Trapped by Boo Curtis, four murder suspects are pressured to reveal a killer, or have their deepest secrets exposed to the room. Cozy up by the campfire and watch the chaos unfold-- there's a killer in our presence! In the end, though, this bombastic group may have more to fear than each other.

1. WHO KILLED ALASKA?
#4 - ADVENTURES: CAMPFIRE SECRETS
written by
Cameron Cooper LeBrun

2. STUMP TOWN.
BOO
So I’m here… in good ol’… Stump Town… waiting for the suspects… If you recall, everybody
except Logan flaked out a couple weeks ago, so. I got a different plan this time- lemme tell you
the plan. I contacted all the suspects, I said well everybody, my brother died two years ago, so I
wanna do a solemn in memoriam celebration of his life. And you are therefore morally obligated
to come hither. BUT THAT’S NOT TRUE, right? See, we’re not gonna have a celebration of
Alaska. I’m just gonna interrogate all the suspects. I… lied. God I feel bad about it but that’s just
the way it is!
Alice barks.
BOO
Alice, chill.
A car pulls in. It’s blasting country music.
BOO
Ummm… I think Jo might be pulling up right now. If that’s her truck. Yeah. Glory used to call
Jo’s pickup truck the “murdertrap” cause it’s an absolute deathtrap, and also because it looks like
a serial killer would drive in it.
2

3. Country music turns off. Engine turns off. Car door opens and closes.
BOO
JO? Oh, she looks. Wildly different.
Just the beat of “Choking You” [music].
BOO
JO, IT’S ME! IT’S BOO! I WEAR A MASK NOW, BUT! UH, YEAH, DON’T WORRY, IT’S
ME!
JO [distant]
HEYYYYY!
BOO
ARE YOU… UM… Are you drinking!? Did you drunk-drive your way here!?
JO
I’m just buzzed, relax! It’s nice to see you again, Boo Curtis!
BOO
Not only is that incredibly unsafe, you also decided to get drunk on a day that I told you is in
honor of Alaska.
JO
Shhhhhhh-sh-sh-sh. Take my rosé. My purse is full.
3

4. BOO
This is just an entire bottle of rosé. Why did you bring this? Oh god, here come more of them.
BOBBY
BOO, IT’S YOU! I MISSED YOU!
Bobby hugs Boo.
BOO
(strained) Guess I missed you too. Wow, you’re still hugging me. You’re hugging me still. I
notice that you’re still hugging me. Still now.
Car honks.
LOGAN
LITTLE CURTIS! HALLI HALLO, HAPPY SUNDAY AND NATIONAL RELAXATION
DAY! WOW I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ON TIME, I’VE HAD THE BUSIEST DAY OF
FUCKING YOUR MOM!
BOO
You suck.
4

5. BOO
Previously on Who Killed Alaska.
REFRESHER MONTAGE.
BOO [clip / WKA2]
There are four suspects— there are just four of them! I’m going to bring the killer to justice.
DENVER [clip / WKA3]
Suspect 5: Josephine Magaro.
JO [clip / WKA3]
You look so dumb right now!
DENVER [clip / WKA3]
Suspect 4: Emma Wooten.
EMMA [clip / WKA3]
I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
LOGAN [clip CONTD. / WKA3]
WOAH.
DENVER [clip / WKA3]
Suspect 3: Jeremy Goldberg, although among friends, he goes by “Logan.”
LOGAN [clip / WKA2]
I’m all the man I need to be!
DENVER [clip / WKA3]
Suspect 2: Bobby Yorke.
5

6. BOBBY [clip / WKA2]
I’ve been wrestling with my inner demons today—
DENVER [clip / WKA3]
Suspect 1 is Boo Curtis.
BOO [clip / WKA2]
I LIKE YOUR HOUSE BY THE WAY! PROBABLY BIGGER THAN NECESSARY—
DENVER [clip / WKA3]
We also won’t be hearing from Suspect 0, Glory Johnson, since Glory’s been missing for the past
two years.
BOO [clip / WKA2]
I want to know if Glory is still alive, or if she died the same night as Alaska.
BOO [clip / WKA2]
My friend disappeared that night. That was Glory Johnson?
REFRESHER MONTAGE ENDS.
BOO
And now, it’s time for the new episode! Welcome back, bud! This is Who Killed Alaska: The
Adventures!
6

7. JAIL HOUSE.
JO
It’s good to see you Bobby! Seems like you’re doing good!
BOBBY
Why yes I am! It’s very especially nice to see you, Jo!
JO
Yup!
Pause. Logan coughs.
BOO
Okayyyyy, on a less weird note, I’m sure Emma’ll be here soon. Hey, you guys can talk, you
know.
JO
Yeah.
BOO
We’ll start “celebrating Alaska’s life” later, so…
JO
Yeah. I know. Your name’s Jeremy, right?
LOGAN
It’s Logan, actually.
7

