Together, we explore a series of interviews with five (and a half) strange non-humans. They tell us where they came from, and what makes them less human, in this new Who Killed Alaska special episode. No one is ever as they seem.

1. WHO KILLED ALASKA
#14 - 5½ STORIES (Part One)
written by
Cameron Cooper LeBrun

2. EMMA’S HOME.
EMMA
I wanna tell you a story. It’s a little messy, but it’s earnest. Can you listen carefully?
BUSY HIGHWAY.
GLORY / BOO / BOBBY / LOGAN / EMMA / JO
Who Killed Alaska. Episode 14. Five and a Half Stories.
DENVER [narrator]
Part One.
THEME SONG
2

3. PARKING GARAGE.
DENVER
So. Boo Curtis.
BOO
You really like to show up uninvited. You flirting with me, Denver?
DENVER
You still don’t have a place to go?
BOO
Why are you here?
DENVER
Just to talk. Just to talk.
Boo takes a hit from his bong.
DENVER (unison)
I know you didn’t do it. I’m not here to ask you questions about the murder. I’m telling you I’m
not here to ask you questions about the murder.
BOO (unison)
Wow. That’s incongruous with all of our interactions thus-far but sure, whatever. One hundred
percent.
3

4. DENVER
I just want to get to know you better. It’ll be a regular conversation. I just want to hear about you.
I’m doing a series of interviews where I ask what experiences made you who you are today.
BOO
That’s too bad, because I have no desire to talk to you in any capacity.
DENVER
I— (sighs)
BOO
Okay, dude, don’t try to make me feel bad for stating the obvious. I think it was pretty implied—
not even implied, established— established pretty early on that this is a competition. So you
need to stop perceiving me as a source of information for you. By the way, “Tell me about
yourself” as a question is the worst thing you can say in any situation, like that is an offensively
open-ended question and stop looking at me. Like, seriously, get out of here. Alice wants you
gone and they’re revving up to rip into you, like literally, with their teeth. C’mon. Look at them.
Alice whinnies.
BOO
Shit, man, I’d be scared if I were you.
DENVER
Fine. Fine.
4

5. BOO
Give me some paw. No? They’re being weird.
DENVER
I’ll be back later with food.
BOO
You’re gonna what?
Denver walks away.
BOO
You’re gonna what?
5

6. EMMA’S HOME.
EMMA
Hello. Emma Wooten?
You didn’t notice it but you stopped noticing me just then. Unnoticeable. Um. Recently…
a person that I had romantic feelings for started to approach me romantically. And I was trying to
parse why it seemed so cartoonish. I have atypical synesthes- synesthesia, so I’d describe it as
like, too colorful. Like so colorful it was kind of blinding. And that’s when I realized he was
manipulating me. He was being fake. It was a prank on me. He wanted to embarrass me. He
wanted, he wanted…
Mom and Dad… yeah, let’s see… Um. Well my parents never saw me. I was always
hidden in plain sight. Yeah. Right from the beginning, I. I was furniture. I was somebody’s lamp.
I wanna tell you a story. It’s a little messy, but it’s earnest. Can you listen carefully? I was
twelve when I realized I can just stop being noticed whenever I decide. Whenever I want, people
can just forget I’m there. And I’m still in the room, I’m still with you. But if you saw me, you
wouldn’t know who I am. And you’d stop caring. I turn unnoticeable. Forgotten by… by choice.
Whenever my parents walked by or tried to ask what I wanted for takeout, I just had to really
focus. Like the opposite of falling asleep. Then I could find all the food in the fridge in the
nighttime, when the whole world had fallen asleep, and I was still Emma.
You can look up the Architecture Digest Youtube videos where my mom takes you on a
tour of our houses. The number one popular one is called “Inside a 129 Million Dollar Long
Island Mansion with a Tiger Room.” I mention that because when she takes the crew on a tour of
my bedroom, it’s actually made of glass on all sides. My parents have our houses renovated so
6

