Second Child Syndrome

SECOND CHILD
SYNDROME
A H M A D T U R M I Z I E B I N M O H D Z U L
J U R U P U L I H P E M U L I H A N C A R A K E R J A
H O S P I TA L S E T I U

DEFINITION
• The second child syndrome refers to certain characteristic
behavioral traits that are developed by a second-born child, as a
result of the parents' attitude towards them.
• A second or middle child syndrome is a disorder in which the
second (in case there are only two siblings) or the middle child
(in case there are three siblings) is affected by the presence of
siblings.
AHMAD TURMIZIE BIN MOHD ZUL
JURUPULIH PEMULIHAN CARAKERJA

EPILOGUE
• This situation could arise when parents pamper the youngest
child and give all the responsibilities to the eldest one, while the
middle child gets none.
• In The Birth Order Book, psychologist Kevin Leman argues that
when children are caught between two siblings, or at a position
where they feel ignored, is when they suffer. They would never
directly come out with the truth, but give away subtle hints of
their uncomfortable behavior.

• According to famous Austrian psychologist, Alfred Adler,
certain character traits of a child depend on the birth order, i.e.
whether he was the first-born or the second-born child in the
family. These character traits are more evident if he has been a
victim of the second or middle child syndrome, the
psychological impact of being the second-born in the family.
Why does a child develop this condition?

PARENT’S DILEMMA
• When you became aware of your first pregnancy, you probably
were exuberant and did everything right from avoiding caffeine,
to taking your vitamins at the right time, to going for yoga
classes regularly. Then your child came into this world, and
every moment was captured on camera, right from the time she
opened her eyes, to the time she first held your finger in her
hand, when she first tried to stand, then walk, her first day at
school, so on and so forth.

LOSS OF EXCITEMENT IN
SECOND PREGNANCY
• Then came the news of your second pregnancy. Happy you
were, but not exuberant. You forgot to avoid the caffeine, and
forgot to take a dose of your multivitamins. You skipped a
couple of yoga classes too. When he came into the world, you
managed to click a couple of his photographs, but every first of
his was not as joyful and exciting as your first child's. Are you
confused by your own behavior? Are you putting your child at
the risk of the second child syndrome? Find out here.

“BEEN THERE, DONE THAT”
• Normally, with the first child, everything is new, every
experience is unique. As a parent, you are naturally driven to
capture every moment, to applaud every achievement, and to
generally create beautiful memories with the apple of your eye.
Then, when your second child arrives, the experience is not so
new. You've been there, done that. So what if your second child
stood up for the first time, you've seen that before. However, it
is still a first for him, isn't it? But because you've seen all this you
probably fail to recognize this, and many more such
achievements throughout, that makes him feel less recognized
and unworthy. He may thus also begin to develop resentful
feelings for his sibling, which may lead to sibling rivalry.

“BATMAN AND ROBIN”
SITUATION
• Another reason for this condition is the age difference between
both your children. You may not be able to manage bringing up
two children, sending one to school while ensuring the younger
one has had his meal on time. Managing these tasks among the
various aspects of parenting becomes difficult, which is why you
are unable to pay attention to your little one even if you want
to. You may find yourself taking him along everywhere, while
you drop your older one for various preschool activities. The
whole task may, thus, have a negative effect on both, you and
your child

GENERAL IDEA
• Because you can't seem to show the same excitement about your
second child's all the firsts, as you did for your first-born, he is likely
to develop certain 'second child traits' to draw your attention
towards him.
• He may not respond to your bout of affection as a way of probably
making you feel guilty about not giving him enough time. However,
don't let this demotivate you. He wants it much more than you
could imagine.
• He is likely to do things that get him into trouble, simply as a way
of seeking your attention. Don't allow it all the time, but don't
constantly reprimand him for it either.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
1. Low Self-Esteem And Jealousy
2. Directionless
3. They Feel That Nothing Is Expected Of Them

1. Low Self-Esteem And Jealousy
• Your second or middle child could develop low self-esteem if
is compared to the elder one. If he is the naughtier among
children, you would unknowingly tell your second child to learn
from his elder sibling. This comparison pushes them towards
jealousy, making it hard to reach them

2. Directionless
• Middle children could be directionless, not knowing their goals
and ambitions. They are confused as their parents are more
focussed on the elder child. This lack of focus leaves them
aimless and contributes towards lack of social skills.

3. They Feel That Nothing Is Expected Of Them
• If they do not hear words of appreciation or enjoy some time
alone with parents, they begin feeling that their family expects
nothing out of them. They feel that they are not good at doing
anything, and do not expect people to give them any
responsibilities.