8. JO
AHHH, I WAS CLOSE!
They laugh.
JO
Hey you lift, am I right?
LOGAN
Sure.
JO
Okay you don’t. Doesn’t matter— bet you can’t beat me in arm-wrestling. Wanna arm wrestle?
LOGAN
Hell yeah! Absolutely!
LOGAN
Let’s do it! Yes! I am down for that! Cool! Yes! Yeah!
JO
You have to grab my hand, man.
LOGAN
Right. Right. Right.
Their hands clap together.
A phone vibrates.
8

9. BOO
Emma says she’s on her way.
A hand is pressed to the bag.
JO
PUH-POW!
LOGAN
Woah!
JO
You ever get beaten by a girl before, or?
LOGAN
Wow!
JO
I used to be a lot faster on average. I should get back to lifting every day.
LOGAN
Y’got me!
BOBBY
Boo, Boo, Boo! Your goggles are super cool, my dude! Can I try them on!?
BOO
Thanks for asking, definitely no.
9

10. JO
Hey, did you guys see that?
LOGAN
It was cool!
BOO
I’m texting Emma.
JO
Jeremy!
LOGAN
Logan.
JO
Let’s go again!
LOGAN
Yeah man!
JO
Guess I… won again!
LOGAN
You got me! Haha!
JO
(repressing a big response) Yeah… Guess I did…
BOO
Emma!
10

11. EMMA
What? Don’t be weird, I’m not that late!
BOBBY
Hiya!
BOO
Hey! Oh— what’s up? Do you— wanna hug, or…
EMMA
No. Hi Logan.
LOGAN
Hey.
BOO
Cool. That’s totally fine. I respect that.
EMMA
What’re you wearing? Never mind. Can I pet the dog?
BOO
Go right ahead.
EMMA
Fine. Thank you.
Emma walks to Alice, sits down. Pets her. Alice sounds happy.
11

12. BOO
Guys! There’s something I wanna talk to you guys about…
EMMA
You’re too good of a dog.
BOO
But uh…
EMMA
DON’T… trust strangers so quickly. They’ll only hurt you.
BOO
Maybe I’ll let you settle in first…
JO
‘Ey, uh, Little Curtis, we’re doing a fire, right? I’ll grab some wood.
BOO
I can help…
JO
Bet.
LOGAN
I can help too.
BOO
Don’t sweat, you stay here.
Boo walks up to Logan.
12

13. BOO
(whispering) Can you keep your eyeballs on Alice? I want to make sure she’s safe.
LOGAN
Got it.
OUTSIDE.
JO
You seem different from when we were in high school. I bet you don’t listen to My Chemical
Romance anymore.
BOO
Thank you? No, I don’t.
JO
I was just trying to start a conversation. Um, yo, you don’t have to freak out, Boo Curtis. I saw
you freaking out before when Emma came in. What?
BOO
I didn’t know I was that obvious.
JO
It’s me, I’m an empath, I know when something’s up. Tell me what’s going on.
BOO
Emma. She’s freaking me out.
JO
Oh, relatable.
13

14. BOO
No, not like that. I was gonna have Emma do something today and I don’t know that she’s
emotionally fortified for it, so to say. She’s sensitive.
JO
You’d be right, my empath senses say that.
BOO
Right, well, exactly. I need to have her do something, and other people too, but I’ve taken the
hint, so to say, that Emma won’t take it so well. I gotta not like push her too far. Like over the
edge. Her eyes were like begging me, like “don’t push me,” or she’ll shatter apart like stained
glass. I’m really bad with breakable textures. People don’t really let me be around ceramic, or
glass, or cardboard—
JO
Sweetie. Darling. Honey.
BOO
Yes? Yeah?
JO
I gotta be honest, I prefer to be honest, that got weird and I stopped listening halfway.
BOO
Valid.
JO
(commanding) Listen to me. You are so sweet. You’re doing a great job. I know what you’re
talking about, Emma shrivels up if you breath in her direction. Stop feeling sorry for somebody
14

15. for no reason. God isn’t asking us to be weak pussies, you’re a nice guy already. You’re nice,
you’re good to people, you go to church on Sundays, so you’re allowed to set some boundaries.
BOO
I’m agnostic.
JO
Don’t let people run you over, that’s not doing anybody a favor. Even if Emma cries, respect
yourself. Stand your ground, take care of your needs. At the fire station, we say, “When
people’re like fires, you gotta put them out.” So they don’t spread. Think about that, that’s good
advice in any situation.
BOO
That was incredibly general and overly religious, but— somehow still applicable. Thanks,
actually. The fact that you said that makes me feel like this is a sign. I should just… do what I
have to do.
JO
Hey you can always let me know if you wanna talk. That’s what the Roslyn Highfielders’re
about. We don’t just put out fires. We’re here to help. That’s what we do.
BOO
Thank you. For real. Thanks.
15

