What do you get when you put five weirdos, a dog, a zombie, and an actually functional person in the same car? A really good road trip. Join our maybe-kind-of-heroes on their hunt for Alaska's long lost letter to Boo! Maybe we'll get to know Tyler occasionally in between the absolute chaotic shenanigans that just cannot stop happening! You'll be on the edge of your seat: will Bobby break the mechanism that makes windows open and close? Will Emma finally figure out how to twerk? We'll just have to find out! Welcome back, friend, to Who Killed Alaska(?)!

1. WHO KILLED ALASKA?
#13 - THE ADVENTURES: ALASKA’S TREASURE HUNT
written by
Cameron Cooper LeBrun

2. OUTSIDE THE CURTIS HOME.
Boo presses the doorbell over and over.
The door opens.
BOO
Mom! Hi! Don’t sweat, I’m not here for negative stuff, I’m just going and grabbing something
from my room. I don’t really have time to talk, so don’t worry about talking. Ooh, also, I do have
to bring Alice inside, I’m just having them sniff out some hard drugs I misplaced. Black tar
heroin, and— You know how canine noses possess up to 300 million olfactory receptors in the
nose part? This has been real mono-mono, and now I’m gonna kinda scoochie around your
mortal coil a bit.
Boo “scoochies” around her.
ALASKA’S ROOM.
BOO
So I’m in Alaska’s room… Alice, don’t touch anything. They have a lot of photos of him, don’t
they, Alice? It’s almost like they love him. Um, I thought I’d check Alaska’s room for clues.
When the stupid cops came, they tried to take like everything, but gotta give it a shot, right?
Boo opens a drawer and sifts through.
2

3. BOO
Okay, first I’m seeing pencils.
Another drawer is opened. Sifts through more pencils.
BOO
Can you imagine dying and only leaving behind pencils? Damn, Alaska, that sucks. Okay, found
something. Maybe.
Boo pulls out a sheet of paper.
BOO
It’s a piece of paper with some doodles on it. No way. This shit is the secret code Alaska came up
with when he was like 7. We called it, uh, Fishish. Uh. I think this might be recent. Um. Hold on,
hold on. Uh. How long was he writing in Fishish? This is… a real letter from Alaska. It’s for me.
Dude. This is significant…
Boo takes out his phone.
BOO
I’m looking for the group chat. Hold on. I bet this is great radio. Who… is… down… to meet me
at the Village… in five minutes.
3

4. Boo’s phone buzzes four times.
BOO
Wow, Emma’s actually coming this time.
Alice barks happily.
4

5. BOO
Previously on Who Killed Alaska!
THEME SONG BEGINS
DENVER [clip - WKA5]
Two years ago, a forest fire threatened to destroy Stump Town.
EMMA [clip - WKA5]
Night Alaska died, that’s when the fire happened.
DENVER [clip - WKA12]
I heard Jo set that fire, the night that everything happened.
DENVER [clip - WKA12]
Our arsonist started multiple fires. At least five—
DENVER [clip - WKA12]
—moving east towards the Jail House.
BOO [clip - WKA11]
Somebody stabbed Logan!
BOO [clip - WKA11]
Who did it?
EMMA [clip - WKA11]
Bobby had a knife.
BOBBY [clip - WKA11]
I didn’t! I DIDN’T! I DIDN’T!
5

6. BOO [clip - WKA6]
Today, I choose to believe that nobody killed Alaska.
JO [clip - WKA12]
I don’t think anyone did it. It was probably just the ghost of Harvey Paris.
LOGAN [clip - WKA12]
Emma! Do you wanna be best friends?
EMMA [clip - WKA12]
REALLY!? I mean, Bobby is my best friend, but you can be my second best friend!
THEME SONG ENDS
BOO
And now, it’s time for the new episode! Welcome back, bud! This is Who Killed Alaska: The
Adventures!
6

7. ROSLYN VILLAGE. EXTERIOR. SUMMER. DAY.
BOBBY
AGAIN! 3… 2… 1…
JO
Why are we doing it again?
EMMA / BOBBY / BOO
Murder!
LOGAN
He’s getting drunk with power.
BOBBY
3… 2… 1…
EMMA / BOBBY
MURDER!
BOO
Attention Outsiders! Who wants to go solve the murder!
BOBBY
ME! ME ME ME!
EMMA
(to Alice) Who’s a good puppy! You are! You are!
LOGAN
Can I see the note?
7

8. BOO
You shouldn’t be able to read that. It’s in a code that only Alaska knew. And, well, that I knew,
because he taught it to me when we were kids. Here. Give it to me, I’ll read it again.
Grabs note.
BOO
I’m reading it now, so again, this is Alaska, not Boo. Starting now. “Buenos dias, Boo. If you’re
reading this, I’m guessing something happened to me. Unfortunate. Lately, I have a gut feeling
that I’m in danger. If something did happen, I have a message for you, but I need to make sure
you’re you first. Here comes your test: My letter is in the place that’s most important to me. If
you’re Boo, you know where that is. Toodles. You’re gay.” And that’s from Alaska.
BOBBY
And that’s from Alaska! Wow! Freaking heck!
BOBBY (unison)
So wait— what’s his important place?
JO (unison)
Can I see? I can’t read this.
BOO
So. So yeah, so. I don’t know. I was thinking maybe Yolo Frozen Yogurt & Desserts.
LOGAN
I don’t think it was Yolo.
8

9. BOO
Hey everybody, Logan wants you to know that he knows my dead brother better than me.
LOGAN
I knew your brother inside and out. And I knew how many toes he had, and how well he could
use them.
JO
Boo, you think it’s Yolo?
BOO
I think it’s worth a shot.
JO
Let’s check it out then, if it’s worth a shot.
BOO
Dude, like— okay, so my shift ended like an hour ago, so, time to walk back into my workplace.
That won’t be weird.
LOGAN
Little Curtis. You’re gonna let me hold onto that letter.
BOO
Sure? Knock yourself out.
YOLO.
BOBBY
Tyler!
9

10. LOGAN (unison)
Hello, Sir. I hope you are having a sensational National I Love Horses Day.
BOO (unison)
Wassup, Tyler. I’m back.
BOO
Heads up, I’m recording.
TYLER
What? Ohhhhh that’s, is that, Glory?
BOO
Yeah, sorry, she’s not gonna say much.
GLORY
Parasite.
TYLER
I get it— Bobby! How’s it goin?
BOBBY
So good! Oh my gosh, like. Y’know the last time I saw you, you were kissing Boo a bunch! And
making loud sounds into his mouth! Those were classic times.
TYLER
Yeah. I’m Tyler. I’m Boo’s manager and spicy hot ex-boyfriend.
LOGAN (unison)
I— respect that!
10

11. BOO (unison)
I’m thinking like Alaska, and I want to go to… um… be Alaska… Right, aw yeah, he was hiding
a note. Ok, think like a d-bag… Tyler, where’s the fire alarm?
TYLER
Over there?
BOO
‘Kay, everybody cover your ears?
BOBBY
Why?
Boo pulls the fire alarm. Water sprays everywhere.
EMMA / LOGAN / JO / GLORY
AHH!!
BOBBY
OH. THAT’S WHY.
BOO
FUCK YEAH! GOT THE NOTE! IT WAS HIDDEN IN THE PULLEY THINGY, HAHA!
TYLER
BOO!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Tyler storms out from behind the counter and turns a key to turn off the fire alarm.
11

12. TYLER
Boo, what is wrong with you?
BOO
Tyler, check it out! This tiny piece of paper is a note from my brother!
TYLER
Why was something from your brother jammed in the fire alarm?
LOGAN
How did you find it?
EMMA
Haha, we’re so soggy.
BOO
You guys could’ve figured it out easy. I just asked myself what would be a really rude and evil
place to leave a letter.
TYLER
What, what’s going on? I guess I’m not firing you?
EMMA
Boo, read the letter!
BOO
“This is exactly where I would not hide a letter. Think harder. Yolo is obvious. P.S. This is the
only fake letter so don’t expect more.” You know what? I should’ve killed him.
12

