremy, what’s your alibi?
45

46. LOGAN
Think about it.
DENVER
Don’t pull a Boo.
LOGAN
Ew. Fine. How should I, uh.
DENVER
Let’s play 20 questions. 20 questions for your alibi.
Logan laughs.
LOGAN
Okay, Mr. Detective! I’ll bite!
DENVER [narrator]
And after Jeremy, I interview— I interview Bobby.
DENVER
Bobby.
BOBBY
Yes?
DENVER
Do you remember stabbing Jeremy?
46

47. BOBBY
I, uh, I don’t remember anything.
DENVER
That’s not good enough.
BOBBY
I’m sorry.
DENVER [narrator]
Three conversations with three suspects.
DENVER
Emma, that was before Alaska died. What were you doing while Alaska was in the Jail House?
EMMA
I was doing drugs!
DENVER
Emma. No you weren’t.
Click.
LOGAN
Question 4?
DENVER
Does it start with a vowel?
47

48. LOGAN
Hold on, I need to write it in the air— No. Question 5?
Click.
DENVER
Do you know why you don’t remember anything?
BOBBY
I’m sorry.
DENVER
No. Don’t apologize.
Click.
DENVER
Emma, do you at least know anything helpful?
EMMA
Oh! Oh there is one thing. About Harvey Paris? While we were in the greenhouse, I heard a
metal door below me. Maybe it really was Harvey Paris… trying to open his cast-iron coffin…
Click.
48

49. LOGAN
Question 12?
DENVER
This is a verb, isn’t it?
LOGAN
I’ve seen it on a list of verbs. Does that mean it’s a verb?
DENVER
Yes.
LOGAN
Question 13?
Click.
DENVER
Nothing?
BOBBY
Nothing. I remember nothing.
Click.
LOGAN
Emma, if you want help you have to stop moving!
49

50. DENVER
Emma, please.
Click.
EMMA
Logan, are you still gonna…?
LOGAN
No, yeah, one sec!
DENVER
Jeremy, focus.
LOGAN
Yeah, I know. The challenge is almost over. Did you know Emma’s fuckin hilarious? Since she’s
wearing white, I’m gonna be her bridesmaid. I’m gonna wear this fantastic purple gown, and
carry—
Click.
DENVER
Bobby? What’re you doing?
50

51. BOBBY
We’re supposed to wear whatever we want, right? And I feel like wearing nothing! So I’m gonna
go out there in my underwear and dance the hora!
BOO
He’s not being creepy! Nudity is natural!
BOBBY
YES!
Click.
DENVER
Emma, can we please—
Click.
DENVER
Jeremy, can we please—
Click.
DENVER
Bobby, can we please get back on topic?
51

52. Click.
Emma is whimpering.
Click.
LOGAN
Question 16?
Click.
BOBBY
I don’t remember.
Click.
Emma is whimpering.
Click.
LOGAN
17?
Click.
52

53. BOBBY
I don’t—
Click.
Emma is whimpering.
Click.
LOGAN
18?
Click.
BOBBY
—remember.
Click.
Emma is whimpering.
Click.
LOGAN
19?
53

54. Click.
BOBBY
I don’t—
Click.
Rubber ducky.
Click.
Emma is whimpering.
LOGAN
She’s not responding. I don’t think she’s gonna answer you.
Denver groans.
Click.
LOGAN
Question 20?
DENVER
Is the answer “watching”?
LOGAN
Yes.
54

55. DENVER
You were watching Alaska get killed?
LOGAN
Not by choice.
DENVER
And you won’t reveal the killer.
LOGAN
No.
DENVER [narrator]
Well damn.
Click.
DENVER
But— Bobby, I just want to know what you were doing between 9:10 and 9:15pm.
BOBBY
Sorry. I mean it couldn’t’ve been that I stabbed Logan! Like I would’ve cut my hand, right?
DENVER
No, your knife had a grip. The knife that Alaska was stabbed with didn’t have a grip.
BOBBY
I still don’t understand that, to be honest…
55