7. that my bedroom is made out of laminated glass in a very central part of the house that’s visible
from the gym and their offices. They do that to keep tabs on me in case I do something to hurt
myself or sabotage things. Privacy isn’t fully built into my brain as a concept. They have to make
sure my room is built near the surveillance room so security can get to it quickly, and the
furniture has to be small so people can see me. My mom and her husband set egg timers that go
off every 60 minutes. Once per hour, they look over in the direction of my room to make sure
I’m doing okay. And that’s when I start to really focus. I focus, and I turn myself unnoticeable.
Then, when I’m unnoticeable, they get confused and they forget why they set timers in the first
place. But sometimes it freaks out the staff when I go unnoticeable. The, um, my nannies? They
start to panic and try to figure out where I am. They can’t even figure out that I’m right in front
of them.
That made me start thinking I was the only person who was real. It was hard to think. Or
to have beliefs. But iI thought I was the only person who was really actually awake. And
sometimes, I was afraid to fall asleep or to die, because maybe, the world wouldn’t exist without
me in it. I didn’t like the idea of my body existing nowhere. And I had some things I liked. Like a
certain someone. And then Logan.
Oh, I knew Boo back then. He helped me with my homework— since I missed so many
classes.
Let’s go back to Holy Cross High School. In 2018, I was a senior— wait, was I?— I was,
no, I was doing my junior year for the second time. It was— yeah, yeah, that’s right…
I was my own brand of popular. People would part around me. Like Noah in the Bible. It
was normal to me, so. Yeah, yeah, people walked up to me and talked to me. Popular girls
7

8. walked up to me. Like they’d compliment my hair. Especially when my— when I put it in braids.
I was unique. I was voted most unique.
So I knew, I knew I was this sort of, alluring weirdo, I know I was weird, but I was
alluring. And I had a chance with— well, let’s skip the more obvious person— I also had a
chance with this boy named Logan Goldberg. He was popular, but nobody noticed him except
for one alluring and interesting weirdo. I liked to be unnoticeable all day, but I was always
present with him. I would turn it on and become unnoticeable, and nobody had to look at me
anymore. But I turned it back off with Logan. So we could, um, see each other.
If you put together all of your happiness, and all of your sadness together in a single
story, it becomes thin, doesn’t it? Sorry, I tried a couple new pills earlier today and it’s kicking in
now. Wait so. How am I supposed to tell you what happened? How do I tell you how I felt? If
you layer all of the feelings together, then everybody loses track of what you’re saying. Too
many meanings layer over each other and you become completely unnoticeable to the human
eyes that are all around you. Wait, how long have I been somebody’s lamp? Probably the whole
time.
These days, it’s easier to turn unnoticeable to other people. It’s really easy to trigger my
power. Almost like there’s less of me to hide now. Like hiding a nickel in the palm of your hand.
8

9. PARKING GARAGE.
DENVER
So you want me to say to Boo that… Tell me again?
HOST [speaker phone]
Just—basically just have him read half of the ad.
DENVER
He’s not gonna be happy, he’s— call it a beekeeper’s intuition but he’s not gonna be happy to
read it with me.
HOST [speaker phone]
Is that a thing people say?
DENVER
No. No.
HOST [speaker phone]
He does the ad reads already, so I wouldn’t worry about it. He’ll be
fi
ne with it.
DENVER
Yeah but he doesn’t do them with me.
HOST [speaker phone]
Oh shoot I gotta go— I’m so sorry, I have a meeting in seven minutes and I’m not prepared—
DENVER
Oh, gosh! Oh my god, um, go ahead, go, I’ll figure it out.
HOST [speaker phone]
But I, I can push this meeting forward—
9

