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HOW TO REVISE YOUR
PERSONAL STATEMENT
Dr. Elena González
February 24, 2015
CADI Room 308
Objectives
• Define Revision
• Discuss and use an essay assessment sheet
• Work on the macro level of an essay
Define Revision
Definition of Revision
• George Miller (2015) Prentice Hall Reader
• Revision means “to see again” in such a way
that you rethink it from beginning to end.
• Macro level – subject, thesis, purpose,
structure, audience
• Micro level – “proofreading” (style, grammar
mechanics)
Macro Level of Revision
Macro Level of Revision
• Subject
• Purpose
• Structure
• Audience
Macro Level of Revision
Subject – Me, Myself, and I
Defining who you are in the intro (greatest
marketable strength)
Providing supporting evidence in the body
– Audience (addressing the expectations of the
institutions)
Macro Level in Revision
Purpose
• Convince the reader (argumentative essay)
– Sell yourself effectively
– Get accepted as an intern or graduate student
• Provide evidences of character, career plan,
research, skills
Macro Level of Revision
• Structure
– Essay body
• Supporting evidence in essay body (career plan,
research, skills,)
• Conclusions (summary sentence, why you chose this
institution)
– Devices
• Coherence (how you connect the ideas in an essay)
• Cohesion (providing a sense of unity between parts)
Macro Level of Revision
Audience
• Direct the essay to a specific institution
• Be familiar with that institution
Assessment Criteria for a Personal
Statement
Assessment Criteria
• Discuss the assessment sheet for personal
statements handout #1
Practice Assessing
• Another student’s essay
• Handout #2
• Handout #3
Conclusion
• A good assessment instrument that provides
solid feedback will improve the quality of your
personal statement
Assignment
• Incorporate changes into your personal
statement after you receive input from 2 other
readers.
• Email the final essay to me in 2 weeks.

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Revising a personal statement 2015 b

  • 1. HOW TO REVISE YOUR PERSONAL STATEMENT Dr. Elena González February 24, 2015 CADI Room 308
  • 2. Objectives • Define Revision • Discuss and use an essay assessment sheet • Work on the macro level of an essay
  • 4. Definition of Revision • George Miller (2015) Prentice Hall Reader • Revision means “to see again” in such a way that you rethink it from beginning to end. • Macro level – subject, thesis, purpose, structure, audience • Micro level – “proofreading” (style, grammar mechanics)
  • 5. Macro Level of Revision
  • 6. Macro Level of Revision • Subject • Purpose • Structure • Audience
  • 7. Macro Level of Revision Subject – Me, Myself, and I Defining who you are in the intro (greatest marketable strength) Providing supporting evidence in the body – Audience (addressing the expectations of the institutions)
  • 8. Macro Level in Revision Purpose • Convince the reader (argumentative essay) – Sell yourself effectively – Get accepted as an intern or graduate student • Provide evidences of character, career plan, research, skills
  • 9. Macro Level of Revision • Structure – Essay body • Supporting evidence in essay body (career plan, research, skills,) • Conclusions (summary sentence, why you chose this institution) – Devices • Coherence (how you connect the ideas in an essay) • Cohesion (providing a sense of unity between parts)
  • 10. Macro Level of Revision Audience • Direct the essay to a specific institution • Be familiar with that institution
  • 11. Assessment Criteria for a Personal Statement
  • 12. Assessment Criteria • Discuss the assessment sheet for personal statements handout #1
  • 13. Practice Assessing • Another student’s essay • Handout #2 • Handout #3
  • 14. Conclusion • A good assessment instrument that provides solid feedback will improve the quality of your personal statement
  • 15. Assignment • Incorporate changes into your personal statement after you receive input from 2 other readers. • Email the final essay to me in 2 weeks.