13. EMMA
Wha… Why would he make a fake letter!?
LOGAN
He’s Alaska!
JO
Alaska has such Outsider energy for this.
BOO
Oh, there’s some itsy-bitsy words at the bottom. What’ve you got, Alaska— It says, um, “Second
P.S: The most important place in my life is in Suffolk County.”
JO
Suffolk County?
BOBBY
I don’t hate anything. But I, I hate Suffolk County.
JO / LOGAN / EMMA / TYLER / BOO
Me too.
Alice barks.
JO
We’re so in sync.
BOO
Alright, guess, guess I’m going. It’s probably on Cedar Beach. You guys gonna skip out?
13

14. EMMA
I’m coming, you floppy pop-tart!
BOO
What, really? Emma, you don’t have to come. It’s been almost three years. This note could be
stolen or degraded by weathering, and we’d be like, man, y’know we could—
JO
We’re coming, and that’s final.
LOGAN
I am bored all the time. I am obviously coming.
BOBBY
Yippee.
BOO
Oh, um… Well, um…
TYLER
Do y’all need a ride? My Lexus has six seats.
BOO
Tyler, what? You wanna come? It’s like half an hour away.
TYLER
It’s fine. An honor student died in a car crash
on Mineola and now people are too depressed
for frozen yogurt, so I was thinking of closing
up early anyways.
EMMA
Do you know Californians hate Long
Islanders?
LOGAN
Why?
14

15. EMMA
‘Cause a half hour drive is a road trip to us.
LOGAN
Isn’t a half hour a long time?
EMMA
I mean. Yeah.
BOO
Um, yeah, if you’re down to drive… Let’s go.
Keys in ignition. Engine is revved.
TYLER’S CAR.
TYLER
So you’ve been working on this— it’s like a true crime show?
BOO
Basically, I mean, except it doesn’t have that voyeurism— y’know?— at least for my half.
TYLER
Does your thing have a name?
BOO
Uh, I’m petitioning to get it changed to What Killed Alaska.
15

16. EMMA
Has anybody left Nassau County in the past, like, two years?
JO
I have! But not to Suffolk…
BOO
Fun fact, police brutality is worse in Suffolk.
LOGAN
Once I went to Fire Island and my parents had naked sex in broad daylight so I left to buy apple
juice.
Jo laughs.
BOBBY
Wow!
BOO
Gross…
Car stops at a red light.
TYLER
I feel like everybody secretly hates Suffolk. Especially Suffolk. Oh, hey, we gotta stop for gas.
16

17. BOO
Cool. I gotta doo-doo.
Boo opens the car door.
BUSY ROAD.
TYLER
Boo! What the hell! You can’t just hop out of the car cause we’re at a red light!
BOO
Um, no? See you after I you-know-what.
TYLER
BOO!
RESTROOM.
Boo is singing a really dumb song.
BOO
Shut up. My reflection is talking to me again. He’s just being obnoxious. He’s saying something.
My reflection is— Sorry, what did you say? Ask faster, you know I hate talking to you. He says
Emma looked uncomfortable in the back seat when we started talking about Alaska. Shut up, it’s
not weird. It was a traumatic event. Yes, the cringing is a pattern with her but it’s, I mean it’s not
17

18. that weird. Ok? Alaska’s name is traumatic for some of us. My face goes raisin-like when I hear
traumatic words— you know those TikToks where people say dogs’ least favorite words? People
are not that different from dogs. Ok, we have personal anecdotes about that. He says, “What if
she?—” STOP. Stop it. Emma is my friend. He says, “Bobby’s been quiet for a while.” Okay, I’m
gonna cut you off there, and I’m not gonna repeat that. Logan and Jo were proved good a while
ago. Stop over-analyzing every little gesture and expression and word they use. It’s clearly not
going anywhere. None of them had the motives to kill Alaska. Goodbye.
STRANGER
You good?
BOO
No. I’m a crazy person. Ooooooh.
TYLER’S CAR.
Jo’s making a loud sound.
EMMA
Is Boo good?
BOO
Ask him yourself.
BOBBY
Why is Jo making that sound?
18

19. LOGAN
She’s sleeping! That’s what it sounds like when she snores!
BOO
Tyler, is there any chance you can, uh… the… the rear view mirror?
TYLER
Do what? What do you want me to do?
BOO
Never mind.
Someone rolls down the window.
EMMA
So what were you saying before, Logan?
BOBBY
Hey Emma, look what I can do with the window!
Bobby starts messing with the window.
BOBBY
UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP…
19

20. BOBBY / LOGAN
AND DOWN… / UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP…
AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP…
AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP…
AND DOWN…
BOO
If you’ll just please shut up, I’ll, I’ll talk to you later, I swear. You’re gonna make me look C-R-A
etcetera. Talk to me when I’m not in a car.
BOBBY / LOGAN
AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN…
TYLER
Who are these people.
20

21. TYLER’S CAR.
Car rolls to a stop. Key is turned. Engine goes off.
TYLER
Alright, we’re here.
Jo wakes up.
Four car doors open. Some of them need to navigate around chairs to get out of the car.
CEDAR BEACH.
TYLER
It’s $20 admission. Per person.
BOO (unison)
Just so you know, if somebody gives me $20, I’m pretty sure that technically counts as a tax
write-off.
LOGAN (unison)
This was fun! Time to go home!
EMMA
Look at all those rich people… under their imported palm trees…
BOO
Emma?
21

22. BOBBY
Guys, let’s do our Outsider thing! Let’s climb the fence!
EMMA
We could get arrested for that.
JO
Boo, I’ll give you a lift!
Emma grunts.
TYLER
I’m gonna hang back…
BOO
Sweet. Look after Glory and Alice!
TYLER
Yeah, sure…
They climb the fence.
JO
Okay! Outsiders! (claps) Let’s split up. We’ll search the boardwalk until we find that letter. We’ll
do two teams. Your partner is gonna work hard and they’re relying on you, so no slacking off.
22

23. BOBBY
I’ll go with Boo!
JO
No! (clears throat) No. I’m going with Boo! Right, Boo?
BOO
Eh.
JO
Haha! Emma, Bobby, and Logan, you guys go together.
LOGAN
Sure.
BOBBY
High five!
LATER.
JO
Hon, I am not kidding. The fact that I know I’m not human wakes me up and I’m like, huh.
BOO
Hey Jo. I was, uh, wondering something. And. Y’know. Nobody told me to ask this.
JO
Okay? Should I be nervous too?
BOO
Did the fire have to do with Alaska’s death?
23

24. BOO
I can turn off the mic if that helps.
JO
If I don’t tell you, you’re gonna be suspicious of me. I’m your friend, I’m your Watson. Umm…
You’d, you’d turn it off?
BOO
Yeah, absolutely. Aaaand it’s off.
JO
Turn it off for real!
BOO
Oh! Well, there you go, now it’s—
Clipping as microphone is turned off suddenly.
Clipping as microphone is turned back on. Audio is now muffled.
BOO
—said, I turned it off.
JO
It had nothing to do with the murder. I’ll tell you what happened. But only if you swear you
won’t tell anyone about anything I’m about to say.
BOO
I swear, I swear, I’m not gonna tell anyone.
24

