1. FAMILY CAREGIVER
SUPPORT NETWORK
Newsletter For Family Members and Friends Who Help or Care For Older Adults Volume 8 Issue 4 2009
Dealing with Difficult People (Part 2)
In Part 1 of “Dealing with Difficult People,” A Two-Part Article by Miriam able to gain an understanding of what is
we reviewed the reasons that people are Oliensis-Torres, MSW, LCSW, C-ASWCM, causing the “difficult behaviors,” it is
sometimes considered “difficult.” These may easier to respond effectively to that
a professional geriatric care manager
include: personality, cognitive impairment, underlying emotion.
difficulty managing emotions, and external She can be reached at 414-964-5030 ext.
Communication: The ability to process
stressors. Part 2 will look at approaches to 114; motorres@geriatricsupport.com verbal communication can be affected by
tracking and managing these difficulties. cognitive changes, sensory impairments,
depression, or illness. Factors which con-
Identifying and Tracking Patterns: sonal care (toileting, bathing)? Are their tribute to successful communication
The first step is to develop an under- behaviors related to who is caring for include: creating a quiet environment;
standing of the difficult behaviors, and them, what the approach is, or the time of getting the person’s attention; speaking in
underlying circumstances and dynamics. day? It may be that the behaviors occur in a calm, quiet voice; using simple, straight-
It is helpful to identify and track the circumstances that are overwhelming or forward words and sentences; and provid-
behaviors, their causes and triggers, how overstimulating, as in a large family gath- ing sufficient time to process and respond.
family members and professional caregivers ering, or public place. It is common for Arguing may not be productive; it can be
deal with those, and the factors that con- problems to occur when people are feel- helpful to back down, withdraw, and try
tribute to positive or negative outcomes. ing rushed or pressured – possibly to get again later. Limiting choices can be help-
to an appointment or event at a specific ful: instead of asking someone what they
The creation of a behavior log, or note-
time. There are times when cycles of calm want for dinner, give them the option of
book, is recommended; a spiral notebook
or agitated behavior are related to weather, choosing between two familiar items, or
can be used to record the following:
changes in light, or even the full moon. serve something you know they like.
(a) record of activities, mood, and
behaviors; circumstances under Approaches to managing Environment: It may be that a change
which these occur (time of day; difficult behaviors: in environment is needed. Do they need
event or cares involved; Once the pattern can be reviewed, it is quiet time; to be around fewer people,
family/caregiver approaches used; possible to gain a better understanding of listen to calming music, or engage in a
and impact on behavior); the issues, and develop an intervention solitary activity? Or, if they are restless,
(b) other information, including: sleep plan. do they need a walk around the block?
patterns, appetite, toileting patterns, Understanding: “Difficult behaviors” Caregiver Stress: Caregiving is stressful;
other symptoms or health issues, may be an expression of physical or emo- even the most loving, caring person, can
and medication use. tional discomfort. Try to see the world become overwhelmed, frustrated, or
This log can then be reviewed and ana- from their point of view. Are they frustrat- angry. When that occurs, it can be a sign
lyzed: Are the behaviors occurring with ed at their inability to communicate how that help is needed, and that allowing
regularity, or is there a variable pattern? they feel, or what they want? Are they in someone else to become involved will
Are they becoming more or less frequent, physical pain, hungry, or tired? Are they provide an important break, or respite.
or changing in intensity or duration? Do being asked to choose between too many Expectations: Sometimes it is necessary
these occur under specific circumstances? options? Are they angry that someone is to modify expectations of the person you
For example, do they react negatively telling them what to do, or at the changes are caring for, and to learn to “pick your
when someone is trying to provide per- in their health, or abilities? Once you are
Continued on back
Call the Family Caregiver Support Network at (414) 220-8600 or (800) 449-4481, a free resource center offering
family caregiver support & older adult care information for family caregivers and professionals who assist them.
Visit us online at www.caregiversupportnetwork.org and www.living-options.org
ADDRESS SERVICE REQUESTED
PERMIT NO. 4400
MILWAUKEE, WI
PAID Milwaukee, WI 53204-1551
U.S. POSTAGE 600 W. Virginia, Suite 300
NON PROFIT ORG Interfaith Older Adult Programs, Inc.
Family Caregiver Support Network

2. CAREGIVER NEWS Caregiver Contacts
Respite
A Medley of Caregiver Holiday Joys Would it be nice to pause,
get reprieve, relief or take a break?