16. JAIL HOUSE.
JO
Okay, fire’s good!
EMMA
I’m petting the dog!
BOBBY
Sorry.
EMMA
Wha- sorry.
BOBBY
Sorry.
EMMA
Why’re you sorry?
BOBBY
I was also wondering why you are sorry. Uh—
EMMA / BOBBY
Sorry.
JO
So like I was saying, you put your elbow more to the corner, see that?
LOGAN
Yeah?
16

17. JO
You’re putting your opponent at a disadvantage. Now put all your energy into it.
BOO
Okay— (claps) I’ve got snacks. I’m gonna go put them out, in just a minute. Uh. But before I
do, I just wanted to be upfront and let you guys know— (laughs) Um. I just wanted to let you
guys know that I have become aware that one of you killed Alaska. So, that’s why you’re all
here. But, I wanted to make it clear, if you didn’t kill Alaska— and that’s most of you, by the
way, then this will just be a fun murder mystery for you. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you
have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide. And now that I say that out loud, I realize that’s
something that fascists say. And I wanna make it clear that I don’t support fascists or fascism—
um. Yeah. But anyway, don’t freak out, and please don’t get mad, but if nobody confesses then I
will, uh. How do I say this? If nobody reveals any helpful information, I will be forced— God,
that also sounds really fascisty. Okay, I’m just gonna come out and say it. If nobody confesses or
says something helpful, I’m going to reveal everybody’s darkest secrets. Uh. So I’m gonna go
get those snacks now.
EMMA (unison)
YOU’RE TELLING SECRETS? ABOUT ME!? FROM MY PERSONAL INFORMATION!? I
DON’T HAVE ANY SECRETS! THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE! SHUT UP! NO NO NO, WHY
ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!?
17

18. JO
HEY HEY HEY THERE HAS TO BE A DIFFERENT SOLUTION TO THIS! YOU DON’T
MEAN ME, RIGHT!? CURTIS!? DO YOU MEAN ME!? BOO, BOO, BOO, BOO, DO YOU
MEAN ME!?
BOBBY (unison)
OHHHHH THE DEMONS! THE BRAIN DEMONS! THE DEMONS IN MY BRAIN! I’M
NOT HUNGRY! NOOOOO I’M FOR SURE NOT! WE’RE GOOD WE’RE GOOD!
LOGAN (unison)
HONESTLY? KIND OF MAKES SENSE IN HINDSIGHT! LAST WEEK WAS WEIRD! MY
BAD FOR NOT SEEING THIS COMING! BUT I CALLED OUT OF WORK TODAY AND
FOR THAT I AM MAD!
BOO (unison)
I get it! You’re angry! Understandable! Alaska’s dead, though! So!
EMMA
URRRGHHH, YOU DICK! YOU STUPID FUCKING DICK! I HAVE PTSD!
JO
Boo, this isn’t what we talked about!
BOO
Yes it is! Jo, you were precisely right! I need to set boundaries, and this is me doing what I have
to do, get it? Only difference is, I’m not acting for my sake, I’m all in for Alaska, and sorta for
Glory too! And at this point, now with how I’m standing in front of all of you and we’re doing
18

19. this, y’all can yell at me all you want, the train left the station! It’s gonna keep going! I’m the
train in this metaphor, by the way!
JO (unison)
I got lost again, what happened?
EMMA (unison)
WHAT A COOL… FUCKINGGGG… MOURNING PARTY, BOO! STUPID! IDIOT!
STUPID!! URRRGHHH!! I WANT YOU… TO GO FUCK YOURSELF! I’M LEAVING!
BOO
Sure! Go ahead! Leave!
EMMA
I WILL! ASSHOLE! I’M GOING NOW! YOU’RE AN IDIOT! BYE!
BOO
And if you leave I will automatically assume that you are the killer, and also I will send people
your secrets!
LOGAN
What if we don’t read them?
BOO
Logan? Yes you will.
LOGAN
Hahaaaa! So true, bestie!
EMMA
WAIT. THEN. Like. We can’t leave…?
19

20. JO
You’re going to tell me what you— think you know about me. Tell me what you think you know!
BOO
Okay, but then everybody will know. Because I’m personally not a consistently good whisperer.
JO
OH MY GOD, TEXT IT TO ME! What year is it!? Text it to me!
EMMA
Why is this happening to me?
JO
Are you texting me?
BOO
Keep your pants on.
Jo’s phone vibrates.
JO
Oh. Gotcha…
LOGAN
Is it— It’s real?
BOBBY
I’m gonna throw up!
20