25. JO
Alaska was my stalker, at the time. (pause) Yeah. I didn’t even know him, actually. I kept seeing
this guy in every crowd, really far away. He always had his head down and his hood was up, you
know, his hood was up, but he had a look! So of course I saw him. And then, one day I came into
school and I saw a guy wearing that same hoodie. And it was Alaska. And soon I started noticing,
in every big crowd, he was there, in that hoodie, with his head down.
BOO
Did he ever talk to you?
JO
No.
BOO
Did he ever— I’m sorry, uh, did he ever do anything?
JO
No. At the time I pretended it wasn’t happening. But then that night, everybody separated. And I
realized he was following me. First, I saw Alaska and Bobby. Then Bobby broke off and it was
just Alaska following me. I thought enough was enough, so… I started chasing him. I couldn’t
catch up, and—
BOO
Yeah, he was on the track team…
JO
Then, and then, yeah, exactly, and then Alaska ducked into the bushes and ran off. That’s when I
set the bushes on fire. And the fire didn’t catch up to him either. I kept seeing him moving in the
25

26. distance, and I kept chasing after and trying to get him. I gave up on the fire when it started
raining, and then I just ran in the direction I last saw him. That brought me to the Jail House, and
that’s where me and Emma found him dead. All of THIS is why I freaked out when you showed
up at that firehouse party that we had in November. I wouldn’t actually yell like that, I’m not a
yeller. It was just, like, god, it was PTSD from people showing up when I’m just living my life.
BOO
Okay, uh, why did you say 33 feet? Why would you know he was over 33 feet away?
JO
Oh, because after 33 feet, I’m not an empath.
Pause.
JO
What?
BOO
What does that mean, after 33 feet you’re not an empath?
JO
Oh, I can’t read emotions after 33 feet.
BOO
Like you can’t read their faces? Like you can’t?—
26

27. JO
More like I can’t read their ribs. Uhh. Empaths can see color and light moving on the chest area
and that, like, shows people’s emotions.
BOO
Jo, that’s not a thing. That sounds like— Huh, ok, if that’s a hallucination…
JO
What’s your favorite book?
BOO
Groundwork of the Metaphysicality of All Morals by this guy Immanuel Kant. It has so much
shit about like, what’s our purpose on Earth, and like—
JO
You’re lying. You’re lying, Boo.
BOO
Ok, how did you know that? Fine, my favorite book is Twilight!
JO
Boo! Really?
BOO
How did you know I was telling the truth?
JO
Because I’m an empath! I see your feelings! I’m like a human lie detector!
27

28. BOO
Ok! Nobody else can do that! Wow, fuck everybody! Glory really thought you had no empathy
and now you have magic empathy powers!?
JO
Why would Glory say that?
BOO
Okay, don’t pretend you don’t gossip. Okay, is this something you were born with!?
JO
Yup! I’ve always had it! It was helpful when I was a kid cause when my dad tried to test my
survival skills, he would drop me off 5 miles away from any town. And then if any adult hikers
started walking towards me, I could tell their intentions right away. And if they were creepy, I
had my, my Ruger Mark III on me, they’d get within 33 feet, and I’d shoot a warning shot
nearby.
BOO
This is so much to unpuck!— Unpuck? Unpack!
BOBBY [distant]
3… 2… 1…
BOBBY / EMMA [distant]
BOO!
BOBBY [distant]
COME OVER HERE!
28

29. BOO
One second! Why don’t we talk about this later. When everybody else goes home.
JO
Sure.
BOO
I have to ask about the stalking. Are you hiding anything?
JO
No.
BOO
Really? Because I trust you Jo, but…
JO
Why would I lie? I’m your Watson, remember?
BOO
Right. I believe you.
LATER.
BOO
Did you find it?
BOBBY
Not exactly…
LOGAN
There’s no way the letter is here. This can’t be the spot that was most important to Alaska.
29

30. BOBBY
That’s what Logan’s been saying.
BOO
What makes you think that?
EMMA
Boo. I agree with Logan.
BOO
Well he told me he had his first drink here looking up at the stars.
EMMA
He wasn’t that sentimental!
LOGAN
Exactly.
EMMA
I know you like to project onto every situation, Boo— sorry— but that was just one of you-
know-who’s most sentimental memories. His most sentimental moments were less sentimental
than your least sentimental moments.
LOGAN
Yes, exactly. He, he didn’t care.
EMMA
His most important place is probably gonna be more pragmatic. And you obviously didn’t know
him that well. So, honestly, me or Logan should’ve picked the spot and now you’ve ruined my
30

31. whole fucking day and I’m going to make a mental note that you are going on my permanent
record of mean people, because being inconsiderate of my energy is mean—
JO
GET TO THE POINT!
Emma squeaks.
LOGAN
This argument is about nothing— The letter isn’t here, Little Curtis. We looked in all the obvious
places anyway. Or do you think he buried it in the sand?
Boo sighs.
BOO
No.
LOGAN
I’m okay with Boo picking a new spot to look. Is that okay, Emma?
EMMA
That’s what I was thinking, Logan.
LOGAN
Boo?
31

32. BOO
Um… Montauk Lighthouse.
LOGAN
Boo. That’s the tip of Long Island. That’s 2 hours away. I’m gonna be dead before then.
BOBBY (unison)
Wow!
EMMA (unison)
UGH!
JO
We came this far! Are we gonna find out how Alaska died or what!? If we have to go to the
furthest point in Suffolk County, then so be it! 3…
JO / BOBBY
2… 1…
BOO / JO / BOBBY / LOGAN / EMMA
MURDER!
32

33. TYLER’S CAR.
Jo is snoring.
BOBBY
UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP…
MONTAUK POINT LIGHTHOUSE.
Car door is shut.
TYLER
Welcome to Montauk Point Lighthouse.
BOO
Alice! Are we ready for an adventure?
Alice barks.
TYLER
You guys can do your thing. I have to make a couple calls.
BOO
Sounds good! Alright. Let’s go!
They start marching up the hill.
33

34. EMMA
Everybody’s staring at us.
JO
Yeah. For the same reason they always stare at us. All our faces were in the news in 2019. We’re
pretty recognizable as a group.
STRANGER 2
Excuse me, are you Boo Curtis?
BOO
Sorry, man! Can’t talk! I’m on a mission with my FRIENDS!
STRANGER 2
Oh… Okay…?
BOO
Oh GOD I gotta go to the bathroom—
JO
Boo! Just go!
RESTROOM.
BOO
Oh, great. He’s talking to me again. In there. Yes, this means Jo had a motive, but we already
know she didn’t kill Alaska. We have plenty of evidence in her favor. He says, “You thought
none of them had a motive to kill Alaska. You were wrong. Jo had a motive. What about the
others?”
34

35. LATER.
BOBBY
We’ve checked between every brick here!
EMMA
Guys. We should seriously check the beacon part of the lighthouse.
BOO
I kinda wanna keep looking around outside, y’know, just to be paranoid. I dunno, I dunno,
maybe the— maybe the fencing. That’s not even possible, but.
JO
You can do that. You check the perimeter, we’ll go up to the actual lighthouse.
LOGAN
I’ll stick with you, Boo.
BOO
Yeah, sure.
JO
Alright. See you guys in a minute. Alright, you guys? Now I wanna make sure we’re all on the
same page here. Ok? We really need to be supporting Boo right now, like mentally, and
emotionally. Alright? So I want to make sure that we’re all on the same page that Boo needs to
be our priority today. Okay? Okay, and I’m happy to take the lead on that one. In fact, I will be
taking the lead on that one and that is good for you guys to know, but, I wanna make sure…
35

36. BOO
The ocean smell isn’t the worst thing ever. The whole island usually smells like fish and garbage
after it rains but this is nice.
LOGAN
I guess.
BOO
Logan. Uh. Listen to me. We’re friends at this point, yeah?
LOGAN
The best friends. You could even say we’re brothers.
BOO
Did you and Alaska ever have any fights?
LOGAN
I’m quaking in my boots. Boo Curtis is so scary—
BOO
Just answer the question.
LOGAN
Can you listen to me? God— you love to interrupt me.
BOO
I wasn’t.
LOGAN
I’m concerned. Are you listening?
36

