A PRESENTATION AT EAST GRAND RAPIDS HIGH SCHOOL IN SERVICE DAY ON BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN CHALLENGING HOME SCHOOL PARTNERSHIPS. EVIDENCED BASED APPROACHES FOR CHALLENGING HOME SCHOOL PARTNERSHIPS.

1. BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN CHALLENGING HOME-SCHOOL PARTNERSHIPS Presented by Steven Vitto, M.A.,CCII, BTC

4. Seeing through another person’s eyes

9. Three Leverage Points for Transformation

11. Competing Behavior Model

12. Competing Behavior Model for Johnny Escape Avoidance Function Setting Event Trigger Desired Behavior Problem Behavior Replacement Behavior Reinforcing Consequence Reinforcing Consequence Academic engagement Anger Control Self Management Request to leave class/school Verbal & Physical Aggression Profanity Limited group of friends Lack of sleep Peer negative comments about size/physique or character Adult directions/ comments provided in officious, chiding, or condescending fashion Suspension Loss of Privileges Personal satisfaction Passing grades Enlistment in military

13. Competing Behavior Model for Challenging Parents Something Better than we have right now Successful Conflict Resolution Challenging Home School Partnership (Conflict) Triggers that precipitate a challenge What the players bring with them to the table Anger, frustration Continued Conflict More Long Meetings Lawyers Child is doing well in school Parent and School are Happy Relationship Improves Escape Avoid Power and Control Sensory Attention Setting Events Slow Triggers Antecedents/Fast Triggers Desired Behavior Problem Behavior Replacement Behavior Maintaining Consequence Reinforcing Consequence

14. Setting Events Triggering Antecedents Maintaining Consequences Problem Behavior Conflict that occurs on bus to school or at home before school Large-group setting with peers, classmate tries to share materials Tattles, pushes, whines, cries Gains attention from Teacher The Competing Pathways chart for Vera Function Attention This is what we’d like to have happen eventually This is what what is happening now This is what we’d be happy with in the meantime Should support appropriate behavior of most- However, these students need much more Desired Alternative Typical Consequence Attention from peers, Share materials appropriately, works cooperatively with classmates Acceptable Alternative Request teacher help to solve peer conflict without push, whine, cry Schoolwiderewards Schoolwide expectations Setting Events Triggering Antecedents Maintaining Consequences Problem Behavior Parent had a difficult school experience Johnny has gotten suspended for several years The school responded to Johnny is a way that was upsetting to the parent Johnny told parent A different story of what happened The parent came into the school angry and challenging the schools' decision The school refused to change their decision Johnny’s mom left in anger Johnny Continues to have problems in school Desired Alternative Typical Consequence Johnny is doing well in school Parent and School are on the same page Acceptable Alternative The parent and school came to a compromise through a learning conversation The Competing Pathways chart for Challenging Families Function Escape Avoid Power and Control

15. Initial Line of Inquiry

16. An Initial Line of Inquiry Perceived Function Actual Consequences Behavior Problem Fast Triggers (Antecedents) Slow Triggers (Setting Events)

17. An Initial Line of Inquiry Strengths of student: What the student does well. Student’s strengths, gifts, & talents. An ongoing challenging relationship with a family or parent in which a great deal of time is spent and no real positive change takes place Perceived Function Actual Consequences Behavior Problem Fast Triggers (Antecedents) Slow Triggers (Setting Events)

18. An Initial Line of Inquiry Strengths of student: What the student does well. Student’s strengths, gifts, & talents. Events with a discrete onset and offset, that occur immediately before the challenging behavior (e.g., task demand, teacher direction, social interaction) Perceived Function Actual Consequences Behavior Problem Fast Triggers (Antecedents) Slow Triggers (Setting Events)