The twinkle in their eyes is better Conversations and laughter that fill every That is respite and caregivers use it many
than all the twinkling lights, it brings a room and will remain long after different ways. Some caregivers need help
smile to my face and breaks the everyone has gone home. in order to attend a family event, go out
seriousness of our days. as a couple, watch a movie or football
— Jan
game, look for work or go to the doctor
— Trish The smell of once a year treats, themselves. Supplemental services can
shared in good company of people provide some of the daily cares or home
who don't forget. chores a loved one needs and directly or
The simple rare “thank you” travels indirectly provides respite to the caregiver.
through me. This appreciation meant — Pat There is often a piece of equipment (life line
more than anyone could know. Remember and share the small things of telephone system) a certain technique
the holidays: a turkey undercooked, (washing hair or giving a bath) that can
— Veronica make caregiving easier or safer. Call and talk
beautiful frosted cookies, the best tree
to us here at FCSN at 414-220-8600. Learn
ever, your favorite song, a wrapped gift about the various types of respite care, how
The long, heartfelt hugs that warm my under the tree that the dog found and it can be tailored to meet your needs, the
soul and need to last until the next opened by accident, Aunt Mary’s fruit services and places that may be available to
holiday gathering. cake... the memories are so precious. take care of your loved one and the good
— Jan — Eddy possibility of assistance with funding.
Currently there are no income
requirements. It never hurts to inquire.
Caregivers give all year long and often at great expense. The most precious gifts
from those we care for this holiday season may just be simple things .... watch for
yours and write your own medley from the heart, to keep forever.
Visit us
on the Web
Family Caregiver Support Network
UPCOMING PROGRAMS FOR FAMILY CAREGIVERS www.caregiversupportnetwork.org
“I would like to thank you for understanding that caregiving is a difficult thing to do. Living Options Service
When you hear it over & over again you realize that it is alright being a caregiver, it www.living-options.org
raises your self esteem. When you feel better about yourself it is easier to dismiss the bad Interfaith Older Adult Programs
things that bother or hurt you. Someone appreciates you and what you are doing.” www.interfaithmilw.org
— A former Powerful Tools participant. Wisconsin Caregiver
www.wisconsincaregiver.org
Taking Care of You:
Powerful Tools for Caregivers Greater
Feeling stressed? Looking for ways to interact with your family members or
Milwaukee Area
carereceiver? Wish that others understood how you feel or not sure how to express
Caregiver Support Groups
your feelings? Do you wonder how you can meet your own needs? Do you have some General caregiver support groups
tough caregiver or family situations? Looking for good local resources and help? Wheaton St. Francis
This six part series is designed to help family caregivers provide better self care and Caregiver's Support Group
ways to meet the challenges involved with caregiving. 3237 S. 16th St., first Sat., 10:30 AM.
Ask for Louise at 645-9095.
Call FCSN at 414-220-8600 for upcoming class information.
Catholic Charities —
2 locations & respite is available
Call the Alzheimer’s Association, Southeastern Wisconsin Chapter 13700 W. National Ave., New Berlin,
3rd Wed. of the month, 3:00 PM;
at 414-479-8800 for more information in your county on: 1755 N. Calhoun Rd., Brookfield,
• Vacation Tips and Hints • Holiday Tips and Hints 3rd Tues., 12:45 PM;
• Partnering With Your Doctor • Early Stage Programs Contact Susan Yee 262-782-0740.
• Dementia Basics • Savvy Caregiver Cedarburg – Ozaukee Co.
N69 W5289 Columbia Rd.,
• Brain Health Classes Harris Bank, Community Room; 3rd Tues.,
6:30 PM. Contact Jan 262-238-8120 or
262-284-8120
“Dealing with Difficult People” continued from front
Waukesha County
battles.” Does the behavior put the indi- approaches described above. These can Community Memorial Hospital,
Menomonee Falls; 3rd Thurs., 6:30-8 PM;
vidual or those surrounding them, at risk? be used very effectively, when managed
Call 262-251-1001 or 1-800-246-8332
If so, then it is important to intervene. by physicians who are knowledgeable for info.
However, if there is no danger, it may be regarding these drugs, as well as how
helpful to all involved to accept rather they impact on older adults. Specific support groups
than try to change the behavior.
For more information or assistance in The Caregiver Contacts column has only a
Medications: Medications which affect sample of places to seek help. Contact FCSN
mood or behavior can be useful tools dealing with difficult people or situa-
tions call us at FCSN, 414-220-8600. for complete information at 220-8600.
when used in conjunction with the other
Caregiver Resource Library
The Family Caregiver Support Network is a program of Interfaith Older Adult
Programs and is primarily funded through the Milwaukee County Department on Aging Free resource library – Call 414-220-8600;
with additional funding through United Way of Greater Milwaukee. 100+ Videos, DVDs and Books. We mail
Donations are greatly appreciated. the materials to you free of charge.
If you have a change of address or wish to be removed from the mailing list please call us at 414-220-8600. Thank you!