10. DENVER
No no no, I’ll figure it out! Go ahead, I got it, you’re good.
HOST [speaker phone]
Are you sure?
DENVER
Yes. I’m good. Go. Go ahead.
HOST [speaker phone]
Okay. Okay, well, thank you. Alright. Hope it, I hope it all goes well!
DENVER
Thank you, uh, yeah. Toodaloo!
Hangs up.
Denver walks up to Boo’s car. Knocks on the door.
DENVER
(Boo impression) Hey, it’s me, Boo.
(Denver voice) Oh my gosh, Boo is helping me with the ad read!
(finding the Boo voice) It’s me, Boo. I just smoked weed. (adjusting the voice) I just— I just
smoked weed. Hey Glory. Stop looking at me. Dude! I’m Boo. Now on our Patreon, you can
become a Detective and get in on the mystery. Time for an adventure. For donating $10, you
unlock puzzles and clues. You get to press buttons in all those puzzles. Dude! And then things
happen. Wild. Every puzzle ends in a clue that has not and will never show up in the show. These
10

11. clues are gonna give you you an alternate path for solving the mystery before me or Denver puts
pieces together. Plus, every dollar goes to creating this show! Go to Patreon.com/
WhoKilledAlaska. Again, that’s Patreon.com/WhoKilledAlaska to become a clue detective.
(Denver voice) Hey, thanks for the help, Boo.
(Boo impression) No problem, Denver. And tank you to LavenderKozzy, grinleysspa, Kristine
McDavid, Nancy Augustine, Antigone, Declan McAuley, Lace, MishaWarlock, Shay, Laura B,
Andrew Roper, CJ Taylor Caldwell, Lilly Carleton, Brad Goupil, NarJuzz, Emma, Nicole
Collard, and Shep! Every single one of you makes a huge difference! Thank you! We just met
another donation goal, so soon we’ll be posting another bonus episode just for our patrons on
Patreon! Hope you enjoy it!
(Denver voice) Beautiful, Boo. Thank you.
HOST [narrator]
We did have a couple of people join the Patreon family a little more recently. So, thank you so
much to Sarah, Ash, and Shoshi!
11

12. BUSY STREET.
A store’s door opens with a loud jangle. Footsteps on concrete.
LOGAN
Hey, let’s talk for a while. Don’t walk away from me just yet. There’re so many more lies I have
to tell you. Pffft. I didn’t say lies. Did you forget what I said yet? (laughs) I said follow the
yellow brick road. Is that what I said? What do you remember? What did you forget? Don’t look
at me like that. What, does a simple hello and how are you always make you feel so analyzed?
Let’s talk for a while. Let’s speak for a while! I don’t have anything to hide. I’m an open
book. So what’ll it be? What kind of story do you want? I’ll tell you anything you want, and we
can call it a joke.
Oh, that’s an interesting story. Alright. Since I like you, here’s this:
I had, I had more of a system in high school. So— so one day, I’m in front of the
television with two mugs of Lucky Charms. I’m up early so I have time to weed out all the actual
cereal from the Lucky Charms, like you fuckin do. ‘Cause the thing is, y’see, I’m an all-
marshmallows kinda man, and I wanna enjoy myself before Mom gets up. And I get to eat the
objectively best version of Lucky Charms out of the best mug in the house. Let’s be clear, baby:
this is a mug, with a panda face, and panda ears, that belongs to my mom. It’s objectively the
best mug you can imagine. The panda face is upside down. Are you kidding me? That’s insane.
It’s like a—! (head exploding noise) That’s my head fucking exploding at this panda face.
12