37. BOO
Yeah?
LOGAN
Everyone’s doing my signature thing. Do you know what that means?
BOO
No?
LOGAN
They’re pretending. Did you notice that too?
BOO
No.
LOGAN
See, that, that’s crazy to me. You read books and you didn’t notice this. Why does nobody else
notice these things? I’m like a god. I’m like Jesus. I’m like Jesus’s mom, because I—
BOO
Notice what?
LOGAN
Jo’s making friendship bracelets. She’s making friendship bracelets, but she can’t think of what
words to put on them. She’s gonna run out of time before— What’s she supposed to put on them,
anyway? We’re just trying to turn into friends as fast as we can. We’re practically fucking
strangers.
37

38. BOO
Honestly, I don’t think of you as a stranger. I think I spaced out at the end of that? Sorry, what do
you—
LOGAN
It means we’re rushing. We’re rushing into becoming friends.
BOO
What’re you talking about? Is something going to happen? I…
Logan laughs.
LOGAN
Ohh, my god. Maybe I’m the only one who gets it… And that’s so poetic. When you look at how
poetic life is, it’s hy— it’s hysterical. Tell me more about how you don’t understand it, and I do.
See, this is why I don’t kill myself, it’s for moments like this. We’re doing round 2 of the Bobby
incident, I love it!
BOO
The Bobby what now?
LOGAN
Nothing! Just a inside joke with myself.
BOO
Really? Cause I think you’re talking about the stabbing.
38

39. Logan stops laughing.
LOGAN
Everyone instantly forgot all about the stabbing, didn’t they? And now Bobby’s just part of the
group and we’re pretending that nothing happened.
BOO
I’m sorry.
LOGAN
I hate, I hate that. If you say “I’m sorry” one more time, I’m gonna hit you.
BOO
I got, I got it, yeah— I just think we all decided to pretend nothing happened because you’re
acting okay with it, man. I personally didn’t wanna care about something for you, I… Especially
because I can’t make the gist of what actually happened. So you wanna tell me yet why you’re
mimicking Alaska yet? Did you really look up to him that much? Logan, I’m just trying to
understand you.
LOGAN
Huhh. I wanna say yes, but I can’t exactly look up to somebody who slept with my girlfriend.
BOO
That’s random. Which one?
LOGAN
Rachel.
39

40. BOO
Damn. I would’ve been pissed. I’m, I’m gonna change the subject.
LOGAN
Please do.
BOO
So, uh. You know Emma’s gonna ask you out eventually. Yeah?
LOGAN
I don’t care.
BOO
She’s your friend. I… You need to do something. Either let her down now or like her back.
LOGAN
Ohhh, I gotcha, I see how it is. You’re all about Emma, aren’t you, Boo?
BOO
Ok, I didn’t say that. You, specifically, are not mature enough to know anything about my
emotions. Logan. Don’t smile at me like that.
LOGAN
What do you expect me to see in her? Just curious. She’s a child to me. Is it because she doesn’t
know what a penis looks like? Are you into that?
BOO
No! No, no. What? She’s… really smart. And she’s fun to get into arguments with, because she’s
y’know, really, really forthright and brutal. And like, unnecessarily rude. And sometimes she
comes up with, like, insults that’re like, she’s trying to sound like a character from a tv show.
40

41. LOGAN
Huh.
BOO
You guys would make a nice couple. I’d be happy for you.
LOGAN
Someone told me you were in love with Glory.
BOO
Alright, well we don’t have to talk about that.
LOGAN
Sure. Honestly, I don’t care about this either way. If you tell me to ask her out, I’ll do it. I don’t
care.
BOO
You should do it.
LOGAN
Fine. I’ll ask her out by the end of today.
BOO
Good.
LOGAN
Why do you want that? I’m not kidding. I don’t care, I’ll do it.
BOO
I just want what’s best for her.
41

42. LOGAN
Oh, Boo, look at the waves crashing on the shore. Let’s forget about Emma, huh? Isn’t this
romantic?
BOO
No.
LOGAN
Y’know what? You’re right. How about now?
BOO
Don’t touch me.
LOGAN
But Boo! This is such a beautiful Titanic moment! Have you forgotten that we’re deeply in love?
Your cheek-stubble is so warm, Boo. He’s the silent type. He’s so strong. He’s gazing off
pensively. Here comes the iceberg. Every night in my dreams— OH GOD THE ICEBERG! I see
you— OH IT’S KILLING US ALL! Emma, is that a tiny snowglobe!?
EMMA
Yeah!
LOGAN
Did you get that in the gift shop?
EMMA
Yeah!
42

43. LOGAN [departing]
When I die at like 26, I wanna be beaten to death with a tiny snowglobe. Oh my god, that is so
fucking cute. Somebody show me where the gift shop is.
Boo suddenly exhales.
BOO
That’s the strategy. I just need to say nothing, and he’ll get bored and go away.
LOGAN
Snowglobe!
BOO
Hey, Bobby.
BOBBY
I was looking at Alaska’s old Facebook. Uh, he talked a lot about a restaurant called the Lobster
Roll. Maybe he left the note there.
BOO
I… Sure, Bobby. Let’s try that.
BOBBY
We should get the others. Knowing them, they’re probably having a dance party in the gift shop.
Heheh. Oh, and uh, since they’re gonna start a prank war, I’ve been pranking Logan by telling
him that I’m 21 even though I am 20.
43

44. BOO
Good for you, man.
BOBBY
Shall we go collect the children?
BOO
Yeah. You wanna lock arms?
Door is opened.
BOO
You guys having a dance party in the middle of the gift shop?
JO / LOGAN
That’s not how you twerk!
JO
Look at me— it starts at the ankles.
TYLER’S CAR.
Jo is snoring(?).
LOGAN
Bobby, can you do the window again?
44

45. BOBBY
UP… AND DOWN… UP… AND DOWN… UP…
45

46. LATER.
JO
You know, you don’t have to wear a seatbelt.
BOBBY
I know.
JO
Just letting you know.
PARKING LOT.
JO
Did you eat today? He never eats.
BOO
Don’t hassle me. I’ll eat when I feel like it.
JO
Honey, that is not happening. We’re here at Lobster Roll. I’m buying you lunch.
BOO
Sure. Whatever.
BOBBY
Is it possible Alaska would leave a note on the roof?
LOGAN
I think people wanna have lunch first.
46

47. BOBBY
Oh. Ok.
BOO
TYLER! FOOD! DO YOU WANT TO COME?
TYLER
I’m good!
BOO
He’s good.
LOBSTER ROLL.
EMMA
Can I just have a cup of the red dipping sauce?
WAITRESS
Ummm, I can check if we can do that for ya. That’ll probably still come with a charge of $3.50,
if that’s okay with you.
EMMA
That’s fine.
WAITRESS
Alright?
JO
Oookay, I’d like a lobster roll?
47

48. LOGAN
I’d like a lobster roll?
BOO
Hi, I’ll go with a pepsi.
JO
He wants a lobster roll, no pepsi.
BOO
Fine. Just give me whatever.
BOBBY
Nothing for me. I’m going on a diet.
WAITRESS
Is that three lobster rolls?
JO
Yup!
WAITRESS
And I’ll also try to get you that marinara. Awesome! I’ll be back soon with your food. You guys
enjoy this beautiful weather! You picked such a perfect day to visit the Hamptons.
LOGAN
We really did! Thank you!
Waitress walks off on the gravel.
48

49. BOBBY
It’s funny how we’re here for Alaska and suddenly it feels like we’re on vacation.
LOGAN
Like I said. Rushing.
BOO
What?—
JO
Every day is a vacation with me babyyyyy!
BOO
Hey, is there a mirror around here somewhere? Sometimes they’re hard to notice.
JO
I don’t see one?
BOO
Mm…
Boo exhales nervously.
LOGAN
So! I was thinking that we all get matching tattoos. So we get Who Killed Alaska? on the arm
and a little logo, and then, the only thing is Bobby is gonna get a dick on his forehead. I think
that’s something we all can agree on—
49