56. DENVER
It’s like, look, it’s— Bobby, look at my hands. Your knife was a switch-blade, which means it
had a grip. Your hand wouldn’t slip and you wouldn’t injure yourself. Alaska was stabbed with a
really cheap knife without a grip, and the knife gets stuck in the person’s body, so your hands
would slip here and tear up the fronts of your hands.
BOBBY
This part?
DENVER
No, the palm part of your hand. The front. Oh no.
BOBBY
Wait, what?
DENVER
I’m having a cinematic moment. I just figured it out all at once. Oh, god, I’m stupid!
DENVER [narrator]
I’m stupid for three reasons. Reason I’m stupid #1: Boo’s hands are covering his eyes in the
photo. In other words, the backs of his hands are visible, and the backs of his hands are bleeding.
Boo’s hands’ injuries can’t be connected to Alaska’s stabbing. Reason I’m stupid #2: Boo’s been
facing away from the mirror. I forgot that he hates mirrors. He thinks his reflection is out to get
him. Reason I’m stupid #3: We have the mysterious sound recorded before Alaska’s death.
CLIP FROM PREVIOUS EPISODE. WKA5. PAGE 29.
It’s the clip played on page 11.
56

57. CLIP ENDS.
DENVER [narrator]
It sounds like glass shattering.
A forest fire and glass shattering.
DENVER [narrator]
And it probably is. If you take Boo’s cut up knuckles, Boo’s phobia of mirrors, and that specific
sound, it’s possible that Boo tried to hit a mirror shortly before Alaska’s death. Later on, I test out
Boo’s alibi.
STUMP TOWN.
Denver’s mic is put down in the grass.
He walks awa.
DENVER [narrator]
I place my microphone in the location and direction of Emma’s camera. I go around and climb
the hill to a nearby building, the Bug House. It’s a long walk. When I get there, I try shattering
some cheap panes of glass—
57

58. Glass shattering.
DENVER [narrator]
And the sound carries in just the same way. Because that sound was recorded on Emma’s
camera, we know that it took place at 9:09pm. The shape of the Bug House’s architecture causes
sound to carry in this way towards the Jail House, which positions Boo in the Bug House at
exactly 9:09pm. And that gives us two people with alibis: Jo and Boo. Jo was setting a forest fire
to the west, and Boo was in the Bug House, possibly shattering something. Jeremy admitted to
being in the Jail House during Alaska’s murder, which makes him a prime suspect. Bobby,
Emma, and Glory still haven’t been placed. One of them may have killed Alaska, and another
may have watched it happen. Bobby seems to be violent, Emma is dodging questions, and Glory
is an absolute mystery. I’m equally suspicious of each of them.
Quick disclaimer about calling yourself stupid: I only called myself stupid as a joke. Self-
esteem is very important. Remember that you are perfect exactly as you are. I love you.
Be who you are.
58

59. SIDE-ROOM.
DENVER
This is progress, but the alibis are lacking right now. So, I have to find out who the Outsiders are.
BOO
What?
DENVER
Riley Shadowmoon said that Alaska was killed by an Outsider. We know Glory’s an Outsider,
but who else?
BOBBY
Alright, I am naked!
EMMA
Bobby, put your clothes back on!
BOBBY
But it’s funny!
EMMA
Oh my god.
BOBBY
See, the point is—
DENVER [narrator]
Who else is an Outsider? How many of these people are Outsiders? How many… How many…
How many… How many… How many… How many… How many… How many… How
many… How many… How many… How many… How many… How many… How many…
59