13. Anyway, anyway. It’s 5:58am. The cable box says so. And my cable box is actually Jesus.
Then this show comes on. And while I’m splitting up the Lucky Charms— it’s like, it’s one of
my favorite shows, it appears out of nowhere. It’s called The Friendly Zone.
THE FRIENDLY ZONE’S TRAILER.
TRAILER VO
The Friendly Zone. New episodes every Friday, 6pm Eastern.
JEALOUS FRIEND
Are we friends or not!?
Laugh track.
BACK TO SCENE.
LOGAN
So it’s one of those specials where— where they don’t play the theme song? Because it’s so
fucking dramatic. And it’s about how Vanessa, who we might call the lovable dipshit, forgot that
it’s her birthday. And at the end of the episode, everybody comes in with her favorite chocolate
mousse cake. And she goes, what’s all this about? And they go, it’s your frigging birthday,
asshole. And she forgot. And she’s surprised. And she cries, and. She didn’t know until people
told her.
I don’t get it.
I always kept my grades from getting too good, in high school, because if I got like 100
or 90, the nun-teacher, she like decrepitly walks over to me and she’s like, “great job, Jeremy, I
13

14. have maybe a day left to live,” and that means people walk over to my desk and then I have to
spend time explaining why I knew all the frickin answers. Eventually I gave up and started
copying off people to get grades that were more on that like typical level. I already know the
answers to the test because I’ve already heard them before. We already frickin learned it! Look, I
don’t understand it. Why don’t you know the answers? You’ve already heard it before. I’d say,
Chromium’s atomic number is twenty-four. Or, 32 times 48 was on the board last month. Or your
mom is fat as hell. It’s in your head, somewhere. I just, I just don’t understand it.
My first traumatic memory was when my real mom got bit by a dog when I was negative
several months old. There’s no calendar inside of a lady, give me a break, she didn’t fuckin eat
one, so I have no clue when that took place. My second traumatic memory was being born. It
was like a fun fucking little waterslide. My third traumatic memory was being abandoned in a
locker for three days with no food or water.
I told my grandma about this while she was driving me to school and that bitch died. The
car hit a tree. I was late to school that day, it— (laughs)
I bike my arse to school and then I sneak up to my buddies while doing my impression of
Sister Genesis, and I’m saying, “Excuse me, it is not hump day, it is Wednesday.” It’s the first
day that they installed this new hot drink machine, it was a sexy drink machine. So we all get hot
chocolate and Jillian sits in Alaska’s lap while they share a hot chocolate and me and Corey start
doing our Sister Genesis impression at the same time. And Alaska and everybody else starts
fricking laughing. And then I say, “It’s almost like we’re all besties or something,” and Alaska
doesn’t laugh— he’s very expressive, you know, he does whatever he wants, he doesn’t care.
Then I say, “It’s almost like we’re gonna catch Jumanji tonight in theaters,” and Sam Schneider
14

15. goes,“Jeremy, is this a date? Well smooch my caboose and call me dandy.” And then I say,
“Who?” And he says “Logan,” because he thinks I’m gonna forget that he just called me Jeremy.
Then Bobby walks by, he has a hand back then, and somebody calls out to him, “Well smooch
my caboose and call me dandy,” and me and Alaska have a good laugh about that.
After school, I show up to the theater and nobody’s there. I stay there for a couple hours
and then the theater closes. So I call my mom to pick me up and she picks up the phone and
starts talking in Spanish, and I tell her that no, I wanna talk in English. And apparently she can’t
pick me up because she’s having heart palpitations, pffft, whatever. When I get home, she’s over
there on the couch, watching tv, and the tv is the only light in the room. But it’s all static again.
And he’s waiting for her soaps to come back on. And I tell her, ma, we should fix the tv. And she
tells me to shut up and she goes back to eating my cereal. Ha…
We enter Logan’s house.
LOGAN’S HOUSE.
LOGAN
I do forget things, sometimes. Like if you ask me what my favorite movie is, I haven’t picked
one, so I need to think back and figure out which one I liked the most.
PET PARROT
Disgusting! Filthy! Filthy!
15