50. BOO
Bobby. What did you think of Alaska?
BOBBY
I, uh, I… I mean I didn’t even know him really.
BOO
Are you sure? You were at his party.
BOBBY
You and Glory invited me. Like you said to come because no one else was coming.
BOO
Okay, so how did you sort of perceive Alaska, then?
BOBBY
He, he was just your brother.
BOO
That makes sense… So if that’s true, then… you wouldn’t have a… a motive.
EMMA
Boo? Why would you care about that? None of us killed Alaska.
BOO
I don’t, I don’t care. I’m just pointing it out.
JO
Wait. Hello. Raising my hand.
BOO
What’s up?
50

51. JO
I figured this would be helpful information. I’m an empath, and I can tell what a lie is. That is a
half lie. When Bobby said he didn’t know Alaska, he was doubting himself.
BOO
Bobby.
BOBBY
What? N-no! I barely knew him! He was just your brother!
JO
He’s doubting it. That’s not fully true. Bobby, why would you lie about knowing Alaska?
BOBBY
But I’m not lying! Like, like, you’re just saying that I’m lying!
LOGAN
Voice down. There are people around us.
BOBBY
I mean at the time I honestly didn’t have the most positive of impressions of him! Because you
guys fought a lot!
LOGAN
There are people around us and they’re not Outsiders. Voice down.
BOBBY (unison)
Sorry—
JO (unison)
You’re feeling guilty! See, you don’t understand, honey; I am good at reading people.
51

52. BOO
First thing is, Bobby, you attacked Logan—
BOBBY
Tha-tha-that’s not true! You guys made that up!
BOO
Whatever, whatever, you reportedly attacked Logan. And second thing is, I mean, now you’re
lying that you didn’t know Alaska? So why should I— why should I trust you?
LOGAN
It’s fine, Boo.
BOO
“It’s fine!?” You were stabbed!
LOGAN
I was. Harvey Paris did it.
BOO
Are you making a dumb joke?
LOGAN
If anything bad happened, Harvey Paris did it.
BOO
Oh… So that, that’s… what you…
EMMA
Why do we have to fight…
52

53. LOGAN
I’m going to the bathroom.
Logan steps out.
JO
Bobby, can I ask you why you said you didn’t know Alaska?
BOBBY
Because I didn’t!
JO
That’s a fuckin lie— how did you feel about Alaska?
BOBBY
I hated him.
JO
Why?
BOBBY
He was mean to Boo.
JO
That’s a lie! Bobby! Why did you hate Alaska?
BOBBY
I, I don’t know! He felt sadistic!
53

54. JO
Why? Why did he feel sadistic? What did he do?
BOBBY
I don’t know!
JO
Did he do something to you?
BOBBY
No!
JO
You’re lying!
BOBBY
How can you say that I’m lying when I am not lying!?
JO
Because I can read people, Bobby! You’re lying to yourself!
BOBBY
No no no no no no no no no! He didn’t bully me!
BOO
He didn’t bully you?
JO
What?
JO
He’s lying.
54

55. WAITRESS
Alright, here we are! Three lobster rolls… and… a cup of marinara.
JO
I’m just saying, a certain somebody here has been pretty quiet compared to the rest of us ever
since we all met again like a year ago. And that is suspicious of a certain somebody.
WAITRESS
Can I get you guys anything else?
EMMA
We’re good. Thank you.
WAITRESS
I’ll get you some more water—
BOO (unison)
I’m good.
JO (unison)
He’s good.
EMMA
Bobby, don’t cry.
Logan approaches.
55

56. BOBBY
(crying) Everything was so fun, guys. Like I— I’m here with everybody and we can all be happy.
I’m just being Bobby! Like on a nice, sunny day and why’re you telling me that I hurt somebody
and why wouldn’t you believe me and why would you yell at me?
LOGAN
I know where it is.
BOO
What?
LOGAN
I thought of it mid-urination. There was a liquor store he liked. He’d buy stuff there all the time,
when we partied in the Hamptons.
BOO
That’s so…
EMMA
Unsentimental. That’s perfect for Alaska.
BOO
Mm…
TYLER’S CAR.
GPS
Turn left onto Scuttle Hole Road.
56

57. TYLER
Was the food any good? Was it worth the price?
BOBBY
It was good!
GLORY
(singing) Somebody
GPS
You have arrived at your destination.
SEA CLIFF.
BOO
So. Logan has guided us towards the wrong destination.
LOGAN
This is not wrong! This isn’t wrong! Look at the map! Hampton Wine & Liquor!
BOO
Okay well this is obviously the wrong destination, because this is a resort!
TYLER
Let me see?
EMMA
You guys’re okay and all but thank god I get to go home. If anybody comes close to me right
now, I’ll go UGH! UGH! I will knock you out immediately and that’s just a fact.
57

58. TYLER
It says closed permanently.
BOO
Oh.
EMMA / BOBBY
Oh.
TYLER
It looks like it was torn down. The resort in front of us? Is probably where Hampton Wine &
Liquor once was.
BOO
Alright, everybody, let’s pack it up. Go. Let’s get in the car. There’s nothing we can do about
that. I mean I warned you we might not find all the letters.
Alice starts yowling and barking for attention.
JO
We came all this way. We gotta check.
58

59. BOO
We’re not scoping out a resort just outside the
Hamptons.
JO
That’s your problem? You’re just too good for
this place!?
BOO
No, this place is too good for me, Jo! Even if
the note was in there, there’s no way it’s there
anymore! Because this is a different building
now!
EMMA
But we came all the way here!
BOBBY
Let’s let them figure this out.
LOGAN
This place smells like dirt. I’m gonna kick the
rocks. I’m a big monster and these rocks are
the citizens of Japan. (amazing sfx)
Alice runs off, yowling and barking.
BOO
ALICE!
JO
Alice! Come back, sweetie!
EMMA
Why’d you let go of her leash!? You’re stupid! Your brain is so dumb.
59

60. BOO
Alice, I’m coming! Alright! Don’t be scared! EMMA! FLIRT WITH ME LATER! WE CATCH
ALICE NOW!
EMMA
OH WORD? EXCUSE YOU?
Everyone starts running along with Boo.
BOO
Ok! So! Podcast people! To catch you up, Alice just ran away! I’m just— EMMA, I AM
ABUNDANTLY NOT-DUMB, BY THE WAY! ALRIGHT! I’M KINDA HUMBLE ABOUT IT!
YOU SHOULD SEE ME WITH A POLYHEDRONICAL RUBIK’S CUBE! I’M ONLY DUMB
WITH THINGS THAT DON’T INVOLVE BRIGHT COLORS!
EMMA
YOU’RE LUCKY I LOVE ALICE!
BOO
AND YOU HAVEN’T EVEN TALKED TO ME WHILE I’M ON ACID! Where did she go?
BOBBY
Where is she?
BOO
I dunno.
60

61. JO
She ran inside! Yeah, she ran around the corner and then she got into the resort!
BOO
OH GOD, they’re smart! Wow. Alice is too smart! They planned this!
EMMA
I think she went here at random, Boo!
TYLER
Did you find her?
BOBBY
Hi Tyler!
BOO
Since the universe is so tempted to be like this, we’ll get Alice, okay? We’ll check if the note’s in
there, and that’s it! And then we get away from rich white Suffolk county as fast as our weird lil’
Outsider footsies take us.
JO
What’s wrong with being white?
BOO
AH! God, Jo, we have so much to unpack! Wow. Stay on task for 4.8 seconds without saying
something that makes me want to die before I have a fucking breakdown and make white—
white people?— and make rich people call me into a fucking psych ward. Alright? I’m gonna
vomit.
61

