The document contains a collection of quotes about lawyers from various sources: - The quotes poke fun at lawyers and their profession, with jokes about lawyers unnecessarily complicating simple concepts, charging fees for work others don't understand, and acting in self-interest over helping their clients. - One quote imagines what the Ten Commandments would be like if written by lawyers, full of appeals and revisions. Another likens lawyers to beavers who dam up progress. - The quotes portray lawyers as skilled with words who exploit loopholes and interpret concepts freely, but in a way that distorts truth and drags out cases for their own benefit.

1. Quotes
About Lawyers
(Part 1)

2. Imagine the appeals, dissents
and remandments, if lawyers
had written 'The Ten
Commandments'.
- Harry Bender

3. A lawyer is a person who
writes a 10,000-word
document and calls it a "brief."
- Franz Kafka

4. "My daddy is a movie actor, and
sometimes he plays the good guy,
and sometimes he plays the
lawyer."
- Malcolm Ford, to his preschool
classmates on what his father,
actor Harrison Ford, does for a
living.

5. Some men are heterosexual and
some men are bisexual and
some men don't think about sex
at all ... you know, they become
lawyers. - Woody Allen

6. America is the paradise of
lawyers. - David Brewer

7. I have come to the conclusion
that one useless man is called a
disgrace, two men are called a
law firm, and three or more
become a Congress. — John
Adams, in the play ―1776″

8. Lawyers are just like
physicians: what one says, the
other contradicts. – Sholom
Aleichem

9. There is never a deed so foul
that something couldn‘t be
said for the guy; that‘s why
there are lawyers. – Melvin
Belli

10. Imagine the appeals, dissents
and remandments, if lawyers
had written ‗The Ten
Commandments‘. – Harry
Bender

11. There‘s no better way of
exercising the imagination
than the study of law. No poet
ever interpreted nature as
freely as a lawyer interprets
the truth. ―Lawyers Are‖:
Those who lie, conceal and
distort everything and slander
everybody. – Jean Giraudoux

12. It is the trade of lawyers to
question everything, yield
nothing, and to talk by the
hour. – Thomas Jefferson

13. The trial lawyer does what
Socrates was executed for:
making the worse argument
appear the stronger. – Judge
Irving Kaufman

14. Lawyers are the only
profession where the more
there are, the more are
needed! – Robert Lucky, IEEE
Spectrum

15. Lawyers are one who protects
us against robbery by taking
away the temptation. – Henry
Louis Mencken

16. The law is a sort of hocuspocus science that smiles in
your face while it picks your
pocket. – H.L. Mencken

17. I don‘t want a lawyer to tell me
what I cannot do; I hire him to
tell me how to do what I want
to do. – J.P. Morgan

18. Lawyers are like beavers: They
get in the mainstream and
damn it up. – John Naisbitt, in
Megatrends

19. A lawyer is a man who helps
you get what is coming to him.
– Laurence J. Peter

20. Litigation is the basic legal
right which guarantees every
corporation its decade in
court. – David Porter

21. To me, a lawyer is basically the
person that knows the rules of
the country. We‘re all throwing
the dice, playing the game,
moving our pieces around the
board, but if there is a problem
the lawyer is the only person
who has read the inside of the
top of the box. – Jerry Seinfeld

22. As your attorney, it is my duty
to inform you that it is not
important that you understand
what I‘m doing or why you‘re
paying me so much money.
What‘s important is that you
continue to do so. – Hunter S.
Thompson‘s Samoan Attorney

23. They all laid their heads
together like as many lawyers
when they are gettin‘ ready to
prove that a man‘s heirs ain‘t
got any right to his property. –
Mark Twain

24. Of course I‘ve got lawyers.
They are like nuclear weapons:
I‘ve got em coz everyone else
has. But as soon as you use
them they f**k everything up. –
Danny de Vito in ―Other
People‘s Money‖

25. People who can write a
10,000-word document and
call it a brief.

26. Check out for
more in Part 2.
Meanwhile, here‘
the full post.