CHARACTERISTICS OF
SECOND CHILD SYNDROME
• In his book Birth Order and You, Donald W. Richardson, clinical
director at the North Shore Counseling Center, claims that
middle children are confused about their identity, and therefore
get caught up between trying to be grown-ups and helpless.

• This comes from watching their siblings at both ends and
wondering who to be like. Your first responsibility as a parent is
to understand whether your child is an extrovert, who expresses
himself well, or introvert, who shies away from everyone. This
will help you know how to approach him.

• Different children react differently to this syndrome. However,
low self-esteem, mixed feelings towards their siblings,
of emptiness or inadequacy, jealousy, and unfriendliness are
some common traits. Here are a few more characteristics:

SECOND CHILD SYNDROME
CHILD WILL :
1. Yearns For Your Affection
• Your second child may not respond to your love and affection
the same way as your first one does. If you feel your younger
child does not love you or want your attention, think again. He
needs as much love as you can give him. He is probably trying
to show you that he is not happy with the amount of your love
and wants more from you. Make sure you tell him each day
much you love him.

2. Tries To Grab Your Attention
• Middle children may seek your attention by asking too many
questions or seeking help in everything. They refuse to do
things by themselves and rely heavily on parents or other
siblings. They could be very naughty or mischievous and do
things that would draw your attention.

3. Hates Comparisons
• Each time you compare your children, your second child will take
offense and do the exact opposite of what you want him to do.
Avoid comparison among siblings.
• Your second child is at a higher risk of developing emotional
especially if he feels unloved or neglected. Not giving enough
attention to his needs, developments, and achievements will also
make him feel demotivated. Make sure you cheer for your second
or middle one each time he does something new. Get him to
that he is special for you like your other children

4. Introvert Or Extrovert
• If they grow up to be introvert, they will experience Inferiority
complex, which comes out of not getting enough attention,
coaxes kids to switch to the extreme of not making friends and
becoming introverts. They shy away from people and avoid
socializing.
• Extrovert ones, on the other hand, vent out their frustrations.
Anger is how these children react with. The smallest of things
could offend them.

5. Sibling Rivalry
• One of the most obvious consequences will be sibling rivalry.
They would not just fight with each other like they are enemies,
but never agree on anything. Negative or sour feelings
between the siblings. Even though the eldest sibling may
continue to care for the middle and youngest children, the
middle child may not appreciate that.

POSSIBLE TRIGGERS OF
MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME
1. Identity Crisis
2. Parental Support

1. Identity Crisis
• As the child suffering from the syndrome believes that the
attention is either given to one sibling or shared among the
others, except him, he tends to have an identity crisis. He fails
understand why he is not as good as the others to get the
attention or love. He looks for places to fit in and struggles to
understand the situation.

2. Parental Support
• Parents tend to concentrate more on one kid than the other.
This could be due to a variety of reasons. Some kids are very
young and need more care, while some may have a lot of
school work, in which parents might have to help.
• They have to be careful about the time they spend with each
child and its productivity in terms of their relationship with their
children.

DOES BIRTH ORDER AFFECT
A CHILD’S PERSONALITY?
• No, birth order does not have an influence on the child’s
personality. A report by the US Proceedings of the National
Academy of Sciences (PNAS) says that the child’s personality does
not depend on the order of his birth.
• The study has found “no birth-order effects on extraversion,
emotional stability, agreeableness, conscientiousness, or
imagination.”
• “On the basis of the high statistical power and the consistent results
across samples and analytical designs, we must conclude that birth
order does not have a lasting effect on broad personality traits
outside of the intellectual domain,” it says.

TIPS TO PREVENT MIDDLE
CHILD SYNDROME
1. Treat Equally
2. Do Not Over Pamper
3. Be A Listener, Not A Judge
4. Let Them Be Different
5. Play Along
6. Make Your Child Feel Special
7. Help Them Love Siblings
8. Teach Them To Share You

1. Treat Equally
• As mentioned earlier, comparisons are something that put kids
off. Even as adults, we hate comparisons. Kids are more
to comparisons. Do not tell your children that their siblings are
doing well, or are better than them.
• If you appreciate the behavior of your other kids, you could
show your middle children the right way to do things. Make
sure you don’t hint at who does it best. Give them learning
and also provide some feedback.