62. JO (unison)
Okay.
LOGAN (unison)
Little Curtis! My mouth is still here! AH!
TYLER
What’re we doing?
BOO
It’s time… to take… a vacation…! We’re going in the resort. Heh.
Boo opens the gate.
RESORT.
EMMA
Are you sure Alice went inside?
JO
Yes, I just said that!
EMMA
Okay, okay!
BOO
I bet this place is crawling with celebrities— Alright, how about we sneak into the resort’s beach,
then walk inside like we’re just guests. We’ll split up so we can cover more ground. Then we’ll
look for Alice and the letter. Text an alien emoji in the group chat if staff is onto you.
62

63. EMMA
I’ll go with Logan!
BOO
Sure. I— No wait no. No, we’re splitting up.
LOGAN
It’s not deep.
BOO
I didn’t say it was deep! Okay, WE’RE GOING! Come on!
RESORT.
LOGAN
See you guys.
JO
Bye.
BOBBY
If there is anything crazy, you will hear back from me.
Boo is walking alone.
BOO
Okay… Okay… Alice… Note… Alice… Note… I’m focused. I’m so fucking focused right now.
Um. Emma! Fancy meeting you here.
63

64. EMMA
Have you found Alice yet? Or the note?
BOO
Not yet.
EMMA
Let’s look together!
BOO
While we’re bumping into each other, actually, I wanted to ask you, um. How close were you
and Alaska?
EMMA
Oh! Uh um…
LOGAN
Hey guys! What’re we talking about?
EMMA / BOO
Logan!
EMMA
Fancy meeting you here!
LOGAN
I’m here to kill you! Just kidding! I’m just kidding…
EMMA
Were you asking me a question, Boo?
64

65. BOO
Tyler! Hey!
TYLER
Boo, somebody’s petting a dog over there. Can you help me see if it’s Alice?
BOO
Oh, shit— uh, Emma, hold the mic!
Boo passes off the mic.
EMMA
Uh! Okay!
LOGAN
So Emma.
EMMA
I wonder where this note is…
LOGAN
Let’s talk about you and me.
EMMA
You mean romantically?
LOGAN
Potentially.
65

66. EMMA
Huh?
BOO
I’m back! It wasn’t Alice. Shit, where did Tyler go?
LOGAN
Boo, you’re butting into the conversation.
BOO
Hm? No I’m not.
EMMA
Let’s just look for Alice and the letter!
BOO / LOGAN
Right.
LOGAN
And I can multi-task. Emma. Time to make sultry eye-contact. Then we can move closer until
our eyeballs touch together. It’ll be very sensual.
JO
HEY LOGAN! CAN YOU COME SEE IF THIS WAS ALASKA’S? IS THIS A CLUE?
LOGAN
Yeah, one sec, Jo! I’ll see what she’s saying.
Logan departs.
66

67. EMMA
Logan’s acting different. Um. What, what did the letters look like again?
BOO
I dunno. By the way, I did wanna ask about your relationship with Alaska.
EMMA
I don’t understand why you’re asking about this all of a sudden.
BOO
Ok but you were close to him, so I’m asking about how close to him you were.
EMMA
Yeah, but you haven’t asked about this before.
BOO
My reflection may or may not be pressuring me to ask you about how you felt about Alaska.
EMMA
WHY?
LOGAN
I’m BACK! So eyeballs?
TYLER
There you guys are!
BOO / LOGAN / EMMA
Fancy meeting you here.
BOO
Jinx. Pay up.
67

68. LOGAN
Here’s a dollar.
TYLER
Have you guys been trying to find Alice? Or the letter?
BOO
“Letter, Alice.” It’s been going through my head this whole time, “Letter, Alice, letter, Alice.”
LOGAN (unison)
By the way, can we talk later?
BOO (unison)
Also, Emma, can we talk later?
LOGAN
What?
BOO
What?
EMMA
What? Let’s sequentially try to walk through the north wing first.
BOO
Hear that, Logan? Are you gonna stay on task while we sequentially walk through the
something-something?
EMMA
Can you guys pay attention?
68

69. Boo walks off.
TYLER
Let’s find this letter…
LOGAN / EMMA
Where did Boo go?
LOGAN
Emma. Do you like movies?
EMMA
No. Yes.
LOGAN
Do you like dates with hot singles in your area?
BOO
HA! Hello! I’m back! What’s up?
TYLER
Fancy meeting you here—
LOGAN
Shit, I’m gonna go check that out. I bet the letter could be there.
BOO
Oh, bye? You know what this room reminds me of?
EMMA / TYLER
What?
69

70. BOO
Alaska’s death. Hey Emma, did you kill Alaska?
EMMA
WHAT?
BOO
I’M KIDDING, I’M KIDDING! Haha. That was a funny joke and this is the part where I ask you
um, why you met up with Alaska that night. Just kidding, that was a joke too. Be right back,
gotta vomit.
TYLER
What is happening?
LOGAN
AH!
EMMA
AH!
LOGAN
Haha! What kinda movies do you like, Emma?
EMMA
Movies! Babymetal concerts on DVD! AH! Uh! Hey, Tyler, how is frozen yogurt?
TYLER
How is frozen yogurt?
EMMA
How is, how is frozen yogurt? Yeah, I—
70

71. LOGAN
Emma?
EMMA
I, I, I’m lactose intolerant but only when the food isn’t cold enough—
BOO
You guys think I’m joking about vomiting, and that’s because I am for sure.
Overwhelmed, Emma groans.
BOO
Hey, Emma, hey, why did you meet up with Alaska that night? Before the drugs. Like, uh. You
didn’t sell to him, did you?
EMMA
No!
LOGAN
Boo, y’gotta stop butting into conversations.
TYLER
I gotta use the restroom.
BOO
I also gotta use the restroom.
They leave.
71

72. EMMA
We’re kinda engaged in searching for the note!
BOO
And my dick is engaged. It’s pee-pee time. Don’t be grossed out.
LOGAN
Aw man, look at that. We’re finally alone.
EMMA
I guess we are! So, did something good happen?
LOGAN
Mmm, that’s a good question. Huh, yeah, I guess I feel bad for you.
EMMA
You feel bad for me? But— why’re you talking about me so much?
BOO
I’m back!
LOGAN
Boo! Go away!
BOO
Logan, I’m gonna lose it, can I talk to you one-on-one?
LOGAN
Okay, Dickus Maximus! Little Booty Ham Sandwich! Are you gonna sex me?
72

73. BOO
Shut up.
LOGAN
Here’s my impression of a donkey that doesn’t want to listen to you. (screams like a human)
Emma coughs.
TYLER
I am way too introverted for all this crazy stuff. This is why I’m emo.
EMMA
That’s such a weird thing to say.
TYLER
Okay?
EMMA
You’re emo in 2022?
Emma sucks in her drool.
BOO / LOGAN
Fancy meeting you here.
EMMA / TYLER
Fancy meeting you here.
73

74. TYLER
We’re about to walk into the resort’s bar. It’s gonna be crowded and there might be security. Is
everybody ready?
EMMA
Can we check the window first?
TYLER
Why?
EMMA
We, um… security, I just thought, security—
TYLER
There’s a window to the bar, up there!
EMMA
That’s— exactly— uh, yeah.
TYLER
We can see if Alice or the note are in there.
BOO
We need a chair.
LOGAN
I can hold somebody up. Who’s going up?
TYLER
Emma’s the lightest.
74

75. EMMA
Um… yes, I… mm…
LOGAN
Alright, you ready, Emma? I’m gonna lift you up and you’re gonna check for Alice or the letter.
EMMA
Okay.
Logan lifts Emma up.
LOGAN
Goddamn, eat food sometimes. Do you see anything, Emma?
BOO
Emma, are you okay?
EMMA
Okay…
LOGAN
How’s the weather up there, beautiful?
BOO
Logan, what the fuck are you saying with your human mouth? Why, why’re you being weird?
LOGAN
Has nobody called you beautiful before?
75