21. BOO
We should probably, y’know, start going around, uh— I’ll have each person describe that night at
a time, and, everyone else can just vibe.
BOBBY
I’m having a panic attack.
BOO
So am I! You’re gonna have to deal with it! Jo, let’s start with you. What happened, for you, that
night, after we all got here?
JO
Fine. Boo Curtis, I’ll go along with this, because I’m innocent, and I want you to find out who
killed your brother. You do NOT have the right to treat me this way, so consider this a favor. And
do NOT look at me weird for getting comfy in my Snuggie, and getting warm by the fire. Mama
likes to be cozy. We all walked here together. And we all put our stuff down. I got the fireball and
the cups, I was passing out drinks to the people. The people who were drinking were me, Glory,
Alaska, and that’s it.
LOGAN
And me.
JO
And him. So we talked for a while around the fire. We were trying to make the party work. At
some point, I walked across the room to talk to Glory, and then Bobby gave Alaska a present.
Then somebody dropped a flashbang in the center of the room kinda area. I bolted, immediately,
which is what everyone else did, too. I went this way, you went that way, Glory went another
21

22. way, we split in all these different directions. I was running around, I couldn’t see shit— and the
moon was looking like a horror movie, and I was moving in this high grass, and I go, wow, I’m a
dumb bitch! I’m going in circles! I need to get to my car, right? Which is fucking obvious, but
it’s the one thing you don’t think about when you’re gunning it from fucking whoever— Horror
Movie McGee. ‘Cause I thought I was fuckin dying, like I was about to get decapitated by a
horror movie guy who also throws flashbangs.
BOO
But you didn’t get to your car— did you?
JO
I did not. That’s when my purse got stolen by a fucking possum. So I— (snorts) Alright— This is
what I was doing when Alaska died. I was chasing a possum. I think it wanted my Chex Mix, so
I— I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t laugh, it’s— Woooo, okay. So I chase this possum, okay, and I
catch up to it. This furry [BLEEP] has my purse. So then I tackled him, I wrestled him, and I
wrapped my hands around his throat. I choked him out. Then I broke his neck. And then I
gouged his eyes out with my fingernails.
Logan keeps laughing.
BOO
Uhhh…
LOGAN
That’s a great story!
22

23. JO
Well, and then… Then we came back here to the jail house. And Alaska was dead.
BOO
This was… after the forest fire? Or before?
JO
After. Oh, and I heard gunshots.
BOO
Gunshots. Yeah. Right right. We know ‘cause of Logan— sorry— that there was a gun. But if the
killer had a gun, they wouldn’t’ve stabbed Alaska…
23

24. AD
BOO
Now we’re doing an ad break!!
EMMA / BOBBY / JO
WHAT!?
EMMA
He’s joking! That’s a joke!
BOO
I freaking loathe the capitalist system, and stocks, and trades, and Elon Musk, but I need money!
I’m not joking, Emma! Does it look like I’m joking to you?
EMMA
You don’t look like anything! You’re wearing a mask!
BOBBY
You probably look very serious underneath your full face mask—
BOO
Here’s the ad copy! I’ll split the money with you, just read it!
JO
Go to whokilledalaska.com to get our brand new merchandise. For a limited time only, you can
buy the Friendly Podcast Ghost t-shirt. Now you can wear the Who Killed Alaska ghost on your
torso from dusk until dawn. Bring him everywhere, show him the world. The Who Killed Alaska
ghost is your friend now. That’s whokilledalaska.com, then click on our merch shop— who
wrote this? I’m getting a football player vibe, their head’s gotten kicked in a few times.
24

25. BOO
I wrote it. I thought it was quaint.
JO
Oh, it’s lovely. It’s so cute.
EMMA
Let’s get this over with. You can also support us on Patreon. Go to Patreon.com/whokilledalaska
and donate! For the $5 donation package, you’ll unlock video content, the original soundtrack,
and a thank you sent personally by Boo and Denver. Oooh. Spectacular. Then, for just $10, you
can get special Patreon-exclusive merch, with a new piece of merchandise available every
month. This month’s merch will be a shirt of Alice the dog. That’s adorable. Again, that’s
Patreon.com/whokilledalaska. It said Boo and Denver? Who’s Denver?
BOO
I dunno! That’s just what they told me to say. He’s probably not important.
BOBBY
Can I go? Is it my turn?
EMMA
I guess?
BOBBY
Cool! So! If you don’t have the ability to support us financially, the best thing you can do is tell
people about the podcast. Tell your friends! Word of mouth is the best way for our podcast reach
new people! Aaaaaand— hm, it looks like that’s it! But it’s my turn…
25