16. LOGAN
I can forget things, like I can forget my keys in the car— well, I don’t actually. Now that I think
about it, I don’t do that. Have I ever left anything behind? That’s a lot of memories. I’ll think
about it. Let me think about it. Do you also have to flip through your memories? Does it help you
when you imagine like a picture book of all the things you’ve seen?
PET PARROT
Disgusting! Filthy! Filthy! (whistles) Jeremy! Disgusting! Filthy!
Walking down the stairs.
BASEMENT.
LOGAN
By the time I get to the basement, the cake’s freezing cold. Actually, I heated it up in this
microwave, like— like this, 35 seconds.
The buzz of a microwave.
LOGAN
I actually have two birthdays, but I don’t know one of them. I was too young, I. I didn’t know
how to read a calendar. Maybe, uh. Maybe that’s kind of like forgetting.
Microwave goes off.
16

17. LOGAN
And that’s when the cake’s ready.
A flame is struck. A little fire; a candle.
LOGAN
(singing) Happy birthday to me / Happy birthday to me / Happy birthday dear Logan / Happy
birthday to me
The beginning of a laugh.
17

18. PARKING GARAGE.
BOO
What is this? What are you handing me?
DENVER
Food.
BOO
Take the… I don’t want this.
DENVER
You think I poisoned it?
BOO
No I don’t want your pity.
DENVER
Have you eaten?
BOO
Yes.
DENVER
Today.
BOO
Yes.
DENVER
I don’t think Alice wants you to starve.
18

19. Alice sneezes.
Boo opens the packages.
BOO
That was really manipulative. At least be defensive. What do you want?
DENVER
It’s not an exchange. I’m giving it to you.
BOO
So you’re trying to get on my good side, and that’s the exchange. Your favor for my good will.
Because you want information. (pause) Am I wrong?
DENVER
Maybe I want a truce.
BOO
Fine, truce. And thanks for the… for the free food. Now what?
DENVER
I have to figure out who killed your brother. Let me do that.
BOO
And I’m never gonna make it easy for you. Move on from Alaska.
DENVER
I understand why this case has been overwhelming for you. Investigation requires training. I
went to school for three years.
19

20. BOO
Oh yeah, well— three? Not four?
DENVER
I, I graduated early— you can do that.
BOO
Of course you fucking did. Well good for you. Great for you, actually.
DENVER
What makes you think I can’t do it?
BOO
Ugh...
DENVER
I’ve already made great progress. I’ve eliminated most suspects— What? Okay, for example! I
figured out the killer had to have an injured hand. They injured their hand on the knife, because
the killer was using a cheap plastic knife and their hand would’ve slipped on the blade. That
means—
BOO
Are you ready for me to shatter your theory? I only need one word.
DENVER
Be my guest.
BOO
Gloves.
20

21. DENVER
Normal gloves wouldn’t withstand that cut. The knife would cut through.
BOO
Oh yeah? Well what about mittens? The padded ones.
DENVER
That’s not very likely, is it?
BOO
That’s just one example. What’re your other theories?
DENVER
Well Alaska’s shoe-prints were in his own blood, so he somehow was able to get up after he
was stabbed.
BOO
Oh, that is the dumbest shit— sorry, that’s rude. Look, Alaska was found without his shoes on,
right?
DENVER
Right?
BOO
So somebody stole his shoes. Did you think of that? Like they stabbed him, stole his shoes, and
then the shoe-prints of his boots would be in his blood. It’s Alaska’s shoes, not his feet.
DENVER
Oh.
21

22. BOO
This is a competition.
DENVER (unison)
Yeah, and I’m winning.
BOO (unison)
I’ve been winning.
22

23. EMMA’S HOME.
EMMA
Bobby— does Bobby have a power? I don’t remember something like that. Although… he
doesn’t talk about this— he does hypnotize himself.
OFFICE BUILDING.
BOBBY
Bobby Yorke. So one thing that I like to do lately is I’ve been recreating internet meme jokes on
Excel spreadsheets. Like in the midst of, y’know, I’ll be, so I was using an Excel spreadsheet to
assess myself, and it’ll turn into me making an internet meme instead. Like somewhere on that lil
journey there. So I’ll go from analyzing my daily performance in smalltalk, and listening,
kindness, patience, y’know, crunching the numbers, and I went to making an image of William
Shakespeare with sunglasses on using the Excel boxes like they were pixels. And then
somewhere on the spreadsheet, I’ll type the phrase “Deal with it” in like really small letters, and.
So that’s like a joke from the internet.
You want to hear a story. Like an interesting story? So I need to dig deep into my
memory palace, like deep, to find… a story. Sit with me, by the fire. Tea? Orrr, uh, cocoa?
Bobby pours a hot drink.
23