76. EMMA
Not enough.
Logan laughs.
EMMA
You’re not enough.
LOGAN
Talk louder. I can’t hear you.
EMMA
This isn’t my fairy tale.
LOGAN
What’re you talking about up there?
EMMA
Maybe I’m the only one who understands… I still need more. I need more. It’s like… It’s like
those five minutes we had in high school. Actually, no. It’s just like with Alaska. Except you
aren’t even in my head… So…
LOGAN
What about Alaska?
EMMA
Logan?
76

77. LOGAN
Emma?
EMMA
I need more. What do you look like on the inside?
LOGAN
What?
TYLER
What’re you guys doing?
Logan & Emma both vocalize, aware of their surroundings again.
TYLER
Are you guys quoting a movie or something?
BOO
They, um, sometimes they just say things, but um…
TYLER
Emma, do you see anything in the bar or not? The window?
Tyler knocks on the wall.
EMMA
AH! Uh— Yes!! There’s a wall of thank you notes to the hotel!
77

78. TYLER
That probably won’t be it—
EMMA
I SEE IT! It’s up there with the thank you notes!
LOGAN
Hey Emma.
EMMA
Yeah?
LOGAN
SUPLEX!
EMMA
AHHHHH!
78

79. AD
JO
Eyyyyyy, I’m making JAGERBOMBS! WE’RE GETTING GERMAN, BITCHES! MY
ITALIAN ANCESTORS ARE FINITO!
BOO
Welcome to the ad spot we gotta do for American capitalism. Before the ad read, here’s a
Soundcloud rap by Logan Goldberg.
Song: “God As My Witness” by “Bluesy” aka Logan.
BOO
(rap-like) Uh. Yeah. Get it. Brrr.
LOGAN
Boo, I told you NOT TO DO THAT!
JO
Logan! Calm down!
BOBBY
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Jo initiates. Logan puts up some fight against Jo, more in defense than offense.
Logan is pushed to the ground, laughing as if this is a play-fight.
In the scuffle, Boo is kicked in the knee and it hurts a little on impact.
79

80. BOO
AH!— Logan! You just fucked up my leg. Careful with that shit. Now I’m gonna be in pain all
night. I’m not gonna be able to concentrate, so I can’t do the ad read, which means we don’t get
money. God, Logan, why are you such a disease to society? Do better. Honestly.
LOGAN
(being attacked) If you don’t want to do the ad read, I can do it.
Jo is laughing while beating Logan up.
BOO
No, I’m chill.
LOGAN
(being attacked) Okay, Mr. Toxic Masculinity Man.
BOO
That is rich, coming out of your dry mouth. Put some chapstick on.
LOGAN
(being attacked) What does that even mean? Are you saying I have toxic masculinity?
JO
(laughing) I’m beating you up so much!
BOO
(joking) Emma, help! Logan knocked me down! I need mouth-to-mouth!
80

81. EMMA
(joking) I’ve got you, my dude. Logan, quick, give Boo mouth-to-mouth!
LOGAN
(being attacked) I’d love to, but I’m being attacked.
BOO
Coward.
BOBBY
Jo, you can let up a little.
JO
You want some, Bobby?
BOBBY
I’m good.
EMMA
Me and Bobby are scared so we’re standing in the corner.
BOO
Logan, you can read the ad read if you wanna do that. I’m gonna obtain my first aid kit and I’ll
do the actual take of it when I get back.
JO
Logan, you need to fight back! We wanted a rematch!
LOGAN
(being attacked) New merch just hit the Who Killed Alaska merch store. Now you can wear a
fucking awesome shirt that says, “Today could be difficult. Today could be trying, and I’m
81

82. prepared to be scared and overwhelmed. Everything is always worth a try, and a try is worth your
confidence.” So there’s that. We’re here for your needs, so you can also wear a shirt that says, “If
you like Who Killed Alaska, please be my friend.” Because if you listen to this show, you’re like
a weird person.
BOBBY
Logan, it’s okay, I can do it.
LOGAN
(being attacked) Thanks.
BOBBY
Check out the new merch at WhoKilledAlaska.com/merch. That’s WhoKilledAlaska.com/merch.
We also have a Discord server! Enter the sparkling gates of our Discord using the link in the
description, so you can join the coolest blossoming fanbase on the block. On the Discord server,
you can discuss the show, make friends, read and write theories, and see how people draw us in
the fanart and whatnot! But mostly people draw Boo and Denver. Somebody draw me please.
Draw me in like, uh… hm. Draw me in a fun hat. The Discord server also has cute emojis of us
that you can use! Like an emoji of me looking confused! I’m like— (confused noise) UH?
Emma, you wanna try this part? We usually switch off for the different sections—
EMMA (interrupting)
(too loud) Thank you so much to our Patrons! Because of you guys, the show is actually getting
money, and it makes a HUGE difference! So, thank you to Sarah, LavenderKozzy, grinleysspa,
Rick Troxel, Shep, Nicole Collard, Kristine McDavid, Emma, Nar Juzz, Brad Goupil, Lilly
Carleton, CJ Taylor-Caldwell, Andrew Roper, Laura B, and Shay!
82

83. BACK TO SCENE.
EMMA
AHHHHH!
LOGAN
Ch— God! Chill out. I wasn’t gonna do it.
RESORT.
TYLER
Are we stealing it?
BOO
No… no, I can read it. Um. I’m taking a picture.
EMMA
That’s it? Well what does it say?
BOO
Hm.
BOBBY
Hey guys, we found Alice!
JO
Let’s get out before they kick us out.
OUTSIDE.
With Alice.
83

84. BOO
Hey puppy. Naw, no need to apologize. I get it.
JO
Sweetie. Can you tell us about the note?
BOO
Sure… Uh. So, um… Look, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you guys this. I’m gonna read it,
okay?
EMMA
Just do it!
BOO
“Buenos dias, Boo. I know why you’re here. Sorry, I guess.” Then he crossed out, “I hope
everything is going to be okay.”
After that, it says, “The sheep love to say they accept everybody. They don’t. Don’t be
too loud. Don’t watch your back. Don’t stir a Cup Noodle with your naked finger. I’m in Stump
Town, by the way, and people keep staring at me. I’m stirring a Cup Noodle with my naked
finger. Lmao.” (sighs) “It never gets to me all the way. But everyone is looking for a reason to
hate you. Especially if you sleep on their couch. I needed extra nutrition. I chewed the gum under
people’s tables. Hating you is just an excuse to get your couch empty again. They want the gum
under their tables. Half of everybody hates that I drank all their coffee. I don’t know why I
expect more out of sheep.
84

85. You’re smart in your own way. You see where I’m going. They’re hoping to damage my
mental health. They want to give me the kind of injuries that show up on a neurologist’s brain
scan. I’m a snake on a Roman bust, Boo. It’s not gonna happen.
I’m doing better than you think, by the way. It’s hard to contact you right now. I sleep in
the basement of an apartment and the owner never comes home—” (correcting himself) Barely,
not never. “Uhh, he’s never seen me. The smoke alarm is overactive, but I’m too smart for god. I
stuff the holes with CVS receipts. He uses this place to hide from his wife a couple nights a
week. The sex is brutal.
I’m on a lot of hit lists right now, I bet. Staying here has made it more obvious to me that
I’m being stalked. At night, somebody I can’t see crouches down by the basement’s one window.
They’re waiting for me to” (hesitates) “end it myself, probably. Less work for them. But it’s not
happening. I took a bath with a toaster and it was broken.
The timing’s beautiful. As soon as I ran out of hair bleach, the police stopped giving a
shit about me. You’ll have to gather evidence to bring to court. You have to solve my death.
Boo, one day you’ll stop haunting your own name. You’re gonna be somebody. Love
you. Peace.”
LOGAN
You skipped something.
BOO
How do you know that?
LOGAN
It doesn’t matter. Read the part you skipped.
85