60. BOBBY
—expressing who we are and I’m gonna express that there’s nothing wrong with being who I
am! The bride will get it! She specially invited me, she remembers my sense of humor!
JO
Do you even know her name!?
BOBBY
Um! Do you know her name?
BOO
She was popular.
EMMA
Everybody knows her name!
BOBBY
Then what is it?
JO (unison)
I talked to the bride by the taco station for so! Long! I’m normal, you guys were invited by
accident! As far as I’m concerned, her name’s Sarah!! She looks like a Sarah! BOO! BOO!
DON’T TELL ME SHE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A SARAH! There is no way you remember the
name of every single one of your friends! I don’t believe that!
BOO (unison)
Oh no no, don’t even try to bring in the word normal! Like you even know the meaning of the
word! For the last two years now— hey, hey c’mon— for the past two years now, people look at
me and they see Alaska! They see somebody they agree with! And relate to! Never mind. This is
60

61. exhausting. I’m just gonna lie down. Good night. Actually, you know what? I’m gonna say one
more thing? I have this podcast, and I know people listen to it, so even if you think I’m not
normal, like, whatever!
LOGAN (unison)
You can fuck off! You’re not Alaska! Nobody is obsessed with you! It’s not that deep! She
doesn’t know you! She doesn’t care! I’m basically a knock-off Alaska, that’s why she invited
me! Cause I at least dress like him! I’m sorry, you’re a plus one, you’re just gonna have to deal
with that!
BOBBY (unison)
I’m her friend! At least, I, I think so. Probably! She smiled at me once. And she seemed really
nice. I made a joke once! She laughed! I think it was a real laugh! Everybody loves Bobby!
That’s why I’m comfy stripping naked! Guys? I don’t think she looks like a Sarah! I think she
looks like an Amy!
Emma is singing Ave Maria. (unison)
SHADOWMOON (interrupting all)
Well hey everybody! Just thought I’d come hang with the crew for a bit and my goodness! So
many fashion choices here.
DENVER
So, so, Mr Shadowmoon! I need your help with something!
61

62. SHADOWMOON
Oh. Ok. What’s going on?
DENVER
You told me that an Outsider killed Alaska. Who is it? Who in this room is an Outsider?
SHADOWMOON
In this room? Everyone.
DENVER
You’re kidding.
SHADOWMOON
Mm. Oh, sorry, that isn’t true— everyone except you, Detective.
LOGAN (unison)
I’m fantastic at being normal! Let’s not be judgey!
BOBBY (unison)
I’m not an outsider, actually, I’m more of an insider. I was invited to this wedding.
BOO (unison)
I’m not an Outsider! GOD, there are too many eyes in this room…
EMMA (unison)
Is that a slur for something!? I’m calling the police!!
JO
What’s all this about? What’re you saying about us?
SHADOWMOON
Right, um… Detective. Would you mind taking out that photo and flipping it over?
62

63. He does.
DENVER [narrator]
How does he know about the photograph?
DENVER
On the back it says, “strange reactions.”
JO
One of the cops said that to a lady cop. I heard him talking about us. He said we all have strange
reactions? I couldn’t figure out why you’d say that out loud about somebody, who’s right there,
when they’re dealing… with… with this, what we were…
SHADOWMOON
What’s your favorite color, Jo?
JO
Pink.
SHADOWMOON
And why is pink your favorite color?
DENVER [narrator]
I’m watching light change behind Jo’s eyes. Something is reacting in the form of an idea.
JO
I just, I thought everybody was lying about having a favorite color. How can you have a favorite
color for everything? Always? No context, just a color? No. No, so since everybody’s lying
anyway, I figured… pink.
63

64. SHADOWMOON
Who are you?
JO
Jo.
SHADOWMOON
Are you sure?
JO
No, well, I’m, I mean—
SHADOWMOON
Why would you back down instantly? Don’t you know your name?
JO
I don’t know what I’m saying when you’re acting like I’m wrong! You’re making me doubt
myself!
SHADOWMOON
Many, many years ago… I went looking for answers in a place you guys call Stump Town. And
we can call it that, we can call it Stump Town— I wanted to know… why I thought favorite
colors were fake… and why I kept trying to convince people that my name was Riley, as if they
wouldn’t believe me. Like a lot of things, Stump Town isn’t what it looks like. The trees and the
grass and the birds just happen to be sitting on something a lot bigger.
BOO
I’ve felt that. It’s lumiere.
64