19. An Initial Line of Inquiry Strengths of student: What the student does well. Student’s strengths, gifts, & talents. An ongoing challenging relationship with a family or parent in which a great deal of time is spent and no real positive change takes place Events with a discrete onset and offset, that occur immediately before the challenging behavior (e.g., parent accuses the school of misrepresenting the facts, a school staff gets angry and defensive, someone doesn’t show up to the meeting, etc) Events that may occur before and/or during the targeted response that causes the student to respond to a “typical” situation in an “atypical” way. Specific conditions, events, or activities that make the problem behavior worse? (missed meds, academic failure, conflicts at home, lack of sleep, missed meals, poor interactions with peers/teacher(s), school/classroom behavioral expectations unclear… Perceived Function Actual Consequences Behavior Problem Fast Triggers (Antecedents) Slow Triggers (Setting Events)

20. An Initial Line of Inquiry Strengths of student: What the student does well. Student’s strengths, gifts, & talents. Those events that occur after the behavior (e.g., peer attention, escape task) or as a result of the behavior (e.g., time out, suspension, detention, …) What usually happens after the behavior occurs? (e.g., teacher’s reaction, other students’ reactions, power struggle …) . An ongoing challenging relationship with a family or parent in which a great deal of time is spent and no real positive change takes place Events with a discrete onset and offset, that occur immediately before the challenging behavior (e.g., parent accuses the school of misrepresenting the facts, a school staff gets angry and defensive, someone doesn’t show up to the meeting, etc) Events that may occur before and/or during the conflict that causes the parent or school to respond to a “typical” situation in an “atypical” way. Specific conditions, events, or activities that make the problem behavior worse? ( history of academic failure, history of problem behavior, distrust frustration, lack of a relationship, a reactive rather than preventative orientation) ) Perceived Function Actual Consequences Behavior Problem Fast Triggers (Antecedents) Slow Triggers (Setting Events)

21. An Initial Line of Inquiry Strengths of student: What the student does well. Student’s strengths, gifts, & talents. Those events that occur after the conflict (e.g., the conflict is not resolved, the relationship deteriorates, the student’s behavior worsens, the parents leave frustrated and angry, the school leave frustrated and angry . An ongoing challenging relationship with a family or parent in which a great deal of time is spent and no real positive change takes place Events with a discrete onset and offset, that occur immediately before the challenging behavior (e.g., parent accuses the school of misrepresenting the facts, a school staff gets angry and defensive, someone doesn’t show up to the meeting, etc) Events that may occur before and/or during the conflict that causes the parent or school to respond to a “typical” situation in an “atypical” way. Specific conditions, events, or activities that make the problem behavior worse? ( history of academic failure, history of problem behavior, distrust frustration, lack of a relationship, a reactive rather than preventative orientation) ) Perceived Function Actual Consequences Behavior Problem Fast Triggers (Antecedents) Slow Triggers (Setting Events)

22. An Initial Line of Inquiry Strengths of student: What the student does well. Student’s strengths, gifts, & talents. The need or function of the parent sand the school Anger frustration Control Attention Escape or Avoid Those events that occur after the behavior (e.g., peer attention, escape task) or as a result of the behavior (e.g., time out, suspension, detention, …) What usually happens after the behavior occurs? (e.g., teacher’s reaction, other students’ reactions, power struggle …) An observable and measurable description of the behavior(s) of concern. Events with a discrete onset and offset, that occur immediately before the challenging behavior (e.g., task demand, teacher direction, social interaction) Events that may occur before and/or during the conflict that causes the parent or school to respond to a “typical” situation in an “atypical” way. Specific conditions, events, or activities that make the problem behavior worse? ( history of academic failure, history of problem behavior, distrust frustration, lack of a relationship, a reactive rather than preventative orientation) ) Perceived Function Actual Consequences Behavior Problem Fast Triggers (Antecedents) Slow Triggers (Setting Events)