2. Do Not Over Pamper
• While pampering your children is essential, as it would make
them happy, overdoing it is going to harm them as well their
siblings. Your second child might feel left out if you over-
pamper your first kid, leaving a long-lasting mark on his
Treat all your children the same way and teach them to be
independent.

3. Be A Listener, Not A Judge
• Listen to what your kid has to say. Do not brush aside any
or enthusiasm that he might show. At this tender age, he will
look up to you for help, and you must be there to support
Don’t dismiss anything as stupid or unwarranted.

4. Let Them Be Different
• Imagine one of your first children is a champion at a sport or
activity and you want your middle child to follow in his big
brother’s footsteps. Aren’t you putting him through a lot of
pressure? This would not only affect his morale but also kill his
self-esteem. Allow them to choose their path and you guide
motivate them along the way. Be a supportive parent.

5. Play Along
• Capture moments and memories of your kids and let them
know how you think each one of them is special. Pay your
middle child attention and show him his moments of failure
success. Play along with him and be an integral part of his life.

6. Make Your Child Feel Special
• All children must be treated equally but you can also make
of them feel special. Do not make them feel that they are
on your time to their siblings. Plan activities with your second
child or give them some extra time when you help him with his
homework.

7. Help Them Love Siblings
• While it is true that middle children grow up to be good
negotiators and are empathetic towards others, they have to
learn to love their siblings. You have to help them play
or work together so they understand that their siblings aren’t
always at an advantage and that everyone can live together
happily under one roof.

8. Teach Them To Share You
• As middle children don’t get enough time with you, explain
talk to them about why that doesn’t happen. Communicate
them and understand their fears. You have to let them know
that you can’t always be present and that they would
have to make do without you.
• Also, tell them about how the youngest needs more care as
is still growing up. Try to be moderate and communicate well.
Let them know why you do what you do, always.

CHALLENGES FOR A MIDDLE
CHILD
1. They Have To Be More Convincing
2. The Hand-Me-Down Issue
3. They Get Stuck Solving Fights

1. They Have To Be More Convincing
• As the middle child lacks his family’s attention, he finds it hard
to tell people how he feels. As they cannot convince people
easily, they opt to be silent. They either give up or give in.

2. The Hand-Me-Down Issue
• Middle siblings are sometimes forced to use the things used by
their elder siblings. This not only hampers their freedom to
choose but also makes them feel less important. They don’t
the sense of importance as they do not have access to new
things, which they can flaunt.

3. They Get Stuck Solving Fights
• Middle children often have to act as a referee in fights between
the elder and youngest siblings. They do not get to put across
their points, nor team up with anyone. However, in the long
this quality helps them be better negotiators.

THE POSITIVE TRAITS IN A
MIDDLE CHILD
• While middle children are prone to the syndrome, they can also
turn out to be rather successful in their lives. As this is not a
clinical disorder and only more of time deficiency from the
parents’ end, middle children can raise to greater goals. Below
are a few positive characteristics of middle children.

THE POSITIVE TRAITS IN A
MIDDLE CHILD
1. Pacifiers
2. Competitive
3. Diplomats
4. Flexible

1. Pacifiers
• As middle children are aware of how both their siblings would
react, they know the two sides of an argument. This makes
good at peacemaking and debating. They know how to tackle
situation. They are skillful debaters and manipulators.

2. Competitive
• As middle children struggle for attention, they develop a
tendency to fight their best battles. They are very competitive
by nature, as they try to prove their worth, and end up
mastering almost anything they put their heart to.

3. Diplomats
• Coming from the ability to maintain peace on both sides of the
party, middle children are good diplomats. They know how not
to offend anyone, while getting the right or correct point
This ability helps them grow in ranks.

4. Flexible
• Middle children are largely flexible due to their ability to adapt
to any situation. They are used to being by themselves and
hence, can adapt to situations which require any extremes.
• Middle children are independent and tend to think outside the
box. This makes them excellent team players and partners.

CONCLUSIONS
• Remember that middle child syndrome is not a clinical disorder
and only needs some help and support from you to ward it
away from your middle or second child.
• Have you experienced the second child syndrome in your
family? How did it affect your children?

REFERENCES
• Alderian Overview of Birth Order Characteristic, Henry T. Stein.
• Examining the effects of birth order on personality, Julia M.
Rohrer, Boris Egloff, and Stefan C. Schmukle.
• First is the Worst, Second is the Best, Third is the One with the
Hairy Chest, Jim Broccolo and Astrid Senturia.
• A Study of Birth Order, Academic Performance, and Personality,
T. Sun Ha and C. Lian Tam.

Second Child Syndrome

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