65. EMMA
(correcting) Liminal.
SHADOWMOON
Mm. The answer is at the center of Stump Town, all the way at the bottom of the lake. Under all
that water, you can find a place called Purgatory. It’s not a particularly interesting place. It’s
neither beautiful nor dangerous. Purgatory just kind of exists. Quietly. That’s home. All the
Outsiders slipped out of Purgatory— right there in Stump Town— and ended up in a human
body somewhere else. That is that piece that’s making you feel incomplete inside. Which means
that it’s very sad that there’s no going home there ever again. I’m so sorry. I’ve said too much.
Um.
Outsiders are… what are Outsiders? Um. Acceptable monsters? No, that’s— Outsiders
are… an open sign in a shut down store. They’re a sentimental voicemail sent to the wrong
number. Or a lost toy left in the attic. Outsiders are the face in a family photo you wish you still
recognized. They’re also the old man who thought you’d always remember him.
Emma starts crying.
SHADOWMOON
If you’re worried about being normal… mm… give up. Yes, give up.
DENVER [narrator]
Shadowmoon gives us a nod— and then a sad smile. He turns around. And he leaves us alone.
65

66. A door closes.
DENVER [narrator]
Everyone stands around quietly. Until Boo says—
BOO
That sucks.
DENVER [narrator]
And for a moment, everyone looks into the mirror. I do, too. Jeremy’s in a dress, Jo’s in a suit,
Emma’s in white, Bobby’s shirtless and pant-less. And Boo’s wearing his usual clothes. Jo’s eyes
flick up and she looks around in a remarkably human movement. She’s probably checking for
nearby smoke detectors. She leans forward on the counter, reaches down her shirt, and draws out
a pack of cigarettes.
The flick of a lighter.
EMMA
I guess we should change.
DENVER [narrator]
They go back to their mirrors and their clothing racks. A couple of them hang around and
hesitate, then they also go, they wipe off their makeup, and they change their clothes. I take a
seat on a fold-out metal chair in the corner. Then I play a puzzle game on my cellphone and
66

67. pretend I’m not here for a while. My thumb freezes over the screen while I listen to them inanely
talking. Boo’s no good at tying a tie. Jeremy goes over to help him.
Mm. No, that’s right. I remember being there— back when I was seven, in 2004. My
favorite cartoon was on and I didn’t want to go to church. I tried explaining to my dad that I was
a super-powered ghost that day. Ghosts don’t wear suits or ties. They definitely don’t need to
learn how to tie a tie. It’s so fresh in my memory. He said, “It’s a human’s world. If you’re gonna
be with human beings, you have to learn to tie a tie.”
BOO
People keep saying I’m acting weird. I’m just saying things and doing things, how am I acting
like anything, like?
DENVER [narrator]
I ask Boo what he was planning to wear into the party.
BOO
A bunch of rings. I dunno. I like keeping it casual— anything stuffy reminds me of Alaska’s
funeral, so I figured I’d wear what I always do.
WEDDING VENUE.
WEDDING MC [speaking into microphone]
7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… TIME’S UP! ALRIGHT, PARTICIPANTS, YOU ARE OUT OF
TIME! THE SURPRISE MAKEOVER CHALLENGE IS OVER! PREPARE TO BE JUDGED!
67

68. DENVER [narrator]
The Outsiders rejoin the party and I go with them. The wedding MC is standing there counting
us down. A massive crowd’s pouring back into the room— There are so many doors scattered
across the room, and you don’t usually notice all those little entrances until a crowd is pouring in
from every single door there is. But every guy is wearing the same black suit, and every other
woman is wearing pretty much the same black dress. Were they also told to express themselves?
Were they also told to wear what they wanted? Why do they look the same? Why do I look like
the same?
The competition breaks down into a big game of “who wore it best,” and whoever gets
the loudest cheers from the room wins. Basically, it’s a big popularity contest.
By the time the music starts, the Outsiders are normal. They’re just another set of suits
and dresses in the crowd, and when everyone starts dancing, they dance like everyone else. I
think they’re trying to dance like everyone else. I don’t think they care. But they perform
anyway, because that’s what you do.
EMMA
Finn, do you, do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance?
DENVER
Sure.
DENVER [narrator]
The Outsiders keep within their group but Emma keeps roping me into conversations and
checking on me. I need a drink that I don’t have the chance to get, so the five Outsiders dance,
and I loiter around them.
68