24. BOBBY
So you want and you deserve a good story. So let me take a looksie-look. So, when I was a kid,
like a snipper-yapper, if you will, I wasn’t allowed outside. No, never. The world was far too
dangerous. And I felt like those years passed by like a single heartbeat and then all of a sudden I
was a grown man. So when I turned 12 years old, that meant I could go outside. And the first
thing, the very first thing I did outside, was I took out some trash from my room because it stank
too badly. I think I probably enjoyed going outside. I don’t really remember.
So anyway, one day I came home from school and I told my folks all about my new
friend I made. My new friend was Abbott, by name. Abbott who played soccer. And my folks,
they were in total bliss, and they told me to bring Abbott over for a little play-date or something.
And they drew up a diagram for how to decorate the house and hosting Abbott would become a
big celebration of kinship. And the plan was, we’d all sit on the couch with Abbott while my dad
played his best ragtime on the piano. And they told me that I should ask Abbott, hey what kind of
foods do you like, and they said to ask him if he plays any instruments. And if he did, he could
give us a recital because music can really bring people together. And if I found out what Abbott’s
set-list was, all of us could study up and we could sing the words while he played, and the plan
was it could show of our appreciation for this marvelous guest in our home. So I went to school
the next day, and I— so I spent hours wondering what I should do. And the reason was— alright,
you see, I made Abbott up. He did not exist. So I had to come home from school the next day,
and I said hey, Abbott doesn’t exist. And my dad said, hey, yes he does. He’s right behind you,
kid. He said that— so Abbott had some kinda condition that made him invisible. So could bring
him inside anyway and we still had that little party. My dad was playing piano and he looked
24

25. over his shoulder to ask, what do you think, Abbott? And it was on me to be Abbott’s translator.
So I just had to kinda tell my dad that Abbott was enjoying the music.
But the story does not end there. As you know, when I got older, I went to a private
school called Holy Cross. And at Holy Cross, I started to get joy from pretending to be straight—
and you know, actually, I was straight. But I liked it, it’s funny, it’s like, I liked pretending to like
fishing and grilling and I spent my Sunday mornings at the Home Depot for my projects and it
became like a hobby to me. There’s a certain jovialness to the straight culture, from an
anthropological perspective, it’s just— Whether I’m straight or not, not a culture I grew up in.
My parents do not even believe in sexual orientation. So one day, I’m in front of the mirror, and
I’m rehearsing being straight. And my friend Glory, she was picking me up for school that day,
so she walked in and she’s pinching her nose. And she asks me what’re you doing? And I told her
that I was rehearsing pretending to be straight. What she asked me was, in her words, “do you
like penne,” like the— and I explained to her that it’s not about that and the part that to me is that
I like to pretend to wear basketball shorts on weekends. And I showed her how I do it. So I keep
my head high. I did a different voice, I made it lower and I de-emphasize the ’S’s. It’s been a
while— and I adjust my uniform by making it very sleek and minimalistic, no pins, no folds, and
— And, for example, the white sleeves of the button-up couldn’t show up under the suit’s
sleeves. So I started acting out for her how I did my rehearsals. If somebody were to ask me for a
pencil, I have the human power to strategize my response, something like: “Pencil? Ha. Here you
go.” And that sort of thing could be a rehearsal for pretending to be straighter. Because you
know, it’s possible to turn your public image into a whole art project. And I told her, it is easy for
me to make a version of myself that I like, because frankly I like most versions of most people so
25

