Stress diary guide: Secondary Gains and the barriers we set up to keep us moving forward or as unconscious self-protection.

1. Stress Diary Journal Guides Guide 6: Secondary Gains
Guide 6: Secondary
Gains
Reasons for Secondary
Stress Diary Journal gain
Your Guide  Rewards
 Attention
 Fear of responsibility
What is S econdary G ains?
 Loss of love
Secondary gain is a psychiatric Secondary gain does not mean Chronic pain is pain that
term meaning that a person has the person is “faking”. continues on past the time of an  Loss of income
a hidden reason for holding injury being healed, often having
onto an undesirable condition. Reasons for secondary gain: no apparent cause in the  Reinforcement of a
Frequently this reason is Examples present. Finding and releasing behaviour
unconscious. It is obviously the perception of secondary
unconscious because the loss * For instance, often smokers gain, such as the attention one  Getting care and
of holding onto the condition is aren't ready to quit because receives, monetary compensa- encouragement
often far greater than the having a cigarette is the only tion for disability, or just the
perceived gain. The secondary "break" they allow themselves, need to deny the original cause  Maintaining status quo
gain trap is not something and they're not willing to live of the pain, can greatly
shameful. It’s a behavioural life with no breaks - no contribute to healing.  Ensuring conformity
mechanism that people get relaxation periods or time away
trapped in, not a negative from work or family or their * Fear of responsibility is  Resistance to change
reflection on your personality own stressful thoughts. Once another secondary gain. One
(i.e. does not mean your they see that, and find a way to may feel that added success,  Reducing anxiety
personality = manipulative). take a different kind of break, love or prosperity is going to
Secondary gain does not mean say, a 15-minute walk, or a quick ultimately demand more than  Denying conflict/
having the problem is positive lie-down, or whatever, the need can be provided. One may be confrontation
for the person overall, just that is satisfied and they're suddenly exposed as a fraud - being
there are some benefits to it. *willing* unconsciously to let "found out" as not really  Enforces a created
When distress/impairment is go of the cigarettes capable or competent to cope persona
kept going by secondary gain with this higher level of good.
mechanisms, it’s not any less * This term is often used in
real than any other kind!! chronic pain management.
R easons for S econdary G ain
* Loss of love may be a deciding welfare, unemployment benefits does not really like spending
factor. One may feel that they or family support. time with their partner’s ‘Having a
will move out of the sphere of friends. When person is hidden reason
their current peer group, * Stop drinking. Your conscious experiencing a lot of pain, their
family, or romantic relationship mind says, well you should stop partner does not pressure for holding on
if they change too much. drinking. The unconscious mind them to go to social events as to an
is thinking, drinking equals much. Their pain is reinforced. undesirable
* Loss of income. Ironically comfort, relaxation, ease,
enough, some will prevent de-stressing, etc. That is * Client gets more
condition!
themselves from manifesting a secondary gain. And, why would encouragement and caring
greater income because they anyone give that up? comments from their therapist
will lose the current, reliable the longer they stay distressed
income. This can apply to * A person with chronic pain during sessions. Person staying