23. An Initial Line of Inquiry Strengths of student: What the student does well. Student’s strengths, gifts, & talents. Anger frustration Control Escape or Avoid Those events that occur after the behavior (e.g., peer attention, escape task) or as a result of the behavior (e.g., time out, suspension, detention, …) What usually happens after the behavior occurs? (e.g., teacher’s reaction, other students’ reactions, power struggle …) An observable and measurable description of the behavior(s) of concern. Events with a discrete onset and offset, that occur immediately before the challenging behavior (e.g., task demand, teacher direction, social interaction) Events that may occur before and/or during the conflict that causes the parent or school to respond to a “typical” situation in an “atypical” way. Specific conditions, events, or activities that make the problem behavior worse? ( history of academic failure, history of problem behavior, distrust frustration, lack of a relationship, a reactive rather than preventative orientation) ) Perceived Function Actual Consequences Behavior Problem Fast Triggers (Antecedents) Slow Triggers (Setting Events)

39. Setting Events

46. Setting Events for School Staff

55. Antecedents or Triggers

56. Stress Model of Crisis

57. Crisis Cycle TCI TRAINING [30]

62. The Problem Behavior or Challenge

69. SETTING EVENT STRATEGIES

70. Behavior Mantra: “ It is easier to prevent a behavior from occurring than to deal with it after it has happened.”

71. If you’ve told a child a thousand times and she/he still doesn’t understand, then it is not the CHILD who is the slow learner! Anonymous

85. Develop a Culture of Prevention through Debriefing, Data Driven Decision Making, and a Focus on using Educational Approaches as the major treatment for Challenging Students and Families

88. Setting Event Strategies

92. -more willingness to commit to goals Where trust is present, there is: -less stress -no feeling of manipulation -easier to anticipate behavior

93. “ To build trusting relationships, we need to communicate with the intent to learn from others, not control them. Trust is the glue that makes effective collaboration and teamwork possible. Without trust, people become competitive or defensive, and communication is distorted and unreliable.” Lessons Learned

99. What do you require from each other in order to feel safe and comfortable to fully participate in this meeting?

103. Process for Solving Problems MEETING MECHANICS Problem Identification Problem Specification Brainstorm Cluster& Prioritize Implementation Variables Assign Responsibilities

106. Antecedent Strategies

110. WHAT CAN I DO TO GET THAT KIND OF REACTION AGAIN? Antecedent Strategies

117. “ The essence of principled negotiation is to separate the person from the problem, to focus on interests and not on positions, to invent options for mutual gain, and to insist on objective criteria – some external standard or principle that both parties can buy into.” Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People .

118. All behavior (including positional behavior) is ultimately positively intended, and directed at fulfilling some need. The Basic Assumption Replacement Skills

140. Be aware of your ego and how it may cloud your ability to listen and respond professionally “ If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up.” Deepak Chopra quotes ( Indian Physician ) “ Protecting our Ego is an unconscious drive. When our ego is threatened, we may become defensive, and go on the attack mode. We need to be conscious of our ego and how it is identified.”

148. A Simplified Approach

157. What is an “Interest”? An interest is usually related to the core of an individual’s personal well-being or an organization’s purpose. Interests, may fall in the following categories: Values Fears Beliefs Priorities Aspirations Expectations Hopes Concerns

161. Consequence Strategies Responding to Challenging Behaviors

168. CALM

188. Strategies for Types of Challenging Parents

196. MEETING WITH FAMILIES

211. Cultural Competence & Diversity

219. The Research on Parent and Teacher Perceptions

220. PTA Study: Barriers Barriers Percent Parents do not have enough time 89 percent Parents feel they have nothing to contribute 32 percent Parents don't understand; don't know the system; they don't know how to be involved 32 percent Lack of child care 28 percent Parents feel intimidated 25 percent Parents are not available during the time school functions are scheduled 18 percent Language and cultural differences 15 percent Lack of transportation 11 percent Parents don't feel welcome at school 9 percent Other barriers 21 percent