26. long as they’re complete and true and missing nothing. Like in fact, I actually find that I love
people too much. Like to the point of inconvenience, I mean. With one friend, I climactically
ended up waving to them from a backseat window and there was standing there to wave back.
And I really felt alone. And I hated them for not giving back the love I volleyed over, even if
they didn’t volunteer for that game. And I said as much to Glory, and I said I’ve resolved to give
all the extra love to me, since the love had nowhere else to go. And I’ll give it to sunny days
spent outside on our lunch period. And to warm coffee, especially when it’s in my hand, or it
would’ve been hands back then, hands, and I can brush away the peeling skin and feel the
warmth really properly where my fingerprints are barely starting to grow back.
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
BOO
Glory walked in on him hypnotizing himself in his room. She told me that story. He was
hypnotizing himself to act different.
BACK TO SCENE.
BOBBY
We got into the car and we watched all the people pass. And I saw a real little boy and his mother
playing catch with a piece of trash it looked like. And I couldn’t stop telling Glory how happy
the kid’s laugh was, and then she told me to shut up. (laughs fondly) And I saw this old lady
wearing a hat decorated with lights in the shapes of snowflakes. That’s right, I said snowflakes!
But I knew those strangers could never love me because there was always gonna be that car
26

27. window between us. And when I remembered that, y’know, again, I decided to love me. That
wouldn’t steal the love from them, no, I would just giving the overflow, like the stringy bits at
the end, and give them to myself. I told Glory a quote posted by my Facebook friend. Love is a
greater burden than hatred. She said it’s a very deep quote. I said just like my love. (laughs)
So then I walk into class that day— and this is where the story goes full circle. I’m paired
up for the assignment there with a kid in my class I’d never met before. I have no idea how I’d
never met him. He had a face like a panfish, which is a very common fish to fish among
heterosexual men. Like they like to catch them together and smile and shake hands and say, “Oh,
look at that sucker!” And this guy, who looked like one of those panfish… guess what his name
was? Abbott! Abbott— The coincidence! And I went full beef-steak and I felt really proud of my
pretending-to-be-straight that day. I was participating in his culture! And I could see a little
twinkle of recognition in Abbott’s eyes when I nodded in the most heterosexual manner one
might imagine, just like him. And I also told him another quote I saw posted by my Facebook
friend: “If comfort was called love, we would love to be hated.” And he liked the quote. And as
to whether he loved it or loved it, the jury is mighty out. Which is the opposite of me, because I
was pretending to be straight, even though I would presume I am straight— Boy, that joke got
away from me there, I lost the thread a bit. Didn’t I sound like Boo or what?
Anyway, later on I ended up in a classic cuddle puddle with my friends Rachel and Gabe
and Glory— it’s totally classic, by the way. And I was telling them about Abbott. We had Gabe
over here playing guitar, really loud, and I have to go— “I have to be friends with a person
named Abbott!” And they were very supportive of that decision
27

28. SOMEWHERE ELSE.
BOO
Bobby started hypnotizing himself a lot at that point. Often.
BACK TO SCENE.
BOBBY
I went into class with a notepad of questions I got from research on the internet— which I know
now is very silly, obviously, but at the time my memory wasn’t very good, but I really did need
the notepad to remember the questions. I think one of the questions was, “Do you like to cook?
And what do you like to cook the most out of the foods you cook?”
And very quickly, he was shifting in his seat. Like he was crossing his arms in his desk.
Very uncomfortable. So I said, “Hey, don’t you worry, I can remember all these questions. I’m
doing a survey for the school newspaper, and they wanted me to have them written down.” And
that was a lie! Sorry, Abbott! Pretty soon, we had something lined up. We were gonna graffiti,
like, grills and stuff on the side of buildings. And he said I made him very comfortable! And that
is what it’s all about. Trying to understand people makes them comfortable. And there are some
things I have to keep to myself. But that’s okay. That’s okay.
And when Boo heard I was gonna be hanging out with my new friend, uh, he came to me
and he told me to stop trying to be friends with Abbott. And there was a lot of drama there. He
was jealous or something.
And then all of a sudden, I just… And then all of a sudden, I just… My brain, just…
Thinking… I hugged Boo. And I couldn’t let go.
28