26. BOO
Great! Okay! Now let’s go back to figuring out who murdered my brother.
END OF AD
26

27. BOO
Emma. Emma, what happened with you? What did you see that night? Where were you?
EMMA
Oh you wanna know!? Like I have to tell you, like it’s your stupid business!?
BOO
Yes you do have to tell me. Yes it is my business, this is about Alaska. Where were you?
EMMA
I was…! So, I was… I don’t… know. I, so, I don’t know, because, um, the thing is—
LOGAN
Emma, what? You don’t wanna tell them? Are you serious?
EMMA
Uh…
LOGAN
Emma’s trying to hide that we were having sex.
Jo gasps.
JO
You’re kidding!
EMMA
Why would you say that!?
27

28. BOO
When? Where? Why?
LOGAN
Why did we have sex? Is that a real question?
EMMA
That didn’t happen!
LOGAN
We had sex in the bushes. Over by that way. Emma, what’s your plan, are you gonna lie and say
we didn’t have sex? We’re on trial for murder, keep your alibi.
JO
Emma. Is this true? Did this happen?
EMMA
Yeah… we did…
JO
I did not expect it but you guys make an interesting couple. Invite me to the wedding.
LOGAN
No, no, that was a one-time thing! It was a mistake but I don’t care. I’m not gonna be a suspect
for murder.
EMMA
I see…
BOO
Plain English, yes or no, do you corroborate each other?
28

29. LOGAN
Yes.
EMMA
Yeah.
BOO
Okay, then. I guess… Bobby, where were you?
BOBBY
I’m not— I’m having trouble handling this. Rrrrrr… There are… There are violent thoughts in
my brain.
BOO
Bobby. I’m sorry. I know, Bobby, come on.
BOBBY
There was… an explosion… I thought it was fireworks… not a flashbang… but… same
difference. We separated. Outside. I bumped into Alaska… and he said he was going to meet
with a person.
BOO
Yeah?
BOBBY
After that, I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything!
Boo groans.
29

30. BOBBY
I lost all of my memory of that night. It was just too much! I had to! I can’t do anything about
that, Boo, I can’t, I just don’t know!
BOO
And I’m supposed to trust you?
BOBBY
You… don’t?
BOO
What a fucking waste of my energy. Did anybody see Glory?
Pause.
BOO
Nobody saw Glory? Ever? Since we split up, nobody saw Glory? Or hear Glory, like maybe you
heard her voice?
LOGAN
No. I’m sorry.
BOO
Nobody is saying anything helpful, at all. So please, c’mon, like, I don’t wanna start telling
people’s personal information, just somebody say something at least a little bit helpful.
LOGAN
Hold up, there is one thing.
30

31. BOO
Thank god. Jesus.
LOGAN
It was after Stump Town. After I got in the ambulance.
BOO
Logan. What?
LOGAN
I was in the ambulance with Alaska, and with Bobby.
BOO
After you got shot in the leg.
LOGAN
Yeah, exactly, after I got shot. First, we were in front of Alaska’s dying body, and I said that there
was someone in the woods. So I ran out and chased them, and I got shot in the ankle. And then I
limped back in time to get picked up by the ambulance, and I end up strapped into one of the
extra seats. Right, so, we’re in the ambulance, Bobby’s wrist is bleeding out from where his
hand’s supposed to be. No offense.
Alaska isn’t conscious and they’re leaning over him to bandage his stab wound, and I
can’t see him so well. The medics are giving him too much coverage for me to see him, but
there’s a lot of blood. I can vaguely see how red the bandages are. And they’re going and
changing them. Bobby’s doing his own thing, just without a hand. His wrist is bandaged, and
he’s holding it up to the light, and moving it around. His bandages are turning red, too.
31

32. I look over to Alaska and I realize, there’s a medic who isn’t doing anything. He’s in the
blue scrubs, and he’s just. Standing there. Unseated, unbuckled, like standing in the moving
vehicle. He’s got his beady little pupils directed at Alaska’s face. And then he lurches at Alaska
and puts his hand around Alaska’s neck. I get up and I start pulling him off Alaska, and both of
the other medics are pulling. We’re struggling around in this tight space. But it’s— it’s freaking
me out. I can hear the blood pumping in my ears, because everyone is so quiet. Barely any
sound. He’s not thrashing us around. He’s just, he’s just holding onto Alaska’s throat, and we’re
prying him away, and it’s quiet. It’s quiet. And then he says, “Let me do my work, Logan.” He
says my name. I don’t— I don’t know that man.
BOO
Do you actually think I’m stupid? Cause you think I’m— Jesus Christ man. You must think I’m
an idiot if you think you can punk me with something this big and ridiculous.
LOGAN
That’s an understandable reaction but consider I might be telling you the truth!
BOO
You aren’t, you’re fucking with me! But when you fuck with me, I know it.
JO
Logan, that is so messed up.
BOO
Jo, you’re not in the clear, either! None of you are! You’re all giving me useless information!
JO
I’m sorry! I’m telling the truth!
32

