Master interpersonal skills like a dance

1
|
MTL: The Professional Development Programme
The Interpersonal Dance
THE INTERPERSONAL
DANCE
The steps to closer rapport

2
|
Attribution: All images are from sources where a Creative Commons license exists for commercial use. All icons are on subscription
from thenounproject. All clipart is from free sources. The MTL Professional Development Programme is copyright of Manage Train
Learn.
The Interpersonal
Dance
Introduction: An interpersonal exchange between two people is like a dance.
First, one leads and the other follows. Then the roles are reversed and the
other person leads while the partner follows. The pair are distinct, yet
together; themselves but one, moving as a unit but still their own two selves.
One-to-one communication is the most important way we can build
relationships with others.

3
|
1. INITIATION
Initiation is the first stage of a one-to-one
encounter. It can consist of four body language
signals all of which may be over in just a matter
of seconds. They are the eye-brow flash to
indicate your willingness to engage; face
scanning to read the other person; the
downward glance to signify that you are not
hostile; and the mutual gaze where you scan the
other person’s face.
Hi there, can you help me?
Flickr attribution: /tupwanders/79495273/

4
|
Interpersonal Skills
Are Like a Dance
The quality of our relationships depends on how well we apply the
skills of interpersonal communication. When we fail to use these
skills properly, we set up a series of communications roadblocks:
wrong perceptions of others; disliking; emotional distancing.
In a successful interpersonal exchange there
are five skills present. These are: active
listening; genuine questions; noticing what the
other person says and does; interpreting with
an open mind; and responding appropriately.
The interpersonal exchange is like a dance
between two people. First, one leads and the
other follows. Then the roles are reversed and
the other person leads while the partner
follows. The pair are distinct, yet together;
themselves but one, moving as a unit but still
their own two selves.

5
|
2. LISTEN
There are two ways to listen effectively. The first
way is to adopt the techniques of active listening
such as stopping what you're doing and giving
full attention to the other person. The second
way is to be genuinely interested in the other
person. This means putting the other person's
needs at that moment ahead of your own and
being willing to learn something new.
You cannot listen fully unless you want to learn
Flickr attribution: /lythienhoang/21890041055/

6
|
"If you really listen
carefully, others will
present you with the
answers in what they say.
If you've not been
listening, you won't find
them. If you have, they're
the solutions to the
problem."
Three Tips on
Listening
Gerry is explaining to Ali why
he puts so much faith in
listening as a problem-
solving tool.
"When I listen closely, without
thinking ahead to my next
question, I find the right
questions pop up naturally. You
have to get over the hurdle of
wanting to impress by focusing
all your attention on others…"
"When you don't know the
answer to a problem,
listening is the only thing
you can do. I've found that
if you can tolerate the
silence long enough,
others will always crack
first and say something..."

7
|
3. GENUINE
QUESTIONS
Two categories of questions which are important
in relationships are the genuine and the non-
genuine question. Non-genuine questions have
hidden meanings, often criticism, sarcasm,
blame, and put-down. We use them when we
want to disguise our real intention. Genuine
questions, on the other hand, convey a real
interest in others. They are unambiguous, direct
and open.
Ask questions for information not to catch people out
Flickr attribution: /sk8geek/4432441300/

8
|
Genuine
Questions
Genuine questions are those that genuinely want to find out information from
others. They imply a willingness on the part of the questioner to learn something
from someone else. There are five types of genuine question.
1. Closed
To check
information eg
"How old are
you?" Closed
questions
usually confirm
information.
1
2. Open
To elicit
information,
feelings and views
eg "What do you
feel about...?"
Open questions
open up a
conversation and
lead to free
information.
2
4. Probing
To help
someone
understand
more.
eg "Exactly
how?What do
you mean
"must"?"
4
3. Reflective
To find out
what is meant
eg "I always do
it this way."
"Always?"
3
5. Summarising
To check you
understand, eg "So
what you're saying
is...?"
5

9
|
4. NOTICE
If we practise active listening and the use of
genuine questions, we then have chance to
notice what is going on inside the other person.
We can notice the rate at which they speak; the
tone of their voice; how comfortable they are;
how they stand; and so on. The act of noticing
enables us to gather information about them and
let them know we want to continue.
Notice without assuming
Flickr attribution: /nalejandro/15826190258/

10
|
Successful Managers Notice Individual Differences
"Differentiation" is the ability to notice a
large number of different features in
another object or person.
Professor Fred Fiedler has found that the
ability to differentiate marks out successful
as against less successful managers. He
discovered in a study of football team
coaches that the successful coaches knew
more individual features about their
players than the less successful coaches
While the better ones could say who shot
well, who dribbled well, who ran well, the
poorer managers could only rate their
players on overall ability.
Sir Alex Ferguson (left) managed football team, Manchester United, from 1986 to 2013
and won a record 38 trophies. Defender Jaap Stam says of him: "He understands exactly
how to get the best out of every individual. He also knows all our strengths and
weaknesses inside out: when we should play, when we should be rested; our best
positions for specific games."

11
|
5. INTERPRET
In any interpersonal situation we scan the other
person in order to understand their responses,
interpret meaning and so make our next move.
Making incorrect interpretations can lead to
misunderstanding. We can never be sure of
making 100% correct interpretations. It helps to
keep an open mind, double-check any
unexpected impressions and guard against
making false interpretations.
Giving a view of what you see
Flickr attribution: /kongharald/3186279530/

12
|
6. RESPOND
Carl Rogers suggests there are five types of
response we can make in an interpersonal
exchange. We can give an evaluative response, ie
an opinion. We can give an interpretative
response, checking out our understanding of
what they mean. We can say something
supportive of the other person. We can say
something empathic to comment on it. Or we
can ask a question and so continue the exchange.
I hear what you said and this is my view
Flickr attribution: /mdgovpics/13603486304/

13
|
DON’T
READ
HIDDEN
MEANINGS
INTO
OTHERS’
MOTIVES
We tend to believe that other people's
actions are far more pre-meditated,
planned and deliberate than our own. This
is probably because while we know our
own thought and emotion processes, we do
not know those of others. All we see is the
end result. So while we know we behave
unintentionally for some of the time, we
don't tend to believe others do.
The next time someone at work asks you
to pick up the ringing phone, don't
imagine they're trying to get out of the
job or trick you into dealing with a
difficult call. They may just want you to
pick up the phone!
So…

14
|
7. BUILD AND
BREAK
RAPPORT
Rapport is the result of finding common ground
with others. It creates a feeling of knowing and
liking the other person. There are a number of
techniques that you can use to aid rapport-
building, including making pleasant small talk;
use of the person's name; and mirroring of ideas
and body language. Just as these can be used to
build rapport, stopping them can be used to
break off rapport and so end a one-to-one
exchange.
Well, that’s funny, I have one as well
Flickr attribution: /pierre_tourigny/1877435934/

15
|
This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn
AFinal
Word
The success of an organisation is the result of the success of its individual communications.
When they are poor, because people do not speak, or answer, or listen, or respond, the
whole group suffers. When they are good, because people learn and practise the art of one-
to-one relationships, understanding is high. People get on.

Master interpersonal skills like a dance

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

What's hot

What's hot (20)

Similar to Master interpersonal skills like a dance

Similar to Master interpersonal skills like a dance (20)

More from Manage Train Learn

More from Manage Train Learn (20)

Recently uploaded

Recently uploaded (20)

Master interpersonal skills like a dance