86. BOO
You can’t read Fishish. You don’t know what you’re talking about.
LOGAN
There’s a symbol for each letter. R is the squiggly spiral, A is the triangle—
BOO
How do you know that?
LOGAN
I memorized the letter you read out loud this morning, and then I compared with the written
letter. You gave it to me, remember? Now read the part you skipped.
BOO
No, that’s not possible! You detect lies! Is he telling the truth?
JO
He’s telling the truth. He memorized Fishish.
BOO
That’s totally ludicrous. How can you do that?
LOGAN
Read the part you skipped, Boo. Read it.
BOO
It says… “You have to solve my death, unless it’s you. I hope it’s not you, Boo.”
LOGAN
Exactly. So why didn’t you read that part, Boo? Huh? Do you wanna share with the class? Do
you wanna drop some important info onto your podcast?
86

87. JO
Do we have a fucking problem, Logan?
Jo goes to step in front of Boo.
JO
Stick to your guns, dude.
BOO
Hey, Logan? I’m trying to work on forgiving you.
LOGAN
For what?
BOO
For not saving him.
The wind picks up.
LOGAN
I’m going home.
JO
Boo. I made everybody friendship bracelets.
BOO
It just says “We Are Friends.”
87

88. JO
Hey, you’re okay—
BOO
Can I be alone?
JO
Fine.
Tyler unlocks the car. Everyone starts piling in.
EMMA
I still have his microphone…
BOBBY
Give it to him.
EMMA
Here’s your microphone back.
BOO
Thanks.
Emma returns the microphone to Boo.
BOO
Emma?
88

89. EMMA
What’s up?
BOO
Did you do it?
EMMA
No.
BOO
Make eye contact with me and say it again. Emma Wooten, did you kill him?
EMMA
No.
BOO
But you talked about Alaska, when we were in the hallway? And then you talked to Logan about
— what was that— you wanted to see his insides? So I just— I know you didn’t mean it. I like
you, I like being around you. Should I be afraid of you instead? I like the way you operate, but
I’m starting to wonder if you respect me, or any of us, and if you don’t even care about Logan,
you’re freaking me out.
EMMA
There’s a reason I don’t like the conversations about your brother.
BOO
Okay?
89

90. EMMA
There was a time I wanted to kill Alaska myself. Or maybe I wanted him to choke on a Xanax
and die forever.
BOO
Emma.
EMMA
I’m having a dissociative episode, and it started when Logan held me up to the window. You
know what? I don’t go near windows much. Maybe windows give me dissociative episodes.
BOO
Okay, yeah, I can see that you’re out of it. Are you okay?
EMMA
No. The last time I felt like this, Alaska was in my brain.
BOO
Can you just, can you, can you take a couple steps back? Look, I’m a big fan of personal space,
so—
EMMA
My opium is special. When you take my opium, you go to the Happy Place.
BOO
(laughing incredulously) Don’t pitch this to me again. Are you serious?
EMMA
The Happy Place is special.
90

91. BOO
Emma.
EMMA
It’s special! Boo, it’s special. It’s its own place, where time and movement have different rules.
Haven’t you ever been uncomfortable in this world? Don’t you ever want to leave your skin?
BOO
Look, I don’t know if I’ve told you this, but I’ve struggled with addiction before.
EMMA
I dissociated like this before, once. In the Happy Place. It’s always sunny there… Why did I start
to feel far away like this? I wonder if I saw a window? The night of the killing…
Pause.
EMMA
The flash happened. Obviously, Alaska and I went in different directions, and I was alone in the
woods. It was dark and cold, but then I texted him, and I asked if he wanted to meet up. We met
in the greenhouse. I found him kneeling between two shadows. We calmed down. Then I opened
up a few poppies. I always left my basket of gardening supplies in the gap by the woodbine, I
still do, so I pulled out my gear and got to work on the opium.
BOO
Yeah?
91

92. EMMA
Together. It was his idea. No, it was mine— kinda. I just needed it, I needed it so bad, I was
falling apart. But it was the first time I’d ever shared that with someone, together. We didn’t lay
out the opium to dry. Usually, I just roll the opium up, and, I even know how to roll them up in
black tupelo leaves. But, but, but I said we should drink it like kings, and we, and we licked it
off. And it hit me so fast and my senses shut off right away. When you switch over to the Happy
Place, you move into a darkness that could kill God. And then I was in the Happy Place. And the
sun was shining. But then something weird happened.
Pause.
BOO
What happened?
EMMA
I went to the Happy Place… and Alaska was there too.
BOO
Oh.
EMMA
There, in a place without bodies, we were becoming one brain. Our neurons were melting into
each other. I loved him, and then, I could feel everything he could feel. I ran away and I could
feel everything he could feel. I banged my head against something and I could feel everything he
could feel. I screamed and I could feel everything he could feel. And his thoughts were my
92

93. thoughts. They were leaking into my head and then they were my head. And all his thoughts
were coming from my brain and I zoomed into them and his thoughts were, like, spilling out the
holes between my eyeballs and my eyelids.
BOO
That sounds like a lot.
EMMA
It was survivable for the first month.
BOO
The first month?
EMMA
I guess “month” is a pretty objective temporal measurement, so that’s not accurate. Time passes
differently in the Happy Place. Actually, between today and the last time I’ve seen you, it’s been
years for me. I’ve been doing a lot of opium lately. That’s why I act different every time you see
me. I don’t know how old I am anymore.
BOO
I guess you’d be too old for me!
EMMA
Me and Alaska were in the Happy Place for years. But in Earth time, it was probably a couple
hours. Boo. Meet me tomorrow in Stump Town. I’ll show you what it’s like when I go to the
Happy Place.
BOO
Okay.
93

94. GREENHOUSE.
EMMA
I’m gonna do it. Ready?
BOO
Not at all but go ahead.
Emma takes a drag.
EMMA
So it takes a bit of time to hit you.
A long silence.
EMMA
Now I’m in darkness.
BOO
What?
EMMA
Don’t you just hate when somebody cuts you off at the store and then you’re in the Happy Place
and everything is okay? I’m in the Happy Place now, Boo. Oh, and here’s the wolf, good boy!
Good boy! Yes, I’m so happy to be here with you! Yes, yes, stranger rose up on you, good boy!
Good boy! Oh, the opium tastes so good! It tastes so good in my lungs! Kill me!
94

95. SOMEONE’S HOUSE.
JO
Hey Boo?
BOO
Yeah?
JO
Are we friends?
BOO
Yeah.
JO
Cool. Why are you holding my hand?
BOO
I’m nervous.
95

96. CREDITS
THE GHOST FACTORY
WRITER/DIRECTOR/HEAD - Cameron Le Brun
SCRIPT EDITOR - Lorena De Leon
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT - Joshua Mays
MUSIC - Thor Speeler, Cameron Le Brun
TRUMPET - Jacob Lundy
SOUND DESIGN - Avery Callahan, Andres Buitrago, Cornelius Wilkening, Jacob Lundy
MIX & MASTER - Manas Kunder, Chris Zagortchev
ART - Bella Wynne, Lock Reinhardt, and doritofalls
BOBBY YORKE - Kyle Parker
LOGAN GOLDBERG - Trent Trachtenberg
EMMA WOOTEN - Liz Mina
JO MAGARO - Sally Roberts
BOO CURTIS - Alex Redd
GLORY JOHNSON - Lindsay Zana
TYLER BLUM - Thor Speeler
OTHER VOICES - Itsuki Kurose, David Scott Greene, Charity Spencer
PATRONS - Sarah, LavenderKozzy, grinleysspa, Rick Troxel, Shep, Nicole Collard, Kristine
McDavid, Emma, Nar Juzz, Brad Goupil, Lilly Carleton, CJ Taylor-Caldwell, Andrew Roper,
Laura B, and Shay
96