33. BOO
Somebody had to see something! And you don’t have a reason to lie, I know for a fact only one
of you killed Alaska, so. Why is everyone being so uselessly obtuse and suspicious?
BOBBY
I told you he went to meet with somebody!
BOO
That’s— nothing, Bobby! Did you see where he went? Did he say who he was meeting with?
BOBBY
No.
BOO
That’s literally nothing! That doesn’t help!
JO
What if we’re telling the truth?
BOBBY
I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m trying my best!
EMMA
FINE THERE MIGHT BE A COUPLE THINGS I SAW BUT I DON’T FEEL READY TO SAY
CONSIDERING I’M UNDERSTANDABLY A LITTLE TRAUMATIZED!
BOO
THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT, YOU’RE HIDING SHIT! EMMA YOU BETTER FUCKING
SAY IT OR I’M GONNA REVEAL YOUR DARK SECRETS!
33

34. EMMA
NO!
BOO
SAY IT!
EMMA
YOU WON’T! YOU CAN’T! YOU’RE TOO MUCH OF A COWARD!
BOO
I’M COUNTING!
LOGAN
You’re really doing this?
BOO
3!
EMMA
YOU’RE LYING!
BOO
2!
BOBBY
Oh god.
EMMA
I hate this…
34

35. BOO
1! Emma didn’t switch to online courses! She dropped out of college because her grades were
shit! She has eight nannies who clean her room, and bathe her, and watch her 24/7! And that’s
why your grades were shit, Emma! Because you can’t do anything on your own! Do we believe
me now!? I have people’s secrets, I talked to your families, and they were very helpful!
EMMA
ABSOLUTE BASTARD! COCKSUCKER! SCOUNDREL! YOU FUCKING DIRTBAG! YOU
DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO GO AROUND TELLING PEOPLE MY PRIVATE
INFORMATION! I’M GOING TO SUE YOU! GOOD LUCK IN COURT, BECAUSE I’M
GOING TO SUE YOUR ASS FOR INFRINGING ON MY STUPID RIGHTS!
BOO
OH YEAH ABSOLUTELY! WHO FEELS LIKE TALKING? ANYBODY? JO? BOBBY?
FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, BOBBY THINKS HE’S AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE!
BOBBY
BOO YOU ARE SO SILLY! I LOVE THE BANTER, HAHAHAHA! I BROADCAST THAT
INFORMATION CONSTANTLY! I KNEW IT, YOU’D NEVER HURT ME!
BOO
OH, THEN- THEN- THEN, BOBBY WAS LOCKED IN HIS HOUSE UNTIL HE WAS 10
BECAUSE HIS PARENTS’RE MANIACS AND I BET HE STILL DOES THEIR GROCERY
SHOPPING AND THEIR TAXES EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE FORTY-FIVE!
BOO
JO HAS A DIORAMA TOWN FOR HER CATS!
35

36. JO
NO I DON’T!
BOO
HAHA! BUT YOU DO, MOTHERFUCKER!
JO
SHUT UP!
BOO
YOUR MOM TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT SO GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED! THERE ARE
MOVIE POSTERS IN THE DIORAMA THAT ARE JUST CRYING CAT MEMES! YOU
MADE A LITTLE TV THAT ALWAYS SAYS IT’S PLAYING PURRTY LITTLE LIARS,
WHERE IT’S JUST THE WORD PURR WITH A T-Y AT THE END! YOU MADE A FAKE
STAGE WHERE ONE OF YOUR CATS PERFORMS AS THEIR ALTER EGO NAMED
MEOWLEY CYRUS!
JO
SHUT UP SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! I WILL CHOKE YOU OUT, I WILL HURT
YOU, I’M REALLY GOING TO HURT YOU IF YOU DON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP!
BOO
I FUCKING DARE YOU! ONE OF YOUR CATS HAS A CAT JAIL BECAUSE THEY’RE A
CONVICTED FELON AND YOU CALL HIM A CONVICTED FELINE! ONE OF YOUR
CATS FILES TAX RETUR—
Jo gets Boo in a headlock. Boo chokes.
36

37. JO
Shut up.
BOO
Logan’s secret time. Time for Logan’s secret.
JO
What?
BOO
At least let me say Logan’s secret.
JO
Fine.
Jo lets Boo go. Boo catches his breath.
BOO
Logan has a SoundCloud.
LOGAN
So?
BOO
You rap on it. That one’s more of a reach but honestly you should be embarrassed about that one.
LOGAN
Yeah, well. That’s your opinion, so. I could just show everybody, it’s like, whatever.
37

