Neil Denny outlines the first three steps in dealing with difficult clients: change your position, speak up, and stop labeling clients. He emphasizes the importance of shifting from a defensive mindset to one of service, while understanding that clients desire to be delighted rather than viewed as difficult. Denny argues that there's no such thing as a difficult client, only those who are disappointed or mismatched with the service provided.

1. The first three steps in
dealing with difficult
clients
With Neil Denny, conflict leadership speaker
and trainer

2. The first three
steps in dealing
with difficult
clients are not
ready, aim, fire.

3. “But conflict feels so good!”
Conflict seduces us to act in ways that
reward us with a short-term pay-off at
the cost of our businesses’ longer term
needs and interests.

4. It costs between 7 to 20 times
more to sell to a new customer
than it does to sell to an existing
one.
Source: http://www.camfoundation.com/PDF/Cost-of-customer-
acquisition-vs-customer-retention.pdf

5. Being seduced by conflict is expensive.
You can count the cost in no less than 5
currencies.
1. Money
2. Time
3. Energy
4. Reputation
5. Opportunity

6. The first three steps, proper
1. Change position
2. Speak up
3. Stop doing that thing that you
do

7. Change position
Difficult clients challenge us on
three levels
1. Competence
2. Integrity
3. Being appreciated

8. Change position/ Competence
Aspire to do brilliant work
always but give up on being
perfect. That way, you can stop
defending the impossible.

9. Change position/ Integrity
“Are you calling me a liar?”
Humans long to act to be seen to
act in ways that are consistent
with committed positions.
See Influence by Robert Cialdini

10. Change position/ Appreciation
“Am I worthy of being loved?”

11. Change position/ Appreciation
“And that’s the thanks I get?!”
Wrong perspective – all about
me.
Need to shift to a “Being of
service” mindset.

13. Make the shift from…
Defensive
Evasive
Destructive
Criticising
Counter-attacking
Talk about blame
Telling
Open
Engaged
Constructive
Non-critical
At rest
Talk about contribution
Asking

14. How to make the shift?
Step 1. Tell me what happened.
Step 2. Tell me what happened.
Step 3. Let me check what you
say happened.

15. Speak up/ Assert yourself
Only when the other person
knows they have been heard and
understood will they be able to
hear your version of events.

16. Speak up/ Assert yourself
• Standing up for your own rights in such a way
that you do not violate another person’s rights
• Expressing your needs, wants, opinions,
feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and
appropriate ways
Taken from Assertiveness at work by Back and Back

17. Speak up/ Assert yourself
Do you know what you need in order to best serve
your clients?
Do you dare to let your clients know – in ways that `Do
not violate’ their rights?
Do you know who you do your best work with?

18. The 80/20 rule and
the Red Velvet Rope
Policy
(see Michael Port’s Book Yourself Solid)

19. Step Three.
Stop doing that thing that we do

20. Stop labelling difficult clients
The halo effect cuts both ways.
Kahnemann Thinking Fast and
Slow

21. Stop labelling difficult clients
When we give labels then we
make it very difficult for
individuals to implement the
very changes we long to see.

22. What if there is no such thing as
a difficult client?
These are the people we longed
to come, so that we could serve
them and make a living doing so.

23. What if there is no such thing as
a difficult client?
Clients do not want to trick us,
trap us or prove us wrong…
Clients want us to delight them.

24. There is no such thing as a
difficult client…
Only the disappointed ones and
the ones who are wrong for us.
Ready for the good news?

25. …They are both in your control.
Your next steps…

27. Or, grab me now or on
neil@neildenny.com to discuss how
conflict leadership coaching,
keynotes or training can help your
business to thrive.

28. T: 07815 727693
E: neil@neildenny.com
www.neildenny.com