69. EMMA
Sorry. Sorry, sorry. Mmmmm…!
JO
Logan! Let’s dance!
LOGAN
Hell yeah, Jo! Let’s do it!
DENVER [narrator]
The whole night, Boo leans against the wall and watches everybody having fun. Every few
songs, the Outsiders congregate there. They lean against a column or a wall and stare off into the
distance with slouched shoulders while they talk about what an “Outsider” means. They lean
closer into each other the more they talk about feelings, about their entire lives, about the trauma
that makes them who they are. When they do that, they’re talking over the music, so I can hear
them, but I can’t understand. I don’t get the bond that’s happening there. And because I need to
keep my distance emotionally, I never will understand it. I’m the investigator. I’m not their
friend. I surprised myself. I’m arrogant enough to be jealous of their pain.
SHADOWMOON
Well hey Detective!
DENVER
Mr Shadowmoon! I hope you’ll excuse me, Emma, I have to—
Emma grunts and walks off.
69

70. SHADOWMOON
(regarding Emma) Oh! Well that’s interesting.
DENVER
Uh, so Mr Shadowmoon, I was wondering— why did you mention that an Outsider killed
Alaska?
SHADOWMOON
If one of them did something atrocious, I’m sure they did it in a unique way, and they had a
unique reason to do it. Not a good reason, to be clear. Just one that a typical person wouldn’t
think of. That’s what I meant. No matter who it is, you have to keep in mind that the killer is an
Outsider.
DENVER
I see…
DENVER [narrator]
Off on the other side of the room, Dylan and Dan, the firefighters, are downing old fashioneds.
Meanwhile, the Outsiders learn who they are.
JO
I hate people.
BOO
No kidding.
BOBBY
Do you guys wanna go dance? Or?
70

71. BOO
You can go ahead if you want, Bobby.
BOBBY
Mmm…
BOO
I like watching people have a good time.
BOBBY
I see. Then I do too!
JO
Emma and Logan are surprisingly good dancers.
LOGAN
Emma! Do you wanna be best friends?
EMMA
REALLY!? I, I, I mean, Bobby is my best friend, but you can be my second best friend!
Logan laughs.
71

72. And now, as I read the credits, I present to you… Emma Wooten singing Ave Maria!
CREDITS
THE GHOST FACTORY
WRITER/DIRECTOR/HEAD - Cameron Le Brun
EDITOR - Lorena De Leon, Shooka Saket, with help from Nikolas Harter
THEME SONG - Here Come the Raindrops by Reed Mathis
MUSIC - Thor Speeler, Cameron LeBrun
SOUND DESIGN - Avery Callahan, Andres Buitrago, with help from Jacob Lundy
SOUND TEAM MANAGEMENT - Manas Kunder
MIX & MASTER - Hristoslav Zagortchev, Manas Kunder
ART - Bella Wynne, Locke Reinhardt, and doritofalls
BOBBY YORKE - Kyle Vincent Parker
LOGAN GOLDBERG - Trent Trachtenberg
EMMA WOOTEN - Liz Mina
JO MAGARO - Sally Roberts
BOO CURTIS - Alex Redd
DETECTIVE FINN DENVER - Joseph Kitembo
RILEY SHADOWMOON - Joshua Mays
OTHER VOICES - Lisa Nicole Young, Clare Barker, David Dukellis, Alexander Castro
PATRONS (PRODUCED IN PART THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS DONATED ON
PATREON!) - Rick Troxel, Grinleysspa, LavendarKozzy, Sarah, Shep, Randal M.
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