38. JO
Where’s Emma?
BOO
She was there a second ago.
BOBBY
I think… she might… have run off— Boo. Considering that… you were very not nice.
BOO
I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want things to be like that, I, I had to.
LOGAN
She’s probably crying somewhere.
BOBBY
Are we going to find Emma or what?
BOO
I… Uh… Uh… Yeah… Fuck me…
The sound of Boo picking up his audio gear.
Jo puts out the fire.
BOO
Yo, I’m sorry.
BOBBY
What. Ever.
38

39. BOO
You guys don’t have to come too.
JO
Boo Curtis, I’m coming.
LOGAN
This is the least bored I’ve been in solid weeks. You bet I’m coming.
BOBBY
If you told me not to come along, I’d be furious.
BOO
It’s getting dark. Let’s turn on flashlights.
39

40. OUTSIDE. CRICKETS.
EMMA [voicemail]
Heyo! So, can’t come to the phone. At the moment—
Hanging up.
BOO
Nope. Okay, greenhouse!
BOBBY
This’d probably go faster if we split up.
JO
No! No thanks. No thank you.
BOO
Yeahhhhhh let’s stick on together.
BOBBY
All that I’m say is, it would be three times faster.
JO
We’re probably honestly not gonna find her either way. Oh my god, what’s that?
BOO
A bush. I’m just thinking we check her main haunts.
JO
Don’t say haunts. You will actually attract something.
40

41. BOO
Haunts. Haunts haunts haunts.
Logan snickers.
JO
You suck, bro.
BOO
I know she used to go to the greenhouse a lot. I also think the beach would be a good place to
check because that seems like a good place to go if you’re being edgy and running away and
crying.
JO
Little Curtis, I hope a ghost does come and I hope it eats you.
BOO
Thanks. I’m gonna look around. While we’re walking, you guys should probably do the same
thing. So podcast listeners, because you are only hearing this, with your ears, we are currently
scouring for Emma, who’s one of the murder suspects.
JO
What’s that?
LOGAN
That’s also a bush.
41

42. JO
I’m gonna kill myself.
BOO
She took off while us people were in the building. It’s kinda wacky that no one saw her leave.
Cause I was facing everybody, especially her. I shoulda seen her leave, but… Yeah, I dunno.
GREENHOUSE.
BOO
EMMA?
JO
Jesus fucking Christ. We’re gonna get murdered.
LOGAN
Ma’am, you’re gonna give yourself a heart-attack.
JO
Bitch, I might. Feel my fucking pulse.
LOGAN
Bruh. Don’t die.
BOO
EMMA? I’M SORRY IF I UPSET YOU. I DID SAY SOME FUCKED UP STUFF. SO.
FORMAL APOLOGY.
Boo walks over to Logan.
42

43. He pulls out his microphone and hands it to Logan.
BOO
Hold onto this. I’m gonna go hop over there and check for Emma.
LOGAN
You got it. I’m obviously very trustworthy.
BOO
Shut up, Logan. I need to check. Goodbye.
LOGAN
He’s left me. How’re y’all doing today? This is 91.3 Logan Radio, hosted by Logan.
BOO
EMMA?
LOGAN
I’d like to welcome my guest Logan— hey thanks Logan— any time, Logan.
BOO
EMMA, I’M SORRY!
LOGAN
Maybe later we’ll get a special guest appearance from Jeremy. Just kidding, that’s an inside joke
I have with myself. Do other people have inside jokes with yourself? I do, so.
I’d like to welcome our viewers to the greenhouse. It’s dope. I’d like to welcome my
second guest the big-ass tree in the floor, that’s going through the ceiling. There is no ceiling up
there now. So imagine a greenhouse ceiling but with no glass in the squares. Just the square part.
43

44. You and your friends destroyed so much. You are a very talented tree. I love you. You’re
beautiful. Just like your graffiti face-paint. Or maybe since you have graffiti all over, it’s body-
paint. Oh, here comes Boo.
JO
So you didn’t find her.
BOO
No. Do we have everybody? Let’s see— uh. Wait. How many of us were there? Alice. Plus one,
two, three, four, fi… Whhh…
JO
There was four of us. One, two, three, four.
BOO
Jo. Jo, you didn’t count yourself. Count again.
JO
One, two, three, four, five. Wait.
BOBBY
What?
BOO
Guys, there should be four of us. There should be four. Why are we counting five people?
Alright. Guys. One two three four five. One two three four five. Guys?
BOBBY
What is happening right now?
44

45. JO
Ohhhh my god.
BOBBY
(near crying) No no no no no no no….
BOO
We’re counting an extra person. There’s another person with us. And I don’t know… who it is!
One two three four five. Me, Jo, Logan, Bobby… Where am I pointing. Wait. Wait.
JO
Shit. Shit. Shit.
BOO
Okay, so someone is with us. And we don’t know who they are. We do not… know who they are.
Or where they are. Or why we know. Uhhh, but we do know that they are here. Somehow. Uh.
JO
THERE. IT’S RIGHT THERE.
Pause.
BOO
What are you?
Pause.
45