2. Page 2 Stress Diary Journal
distressed is reinforced. reinforced overwhelming. If they get
“unsick” they will need to
* Person uses depression as * Person is scared of letting return to work and fulfil their
explanation for why they can’t people close to them. They act own or others’ high
do something their partner outlandishly and people expectations. Staying sick (this
wants, when they would find it withdraw from them. Acting could be chronic fatigue, an
hard even if they were not outlandishly is reinforced. eating disorder etc) is
depressed. Their partner backs reinforced.
off when they cite their * Person with social anxiety
depression as the reason for feels understood when they * Person is scared of
their behaviour. Attributing start learning about social succeeding almost as much as
problems to depression is anxiety. They create an identity they are scared of failing.
reinforced. around having anxiety. Having Person knows making changes
social anxiety is reinforced by to their work process would
* A person’s partner does not feeling understood. give them a chance of
leave then while they are succeeding on a much bigger
depressed or suicidal. Staying * Person finds the pressure of scale than their current level of
depressed /suicidal is their work and/or achieving success. They don’t make the
changes they know are likely to * How do you think secondary with an answer. Also be aware
“ How do help because when they get gain is trying to serve you? that as soon as you become
started on the changes they get * What's its higher purpose for conscious of the unconscious
you think a spike in anxiety about your benefit? gain, it is no longer the
succeeding. A good idea is to examine what unconscious gain. Once you
Secondary NOT achieving your conscious have identified the underlying
Gain is * Person is putting off their life goal, or the particular way in strong payoff you can think
(e.g. putting off dating) until which you go about things, is about and try out other ways of
trying to they lose weight. If dating is getting for you, or allowing you getting the same payoff that
serve anxiety provoking, then not to do. would still allow you to have the
losing weight is reinforced. * What's the payoff? original conscious goal.
you?” Then examine the benefits and
How to work with this? Ask payoff of THAT. The idea is not to give up the
yourself secondary gain but to find
And so on until you come up other ways of achieving it that
are more compatible with your work with the secondary gain to do?
overall goals and lifestyle be able to increase your Gives me a good excuse not to
preference. If getting drunk is resourceful options. fly...
the only way you know how to
relax you will definitely drink. If An example process to What does having a good
it is one of 15 really effective determine cause excuse not to fly get for you or
ways you have of unwinding at * Fear of flying. You desire to allow you to do?
the end of the day you have a overcome your fear of flying, Keeps me safe
lot of choice, and can CHOOSE and have had difficulty doing
the method that is right for you. so... you decide to examine What does being safe get for
If you have a desire to be a non what fear of flying is doing for you or allow you to do.?
-drinker you are more likely to you or allowing you to do. Go on living
choose one of the many ways
available to you that do not Ask: What does being afraid of What does going on living get
involve drinking. You need to flying get for me or allow me to for you or allow you to do?

3. Page 3 Guide 6: Secondary Gains
everything! Live, learn laugh Apply it to yourself: * What do you not gain by
grow... having this problem?
Identify a persistent important * What don't you gain by having
What does being able to do problem where you’re not doing this problem?
everything, live learn laugh and the things that a reasonable * What do you gain by having
grow get for you or allow you to person would consider are this problem?
do? likely to help solve/improve the * What don't you not gain by
achieve my dreams problem. having this problem?
Ask yourself –
What does being able to achieve
your dreams get for you or * Are there any “benefits” Do remember it is essential to
allow you to do? you’re getting from staying recognise the positive intention
makes life worth living stuck? [e.g. reduced behind dysfunctional or
and so on... expectations, not having to do destructive behaviours.
things other people want you to Sometimes the gain relates to
do that you don’t really want to out of date or childhood inten-
do]. tions and the behaviour
becomes stuck in the absence
of up to date alternatives thatpurpose of "acting out", or being To tease out the secondary gain “ Identify a persistent
better fit in with the more adult
resistant to change, is that for is therefore a question,
context of how someone's life all the negative judgement and sometimes of adding resources important problem
has developed. Often these consequence the behaviour(s) to the situations where these where you’re not doing
patterns are laid down as a might evoke, at a level of choice, learnings were first made, the things that a
result of childhood trauma or it is easier for the person to prior to the problem behaviour
at times abuse, and will often stress, use drugs, get into fights, becoming habitualised or reasonable person
be embedded in the way that self harm, etc, than it is to face normalised as a lifestyle would consider are
reflects the developmental the emotions attached to the choice.
likely to help solve/
personality stage at the time. original attention seeking
behaviours, such as abandon- How do we determine whether improve the problem”
People may choose to ‘act out’ ment, aloneness, fear of we have secondary gain
behaviours their conscious punishment etc...whatever that issues? Many of us do not want
deem appropriate and safe for might be. to admit that we've been
them and in some cases the standing in our own way.
Writing it down will help hold it You may have more than one join a support group, write or
in consciousness for you. reason. Perhaps you're afraid keep a stress diary or journal
of the responsibility plus the on it, meditate about it, do all
Here's how it works. Start whole idea of reality creation, the things you would do with a
coming up with ideas of what deep down, is a little scary. It conscious issue to heal it.
your secondary gain *might* be. happens. But your subconscious You may have more than one
Of course if you've got mind won't be willing to give it secondary gain and it will need
glimmerings of what it actually up unless you treat it with to be dealt with as well. This
is, note it down. But, be respect, that is, accept that doesn't make you a bad person.
speculative. An excellent way of deep within you lies a real issue
viewing this is to ask yourself the that must be resolved. On the contrary, it shows you
above questions. as a courageous and aware
Get the reason(s) on paper, Once you have your issue, go to individual, willing to face the
spoken to your friend or on tape. work on it. Get therapy for it, truth that lies within.

4. Page 4
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