29. At some point later on I was in a mirror shop. Yeah, that’s a bit of a jump, but I should
clarify— I walked there. There’s the transition, I walked there. And I’m in this mirror shop after
school. And I was standing there with my hand raised. My moonstone necklace was gently
rocking back and forth with its chain tangled in my fingers. And I saw something in the mirror,
and it was me. There were so many mirrors all around me, and I found this infinite chain of
warped echoes of myself and another mangled version of me stared back from this bad glass at
this weird angle.
I do hypnotize myself, sometimes. Just to improve things that I want to improve. And
somewhere, in the vast maze of Bobbies Yorke, there was somebody else. So many layers. Who
else was in there? In… brain? Nobody. Just a dream.
29

30. PARKING GARAGE. INTERIOR.
A car door is opened.
BOO
What?
DENVER
You look cold.
BOO
Okay I know people say that but I don’t get what it means. How can you look cold? It’s a sensa
— it’s a sensation—
Denver hands the plastic bag to Boo.
BOO
More food?
Boo starts looking through the bag.
DENVER
Pretty good, right? By the way, there’s some dog food at the bottom.
30

31. Boo starts taking out all the food.
BOO
I don’t like you very much.
DENVER
I know.
Boo continues taking out the food.
DENVER
I don’t like you much, either.
BOO
Oh. Why did you say that?
DENVER
I’m sorry.
BOO
No. I was just surprised. You’re not usually honest.
DENVER
I don’t know why I just said that.
BOO
It’s easier if you say it. I prefer it that way. I don’t like you and you don’t like me. We can be
adults about it.
31

32. DENVER
Mm.
BOO
Ok well it won’t be necessary for you to start feeling bad about it. You sensed what I wanted to
hear and then you said it. I do that, too. Sometimes. Hey, uh, d’you see the flower design here?
Oh, yeah, you’re recording the podcast— I’m pointing to purple flowers on the side of a yogurt
cup.
DENVER
I see them.
BOO
Yeah these type of flowers symbolizes, “I’m sorry I was rude to you. And um. I’m sorry that I’m
going to keep being rude to you.”
32

33. CREDITS
Tune in on Thursday June 15th for the next episode!
THE GHOST FACTORY
WRITER/DIRECTOR/HEAD - Cameron LeBrun
SCRIPT EDITOR - Katrina Clairvoyant
ASSISTANT PRODUCER - Lorena De Leon
MUSIC - Thor Speeler, Cameron LeBrun
SOUND DESIGN - Andres Buitrago, Ismanuel DeMoya
AUDIO EDITING - Andres Buitrago, Thomas Annunziata
MIX & MASTER - Manas Kunder, Chris Zagortchev
ART - Bella Wynne, Lock Reinhardt, and doritofalls
BOBBY YORKE - Kyle Parker
LOGAN GOLDBERG - Trent Trachtenberg
EMMA WOOTEN - Liz Mina
BOO CURTIS - Alex Redd
FINN DENVER - Joseph Kitembo
JO MAGARO - Sally Roberts
GLORY JOHNSON - Lindsay Zana
PARROT - Travis Himebaugh
THE FRIENDLY ZONE - Thomas Annunziata, Jerinson Garcia
33

34. PATRONS - LavenderKozzy, grinleysspa, Kristine McDavid, Nancy Augustine, Antigone,
Declan McAuley, Lace, MishaWarlock, Shay, Laura B, Andrew Roper, CJ Taylor Caldwell, Lilly
Carleton, Brad Goupil, NarJuzz, Emma, Nicole Collard, Shep, Sarah, Ash, Shoshi AND NOW
LivinLuxuriouslySelena!
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