46. BOO
I’m staring at your face right now.
Pause.
BOO
Why don’t I know what you look like?
Pause.
JO
You… GET OUT OF HERE! YOU BITCH! YOU’RE NOT GONNA KILL ME,
MOTHERFUCKER! I’M STRONGER THAN A FUCKING GHOST!
BOO
NO NO NO! DON’T DO THAT!
LOGAN
No way! No way!
JO
YOU BITCH! GHOST, IT’S TIME TO MEET A FUCKING STALUPPI!
Thump.
46

47. LOGAN
HOLY SHIT!!!!!
BOO
AHHHHHHH!!!
Bobby yelps.
BOBBY
DID YOU JUST PUNCH A GHOST?
BOO
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WHAT WAS THAT THING? I’m blacking out. I’m about to
black out.
JO
No you’re not. I’ve got you.
BOO
I’m okay. I’m okay…
JO
Ya’ll, we need to get out of here. Now.
BOO
I don’t know if I can run, I’m gonna pass out.
JO
First we walk, then we run at the end. Let’s go.
47

48. BOO
What about Emma? What if she gets— Um. What if— what about Emma?
JO
We worry about that later. Go.
SOON.
BOBBY
(out of breath) Emma’s in her car! Oh thank god!
BOO
(crying) Oh my god. Oh my god. I was so scared. I was so scared. Thank god. EMMA! ARE
YOU GOOD? What the hell— EMMA?
JO
(panting) That’s so scary. That’s so scary…
Emma’s voice is fast.
EMMA
And the thing is that I don’t even like meeting people in real life! So what, I’m going to put in all
this effort and they’re just going to manipulate me like a dirty rag? Right? This is so much better!
Oh really? You don’t say! Oh, congratulations!
BOO
EMMA? EMMA, ARE YOU OKAY?
48

49. BOBBY
Is she having a seizure?
JO
That is not a seizure.
BOO
EMMA?
JO
Oh my god. She’s throwing up.
EMMA
Boo? Hey, puppy…
BOBBY
Emma, you’re okay? Are you okay?
BOO
We saw something in the woods, like a person, and when we got here, you were having, like.
Some kind of seizure.
EMMA
I’m fine. Who’d you see in the woods? Was it… What did they look like?
JO
It wasn’t a person. It was something else. We didn’t know what it looked like. We were staring
straight at it.
49

50. EMMA
I guess I freaked out while we were hanging out. Then I ran off. Then… It must’ve done
something. Can’t seem to remember.
JO
We should leave Stump Town premises. We can talk somewhere else.
BOO
Emma, you shouldn’t drive. Actually, we can leave our cars here— you guys can leave your cars.
I’ll drive everyone home. I’m just… nervous. I don’t want to lose track of anybody. You can get
your cars tomorrow.
JO
That’s a good idea. I’ll take shotgun. I can navigate.
50

51. BOO’S CAR. INTERIOR. NIGHT.
Car is in motion. Alice is present.
EMMA
I scared you guys, uh. Sorry. Bout that.
Everyone disagrees.
BOO
This was my fault. This was all my fault…
BOBBY
You probably didn’t cause what happened to Emma, Boo.
BOO
That’s probably true. Y’know what? It’s not my fault. Okay, okay, we just slipped into the
Twilight Zone, or something, like. I was a fucking asshole earlier, and I know that. I did it on
purpose, because I thought you guys were suspects. And now I don’t want to see you guys as
suspects, because some wacky shit just happened. We’re going to drive and get some ice cream.
We’re going to CVS and I’m going to take a break from you guys being suspects. And that’s all
that happened. That’s it.
JO
Granted, you were doing too much before.
51

52. BOO
Yeah, I know. My brother is dead. And I was kind of an asshole about it. Now we’re getting ice
cream.
LOGAN
Hey, guys! Bright side. At least this experience brought us all together—
Everyone tells Logan to shut up.
52

53. CREDITS
THE GHOST FACTORY
WRITER/DIRECTOR/HEAD - Cameron LeBrun
EDITOR - Nikolas Harter
MUSIC - Cameron LeBrun & Thor Speeler
THEME SONG GUITAR & DRUMS - Manas Kunder (mention Fiverr, manaskunder7)
AMBIENCE DESIGN - Cornelius Wilkening, Andrew Tikhonovich
SFX - Avery Callahan, Andrew Tikhonovich, Jacob Lundy
MIX & MASTER - Manas Kunder
ART - Bella Wynne, Lock Reinhardt, and doritofalls
JO MAGARO - Sally Roberts
EMMA WOOTEN - Liz Mina
LOGAN GOLDBERG - Trent Trachtenberg
BOBBY YORKE - Kyle Vincent Parker
BOO CURTIS - Alex Redd
53